Hello Eya,
My name is kay, I just stumbled on this blog a couple of weeks ago and find it very interesting, informative and entertaining. However I need advice from this great community. More grease to your elbow.
I am married with lovely twin daughters barely one year old. I have a good marriage and my husband is God’s gift to me, God’s way of saying “my daughter, you don suffer for men hand, take this one as compensation”. He is very nice,loving, neat,God fearing, patient and understanding. However, he is veryBORING. I’m someone that loves to
travel a lot, go places, I crave adventure and like trying new things. My husband is the exact opposite, he has no friends, he doesn’t drink so we don’t hang out, we barely go anywhere, just work and church.
The issue here now is that, I need to travel urgently for a family reunion, its important that I attend, he doesn’t want me to go cos he doesn’t think it is important enough, he doesn’t want me taking the kids on any trip for now , he has refused to come with me and has ordered that I should not go. I have begged, cajoled, bribed and even asked my mum to beg for me. But he refuses.
I have not travelled in two years and I am bored to the bones, I feel I am in a cage. So I am planning to go on this 4days trip to attend the family reunion with my maid and the kids without telling him. I’m planning to leave when he goes to work, switch off my phones and leave a note. I want to use it as my time off to relax and be free,visit old friends but I’m scared of his reaction when we get back and also scared of the journey(e.g accidents and the likes).
What do you guys think? I really really do need this break, wish I could go without the kids too but they are still too small and still BFeeding.
I can understand your predicament. You need to be away from your husband and socialise with family and friends once in a while to maintain sanity. If I were to be in your position, here is what I will do: travel and leave a note with reasons why you have decided to travel without his permission, stating that though you dont want to undermine his authority but you just had to for your mental and pyschological well being. Make sure there's food and for him for the days you will be away. When you arrive, text him to let him know you are well n his kids are fine. Ask about his well being and then enjoy yourself to the fullest.
Yes, he will be mad at you for disobeying him and may even threaten you not to come back to his house, bla bla bla…get people to beg him, involve your family and his if it comes to that. Let them know what has caused it.
After the whole event, you will be happy you did. Remember I said this is what I will do if I were to be in your position.
Anyway , you know your hubby best and his possible reactions. Otherwise, suggest he comes along with you for thr reunion or he takes you and d kids let for a weekend getaway if you choose not to travel so you are at least compensated else you will feel so miserable you missed out on the family reunion and hold a grudge against him for a long time.
Just thread carefully sha…be wise . He might be a nice man but you wouldnt want to see his other side…..Most importantly,God's direction should not be over ruled.
All the best.
Dear poster,just say u r tired of ur marriage and u want out.women do sacrifice alot of tins for their marriage to work or do u want pple to start counting ur marriage for u.afterall u dated him for a while bfore getting married to him so y complaining now?wat of if u are married to a fun guy going out drinking and smoking and u dont have a peace of mind or he beats u blue black def u will complain abt it too.marriage is an institution(ile oko is ile eko)and no marriage is perfect u guys will work to perfection ni.he might have phobia for travelling and bcos his twins daughters are barely a yr old and he doesnt want u to expose dem to travelling now.pple are different u dont compare u dont compare ur hubby with any oda person.if u travel without his consent,dont b surprised if he doesnt allow u bk into his ouse.hes ur hubby,hes d head of d ouse and he has right to stop u from where u r going.dats my candid advice
Iyawo you better dont go…because if your husband changes, then your story will go from I WANT A BREAK FROM MY MARRIAGE to EGBAMI OKO MI TI LE MI KURO NILE…….i don talk my own o
Nawa o, one man's meat iss another man's poison. Goin to gve my fun loving travel freak drinking smoking clubbing womaniser church goin, soon to b a God fearing husband a hug. Baby I luv u die like dis, God is still workin on u
I forgot to add dat tink deeply bfore u heed to any advice many will tell u to go and some will tell u nt to go.i wish u no trouble or problems but wen d problems start none of d wc family will b there to beg ur hubby for u.so tink deeply and do wats best for u.u dated him for a while and u no d kind of man u r getting married to so i dont tink u shld complain now.wish u all d best and all d pple advicing u wont do wat dey adviced u to do if it were to b dem ooooo.so b wise
@ poster, your husband is the Lord of the house…
Pls listen 2 him.
Also try encouraging some fun placesaround the town Ʊ live in.
Pls, I beg Ʊ in God's name, get his permission b4. Ʊ go. Please.
I love u for ur comments.txs and God bless u
@poster, if I were u, I won't go witout his consent, yes cuz am too fond of being pessimistic abt issues like this. The next thoughts dat wil be comin into my mind will be all negative and it will frighten d hell out of me. If oga no wan mk u go, biko don't go. He is the lord of ur life, the day u wedded him u litterally said "I am always @ ur orders". Still beg him and tell him hw impt u need ds trip for d sake of ur psycological well bein, if he stil disagress den go outing wit d family and if u hav family friends let dem join u too. Marriage is not easy o, finally
Babe, u better stay at home. There would be many more reunions. U may not like what you'll meet @ home o, don't make ur husband change towards u. U sud start trying to convince him as to d need to vacation once in a while, for d future
Are you happily married?
pls anty eya allow me to use this discuse this wit wc, i hav been dating this guy for the past 6years now and he finally proposed which i accepted, but the problem is his family dont want him to marry from my state (imo) but he insisted and they leta accepted, but my fear is that i dont want after gettin married to this guy now his people will be looking for faults from me, moreover my parents said their daughter can't enter into a family that wouldn't welcome her, pls wc i need advice before i make a mistake.
I wish to have a husband like urs. U re so lucky….
Pls Eya can u help those ttc(trying to conceive) by puting up a post especially abt ectopic preg. anyone in d house had it or knows someone who did? how did they get preg after it, what did they use, how long did they wait? I've not been preg since 2009
Be careful what u wish for. U don't know what she's going through.
U r really d wife ur hubby needs. God will change him for the best and mine too.
Amen
nesquared
Dear poster God has blessd u wit a loving hubby. Are u nt satisfied wit dat. Respect ur hubby and b grateful to God. As 4 d travelling i suggest u shd nt go and listen to him. But if u insist seek Gods face.
Pls don't go o. U can tel him dt since he doesn't want u 2 go on dis particular trip, he shld compensate u by takin u somwher els soonest. As 4 d neva goin out thing, once in a while, u shld plan an outin 4 both of u. Den tel him bout it. He wld try nt 2 let ur effort go 2 waste. Pls obey ur hubby
Txs for d question,i dont tink shes married for her to give such sdvice
POSTER POSTER POSTER,hw many times did I call u,if not that I have been living with my husband and he has never left home and sleep out for a week,I would hv said he is the one u are talking about,my hubby is exerctly ur hubby,no drinking,no friends that comes to our house, only goes to work and church, no uneccesily travelling, it was too boring for me but a life saving matter. If my hubby say don't do this nd I eventually disobey him, men I will forever regret disobeying him, he will not even do any thing to me but that thing I did will turn against me,POSTER did u know that I serched for adimmition into the university for 2yrs cos I did not listen to my hubby on the course I should study but when I changed my mind to follow his instruction the next year I got adimmited nd now I'm enjoying the course he surgested for me thue I have graduated and enjoying my work also. So my dear POSTER,pls in the name of God who is with u in form of a human and husband to u,do not and I repeat my self again Do not emback on that joruney and don't push him to let u go,u don't know what God is preventing from happening. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE.
Anou 11:13am, we want to know if you happily married with this ur advice cos if I'm a man I will not tororate you.
My dear susan, the poster is not going through any thing,I have a husband like that and his type should be wished for cos his God in human nature.
Dear poster abeg i no sabi speak englis, ur oga don talk sai mk u siddon.abeg siddon o. Na God know y e be like dis o. Suffa ur oga gd y u dey worri na?
Anon 11.59 sebi u already know he's a womaniser now? Don't come complaining after marriage o!
My dear.I beg u save ur marriage and don't embark on dat trip.dnt take ur hubby for granted.I bet u dat kind of man will never forgive u,I knw his type he will feel betrayed n hurt.dnt push him to do stuffs he has never done.sm women are lookn for dis kind of husband oooo dem no see.there are oda ways of catching ur fun witout disobeyn him.y not suggest family outings wit him,plan sumtn interesting on his birthday,anniversary or vals day,I bet u he will start to loosen up frm der
If I were in your shoes, it would really hurt me if I don't go.it would pain me for years! Why? Cos its a 50/50 chance that he will get or not get angry. Though am married, I have my own personality. The fact that he is quiet doesn't mean I must be quiet too. I'll pet him very well b4 d trip,use all my woman power n beg him, if he still refuses, my dear, I think I'll still go. When I come back, truth is, he may get terrubly angry, or he may just realise that indeed he shudnt be 'forcing his personality on me'. And I'll combine. It all with prayer too. Asking God to come n meet my hubby in a favourable condition. That's my point of view.
*terribly*
*Asking God that I'll come and meet my hubby*
i would go. tell him what you made in this post. tell him you love him but you're bored to death and you NEED to see your family for your mental well being. And there's no way in hell you're leaving your babies.
@poster are you real? Seriously wat do u want? I guess u don't know!! what! Do u know how many woman fast n pray for ur kind of man? Whew, here u re lamenting over family n friends reunion…(long hissin)..my gal u better sit down for house, look after ur new born as a responsible woman ought to n pls do nt take ur hubby for granted cos if u push am n E change to all ds hanging wit friends kind of hubby, u go hear am…u better watch it n be wise
..wisdom they say is profitable!
Even if u wont 'tororate' her @ least u will tolerate her.
@poster are you real? Seriously wat do u want? I guess u don't know!! what! Do u know how many woman fast n pray for ur kind of man? Whew, here u re lamenting over family n friends reunion…(long hissin)..my gal u better sit down for house, look after ur new born as a responsible woman ought to n pls do nt take ur hubby for granted cos if u push am n E change to all ds hanging wit friends kind of hubby, u go hear am…u better watch it n be wise
..wisdom they say is profitable!
Pls, pls, stay at home. Your husband is your head and therefore you shld respect his words n wishes as far as they are not contrary to Gods word. Don't force this journey and you later wish u had not gone. No matter how hard just obey him, with time you can start going for weekend treat in a hotel with the kids and him, them xmas you can all go to a resort, when he sees how happy you are going out he will start to do it for you. BTW how will you feel if you come home frm work and get a note that hubby and the twins have gone somewhere and u can't easily reach them. Pls okay obey him
If I talk dem go say I be anti-woman…
Make una use una mouth advise am!
Talk true. U just want 2 go & show off ur twin daughters 2 other family members. Resist d urge 2 travel cos u wont even enjoy ur trip wit d thought of ur husband's reaction when u come back constantly on ur mind. But if u hv found an out-going man dat will marry u then all i can say is safe journey. Dont 4get 2 pack all ur things.
@ Poster, my husband is like ur husband too, but If I ws to choose between an out-going, fun loving, sociable man and an "anti social" responsible man, I'll choose the latter over n over again. I think its more peaceful that way.
Do a personal survey, u'll notice only a few men are actually like our husbands.a lot of women are wishing for this kind. Be content, be happy, think of exciting things u can do togeda as a family. Keep ur home. That "fun" outside is not worth ur family joy or peace.
Wish u d best.
dear poster,pls I will advice you to listen to your husband,except u are tired of the marriage. 'ma fi owo ara e se ara e o. About oro la so fun omo luwabi,to BA de nu e,a di odindi' ( a word is enough for the wise)
My love nifemi, I'm married to him. And I love him die. We hv fun, but I'm still praying for him for dose habits to live him. Jesus came for sinners not for saints madam. We r happy, and wldt come complaining to u. Thank God ur not god! Neither ru The Creator!
pls anty eya allow me to use this discuse this wit wc, i hav been dating this guy for the past 6years now and he finally proposed which i accepted, but the problem is his family dont want him to marry from my state (imo) but he insisted and they leta accepted, but my fear is that i dont want after gettin married to this guy now his people will be looking for faults from me, moreover my parents said their daughter can't enter into a family that wouldn't welcome her, pls wc i need advice before i make a mistake.
Happy that you have a great guy…the truth is, you married someone you compliment but inasmuch as you compliment him, he should also be willing to compromise, a happy marriage is a marriage where our differences are not seen as weaknesses but uniqueness and when we are allowed to shine in our differences to A CERTAIN ExTENT then we become fulfilled. If i could advice your hubby, i would tell him to allow you do some of your stuff and even sometimes with you because that will make you not just a happy wife but a fulfilled and loving wife. That being said my candid advice is for you not to try at all to make that trip, your husband has a covering over you spiritually and when you disobey him there is no way you will enjoy that trip as he did not permit you to go.
Secondly, with that trip, you just told your hubby that you will do whatever you want and he cannot stop you therefore deflating his Ego and shunning his relevance, why don't you even pray about it..The truth is if you go, he will almost never forget how it made him feel so my dear do not make the trip..but i totally get how this makes you feel. xoxo
Same scenario happened to me! After my twins turned one, I decided to take a break cos I needed d fresh air so terribly. Since I got pregnant, I cudnt move an inch. I pleaded with hubby to let me travel to London for a week, d guy refused. Well I bought my ticket and told him I was traveling alone, he said it was against his will. I still went and came back safely. He refused d gifts I bought for him, he had stopped wearing his wedding band and was keeping malice wit me for abt a month. So my advice is, if u can handle d aftermath, go for it, cos I completely understand how u feel right now. I felt refreshed when I returned and I did not regret going one bit.
Every body wants to crucify elisof! @ poster d truth is it may work for her but may not work for u! No body here may understand how u feel. Or advice u to go against ur hubby's wish. I'm married to d same kind of man. (Heaven sent) For 2 yrs I didn't hang out nada just market and church. Mine is worse I don't have a job I do bizz from d house. Take me out wahala, let me travel wahala. And both of us r quite young. Okay let me go to my parents for xmas mba! I was bored out of my skull.
Ha! One day I quietly left town, wen he returned home and didn't see me, he called, I told him I had traveld. He didint believe me till I gave d phone to my host! Anyway he pleaded wiv me to return home so we'd talk. Any way I couldn't sleep well that night cuz I didint go wiv my son. Wen I returnded d following day, he told me he didint realize that's how bored I was. He gave me money to travel to my parents for xmas and allowed me stay a full month. Wen I returned in jan, he let me get a maid. And d rest is history. It may work for u it may not! But it worked for me. Lol.
Pls my wonderful pple…I need a maid urgently, im newly married with a baby n my mum will soon leave….my husbnd is usually away thereby leaving me all alone. Pls I'l rily appreciate recommendations. Thnx
@ poster,pls,do not leave home n drop a note4ur hubby,u aint acting any movie,its ur home n reality.I suggest u let d re-union be and heed2his advice.As4his being quiet minded n indoors,I suggest u initiate indoor games lik scrabble,monopoly,card playing (shdb done on dbed),skippin.etc.since u are an extrovert/sanguine,u wld do well in spurring him up@dis games.u nid a lot of work on hubby2b wht u want him2b,always create fun out of notin,go wit d hand n leg touches,be adventurous2wards him,he wld loosen up some day buh remember u hv2b patient afterall drugs taken don't work instanta.u cld make him laff n loosen up by wering his cloth or shoes n surprise him.ur hubby is really a nice man frm ur post but remember he cnt be lik u cus of diff upbringin n environment,also odas.for me,ma hubby is half ur hubbys person buh I did lots of tins2make him out spoken n outgoin n nt a borin husy2d extent i cook up stories 2make him laff,1st year of marriage I wld look @him n ask,honey r u angry? He wld reply nope,4me I hav neva stayed wit a man or woman n wld al b curled up.so pls,try2invent in ur home,evn by puttn ur baby on his bac n he carries her/him n u wld hv d oda on u,jus be fun n adventurous in ur home and wen u get wht u want,then u cld evn plan a reunion n sometin in ur home n probabbly he wld let u start goin places buh always go wit him since u r a go-go type as2add spices2his life.Wish u al dvery best n say me wel2twinies.
I'll advice u sit ur butt down! U're not the only person in this boredom situation, it's a temporary one. How about those of us who are far away from home, away from our family & close friends…. I have twins too, they are 2+ yrs old, I've been bored since I became Preggy for them, I quit work to concentrate on my new family that I cherish so much. When u live abroad where u don't have family, U'll Appreciate an indoor husband. My husband works in the oil rig & is constantly away, so what will u say about my situation? 2&half years stuck in the house, Has boredom killed me? Rather than worrying about what I'm missing, I've found ways of keeping myself Useful & entertained, like watching tv series, studying a short course online etc so, pls get over it! Afterall they're no good roads in 9ja, flying is equally a big risk, so why do u even want to risk It especially with ur really young toddlers? Besides, u need to respect r husband's opinion, there will be opportunities in the future for all that, be patient & never take him for granted. Good luck!
Have dey shown any resentment towards u?? If dey hvnt den I see no reason to fear. If dey have den kip dem at arms length but always b nice to them weneva dey come around. Do not look 4 trble&above all,be extra prayerful! Cos in some cases,d family might go diabolical. Furthermore,shld u b listenin 2 ur hrt or ur parents?? I suggest if d man luvs u&u luv him,stick wit him!
where do you live?
Anonymous, Fyi, I am deleting your comment and you can't force me to moderate comments at this time that I hardly even visit the blog,
You just cursed your self.
When you begin to see the changes in your life, you will realize that Patience and tolerance have limits. I had it upto HERE with you.
I keep wondering why someone will keep leaving this comments daily on a blog like this. Na wa o.
What? Heeeheehee, Aunty Eya don vex today.
Aunty eya. Abeg dnt mind those bastards! They dnt have direction. And neva reply again!
Eya kindly click ignore!
I hve a. Frd dat hve d empy preg she went for operation after dat she conceive carry a baby born nw
LMAO!! The matter tire me o.
Bunny.
Lagos, surulere…pls I rily need one ASAP….
It's really true… Some pple were made for condemnation!
Kay, what you’re going through is a form of emotional depression that could come as an aftermath of dealing with child-bearing and raising children. This is predominant in developed countries where there’s minimal support from extended family and friends. The challenge here is that you do not recognize this neither does your husband.
DO NOT GO on this trip – it might undermine your husband’s authority and I tell you, you will not like the outcome. The worst thing is for this man to lose confidence in you…
What to do?
1. Recognize what you’re going through
2. Take time to start doing things that you enjoy – take some break here and there. For example, get your mum/aunt to visit, hand over the children, and GO OUT (without the children) to cinema, shopping, (anything you enjoy doing)…
3. Crate plenty of ME-TIME
4. Gradually integrate hubby into your ME-TIME by getting him to understand what you went through and how you were dealing with it. Ask for his support going forward.
In all this, do not leave God out of the equation on matters of your marriage – God bless you!
Na wa O! Many are many are mad but few are roaming
Pls sme1 mk recommendations for me oooo I need a maid…pls
Dear poster, my hubby is exactly like yours. No friends, doesnt socialize, no drinking, smoking, clubbing(which i love), in all honesty i doubt if the thot of cheating has crossed his mind. All he loves is his work and dedicated 2God and he is so handsome. Shortly after our wedding some years back, he'll prevent me from visiting frends and travelling, my entire family knew him as anti-social, but fast forward now bcos of open communication and trust, i visit and hangout with friends, take him out to dinners, sometime we spend weekend at a hotel without the kids. Even tho hes not completely open, he has compromised certain things 4me. So i'll advice you dont leave without his permission, talk it over with him and if he says no, there will be other reunion 2attend. Best wishes
Msheeeeeeeeeew!
How old are u?
good to know that other prople's hubby are like mine, anti social, no clubbing and all. just his work and church too. Poster we r blessed to have such men, I get angry too attimes when we newly wedded but right now ive gotten use to it and I find a way to be happy n hv fun like pinging and browsing fashion blogs and looking good and gyming and dieting to look sexy cos he's handsome and above all praying for strength and understanding and love. My advice is keep communication open, tell him how u feel, tell him u need to travel to freshen up, that its also for the benefit of your marriage and your total psyche. Trust me he would understand and let you go when you come open. Goodluck. GeeEmmy
Does hw old she is hv something to do with what she post,Muntula.
When the man of the house says 'don't go here or there' your best option is to remain put. I remember when I was a child, once my dad says we shouldn't go anywhere and we went against his words, something bad happens. I believe that sacrifice is important in marriage as well as living your life freely. When it comes to these kinds of issues especially one that involves the kids…my advice is, stay put. Sitting at home can't kill you. Travels never end, the opportunity must come hopefully when the kids grow older and can take care of themselves in your absence. If you really do want to travel, tell it to God in prayers and at the end, your hubby will change his mind.
Pls listen to ur husband. he is the head of ur family & has the final say. Dont do what u will regret tomorrow. many women are already wishing for what u already have. A word is enof for the wise.
Dear Poster leaving the house with your kids for for 4 days without your husban'd approval does not just make sense. In this age and that who does that. You will not have peace of mind wherever you go to. You will keep looking over your shoulder. Don't do something you will eventually regret.
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Dear Kate,
Your desire for a little freedom isn’t abnormal and in fact, it’s very necessary.
Make your husband understand this and do not impose it on him. That is to say, he should feel like he is doing your union a favor by allowing you to refresh.
Make sure u focus on the positives and be very open about it. Also, more importantly, u must seek his consent before travelling.
Always be prayerful, things will get better.
Cheers
hello everyone, i am the POSTER. I’m very grateful for all your comments and great Advice (except for those asking for maids and d likes). i spoke to him at length about it, and after much pleading and cajoling, he said he would love to go but is not financially buoyant for the trip and that’s his major problem. i don’t know how he would feel if i offer to sponsor the trip cos i really do Want to go, and even though I kinda wish he doesn’t come so i can have the time alone, if he comes, we could turn it to a holiday and also have fun except that he won’t allow me visit old friends and tour the town…well, its a sacrifice i am willing to make, if only I can just go, I’m so bored…
I wish he doesnt come so that you relax and have fun
Have u gotten one yet? I got a maid 3weeks ago. She's cotonou. I can gv u the agents no. What's ur email so I can send the no to u.
nsogbu gi erika! u wan travel, he no gree ,now he don gree u no wan make he follow? wetin u dey go do 4 dat reunion true true? Nne mulu anya o!
hahahaha…i wonder oh. maybe she wan feel single again.