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| Three stone engagement ring – in yellow gold -Diamonds (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
Hi Aunty Eya,
Good afternoon, please don’t publish my name or email address.
Monique’s post on Divorce and the overwhelming response that has followed so far is all the inspiration I needed for this mail. It has been on my mind, but I never knew how to put it in a mail to you. I wanted to
try and forget it, but then this Divorce post today just pushed me on.
I need you and other readers on your blog to please advise me kind of. I accidentally saw an engagement ring on my bf cupboard, it wasn’t there before. I remember him asking my ring size lasy week. I suspect he may soon pop the big question. I am excited for myself but not sure of the answer to give him. I am 25 and I would love to know the signs women see in their boyfriends before deciding to settle down with them. What are the signs please? I mean all, both spiritual, physical, materially, financially, socially and otherwise.
Please I really want to get myself well equipped before the big day. I know he is 5 years older, he is working and Godfearing and prayerful yes. I still feel like there must be other things to check before accepting a man’s proposal.
Thank you all for your love. Aunty Eya don’t fall my hand. Please post this.
Am so happy for u that I can't even think straight.
I guess this ball so fell in the court of those that av been down dat lovely path. imma sit back and learn.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Lol@ Bona, I felt the same way too. I had so much to say at the title but when I read the post I was so excited, everything dropped.
@ Poster, congrats in advance. Pls one of you readers should invite us for wedding na… Aunty Eya will do the catering…lol.
Anyway, as for signs, For me O! For me.
1. He must be God-fearing as in clearly God-fearing, not the hidden one.
2. He must belong to a good church (dnt ask me which one is a bad church o..na me know).
3. He must be able to discuss concepts in the bible and kingdom principles with maturity.
4. He must be taller than I am. (I am kinda tall so I couldn't compromise).
5. I must feel sexually attracted to him.
6. I must be physically attracted to him.
7. I should be proud to call him my husband some day and introduce him to people without fear, so his looks, attitude and spoken English must be at least 80% good.
8. Financially he must be rich enough to take care of me and our family even if I am not working. Or at least he must be hardworking and intelligent enough to get to that level in the nearest future.
9. He must be financially independent. Not parent's money or something like that.
10. He must be respectful to elders and people in authority at any level.
11. He must relate well with friends, his family and mine.
12. He must be able to talk in public and defend me when necessary.
13. He must be proud of me and show me off.
14. He must love me more than I love him and show it.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART (all the other ones na story…:-) ). When I pray about him, I should get a go ahead from God and be at peace in my spirit about him. Also, my parents should agree (but if my parents had disagreed when brought home my husband, I would have scattered the whole house…lol)
Babe, Make sure he is loaded. You should not go there and start lending him money to survive ooooo.
Ahdasisy, you have come again. Which one is the bad church that you know? abi na Illuminati tinz?
Lmao @ adhaisy,ur last paragraph got me laughing like mad.. No be small scatter d whole house o… Dear poster congratulations in advance and most of whati have to say has already been said by Ada so derz no need repeating.. PRAY, PRAY and PRAY ooo
Dear poster like Ahdaisy said, those were her criteria. So let me start by asking you, what are your criteria? You have to make a mental list of your criteria and tick them good or bad as it applies to Him.
If things go wrong will he stand by you? Will he defend you? Will he be a head to you and your family? Will he love you over the years like Christ loves the church?
I do feel that if you were ready for marriage and were sure already of what you wanted in a life partner, you would know already the things that answer the question you just asked.
Just make sure you prepare yourself for marriage. We don't like hearing "I thought" stories or "He's not what I thought he was" or "Had I known" story.
So, please be prepared and ready.
Most importantly, PRAY. Seek God. Ask Him about Him.
This sounds a lot like my criteria! 🙂
Congrats dear! I suggest u read this book by pastor bimbo, how to know your life partner, the book really blessed me so much! I was very young when I read the book and frm dat tender age I got a bOok and started writting out qualities I wanted and I prayed towards then! So pls take a pen n paper n get to work! Check this man if he has the qualities, look at the things u don't like about him, can u tolerate it? Etc!
Sorry to add, for the spiritual sign its best to pray n read Gods word, at the end the holy spirit will give you the peace, confidence n rest and you will so be at peace with ur decision! Most times we tend to demand a physical sign frm God but my dear not all cases are like that, let me quickly share a story, a friend once had 4 suitors all desparately seeking her hand in marriage! We where all naïve christians back in univeristy n she decided that she will do a 7 day prayer n fasting session, and on the 7th day the 1st of d four suitors to call will be the husband! I tell you he called as early at 5am and we all jubilated! They got married but today her life is a hell! He definitely wasn't the one for her. The moral lesson I want you dear poster to pick out is that, when you pray u may not get a quick response but continue n be persistent in prayers, God will reveal his purpose for u in marriage n you will have so much peace n be at the place of rest! Pls n pls don't pray for physical sign ooo! Let the holyspirit guide u okay! Congrats
This list is all about making another mathematics out of life… Hmm!
I have learnt from this. Thanks for sharing.
Am just here singing Iyogogo by onyeka onwenu for you…
What if he has used that ring for another girl today?
#Just kidding!
I think the fact that you have to ask shows that you are not sure about his character
I had some category that I went by
1. Watch out for the depth of character in him. How does he react when he gets angry? Or when things don't go his way? Is he able to calm his emotions or he acts to the spur of the moment?
2. Watch his words and actions. Does he always say one thing yet does the other? Is he able to live up to his promises? If he's not able to, does he explain why not, or he acts like he never said anything?
3.watch how he treats other people 'beneath' him. Does he talk to them with some level of respect or does he look down down on them. Especially watch how he treats waiters/ drivers/ cleaners etc.
4. How about the women in his life? His mom/ sisters? What does he say about them? Does he uphold them in high esteem or he treats them like a lesser gender? This shows his general perception of women
5. Is he kind? Does he give you when you are in need or explains why he can't of he doesn't also have? Does he give willingly or grudgingly?
6. Can you count on him? Is he the first person you call when you are I'm distress? Or you have a feeling you will disturb him if you have to count on him in and emergency
7. Are you friends with him? Are you able to be vulnerable around him and also let him in on your deepest fears? Is he able to do the same with him? Are you yourself around him or you feel like you have to behave in a certain way to please?
Lastly us he a spiritual person? Does he have any principles he can't compromise on? What are his views on morality and family values?
If after answering all these questions and you are comfortable and satisfied about the kind of man he is, then good for you!!!
If not please take your time to observe him well, and if you know there are some things you can't live with then be careful cos he's definitely not going to change after marriage
Whatever it is just make sure you can live with such a person
Ahdaisy never knew u were married! Me wan marry 2u oh!
Ace your not crious oh
@Jay, are you a lady? For some reason I thought you are a guy… 🙂
@ Anon, dnt worry you'll get a good man who will make you happy for the rest of your life… Amen!
@Ace, well, the mathematics has worked for me all my life. It helps me to have a plan. I used to think I was rigid till I met my husband. His own approach to life is further maths! 🙂 . .. God or devil, right or wrong, hardworking or lazy, pray or worry, God pleaser or people pleaser, Egusi or Okro, meat or bone! Not bony meat….lol To him, there is no middle ground!
I have been married now for almost thirteen years and have had discussions along this line with me wife. Some of the qualities you highlighted about him are very important – “he is working and God-fearing and prayerful”.
Questions for you:
1. Do you see yourself able to submit to his authority and guidance?
2. Is there someone that can talk to him and he will listen when things seems to be getting out-of-hand?
3. How does he treat other women (his mom, sisters, etc) – with respect?
4. What are his views on marriage – are they aligned with yours?
5. His views of key subjects, like DIVORCE?
If he is truly God-fearing, you have nothing to fear! He will get better with time (Prov 4:8). Your post looks (and sounds) good – just wish you the best!
@deborah tnx I learnt somthin frm ur piece and I need ur help. I'm in a relationship and I keep praying to God everyday to give us irreconciliable differences if he is not the one for me, pls am I asking for a physical sign?
»Kimmy
LOOL Ahdaisy has finished me oh! I am a lady oh. A very lady-like lady at that.
Hi kimmy no you are not asking for the type of sign am talking about! One of the hardest prayers I had to make was God if he is not the one for me let this relationship end! At 1st I said d prayer but secretly hoping it doesn't! But later on I just gave everything up to God n decicded to trust his decision! So ur prayer point is okay! Just pray it and leave everything to God!
Yes oh. That's it. I noticed she talked about preparing for the "big day". I don't know which day it is she is referring to as big. If it's the proposal or the wedding. But as you rightly said, it's BIG DAYS, BIG WEEKS, BIG MONTHS and BIGGER YEARS by the grace of God. So that's what she should ask and answer questions on and not any "big day".
Ace don drink shekpe.. Lol
M Going with Adhaisy bt also remember u can't b too careful in knowing all the criterias cus pple change with situations and circumstances also u shd hv an idea of what ur ideal man shd b/look like if he meets 4 of the most impt qualities n the remaining 6 r not so impt, I think u r good to go.
Congrats by the way bt u fo no stumble on the ring nau. Nw ud have to form "Tiwa Savage" kinda proposal when he eventually pops the question
Sorry Tiwa Savaga kinda "surprise" and not proposal
Lovely one. I totally agree with you. Besides marriage is as much a faith journey as the rest of life is. After doing all that is said, hope and trust God for the best.Trust Him that things will work out well for you, and just as the bible says,"your expectations will not be cut off"
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Gbam