Good morning Eya,
Hope your night was fine. I just want to suggest a topic for discussion you should put up on your blog which is
“what are the things intending couples should discuss before saying I DO”
and for people in their first 5years who did not do this, it’s never too late, it’s just that the women may ‘ve lost their negotiating power since they are already in. Let’s get different opinions from different people.
Thank you.
Hope your night was fine. I just want to suggest a topic for discussion you should put up on your blog which is
“what are the things intending couples should discuss before saying I DO”
and for people in their first 5years who did not do this, it’s never too late, it’s just that the women may ‘ve lost their negotiating power since they are already in. Let’s get different opinions from different people.
Thank you.
This answer to this post wld be too ambiguous! Even 2b exercise book won't be enuff to list 'em. Ill pass
Chilling wit ma popcorn and coke, hehehehhehe
As in how can u be drinking Coke and popcorn this early morning?
I'm waiting o for the veterans. Cos I intend to get hitched pretty soon
Me I'm in bed watching CNN while enjoying a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Bliss.
The list is endless but I'll mention some: prayer and pre-marriage counselling in church, country and city of residence, finances and how it should b handled b4 and after having kids, genotype test,HIV test, educational achievement,present career/job and any future changes, level of responsibility at work as some jobs involve working very late/working weekends/travelling often, any future projects, any plans to further education on both parts?, important info on the past, info on both family background, agreement after deliberation on how many kids you both want, which church you'll both attend if christians, d lady should lay EMPHASIS on how important it is for her to work, if both different religion will they both carry on practising their religious beliefs or get converted to the spouse's religion?
These are what I can think of for now.
1. Religion the church they will both be attending after marriage if they attend different churches or whether they will go to mosque for those in different religions.
2. The issue of finance whether to operate joint account, who will take care of what in the house, if they are working in different towns, who. Will relocate.
3.Number of kids they will like to have etc.
4.The place of extended family in the marriage if the groom to be has siblings living with him what happens after the wedding.
5. Any secret from the past or a child(ren) from previous relationship(s) what to do about them
Pheww I have tried oya others take over!
I dey watch una make Una F*ck up then I go Land yakata.
Two monkeys don already fall hands..dey chop pop corn with Coke which I Know Its jedi-jedi for sure and d other bedding CNN with groundnut wey never done wey e dey call cheese. Mtcheeeeew!!
I'm watching. Una go know sey Akpos don come.
Plus d simple answer to Eya post na "how do you like it, how do u want it" from there every thing go dey reveal brekete!
– Akpos O.
List below not exhaustive and not in any particular order – also pretty high level (can't give details here)…
1. Testimonies of conversion – how did you get born again? Marrying an unbeliever will bring serious problem with your father in-law, the devil.
2. Testimonies of conviction – how did you get convicted about your intending spouse.
3. Roles/place of extended families in marriage
4. Finance in marriage
5. What should be done during the period of courtship – getting to know a little more about each other, planning your future home together, share weaknesses/strength, how to manage/handle weaknesses, etc.
6. Sex in Marriage
7. Preparation for the engagement (and white wedding) – what type, meeting the important family members, etc
8. Divorce and Consequences
9. Family Planning
10. Children in Marriage – how many, what to expect when you’re expecting, what to expect when they come, how to manage and keep the fire burning when they are around, etc
11. Family altar – raising a godly family.
12. Love/submission in marriage
13. Understanding temperaments & personality types.
Read at least 2 books on marriage and take time to attend marriage seminars where you have opportunities to ask questions and share experiences.
I don't understand these people that are coming here to write long-long grammar!
Are thou a teacher? Abegi teacher don't teach me nonsense o!
– Akpos O.
Make una ask plenty question oh! Me I didn't ask any question at all, not even one oh! Infact I dnt know his village sef, I didn't know his family house here in the city sef before we got married oh
I only saw A GOD FEARING MAN, with so much HUMILITY… Infact enh, The man love God pass life sef, so I grabbed him with two hands oh, and said I DO without thinking sef… That's all I think a woman needs oh, A MAN WHO's HEART IS AFTER GOD!
Patsy
There's an Rccg manual used during counselling. It has so many info. You do have to have a book to write out agreements & goals/dreams pre marriage so u can always refer to it. Communication is key. Talk about number of kids,in-laws(will they live with u,pocket money for parents etc),finances (will we be splitting bills,house upkeep money etc),Will we have a househelp. There are so many pointers in this book truly. May I also use this medium to let all the singles out there know marriage is a beautiful thing. Not all marriages experience these horror stories we read here.please just realise ur spouse isn't perfect cos ur not either. Most times our fairy tale ideas of marriage isn't true. So be realistic, pray, be the best u can be. Funny tho, when u show love to ur patner despite their bad attributes, they tend to turn around for good in no time. I'm happily married to an imperfect gentleman and I bless God for my home each day. (well except for Nanny drama. Hehehe )
Remsy
Well… Well… Well…
I am just gonna give a few tips
First of all ensure that the man fears God, ya. I am not much of a religious fanatic but I have come to learn that the fear of God makes a better man.
Then things to discuss, hmmm….
I would suggest starting from having an agreement that no matter what happens you will fight for your marriage. From the onset you should both agree that marriage is not a walk in the park and therefore you should both be willing to put your marriage first. well God first but you get my point right? You both will do everything in your power to keep the fire burning.
Then, you should also talk about your careers. From the onset (if you wanna work) make him promise that he will support your career. You should both support each other. Help him grow and in turn he should help you grow. He should be willing to support all your attempts at adding value to yourself. This one is very vital. Discuss it well before marriage.
The number of kids you want, when you will have them and the kind of birth control you will use should all be discussed too. Then you stick with it. You should also discuss what will happen if you dont have girls or boys. Girls sound your man out on this very well.
Then while you are working on these please try to marry a man that actually likes you. Not one that needs to marry and sees you as a perfect 'wife material' .
Thats all…. for now.
You said 'I DO', but really DO YOU?
Is there anyone that does not fear God? Even the devil trembles…
Sorry to hijack this post pls, but I would like ur input on this. situation. I am married for a few yrs now. Initially I did everytin to get close to my inlaws, visiting , gifts etc. But my inlaw and his wife didn't send me. No calls, no effort to know me better, the wife, no attempt to draw me close and be friends. I was so hurt so I withdrew. Now he is saying I don't call them. Me I have decided to keep to myself cos there's no relationship and I don't know how to pretend. We live in diff cities, so I'm like whenever we see fine, but for me to call I don't think so. Pls what does WC family think?
Ma Eya can u make this a topic pls.
You are sooooo on point!!!!
Waiting for Johnson and Mama Ijebu's comments.
No! Send it to her mail box… It is right there under this post… As for your case, you dnt ve an issue at all.. And I think you shld continue what you started, cos love is not always reciprocal… Love unconditionally. The bible says if you love those who love you, of what reward is it, even the unbelievers do that too.. Love your enemies and pray for them… And for this case, love your inlaws, call them when you can and always pray for them.
Anon that said everybody fears God! My dear you are so wrong… The fear of God bring the absent of sin in every man. I think you meant the presence of God.. Bcos yes even the devil trembles at God's presence… It doesn't mean there is the fear of God in him. Go back to scriptures ok.
Patsy
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Brother John of God!! Eriso..lol
I just saw this post and felt I should share it here. http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2013/08/the-truth-about-marriage-resentment-and.html?m=1
Fear of God does not bring the absence of sin… rather it is the love of God and His grace. However, we need to expatiate this FEAR thing a little. For example you can have reverential fear, which is good. The other fear, terrifying fear, is the most talked about and it is not from God.
Thanks Mama Ijebu & Anon 10:48…
One key thing I left out is – COMMUNICATION in marriage. Most challenges can be solved by this… how/when to communication, why communication, who to communicate with. For example if your hubby no wan fear, report am to Papa G and hubby will be taken care of!
***if your hubby no wan hear…
Yes o
@patsy why now? I am anony 9.50am. Why pick on me like this? I ve seen people who posted their problem like this and madam Eya took it and made it a topic. Why not leave the decision to her? I didn't know you r now a blog admin. Thanks for your comment anyway. #bbsadface.
I've learnt a lot! Thanks family:):)
@Anon9:07pm – what will it profit to have someone resurrect?
Everything we need to know is already written in the scriptures. Enough of these jargons that bring confusion.
By the way, for what it's worth, I posted anonymously b/c the last time I sent in an issue someone accused me of attention-seeking.
Its okay dear, ignore the person trying to spoil your mood.
Sexual preferences.
I have similar issues..Aunty eya pls o.
Julianah, *hugsssssss*..
Usually lazy to type most times but I feel everyone here makes mad sense already..muah
Many thanks for this post. i learnt a lot. MAY GOD BLESS OUR HOME AND FUTURE HOMES A.M.E.N