Dear Aunty Eya,
I love your blog, it high level of sensible posts and comments. Very matured and decent.
I am in a dilemma. I am 28 years old. Eldest in my family. There has been pressure on me to get married. I work and earn well. However i have not been moved by the pressure, because i believe God has beautiful plans for me.
Recently i met and fell in love with a man 10 years older that me. I fell in love with him before i knew how old he was. We blend and connect well.He adores me and recently asked me to marry him.
I totally love the idea, but some issues bother me.
2. Will my people accept him in spite of his age?
3. Do i seem too desperate given the age difference?
I really love him and want us to get married.
Are my fears founded.
Looking forward to your advice.
Please post anonymously.
Thanks.
You said you are in love with him right? You felt that way before you knew about the age and you guys connected and blended well, then I don't think you have a problem…If he treats you right, you are comfortable with him and can see a future with him, then there is no problem at all. I personally don't think you are desperate and understand your fears but all depends on how you feel about him.
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He is not too old for you. The most important thing is that you both love each other. My husband is 10 years older than I am. He is my best friend and confidant anytime any day.
Ten years is not too much an age gap to get married to someone, so he is not too old for you, age is just a number, what is important is his maturity level, the way he treats you, and the icing on the cake is that you both love each other
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My dear, the older d better oh! My hubby is 9yrs older n am enjoying every bit of it, won't have married him if he was younger self. There are some behaviours dat d man wud easily overlook since he is more older and also the petting level is soo high. Abeg carry on if d only issue u have is d age.
My dear the older the beta. Ten years is perfect. Since u said u both connect well, I think u have nothing to worry about.
10 yrs is perfect dear. Lyk someone has rightly said, age is jst a number. I and my finace is 12yrs my senior and believe me I lyk it.
I think the issues that you raised are important. I will advise that you pay attention to your honest feelings about the following:
1. What kind of marriage relationship do you want. Eg, a friendly partnership where you two relate as partners. A marriage where you are the baby to be
treated as one. Etc.
2. Can you truly relate with him as your husband, ie friends without the consciousness of his being so much older than you.
What the age difference has done is put you guys in different generations. Look out for a 10year old boy and compare with a new born baby girl, thats how you are to him. You will not have friends in the same generation, you did not experience the same things eg in primary and secondary schools like music etc, you will not think alike as in he may seem to take things a lot more seriously while you still want to bubble etc.
Having given serious thots to these and more, the choice is yours. Only do not go in just bcos you love him. Marriage involves so much of you ( your dreams, vision, personality) for a very long stretch of time that things which seem not to matter now bcome soooo important in 12 years.
I wish you God's grace and wisdom as you decide.
If you can relate with him well no problem. my best friend hubby is 12 years older than her
Dobis thanks for this, there are more questions than age. If that is the only hindrance then marry him pls. Wish u the best.
My fiance is 40 n am 28 and this is the best relationship of my life and we are getting married nextyear. The more mature the better :no time 4 chere ka m'bia…d language of small boys.
Age is nothing but a number my husband is 7 years older than me in fact sometimes I tease him and call him an old man because of some of the things he does but there is nothing wrong in our relationship sometimes i like the age difference because he is able to see things from an angle i cannot and vice versa. Abeg if you love him and you are sure he would be a good husband and you have prayed about it biko marry him
I can not marry a man 5yrs older dan me, I prefere 7-10yrs diff. If u both relate well, plz marry him cuz It will be d best relationship.congrats in advance}..
Pls go ahead and marry him. Ten years is nothing. A woman always looks older with time. Moreover, age is just a number and has nothing to do with love. All my sisters that married men with wider age gap are very happy in their marriages. God be with you
Age is nothing but a number dear. Not saying that you should marry someone old enough to be your father but the more important thing is the person's mind including his overall view of this institution called marriage.
Would you rather go for a 30 year old man that has the mind of a 50 year old? Or a 32 year old who believes that the only reason he married you is to get someone that will cook for him and give him children? If you thought he was much younger when you fell for him, then you (if you become his wife) will really need to work hard in the future to keep looking younger than him. Fact.
na wa 4 u poster. U are funny. Lol. My dear. Love is the main thing to luk 4 nt d number. Of years. Do u want to marry ur age mate?
Aunty Eya, I read online that brazil nut help with fetus implantation( trying to get pregnant) if eaten during the two weeks wait. Pls what is the yoruba/igbo name of brazil nut so I can ask in the market. Thanks
How can a woman look older than a man who is 10 years her senior with time. Abeg have several seats. There is always one person who will open their mouth and say nonsense is that supposed to encourage her
Thank goodness you didn't write novel today
Getting married next year? Hope there are good reasons for waiting?
Poster – carry go, all things being equal…
People, age is nothing but a number no mean sey you go marry man wey senior you with 20years!
Kai Anon 4.42. Why not seek to understand what she was trying to say? Women age faster than man ie, a woman of say 38 will more likely look older than her 40 year old husband especially if she has had kids, so the wider the age gap, the lower the chances of that happening. Kapish?
Just like every1 said, age is just a number and if he ticks all the necessary boxes on what you desire in a man then please go ahead.
My hubby is 8yrs older than I. When we met I thought he was 3-4yrs older max and still didn't believe until I saw BC and other documents. 12years on and I have never regretted it.
High petting level???? Your husband must be in the minority. My husband is 7 years older than me and there has never been any petting here. He always thinks he knows more than me and tries to teach me as if I'm a kid because he's older and "knows it all". It has gotten better through the years though but still needs improvement.
Lol. This poster you are funny, ask arund nd ƴ۵џ will be told 10yrs is perfect. You want †ђ3 diff to be 2yrs? Nah! My hubby is 9yrs my senior. My dad is 9yrs my mum's senior. Swthrt? 10yrs is perfect so long as †ђ3 love is there.
Shuo. Anon 4:42… Pls educate yourself abeg. Its common knowlege that childbearing takes its toll on we African women and make us mature faster in looks and u are most likely to meet up with your older husbands age after a few kids. Unless u have very good genes or u work very hard to keep up. I experienced it. Before we married ppl were yabbing my husband dat whats he doing with a secondary school girl mnwhile I was a graduate of like 25yrs. My husband is almost 9 yrs older. Imagine that after the 1st child my notorious baby face disappeared ! talk less of now that I have 3 kids. We have balanced out. As for your relationship I think what you have is great and you should go ahead but just bear in mind some of the concerns that can arise such as those raised by dobis which I know are surmountable. I will add a few from experience. 1. What is the educational or professional gap between you? I.e. when I married tho the age gap was 8-9 yrs but the professional gap was like 15+ yrs as he had gone far and was an oga while me I was just finishing school and serving tho we were in d same profession…All his friends were in his league too so it took me time to gain my own confidence. 2. How does he act? Like an old man or is he young at heart? If as u say u guys flow along the same lines in ur discussions then theres no problem. I've seen young guys who act soo old and old ones which are so young at heart. Does he treat you like a baby always? Or respect your views and opinions ? Love is most important anyway so if your sure he adores you and treats u right pls go ahead. 10 yrs is not bad. The person I that I thot i would marry b4 was 5 yrs older than me but I discovered how immature and rash he was before it was late. I thank my God forever that I didn't marry him. This is our 12th yr of marriage and no regrets at all.
I can marry a man 20 yrs older as far as he is not already married and I have not snatch him from anyone. especially if there is love and connection.my mother in law and father in law have 25 years gap , they are the most lovely couple I have ever seen in my entire life. plus my husband is 10 year older than me. cheers poster u are not alone.
10years is not much at all. So far u both understand each other.
My hubby is 10yrs older than me o we've been married 4 5yrs now wit 2kids almost due 4 the 3rd 1 at 1st we looked odd cos I was so small compared to him I was 20 n slim n he was 30 when we met after 2kids I blew out got so fat n ugly lol I concentrated on d kids n taking k of d house so much that I forgot abt taking k of myself n I don't hav househelp we looked almost d same age mmm I woke up from dat nightmare drank lemon daily did exercise ate healthy bought a good cream good facial cleanser etc after 7months I changed n looked like americoco lol sorry for diverting my point is 10yrs diff is nothing love is all that matters.
age is just a number,so far he has your love at heart,he is what you want in a man.then go ahead and marry him,i will be wedded to my man who is 10year older in couple of days
My dear age is but a number oh!! As far as you two go along well,and he doesn't take evry chance to reminder u he is ur senior! Then its ok!! Am same age as you and my fiance is 12yrs older!! He respects and treats me like we re just few years apart!!. ***Tresh inspiration offers wedding services,for an all inclusive fee! We perform many wedding tasks and eliminate the need for you to hire seperate vendors for certain aspects of the wedding planning! This is perfect if ure having a wedding on a budget and can't afford a wedding planner but still want professional administative help in planning for your wedding. Our fee are a fraction of what many planners charge and we go the extra mile for our clients! Also we are available to run wedding errands for you! Hire your own personal asistance today to help prepare you for your wedding!!! So call us:07031580055,bbm pin:25F10A52