Hello ma’am, I wanted to reach out to this wonderful wives connection family and get some advice on if my situation is a perfectly normal one or I am the one who is over-reacting like she said.
I am not really sure what I should be doing. Would appreciate any advice from the blog…
This is my second time asking for help from the blog family and I trust . My wife and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary last weekend. We enjoy a fairly healthy marriage with no major issues so far, But one thing that has been a source of huge concern, pretty much only for me, is our financial situation. I can see it affecting me a lot and I want to resolve this situation before it really poisons my mind and thoughts towards my beautiful wife.
My wife and I are both employed and are successful in our respective jobs and earn the same salary. Before and After marriage, we never really talked about how to handle our household finances etc. I was for merging our accounts, while she wasn’t, but I never really made a big deal out of it and just forgot about it.
I cover about 95 percent of family expenditure and at the end of each month, there’s nothing left for me, every single kobo is spent on bills, antenatal, electricity, house savings, car etc.
As awkward as it was for me, I brought this up for discussion with my wife and voiced my concerns of how I was basically not making any money. That conversation did not go down well and my wife ended up labeling me “stingy” for even bringing it up. She reluctantly agreed to transfer money to me monthly to open and operate a small joint account. It was an extremely unpleasant experience for me and I hated having that conversation. That money she promised has not happened and it’s been two months since the discussion. I really don’t want to bring that up again with my wife. I feel bad as it is.
It’s not the money that bothers me, but the fact that even though we are equal earners, my wife makes absolutely no effort to contribute to our household expenditure. Although she is perfectly aware that I am solely responsible for all our expenses, she seems perfectly fine with it and doesn’t care that with the coming of a baby, expenditures will increase.
It is driving me against the wall and at some level, beginning to affect my relationship with my wife.
What can I do to save myself and my marriage?
Your wife no try at all. I just got married to my husband last month and we discussed and I agreed I will contribute 30 to 40 percent of my earnings for now until he stabilises a bit since the wedding rlly took a toll on him ( I also contributed to the wedding cause I earn almost as much as him)she should be able to contribute at least a small percentage if she loves you except she thinks you are hiding some money away somehow.
Some will even authoritatively ask her to surrender all…shez lucky u re asking for just some part of d money . It's not rocket science, like my husband will always say.she should be considerate naaa…make she try support! !
Hmmmmm….What would you do if your wife loses her job? You see ehn, the man is responsible for taking care of the family but your wife can help. You can't force her, I mean, you shouldn't force her. It's with her free will she will give you else, you loose some form of respect. You see, it's not easy to be a man. That's what being a man is all about, it's about being in charge,challenging yourself and being more. Please don't make the mistake of comparing your wife or family with another person's family. We are not all the same. What I am telling you in a nutshell is, discuss with your wife about her helping in the house, don't go commanding her to drop money by force cause she really doesn't have to. Woman aren't really that difficult to handle, try to get her mumu button and you will be fine
I think it is only fair that she contributes.What does she use her money for???
You do not actually have to tell her. she has to know that she has to contribute. it is not rocket science😄
I believe a woman should be a mans helper. So I think she should handle certain bills. If you say you don't have money saved at the end of the month then list out a few bills you would like her to handle. In my home I handle food, household items and the cleaners bill while my husband takes care of everything else
@Tayo – u handle food? Good for your husband…
It's a man's responsibility to provide 100% of the family needs (not wants) and he should plan to do. Planning to depend on the woman's contribution is not an appropriate way to start. Your openness and love will spur the woman to contribute without your asking – if she's a good woman. If she's not a good woman, u don enter one-chance!
I will start by saying we should be careful as each marriage is unique. I do not think the man in this case was planning on running his home with the wife's salary. He is saying things are rash economically and he barely has anything left. I really think madam does need to help without any persuasion from the husband. This is exactly why it is advised to discus this issue before marriage during counselling. As it is the man's ego is already bruised because no real man likes to beg for money, he does not want to bring the issue up again. I support you on this. You have taken her as wife, try not to let this strain your relationship. Pray for a better job with fatter take home so you can sort things out without help. On a wider note, kudos to those wives that offer to help without having their husbands kneel before them. I say a big THANK you, cos truly its not your primary area its the times that has changed, naira is powerless and the men are no longer finding jobs talkless of gooood jobs.
my bro i can feel what u're going thru.the bible says the man should provide for d family and dat d woman should help the man.we all know the naira is not smiling at all,what u need to do is to make ur wife see reasons why u need her support do dis when she is in good mood,let her know it's a joint effort and dat a good family is built by the efforts of both of you and God.
Hmmmm… This post got me thinking… I'm getting married soon and we are yet to discuss financial responsibilities… I'm working as well as my fiancé. I need to speak on this
Nice one Iche Bafe! As much as it's not part of wife's responsibility to foot bills, but since whatever the wife owns belongs to the husband, and vice versa, wives should be ready to assist (since they are seen as helpers) when the time is tough like the poster is experiencing. Everyone of us knows the economic situation in our country. One year in marriage is still too early for the wife not to want to assist the husband. For how long will she hold on tight to 'her money'?
In as much as the poster and his wife failed to settle this 'money issue' during courtship, they can still find time to discuss together now they are married.
This is one of the early challenges of marriage – inexperience. May God help you to overcome it!
Poster sorry oh. You can't force her to help but she is meant to understand and help if she really loves you. Just that u men begin to see it as a right once a woman begins to help. I help my hubby in almost all areas including paying rent. At a point he will even spell out what my contribution towards rent should be, And I was still the one handling most of the kids needs.
I stood my ground and insisted I won't contribute more than 1/3rd to rent which is what I do now. And we talked about the fact that besides his paying fees he hardly buys anything for the kids. He has changed now and shops for our first daughter from time to time.
So dear poster if after talking to wifey he still won't help, then just leave her till the baby comes. You can give her a meagre amount for baby's needs and ask her to manage it. Truth is babies consume a lot of money; food, diapers, clothes. She will be forced to make up the remaining money if u insist that is all u have, As no woman will like to see her child suffer simply because dad won't cough out enough money.
I strongly disagree with the notion that it is a man's responsibility and so the woman should be left out. 1. Marriage is all about partnership. you come together to make 'it' happen for your family. 2. Love is kind, if you see your husband struggling under the pressure of trying to keep the family running and you smile and do nothing, please check your love again. 3. In marriage, there is no my own and your own, it is simply 'our money' for taking care of 'us'.
Dear poster, you have to talk to your wife. Make her understand how you feel. It doesn't make sense if this issue drives a wedge in an otherwise happy union. A wise woman builds her home. Best wishes.
@Johnson, what if the man looses his job or God forbid dies, wont she pick up the bills or she will still sit and be claiming 'my own'. Besides he didnt 'plan' to depend on the woman, he clearly stated he was struggling to keep up and had no savings this means that he can't do personal stuff for himself and asides that if anything unexpected happens, then what? it's different if the woman is using her salary as family savings.
May God help u poster pls don't force her but make her see reasons with u,does she actually know how much u earn? Most men don't tell their wives thereby making them feel they are making more I think u should show her how much u earn and calculate how much u spend and make her understand dt if u continue this way u will not have any savings for d future which will affect her also. Good luck
mr poster, my advice is for you to let her be till the baby comes. Then give her a token amount for the baby needs and let her make up the rest. Baby consume a lot and the bulk of her own money will be chanelled towards that. but do not neglect your child o
mr poster, my advice is for you to let her be till the baby comes. Then give her a token amount for the baby needs and let her make up the rest. Baby consume a lot and the bulk of her own money will be chanelled towards that. but do not neglect your child o
mr poster, my advice is for you to let her be till the baby comes. Then give her a token amount for the baby needs and let her make up the rest. Baby consume a lot and the bulk of her own money will be chanelled towards that. but do not neglect your child o
mr poster, my advice is for you to let her be till the baby comes. Then give her a token amount for the baby needs and let her make up the rest. Baby consume a lot and the bulk of her own money will be chanelled towards that. but do not neglect your child o
@pat Abbey well spoken a woman should help her husband as a helpmate.and also it is the man responsibility to provide 100% for the family needs.women are not fools, have your bothered to ask the husband aside his financial assistance does he help his wife domestically. a man who treats and cares for his wife in all ramification need not ask his wife for money cos she will be willing to donate all to him . dear poster you need to look inward