Good evening Aunt Eya, please help me to post this, I found it difficult to reply on your blog especially on the topic about God hating divorce. I noticed that a lot of people seemed to have something to say about divorce being the way out of an abusive marriage. In as much as I would not tell anyone in such a situation what to do, I want to say this for the benefit of the unmarried people. There is no such thing as out of the blue, neither is there smoke without fire. Before you get married to a man who is abusive, he Most Definitely would have showed signs that hint at it, but most at times women are blinded by the so called love, or feel they have to grab their copy now cause men are scarce. This is wrong, when a man shows signs that undermine the women, make reference to their superiority as males, even down to the way they treat their mothers and sisters is enough to tell if a man has abusive traits.
This is something I got from
one of the sites I follow and I think it would be good for women to know this.
Ladies, there are red flags that you shouldn’t be oblivious to.
Don’t let the crazy story happen to you!
First and foremost , know your IDENTITY! Ladies, know who you
are and value yourself! Know that you are beautiful, you are a
queen and you deserve the best! So don’t settle for BS, some
things are unacceptable.
Number two, there is so much love in this world! If you aren’t
being loved in the way that you want to be loved in a relationship with a guy you are dating and after discussing things he us still the same, then Leave!
This world is filled with people who want to love you, don’t think
it can only come from one person. So don’t feel limited or
manipulated to stay in a relationship. Some Men love to make woman
feel like no one else can love them. That’s the bull!
Now lets get down to business. Its hard to keep your eye open
for red flags while trusting your partner at the same time, but
you need to keep a healthy balance of both! If you witness
suspicious behaviors that give you a funny feeling, verbalize it
even if you don’t have substantial information to back it up.
Don’t be afraid to question things! And if he doesn’t want to
answer or if the answer is ridiculous, then that is a red flag you
need to keep record of.
Ladies, pardon my vocabulary, but this topic really infuriates me,
don’t let shit slide! I heard a girl tell me, “But the ‘I’m sorry’s’
are so good!”. This is very common in women who are physically abused, they get beat up then the guy starts telling them how much he loves them and how scared he is that they would leave him, how much he needs their help to deal with his woman beating problems, Thats horse shit. Ladies, you have standards for a reason, so keep
them! Again, stop settling and giving in to the nonsense, that is
exactly how you “ let it happen .”
A very close male friend of mine once told me, “things don’t just
happen out of the blue, you always get signs.” So when I hear
women tell me, “I let it happen” it’s confirmation! Don’t ignore
the signs. People show you who they are from the beginning, we
just chose to ignore it for certain silly reasons. So please, I am urging every female especially those still in the husband market, don’t think you have to rush into it cause your mates are getting married and having kids and your parents are hanging on your to give them grandkids or whatever. Its better to be single and happy than to be married and weeping everyday looking for a way out of a mess you ‘let happen’ by yourself. You might not find a man who ticks all your boxes close he should be as close as they get, especially character wise, he should love God(cause only a godless man would comfortably cheat and beat his wife without any sense if guilt) and respect all women, not just you but even your mother, sisters friends (this shows that he knows your value). I do not support divorce but when certain cases are beyond your power, especially in an abusive marriage you might need to take a break, and see what happens next, but the truth is most abused women never have the guts to leave mainly out of fear and love for their partner. As a woman you have to be alert and prayerful. God help us all.
Shallom
This is something I got from
one of the sites I follow and I think it would be good for women to know this.
Ladies, there are red flags that you shouldn’t be oblivious to.
Don’t let the crazy story happen to you!
First and foremost , know your IDENTITY! Ladies, know who you
are and value yourself! Know that you are beautiful, you are a
queen and you deserve the best! So don’t settle for BS, some
things are unacceptable.
Number two, there is so much love in this world! If you aren’t
being loved in the way that you want to be loved in a relationship with a guy you are dating and after discussing things he us still the same, then Leave!
This world is filled with people who want to love you, don’t think
it can only come from one person. So don’t feel limited or
manipulated to stay in a relationship. Some Men love to make woman
feel like no one else can love them. That’s the bull!
Now lets get down to business. Its hard to keep your eye open
for red flags while trusting your partner at the same time, but
you need to keep a healthy balance of both! If you witness
suspicious behaviors that give you a funny feeling, verbalize it
even if you don’t have substantial information to back it up.
Don’t be afraid to question things! And if he doesn’t want to
answer or if the answer is ridiculous, then that is a red flag you
need to keep record of.
Ladies, pardon my vocabulary, but this topic really infuriates me,
don’t let shit slide! I heard a girl tell me, “But the ‘I’m sorry’s’
are so good!”. This is very common in women who are physically abused, they get beat up then the guy starts telling them how much he loves them and how scared he is that they would leave him, how much he needs their help to deal with his woman beating problems, Thats horse shit. Ladies, you have standards for a reason, so keep
them! Again, stop settling and giving in to the nonsense, that is
exactly how you “ let it happen .”
A very close male friend of mine once told me, “things don’t just
happen out of the blue, you always get signs.” So when I hear
women tell me, “I let it happen” it’s confirmation! Don’t ignore
the signs. People show you who they are from the beginning, we
just chose to ignore it for certain silly reasons. So please, I am urging every female especially those still in the husband market, don’t think you have to rush into it cause your mates are getting married and having kids and your parents are hanging on your to give them grandkids or whatever. Its better to be single and happy than to be married and weeping everyday looking for a way out of a mess you ‘let happen’ by yourself. You might not find a man who ticks all your boxes close he should be as close as they get, especially character wise, he should love God(cause only a godless man would comfortably cheat and beat his wife without any sense if guilt) and respect all women, not just you but even your mother, sisters friends (this shows that he knows your value). I do not support divorce but when certain cases are beyond your power, especially in an abusive marriage you might need to take a break, and see what happens next, but the truth is most abused women never have the guts to leave mainly out of fear and love for their partner. As a woman you have to be alert and prayerful. God help us all.
Shallom
Thank God u eneded with a call for women to be prayerful.
Ironically the good girls most times endup with the wrong guys while the bad girls with the good guys. Also for every abuse case av seen,the lady had a guy who loved and treated her fine,but the sweet tongue and flashy stuffs that are always associated with the bad guy blinded her from seeing beyond all that.
All that glitters aint gold and don't let the pressure of getting married soon land you in an abusive relationship.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Amen!
Please people, paragraph your write up for easy reading.
Aunt Eya, please you could also help with that.
Seeing the above just discouraged me from further reading.
Paragraph, paragraph, paragraph or is the enter key missing or broken?
Queen of England get over yourself*rme* for you.
Thanks for the compliment and no need to rye else you will stress the eye muscles. 😀
There are no truer words and you completely nailed it. Men and women are completely different. A woman marries a man hoping that he will change and it never happens. Rather it gets worse. Still, the same mistake keeps repeating itself and the woman endures it because let's be honest, the mentality of majority is that they can't support themselves and their kids if they leave their men and so they suffer in silence. This is a call to every woman to find something to do. Earn a living no matter how small. Don't depend solely on a man.
Correct!! But the fact still remains dat a whole lot of women will prefer d man to work while they do the spending.
Bonario u are so ryt, if not for God I would have made dat mistake of marrying my ex cos he has a sweet tongue, and I see him as a correct guy cos of his aura and all dat, my hubby is d good type and not d flashy type, but a very nice and caring man, thank God I chose d ryt person cos there is more to marriage than swags..uptil now my ex couldn't understand y I chose to marry my hubby and not him cos he thinks he is every womans dream, he is not abusive tho..
Am so touched cos I ve bin dere and still is,do u guys actually think a man can stop frm abusing his wife since he witnessed the father abuse the mom, now he took over I don't noe wat to say but am stil hopin it stops cos trully am scared of not been loved again and ma kids taken away frm me.
anon 6.55, im so sorry dear, dont be scared. avoid doing what he hates, avoid any form of provocation, it wont be easy sha, be more prayerful, love urself, if possible have his family member or cousin come stay with you, he might be ashamed if there is company.
luck might apply but i agree with those that say its Gods favour and grace. for me i think it might also be the good deeds of my parents and grand parents that i am reaping.
Have you considered the possibility that he might beat you to death? Then you will not have lost your children but they will have lost you. Your children are also watching your husband abuse you. When they grow up, will you be ok with your son becoming his father or your daughter suffering through the same because they saw their mother take it and stay? Before you make a decision, consider these things.