Hello Aunty Eya, I need to know if other couples share same experiences like me and hubby or I am just too far away from reality. I have four kids 2 boys and 2 girls aged between 10 and 1 year. It has
been fun but not sweet. Let me call it sweaty fun. I had a house help that travelled home for Christmas and is yet to be back, this is February. Within these years of raising my kids, I have dealt with 5 helps who leave for one reason or the other or I send them packing for yielding no results. Ok, hubby and I decided that we forget about bringing strangers to look after our kids and just get family members to help out while we also assist in our own way.
been fun but not sweet. Let me call it sweaty fun. I had a house help that travelled home for Christmas and is yet to be back, this is February. Within these years of raising my kids, I have dealt with 5 helps who leave for one reason or the other or I send them packing for yielding no results. Ok, hubby and I decided that we forget about bringing strangers to look after our kids and just get family members to help out while we also assist in our own way.
First was my very own sister, she stayed for a year, my mom came visiting and thought that sis was
working too hard like a househelp. Imagine! me a nursing mother, waking up at 4 am while my sis, wakes at 5am yet mom felt that was too much for a 13 year old in Secondary School. I pack lunch boxes for kids in Nursery/primary school and mom is jealous and angry that my Secondary school sister isn’t given a lunch box too. So we ask her to take her daughter along and that’s it.
working too hard like a househelp. Imagine! me a nursing mother, waking up at 4 am while my sis, wakes at 5am yet mom felt that was too much for a 13 year old in Secondary School. I pack lunch boxes for kids in Nursery/primary school and mom is jealous and angry that my Secondary school sister isn’t given a lunch box too. So we ask her to take her daughter along and that’s it.
Right now as I type, there is no one assisting and I can’t describe how my body is feeling due to exhaustion. I work. I have to finish up early enough for hubby to drop kids off at School or I drop them myself. I pay for extra day care, the kids have to wait at school until I close at 5pm, go pick them up and get dinner ready. It’s really weighing me down and a little help will go a long way. Ok
let me stop ranting and focus the camera.
Where I would love to see my husband helping out is early in the morning with the kids. It’s hard packing boxes, getting his breakfast ready and having to bathe all the kids all alone. For now, the 10 and 8 year old can bathe themselves, however, they still need assistance with dressing up which all falls back on me. I really need my husband bathing and dressing up the kids for now while I mind other areas in the mornings pending when we get a help.
Have tried persuading him but he doesn’t just see the need and feels that is not a man’s job. Are there any wives out there experiencing same? Are there other areas that wives would love to see their husbands helping out to make life more comfortable? Please let’s share. Change your name, in case hubby reads the blog too. Aunty Eya please post me anonymously.
I have 4kids as wel, ranging from 8 to 2yrs, my house help went home for xmas didn't return like urs after training her thru secondary sch, d worst she didn't tell me she will not return. Back to d point hubby helps out in d morning to bath n dress d children n sometimes take them to sch while I mind d kitchen n getting them back from sch coz I work too. I soak the children's cloth in the bathroom he will see n wash all, my problem is now his away I manage n count d weeks till he returns coz he said no more house help n he derives pleasure in taking care of his kids.
Talk to ur hubby dear make him understand the stress is weighing u down,sweet talk him into helping u wit love.. the children are not just urs but his too, coz ur are not a super mum but a human.
it's a woman's job to take care of the children and the man's job to assist. You can't force your husband just beg him for help. if it's too much be a stay at home mom. I can't believe what you said about your own sister, she deserves lunch too. she can pack her lunch herself or you give her money for lunch. she is your sister and she was there too help not to be turned into a maid. I support your mother cos you gave birth to those children not your sister or mother. your children are your responsibilities. The best person would have been your sister cos she is family and you can trust her with you children but because of pride or stubbornness, you let her go and now you are paying for extra daycare which you could have been small lunch money to your sister and you are complaining. If you don't want to be a housewife, plead with your husband to help with the kids and reward him by showing him extra care and love or else he will stop helping.
Some men are like that oh!, I will tell my kids take ur uniform, socks, shoe n pants 2 daddy 2 teach u how 2 wear it by urself. Let the 10yrs old be helping u now oh!. Once I pack their food in d food flask n their water, I make sure they put it in their lunch bag themselves and they pack their snacks themselves(6 n 4yrs). Make it fun while giving them responsibilies. Is not easy. God bless ur muscle!!!
Weekend cooking is what really stresses me out mehn. I'd love to see my husband helping out with say Saturday breakfast cooking so that I sleep a little longer and rest on weekends. I need him assist with cooking sometimes because he tells everyone he can cook but I have never witnessed him do it.
Cleaning the house from time to time. The kids are at that age where scattering is all they know how to do. If hubby can just sweep and clean especially on weekends, I'll be very happy.
Fetching water with the car when waterboard behaves badly. I have to go to the next compound to fetch and carry water on my head whenever our water is cut off because some flats have refused to pay their bills. There is car and I have begged and begged and begged DH to help put jerrycans in there and get us some water even from the church premises but he won't budge.
Just creaming and dressing up the kids is enough for me. I can bathe all 3 but I need him to cream and dress them while I face other things in the morning.
Babysitting for just 3 to 4 hours on Saturdays to enable me go to the Salon. If my husbands agrees to look after the baby at this time for me to go take care of my hair, it means the world to me.
God bless my husband. He is a natural hands on dad. When he is home he helps out with bathing our 2 younger kids while I moisturise their skin and get them dressed or vice versa. Our oldest sorts himself out.
I often joke with hubby that he has OCD because he just can't wait till the kids go to bed for me to tidy up, he helps to clean up after the kids. I prefer to wait till they are in bed but not darling husband. If he sees dirty dishes or a dirty bath he cleans it up.
The only thing is I am tired of cooking. I desperately want to eat a meal someone else has cooked. Not eating out or takeout but a nice home made meal. Unfortunately he can't cook but i'm grateful for everything else he does to help us. Not complaining at all.
Poster please teach your 10year old to pack the lunch boxes the night before and leave them in the fridge. Your 10year old should be able to bath and get dressed without supervision. Teach him/her to do other things like washing dishes, cooking, making beds and helping his/her younger siblings with feeding and getting dressed. Talk to your husband and beg him if you have to to help you out with some chores.
Cleaning up the house.
I strongly disagree with you not packing lunch for your thirteen year old sister. You mentioned you have a child of ten years old. What's the difference between ten and thirteen? You blew a great opportunity of letting your sister stay with you and help out. Yes, she's no maid as your mother rightly pointed. I have cousins who are teens and when they come to stay at my family house, they wake up at 6:30 during school days. The reason I'm pointing this out is that even though these kids are with us for a while and are meant to be helping out, they still feel that they are at home. I think you caused all this for yourself because you let your pride or stubbornness as @ Anon said, blind you to the fact that the young girl is question is not your help but your sister. A young girl who might grow up resenting you for this singular action of yours and I think you should pay your mom and sister a visit and patch things up.
I think you should teach your ten year old and eight year old to pick up after themselves and their little ones and also help out around the house. I also think you should tell your hubby to help you out as well.
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Best reply! I almost talked on d sister issue! Ur husband agreed to dat family idea, now where is d person from his end after ur sister? Don't blame ur sis n ur mother! Look 4 a way out! D 10 n 8 years old should b able to dress themselves and dia younger ones! Involve dem with task especially d 10 years old one! Den my advice to odaa mothers, don't birth many kids if u can't handle it,
Kitchen
Flushing after him.
Keeping his dirty stockings and shoes in one place and tidying up too.
Clearing his plates after eating. Will a man's hands break if he clears his plates from the dining? I musn't be the only one clearing, of I'm very busy, empty plates sit on the dining waiting.
Cooking
I Can't believe What u just Said about Your sister.She is also a Child.At 13yrs old,and for her to wake up at 5am,yet She has School to attend to.I Think She is really helping.You have to remember that She is helping You,she did not give birth to those children.Back to ur question,is it possible that You wash the kids at night so they just wash Their face and brush their teeth In the Morning? I would Want mine to just keep quite While i do my things since he Can not help out where i want him to.
Thanks Eya for posting my story, thank you so much to all those who gave me genuine and honest advice and tips. For those blaming me for not giving my sister lunch money, shame on you all, you just blabbing from your nostrils. How much do I earn to give lunch money 5 days a week and 20 days a month.
I lived with my mom and went to secondary school, did we ever take lunch to school in secondary school? My siblings and I ate breakfast, went to school and came home in the afternoon to eat lunch. How many of you talking here can boast of giving lunch money to your sisters in secondary school? Liars, trying to make me feel bad won't help you.
When my 10 year old enters secondary school, I can assure you that she'll eat breakfast in the morning and come home from school for her lunch. You all should continue faking and lying on the internet right? Some of you don't even cook breakfast for your families in the morning, you buy packs of Mr Biggs for kids lunchboxes I guess? Too much money right?I manage to make breakfast, keep ready lunch at home before leaving the house and some Even unmarried girls with no experience will come to my post and start ranting about not giving a 13 year old lunch money. What is lunch by the way? What she comes home to eat after school is called what? Rubbish rants. Anty if you like don't post my comment. I only said my mind.
Thanks Eya for posting my story, thank you so much to all those who gave me genuine and honest advice and tips. For those blaming me for not giving my sister lunch money, shame on you all, you just blabbing from your nostrils. How much do I earn to give lunch money 5 days a week and 20 days a month.
I lived with my mom and went to secondary school, did we ever take lunch to school in secondary school? My siblings and I ate breakfast, went to school and came home in the afternoon to eat lunch. How many of you talking here can boast of giving lunch money to your sisters in secondary school? Liars, trying to make me feel bad won't help you.
When my 10 year old enters secondary school, I can assure you that she'll eat breakfast in the morning and come home from school for her lunch. You all should continue faking and lying on the internet right? Some of you don't even cook breakfast for your families in the morning, you buy packs of Mr Biggs for kids lunchboxes I guess? Too much money right?I manage to make breakfast, keep ready lunch at home before leaving the house and some Even unmarried girls with no experience will come to my post and start ranting about not giving a 13 year old lunch money. What is lunch by the way? What she comes home to eat after school is called what? Rubbish rants. Anty if you like don't post my comment. I only said my mind.
Thanks Eya for posting my story, thank you so much to all those who gave me genuine and honest advice and tips. For those blaming me for not giving my sister lunch money, shame on you all, you just blabbing from your nostrils. How much do I earn to give lunch money 5 days a week and 20 days a month.
I lived with my mom and went to secondary school, did we ever take lunch to school in secondary school? My siblings and I ate breakfast, went to school and came home in the afternoon to eat lunch. How many of you talking here can boast of giving lunch money to your sisters in secondary school? Liars, trying to make me feel bad won't help you.
When my 10 year old enters secondary school, I can assure you that she'll eat breakfast in the morning and come home from school for her lunch. You all should continue faking and lying on the internet right? Some of you don't even cook breakfast for your families in the morning, you buy packs of Mr Biggs for kids lunchboxes I guess? Too much money right?I manage to make breakfast, keep ready lunch at home before leaving the house and some Even unmarried girls with no experience will come to my post and start ranting about not giving a 13 year old lunch money. What is lunch by the way? What she comes home to eat after school is called what? Rubbish rants. Anty if you like don't post my comment. I only said my mind.
The earlier you start training your kids to assist you in the household chores the better for you. Some men don't understand how to help their women.
@Poster, I can SEE where d problem lies… U're looking for comments that will fan ur flame. Friends tell themselves the truth even when it hurts!
Please, don't close the door on reconciling with your mum & little sister. It's an opportunity to make a lasting impact…
It's a pity that the post sender could say such insensitive words about those telling her the truth. I really don't blame you dear. I blame us, including me who decided to respond to your post. Yes, I have a kid sister and yes I give her lunch money and no, my parents never gave me lunch money while I was in secondary school, I ate only breakfast and returned home after school hours to eat lunch (that's the truth and nothing but the truth).
Keep up the good work dear, may your advice work for you.
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Poster dat kind work 4 ur place nor easy! U suppose to pamper ur maid or sister oooo, Dats wat will make dem stay longer
Poster na dis ur attitude make u mama carry ur sister from ur place! U don't think! Do u know d meaning of improvement? Bcos u didn't receive lunch money doesn't mean u can give ur sister! Even if it is only on d days u av! Between 100 to 200 is perfect 4 snacks n drink! I'm sure u maltreated her without realising so! D earlier u open up n understand, accept and practice d advice rendered to u, b better 4 u! Maybe na ur attitude dey pursue all ur maids! Ur sister inclusive! And ur husband wudnt wat his people to experience such! Nai make e neva bring person come! U better improve on ur attitude
@ poster I just want to ask you a question, when you were in secondary school, what time did u usually close from school? You know, our actions have rippling effects which we may not know. You don't give your sister lunch or lunch money, she could steal from you or even be initiated and then you invite a bigger wahala to your dormot. Who knows maybe your attitude is what is making your husband not to assist you in your domestic chores. Ask God for a change of heart and attitude, and please mend fences with your mum and sister. Tomorrow is pregnant is a saying by the Ibos.
Lol…this poster is something else o Chai! Anyway for the record I give my house help lunch money because I won't tolerate any1 coming to my house to be idle till after my children comes back from sch, mind u she also takes whatever food my children takes to school. You said you don't earn much? But you can afford to employ the service of a house help in the past and not can afford to pay for an after school care service ? Woman! You should be ashamed of yourself for wanting to put your youngest sister through what your mum put you through that you didn't like growing up? We are not here to massage your ego but tell you the truth.
U can't afford lunch money for ur own sister but u can afford maid and extra day care,u don't want to hear d truth if u like insult me but I will tell it to u,u didn't treat ur sister well go and reconcile and raise ur kids to help wit chores too 10 year old daughter should start learning frm now.
I have suffered for asking a simple question. Just imagine some goody two shoes housewives coming here to judge me. How many of you took lunch to school in secondary school????????? Liars in their fifties and forties coming here to type rubbish and feel better. If you have nothing good to say to me please iron your husbands' under pants and polish his 5 kobo shoes. Anty Eya, I din't see my earlier reply. If you don't want trouble better post all my comments. I fear none of them judgemental housewives. Lunch money kor, lunch money ni?
U lack sense! Dats ur major problem ur man cannot teach u sense cos u lack d ability to accept correction! Senseless woman
wahala dey oo.u need advice and people told u there mind, instead of you to take the advice or ignore u are back firing them for taking few seconds to come to ur aid.ur character ain't good at all, sure u might have talking to ur husband in a rude Manner dats y he insist on not helping u.kindly change ur mannerless character
Poster u re damn too stupid!!!!!
Ur husband don suffer,why will he help u in d first place???
An arrogant fowl like u,ur home training stinks…..peeps here were jst advising u nd u're spewing rubbish..
Lazy ass!!who can't train a 10yrs old to do common chores ,expecting a 13yr old to bring d world to ur feet…
ONE QUESTION,,,,
How u take last up to ten years for d marriage?
Imagine! Sorry to disappoint you, am not senseless, YOU are the one that is senseless for spewing rubbish on my thread. Neither an I lazy, YOU are the one that is lazy. For you information, my husband treats me like a Goddess and he is the one paying for the house help services not me. He thinks I am the best thing that ever happened to him. Am not a cold banana stem in bed like you. This is my thread, I posted here, if you come to my space and tell me nonesense, I give it back to you. I asked for advice not judgement. Aunty Eya please warn your people because if I get provoked I will fight for my right. I can never be any woman's online doormat. No one should feel they are better that me because you are not. How is your own character? Tell me.
This poster must be high on something. Lazy woman.
Who is this late comer Monique? Too bad I have already taken the good comments and planning to go bring back my sister so you STFU, you are the one that's high on grass. Rubbish.
Stupid goat….so u don finally,lick ur shit,wan go bring ur sis back?..
If to say I be ur mama,as u dey come,I go pour u better hot oil,,make u for learn small manners….
Lazy goat…why u no turn ur 10yrs old to house help..u Sabi better thing abi????
Witchhhhhh…….
I still dey talk am,,,,ur husband don suffer…
ILL-mannered ant
Poster u need to see a psychologist urgently! Everything is taking its toll on u n ur breaking down but havnt realised it.seek help urgently!N above all,pray about ur attitude.no one means any harm on this blog.
It is very obvious that u are a very difficult, arrogant and mannerless fool, otherwise why would u be insulting people who are correcting u. Must evetyone behave like u ?. am not surprise that u can't keep your house helps including your sister.your daughter is 10 and not a lot younger than your sister. Start training her. Your husband treats u like a godesd.we are not there but it is hard to believe considering your characters. Nobody was judging u but are only advising you based on your write ups
Be wise and accept correction.
Wow.
I have no words really…..
#smh