Hello Madam Eya, am a male reader. First of all let me say that I and my family stand for name change. My wife introduced me to your blog and am cool with it. I don’t leave comments on blogs but enjoy reading.
Now to my question… What do women prefer? I have been married for three years and have always done the shopping for my family. I do this because
I am less extravagant. I have more self control than my wife when we go shopping. Wifey can spend a million Naira at one shopping activity and still cry for more.
When I started doing the shopping, she never liked it but stopped complaining when I won’t budge. I’d like to know from the ladies on your blog what women really want. Do they prefer we give cash or help out with the shopping? Pls don’t post with my ID, she is one addict that sleeps in your blog (Honey sorry I want to know). Thank you.
Now to my question… What do women prefer? I have been married for three years and have always done the shopping for my family. I do this because
I am less extravagant. I have more self control than my wife when we go shopping. Wifey can spend a million Naira at one shopping activity and still cry for more.
When I started doing the shopping, she never liked it but stopped complaining when I won’t budge. I’d like to know from the ladies on your blog what women really want. Do they prefer we give cash or help out with the shopping? Pls don’t post with my ID, she is one addict that sleeps in your blog (Honey sorry I want to know). Thank you.
Warning: future husband don't be stingy.
Women loves to do the shopping but you must let her know your budget for shopping per month so that she can manage herself.
You are just a stingy man. Doing grocery shopping mscheew. Be a man and let a woman be a woman.
O pls y wld u b doing d shopping? Dats too bad. Won't let dat
Please poster don't tell me that you are one of those men that we go on fasting and revivals to avoid.
In case this is a mistake, then I second the comments of Anon: June 4, 2013,8:39 PM
Dear poster, u r just like my husband. He loves shopping, nt wit d intent of being stingy. In hs own mind he feels he s helping me and loves to buy things fr hs kids. i brought to his notice dt i dnt apprecite dt helpn so. Nw he gives me monthly allownce fr d hse, and he also shops fr sm extra stuff fr d home n kids. As far as it doesn't affect my own smal change i make frm d mnthly allowance am ok. So ps allow wifey shop, unless she tels u she doesn't like shoppin
If u r going to do the shopping then you might as well cook d food, bathe d kids, tuck then in2 bed, clean up all d mess, drive dem to and fro skool, do their homework, need I continue?
Seriously, is a no no for me, women tend to get better bargain then men. Just give her a specific amount as allowance and she will know how to make it go round. A colleague of mine insisted on buying baby stuff cos his wife is a “reckless spender”, the baby cot he bought was 20k higher than what was in wifey`s list(same brand)
Pls I enjoy, my man doing the shopping,but Somtimes he ends up buying bongo trousers(over size). for Pete's sake He has no spending limit, so he can shop for hours without looking back @ any restraints, most times I get to do the complaints about his extravagances. So the table is the other way for me.
But you know women love to pick their stuffs themselves, because we know what we want and like. So I suggest you give your wife the money to shop to make her happy and then surprise her once in a while with your goodie bag. IMO
Women!!! Why do we keep acting like we don't know what we want? In one breath, we say that we want men to help out more around the home, in the next we categorically condemn a man who does grocery shopping as 'stingy'!
If a man is better at something or even enjoys doing it then let him. Draw up the grocery or item list and let him do his thing. Whoever said its only a woman who has to do the market or cook or clean?
Let families evolve in as much as its no one in the relationship is being forced to function in a particular role. Is it that women like to be the victim? If your spouse has no issues doing these things then why stifle him in the name of conforming to society? Does 'society' live in your home? Your home is your haven and must be comfortable for you. You and your spouse must define what works for you and have fun doing it.
Its the same way we judge when we see a man carrying and caring for his baby. If your hubby is better at some things then for goodness sake let him do it, the most important thing is that the task gets done and the family is happy.
Women let's stop acting like amazons if we are fortunate to have a man who wants to help then let's embrace and encourage him. Most importantly, let's make a conscious effort to bring up our children with the understanding that family tasks are just that, not daddy's task, mummy's task, boy task or girl task. If it needs to get done and you are in the position to get it done then face it and deliver commendable results!
This mindset will help even as children develop into adults and go into the workplace.
Yawns. Too long
You're really concerned dts why u sent in this post. I don't think ure stingy. Maybe u shud just sit and have a talk with wify on how she needs to cut down on spending during shopping. I'm surprised at this sha o .bcos 80% of the time, its women that know how to manage money. Tell her u are not happy with the way she spends, etc. And if she's willing to make a change, u can stop doing d shopping. I for one Would prefer doing the shopping because hubby might buy what I don't like.
Erm… Madam, pls read d posters comment again, dis time between d lines. D guy is stingy! @ poster. Oga, please give ur wife a monthly budget for shopping and upkeep. Thank u , on behalf of all women.
Whenever my hubby begins to get dat notion dat I am spending too much money on shopping, I let him do d shopping, only dis time I'd pick all & everything available in d shop! Hehehe. It makes life easier for d next month!
Please zemiata the guy is simply stingy, why not agree on a monthly budget and be giving that to the wife. Why did he choose to do the shopping? Why not the cooking and cleaning and baby sitting , if he really wants to help.
Zemiata,uv said it all..my hubby does d shopping atims,n he is nt d stingy type at all sef.suprisnly he knows hw to price wella.he helps wit house chores,he does our sons laundary.we dnt hv a help so its division of labour in my house.lol I thank God I married my bestfriend n not my boss.@ poster,allow her shop for her personal stuffs like clothes,shoes.u dnt hv to buy dem for her xcept its a gift,n by now u shud wat she likes n wat she dosnt.once in a yle u cn assist wit d groceries
Good for you
Since u alrdy knw ur wife doesn't. Like it, den allow her do her shopping, jus talk with her abt her spendin and hav a specific budget. Me I wish my hub will help out in grocery shoopin sef, I won't mind cha cha! My sis husband does dat and she loves loves it. No stress of goin to market!
I remember when I was preg(3rd trimester), my husb would do all the home shopping, foodstuffs and all. He'll so shop and I was impressed the way he bought things @ a good bargain esp meat. But I didn't like the fact that he'll enter mrkt with suit and all. So a week after I gave birth, I was in the mrkt, because I don't like my husband doing it for me.
Are Ʊ a Northener/Muslim?
I know muslims tend 2 shop 4 d house cos dier holy book encourages it..*providing all d needs of the house*
If Ʊ r shoppin just 2 ensure ur wife do not get lil change then dats bad….
Ʊ may want 2 b d one 2 buy sometins 4 d house n let her buy al d other petti tins…
My hussy stocks d freezer wit meat, fish n d likes, he also buys d bags of food et al..I am so ok wit it cos I don't like d stress of gettin all dat,
This comment has been removed by the author.
"She doesn't like it". That says it all. Just do whatever will make you both happy and not make you go bankrupt. You could both do the shopping together OR you can just hand her the cash, work with a specific budget, teach her how you do it that makes you save more and she can use your tactics to start shopping. With time, she'll get it. And at the end of the day, she'll get to shop and she won't be 'extravagant' and you too, will be happy.
It's not a bad thing for a man to shop. They did it when they were bachelors. Supermarkets like Shoprite are making shopping more and more unisex by the day. I personally don't see anything wrong in a man and woman shopping or doing groceries together or one of them just doing it. There's no written rule on who should do what and what. I'm with Zemiata on that one.
But I guess your wife minds, so, let her do it. So that everybody will be happy. Work with a reasonable budget and teach her how to work within the budget and manage it.
dear husband
a lot has been said, as for me i like both. Sometimes it is too stressful especially market shopping, e nor easy.
JaY, I'm with youuuuuuuuu;
I'm with youuuuuuuuu;
I'm with you!
Lolzzzzzz
Lyk u wrote ur wife does nt lyk it. As for mi, my hubby can b vry generous wen it cums to givin money n I wish e cud be generous too abt doin all d shoppin cus I hate shopping. I Don't mind payin sum1 to do shoppin for mi sef
The Lady of the Manor has spoken! Please hear ye her!
Like others have said, you guys should have these in mind:
1. Oga do your own shopping
2. Oga please sir also allow Madam do her own shopping
3. You both should create time to shop together!
You both need to have a shopping budget and ensure you keep to it. Couple that shop together rekindles their love together! :D.
hehehehe. Am not stopping boy boy from doing the shopping ooo. naaaah my own is just give me the cash to buy my undies and those sexy stuff you didn't notice i'll love and then we are good if not mtscheeeeew
hopping to love myself more
I don't think u r stingy cos if u were u won't cme here for advice.
I stay in london, smetimes my hubby does d shopping/cleaning and sometimes I do.
Its no big deal.
We obviously don't ve a maid here, in london u are on your own oh.
Am not expected to do evrything myself.
Hubby doesn't like me being to tired, he says I need energy for other "important things" and that he doesn't want a log of wood at night, lol.
Its different strokes for different folks.
The man is not stingy, he is less extravagant than his wife. Women, Pleaaaaseeeee. When it comes to shopping then you think it is solely a woman's duty all because you wanna keep some change. Haba mana. I agree completely with Zemita. Poster, you wanna know what women prefer, I will tell you. Women prefer comfort. If your wife is comfortable with the arrangement then its ok, provided you don't deny her the expenses for herself and business. Another thing is that you can do it together; you both draw up the budget for the month, pick a Saturday and shop. My Dad does the major shopping for food stuffs and still takes my Mum to the market to get stew and soup things. They do that together and in the process he still buys extra and gives her enough. She never complained. And we always have leftover till the following month. He was able to save and build his Mansion. On the other hand, my MIL collects all the allowance for the month, provides for the home for two weeks and everyone starves and fend for themselves for the rest of the month cos my FIL refuses to drop extra, guess what she does with the rest…..buys expensive laces and jewelries to flaunt to her friends. They are still struggling to build their mansion. So Virtuous women of WC, the man is not stingy only reasonable. Couples are meant to complement each other in their strength and weaknesses. After all, a man is meant to provide for his home. I for one cannot go to market and buy Yam, its too heavy jor.
Don't i just love u @LNC! I hate shopping, i just hate it! But my sister would never allow anybody shop for her even if you are getting it from the best brand, she prefers doing it herself. Oga, if she doesn't want you shopping for her, let her do it… People differ
Lolzz!
Lolzz!!
Lolzz!!!
Eyaaaa! Wishes do come true you know. He might surprise you once with that.
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Lol at important things!!!
@Salvador, you just taught me something for free. Thanks Darling. Are you male or female?
Lolz, @Salvador, you found youeself a Toaster here. wink.
WELL SPOKEN.
LWKMD OOOOO!!!! this is just the best solution walahi
For me, I write the list of what we need in the house and my husband does the shopping. I even prefer it cos it's less stress for me. But what works for one couple may not work for another. So, as your wife has said she does not like it, please let her do the shopping. As someone has said earlier, both of you should just work out the budget together.
Lol! It seems we behave alike. My hub gives me a monthly budget but anytime we go to buy some 'longer throat' things like cookies and drinks, I end up picking maggi, milk, cornflakes and the likes! Cos if you check how much you spend on some of these 'long throat' items, the money go reach you to cook soup for a month!
Personally, I hate shopping for soup things. Apart from fashion items, I love shopping for groceries and fabrics.
@Beecee, lovely reasoning!!!
Couples are meant to COMPLEMENT and not COMPETE with each other. You complement each other's weaknesses with your strengths.
Personally i think for some situation s it's simply ''different strokes for different folks''. If it works for your family then pls by all means go ahead after all there is no hard and fast rule in marriage. If your wife is complaining then you should both work out a compromise if not no need rocking the boat.
Thank you all for your advice. I now know better. I will sit with her, plan the budget and give her the money to shop since she complained initially. You all are awesome! Bless you.
Your wife loves shopping tho extravagant . Plan with her and budget, let her realise how much comes in and how much is for wat and ofcourse that brings the issue of transparency, be open to her and she will cut down knowing its implication in d family budget.its my husband who taught me these , let her do d shopping (guide her) till she understands what's and how's. Ado ok
Lol too.
What an empathic and considerate man you have.
@Rubynnia; Thanks. @Angel;I hope it's not my MIL"s method you learnt for free…hehehe. I'm female. @Anon 10am; abi o, let's toast on jawe.
Plz just give her monthly allowance shikena
dear poster u r just like my husband really, duh we are northerners and its a bit part of our culture, we always write the list for the month and go and buy all the things together, he knows how to get good bargains so i leave all the meat etc for him to buy, even when we are going to buy soup ingredients he goes along, am so comfortable with it and most times any time he travels i wont even want to go to the market alone. but if madam doesnt like it, you have to strike a balance and make a decision that suits you both.
I think u shld talk about this with her. Agree den draw out a budget of how much shld be apportioned 2 all expense lines frm food, provision,drinks,clothes, miscellanious n all. With dat u can give her d cash 4 each n let her enjoy d shopping. In some instances, she can write out a list n u go get dem if u want 2 assist. This worked for my home n we've kept to it 4 ova 2yrs now.I love shopping too*wink*
Well spoken
Maybe you and ur wife should draw up a monthly budget. let her know how much she can spend on shopping for the month and since you have been doing the shopping you know how much you spend monthly, let her work with it and see how it goes. I like to do my shopping myself and my husband is not the type that likes going to market so it depends on what we all want. please just give your wife another chance to continue doing the shopping but assist her to stick to the budget.