A sixty year old Nigerian grandma has written to other grandparents. She wants them to realise that times are changing and as new mums now try harder to look good for their husbands, they also push the kids to grandmas and overburden them with work at old age when they should retire and be resting.
She writes:
“I have something I want to share with you based on my observations and what goes on around me. Pls, as much as we want to help our children raise their kids, we need to retreat and rest when the need be.
The idea of children dumping their kids with us without househelp,whereby you have to put them on your back to sleep, ,wake up to feed them at night, wash clothes while they are in their homes with polished nails, and you have to wake up to prepare them for school,,take them to school, go and pick them while their parents only come to take them on weekend is not wise at this age especially after 60.
This could bring stress and health challenges. pls don’t get me wrong, our grandchildren are always so precious to us,we always want them around us…but we must realise that we are not growing younger.
Recently I attended a burial of a friend who died at 60, I got the rudest shock of my life when I saw that her girls brought a make up artist to do make up for them!. Human beings are naturally selfish you know.
Come to think that the woman died immediately he returned from where she went to assist one of them who had a set of twins (“omugo” )The Aso ebi they sold was in hundreds, you would think they were having a wedding reception.
I am not against giving a befitting burial to one,s mum but you can not imagine what I am talking about! Who ever is dead is dead we should not allow our children to feel they are doing us a favour by giving us grand children!
We should always support them but not carry their children,s responsibilities.. Don’t allow their stress to send us to early grave (God forbid) Everything must be in moderation and we must always remember we are not growing younger so,do not be stressed out because of taking care of grandkids!
You took care of them,don’t let the kids break your back! I know a woman who has 3 grand kids with her,she would not sleep soundly so as to take them to wee, one after the other, prepare them for school and go and pick them. And her daughter will be monitoring her with phone…mummy se e ti lo mu awon omo yn? Se won ti jeun?se won ti sun? …..Hmmmm!
I shake my head each time the daughter visited, always neat and refreshed but the mother is dying in bits because of the excuse of no house help.
Pls let’s retreat and only assist. Some of these children are very selfish. Enjoy your life o. It has no duplicate! See if it makes any sense to you…..”
MY THOUGHTS ON GIVING RESPONSIBILITIES TO GRANDPARENTS
While our mums/grandmas are ready to lay down their lives helping so we don’t overwork ourselves like they did in their times, let’s also not forget that they are humans and old people for that matter. Know when to insist that she rests even if she says she’s not tired.
Know when grandma is overworked while helping you raise her grandkids and insist on helping. Try to be observant so you don’t turn your own mother into a housemaid because she now depends on you for survival.