Travelling with a baby and pregnancy… When you feel you need your family around to help you but hubby wants you to be with his family… Do you travel to your husband’s family or stand your ground and go where you want? These days, SM stories are real. You read real problems that need solutions.
With the responses and people not taking things seriously, one can easily take the wrong advice and land in marital hot water.
WHY I DON’T WANT TO TRAVEL TO MY IN-LAWS
“I have a 1 year 1 month old baby and I am currently 7 months pregnant. My husband wants us to travel to either his place (owerri) or his sister’s place (port Harcourt) to stay till the elections are over. We are based in Abuja and he says anything can happen like war or killings if Buhari loses the election.
I don’t like the idea of travelling to his family. I have told him to take his son that i would prefer to go to my parents’ place in Ogun state. My reasons for not wanting to go with him is that his sisters do turn me to their house girl anytime they see me. Hubby is the last son, so I am the youngest wife.
Even my brother in-laws wives (co wives) do turn me to their general cook whenever they see me cos they say it’s my duty to cook for everybody as the youngest wife. I had issues with my first pregnancy and MIL forced me to travel to owerri, I was practically used like a servant.
I would fetch water, cook, sweep, trek to the market under hot sun, run errands etc for everyone in the house like my SIL, MIL, BIL and my BIL’s wife. To the extent that I was 9 months pregnant and was sent to the market under very hot sun and I fainted at the market.
Even had premature labour after SIL sent me under the hot sun to pluck vegetables for her. I kept plucking and she kept sending me back under the hot sun till labour started and I had to be rushed to the hospital immediately.
Hubby never says anything when they send me all these errands. Even when we go to spend weekends with his married SIL here in Abuja, I would be the one being sent on errands to far markets about 5 times daily with this my present pregnancy to buy things under the sun and by trekking too cos she doesn’t give me transport fare.
I even got weak in the process but hubby never told his sister to stop. The last time we went to his sister’s place (the one in Abuja) during this last Christmas, it was her neighbours that had to tell her(SIL) to stop sending me on errands cos I looked like I could faint any minute and I hadn’t eaten anything since I woke up.
These are few reasons why I don’t want to travel and my fear is also that they might convince hubby to allow me deliver there in Owerri again like they did the first time. From going home with MIL for 1 week prayers cos of pregnancy complications when I was 7 months pregnant with 1st baby, MIL convinced hubby not to allow me return to Abuja till I deliver and she still made me stay 3 extra months after delivery (She even said I was supposed to stay extra 6 months after delivery before I travel back.
I had to beg her and begged hubby secretly to beg his mom to pls allow me return home). My mom had to come to in laws house for omugwo. And they practically used my mom like a house girl too and made her their official cook. I couldn’t talk but it really hurt me seeing them send my mom errands like a kid.
Even SIL will balance on the bed and my mom will be cooking for them and she won’t even go to assist my mom. Even with my CS birth, they didn’t even allow me heal, I resumed going to the market and carrying buckets of water to the bathroom for my unmarried SIL(she is 35 yrs and I am 26, so she uses that seniority over me so much even when she comes to my house in Abuja).
I was even bending to sweep and cook immediately we got home from the hospital till my mom came for omugwo and I was able to have some rest. The stress of the errands made my CS to start bleeding and i had to go back to the hospital for treatment. Etc..
I don’t want all these things to repeat again, that’s why I don’t want to travel. I need advice please.
SEE ALSO: Mother-In-law throws wife out for confronting her husband
You are an adult, a mother. Please use the power that God has freely given you. As an adult, you have a right to say what you want or don’t want. In this case, you have a right to tell your husband what you do not want to do. You owe no one any explanation except your husband. Say NO is that’s what you want and give him clear reasons for your ‘NO’
If travelling is causing problems because he wants you to stay where your freedom and respect is not guaranteed, then, you both talk about it and cancel the trip.
You are his wife, not his little bingo. Tell him that he knows what you are going through with your In-Laws and quietly looking the other way.
See, sometimes you need to just say it. Say it! let the arguments come and then the settlement will happen afterwards. If you never express yourself for fear of arguments, you can die in silence.
Tell your husband that you have something to discuss with him. Let him sit and try your best to calmly explain why you cannot go where he wants you. If he won’t let you stay with your parents, tell him to cancel the trip then.