Water Pass Garri

Eya is very strong.

Every time I sleep in this blue room for like three nights in a row, I fall sick as in the type where even my bones and ribs feel pain. I have tried to ignore thinking that the room doesn’t like me but it’s not working. The girls sardine themselves there during holidays because this is the only room in the house with a soft mattress that let’s you sleep even while the alarm rings. Every other room has a mattress as hard as igneous rock because oga at the top believes that the hardness is best for our spinal cords. They spend long holidays scrambled there and no one falls sick o.

They leave for school and I decide to enjoy the soft bed too a few times. In short, I won’t lie, the soft bed is not my only reason. The other reason that makes me find excuses to snore there is having a ‘room mate’ that can wake up at 2am and switch on CNN or go online to read news while the bright light from gadgets disturbs my sleep deprived eyes. Not only that sef, what about opening the bathroom door, plugging phones to charge and then later unplugging to use while the continent is still asleep. Ok, I have tried complaining o but after all these years? No more complaining a beg. I’d rather find a way out myself. After complaining, movements and late night TV, and opening doors will stop,  but not permanently.

I discover that in this room alone or with my little Chairman we sleep better and feel rested the next day. Not only we sef, HE too gets to leave his CNN or Supers ports running all night long with no one complaining and switching off so it’s a win win.  but I don’t know who that “mean something” is that gets angry every time I leave my hubby’s room for 3 nights in a row .sickness chases me back like I quickly pack my blanket because even though I don’t say it, in my heart,  I’m looking at this room with a side eye. I started calling it marriage lover because,  it hates when you abandon your matrimonial bed and seek the comfort of a soft mattress, I’m just saying sha.

This time I woke up fine, had my bath and even went into the noisy night master bedroom to say good morning. Seconds after that, I couldn’t even lift my legs to go pack lunch boxes or breakfast. By ten I managed to get up but could not pick Chairman or walk straight cos loose stool added a widget to my system.

Someone had come to see me by this time to explain why I need to wear her hair extensions. The last time we met I told her how I love to admire these beauties on other women’s heads but can’t bring myself to thinking that what’s on this my head has been cut off from another woman’s head. I was honest with her cos she imports and sells them so I thought,those must be the real ones from oyibo head and I can’t. That I prefer synthetic rubber o. The one I’m sure is factory made and not some genuine Mrs Smith or Miss Brownson’s hair. Ok, she drives in and I can’t help but manage to get up. In fact I asked that she meets me in the room. This appointment is to come convince me that most of these I see with names like Indian hair, Brazillian, Mexican hair and so on, that they are not authentic because if they were, they’ll cost some hundreds of thousands of naira. So she explains that all these hair extensions sold in Nigeria for just thousands like 40 thousand naira, 30 thousand, fifty thousand and so forth that these are all synthetic made in the factory and well treated to look like human hair. She almost convinced me until I saw strands of grey hair on the bundle she used as instructional material. While this short lecture is happening, had excused myself into the bathroom like three times.

Before we concluded I was feeling faint and I think now I know the feeling before someone passes out. It nearly happened to me but I smartly sat down and started chewing on bread for energy. Thankfully, while she was leaving, (couldn’t walk out to wave bye at this time) someone came to take me to the clinic.

Tests showed there is no typhoid, just a little trace of malaria and here I am asking them to switch off their air conditioning system.  We did a full blood count and it only showed that my white blood cells were high which the Doctor explained could mean they are trying to fight off an infection or something. Ok, even the koko test is negative to that dreaded mmmmm(I no mean the one that makes wife send cheating husbands for test before returning to same bedroom,  you get? Yes that) was negative.  I was given a bottle to get some stool for the lab and eh the lady took it in and came back to ask if I had fetched it from the WC after everything. It’s so watery she felt if it’s not urine then this lady finished before bending down to fetch for us but I assured her it was sourced the proper way.

I feel better now with the antibiotics and anti malaria but inside my head, I think I know what made me sick. Something got my intestines upset and infected and it’s something I’m too old to confess. … milk licking the previous day.