Hello Madam Eya, I am a forty something year old lover of your blog who left Nigeria long ago but, still feels like home when I come Online and connect with Nigerian blogs like wives connection and a few others. can you please help me post my little challenge with my adult son on the blog for advise? Three years ago, my then 25 year old son met a girl, 23, and “fell in lust” here in the US …..unknown to me and my husband at the time, she was already married
somewhere. She met our son and had to have him and left her husband. We found out later that prior to her first marriage, she had been engaged in a different State but the man walked out on her before the wedding.
She rebounded immediately and married the second guy who perhaps was somewhere or secretly in the picture. Not long after their wedding, she met my son and quickly left her wedded husband for him.
My lovely son’s whole wonderful personality changed upon meeting her. He started lying to us just to protect her and we didn’t even realize at the time that those were lies…..but, things just didn’t feel right. Ok, later, we found out about all the lies. Once, we found out, she turned on us and convinced him to leave home and relinguish all contact with his past and start a new life with her, which he cowishly did.
Her divorce was finalized in March, 2013 and they married August, 2013….she got pregnant in October and now about 2 years later, they have two kids (Twin) and we have not seen our son in all these years and I was able to talk to him just last year 2015, but that’s been it.
He has had some friends and a couple family members try and contact him but he isn’t allowed to accept the phone calls at all, I have never seen this kind of thing. If we were back home in Nigeria, we would have concluded she used juju or cast a spell on him. Once he tells her about the calls from other people or friends trying to reach out to him, she returns the calls herself and cusses them out saying they want nothing to do with his past and that she is the best thing that ever happened to him and his past is “dead”.
In this short period of time, they have moved 3 times because of jobs. I finally got the nerve to call his past employer and they said he was going to be terminated so he left for another job. When I asked why? they implied his wife was the main reason. My son was a Youth Minister of Music in churches over here. Evidently, her jealously caused problems and she told people stuff and he had to go lie to cover up for her. I asked the church pastor if I should be a concerned mother for my son’s emotional welfare. The pastor’s wife emphatically told me that if she was his mother, she would be a very concerned mother.
Bottom line now is, his dad and I haven’t seen him in about 3 years and don’t want to do anything to wreck his marriage but we are worried sick about his mental well being. His actions to us; moving with a woman who was still legally married, getting married to her after the divorce, inability to keep a job and all the lies upon lies to cover up for and protect his wife, it’s just too much for his well being.
We are made to understand he was in counseling at his past church but according to the story, his wife made him quit because she didn’t like what he was hearing.
Is there anything I should be doing or should I stay out of it? My husband thinks I will need to wait until he asks for help but at this point, I’m worried sick that he will have some kind of breakdown or something at some point.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please share my story anonymously and kindly let me know when it’s published.
I understand your concern as a mother but if you are a Christian, it makes things easier.
Your son is obviously manipulated, it might take a while for your son to reach out and when he eventually does, it may be under terrible circumstances.
Giving in to fears which are understandable but not acceptable as it breeds negative. You need to believe, you need to have faith that he will see the light at the end of the tunnel and walk through it.
You have an authority as his mother to deliver via supplication and declarations in faith.
This battle is best fought on your knees. 21 days night vigil for God to intervene in a drastic way
Is the lady a black American or a Nigerian- American? Just asking cos I know the black American chick can act like mad dogs and all.
I really would be worried in your shoes and had you guys been in Nigeria, I might probably say ignore him to face the music with the lady ( whilst you keep praying for him) until she deals him his own blow ( by probably leaving him with the kids) and he realises his mistake but I worry that your son might be a bit weak….?
Even YOU seem worried about his mental health, did he have any known mental health issue that you think this lady could be exploiting?
Cos I don't see how a lady will take over a man and cuss out people who try to contact him from his past, saying all that crap except your son is an extremely needy person in love who has literally hinged his life to hers- she clearly has exploited something- I'm just not sure what.
This is really saddening. Can you try to contact him, to have a one-on-one and heart-to-heart with him?
If she is the monitoring, controlling person you've described her to be and doesn't allow it, then……. Oh, this is real hard, it's not like anything I've heard of before to be honest.
Mr Johnson?
I wish you guy's are home. Dis are one of the things dt rarely happen in Nigeria ( without juju). Madam go into prayers. It's only GOD dt can fight dis seriously.
Madam this is touching, but believe in God almighty nothing is imposible with him, Hand your son over to him and also pray persistently on his behalf, God must surely turn around the situation for good in your favour.
Do not wait for him to come to you for help before you render it, you carried him nine months in your womb and nutured him to adulthood so it is a natural thing for you to worry, continue making every effort to reach to him that is your duty as a mother. our jobs and responsibilities towards our children never ends no matter how old they are infact it continues until we return to our creator as long as we are still able to function. His sudden change of attitude is not normal but remember with God , all things are possible. If u believe, God will not let your effort as a mother to be in vain. Good lukd and don't give up.
The prodigal son had a good father (home) but chose to leave home in an unusual way. Your case looks similar… What did the father do – kept praying for the son to come to himself (senses). That should be your prayer point – Father, make (son's name) come to his senses. He was a gift from You and Your gift maketh rich & adds no sorrow. Take away his peace until he comes to himself.
When you receive the slightest move from him, you should receive him with open-hands… Your son will come back home, in Jesus Name.
Limit your fear and take it to the Lord in prayers. The heart of the king is in His hands…
This morning my husband and I joined hands to pray for him and his family. It's well. Thanks.
Continue to pray nd wait for him to reach out…his a grown man!!
There is nothing impossible wit God for wit Him all tins are possible,juju or noo juju jst like every one said here continue praying for him for I knw prayers changes tins. It is well wit U and Ur family.