Hi any advice would be much appreciated. I have been married 15 years and have had a great marriage. But for the last six month my husband has been very withdrawn and secretitive changing phone code and not leaving computer around. I was starting to think he was having an affair. But while we were in holiday I logged into his computer to see emails from a 24 year old it turns out to be
his daughter he conceived before I knew him. They have been talking regularly seeing one another and sending gifts for the last 6 months. This breaks my heart to think he been lying to me for 6 months was he ever going to tell me. We have 3 kids together 9 12 and 14. My 14 year old found out 3 months ago but my husband made him not tell me. He written a letter to his daughter asking for no more contact as he has upset me so much and needed time for our relationship to heal . He now wants to send a email to her to see if she alright and wants me to meet her. I am not ready for this as all I assiciate her with is the lies and betrayal he told me. Should I leave him as the hurt he has cause me is unbearable. Any advice would be great. I just feel I can’t trust him anymore
his daughter he conceived before I knew him. They have been talking regularly seeing one another and sending gifts for the last 6 months. This breaks my heart to think he been lying to me for 6 months was he ever going to tell me. We have 3 kids together 9 12 and 14. My 14 year old found out 3 months ago but my husband made him not tell me. He written a letter to his daughter asking for no more contact as he has upset me so much and needed time for our relationship to heal . He now wants to send a email to her to see if she alright and wants me to meet her. I am not ready for this as all I assiciate her with is the lies and betrayal he told me. Should I leave him as the hurt he has cause me is unbearable. Any advice would be great. I just feel I can’t trust him anymore
Madam relax, He had this child before meeting you.whats your own, should he deny his daughter because of a wife that may abandon him one day?
This is not an easy situation for you, for your husband, or for the daughter.
What you don't say is how you think he has betrayed you. How long did he know about this child? Has he been paying support all along or has she suddenly appeared as a surprise?
Perhaps if he himself only had first contact with her six months ago, it was a shock to him. He may have needed time to see what she was like, her attitude, what she wanted fom him, etc. No doubt he assumed you would not take the news well, so I can see why he would delay telling you.
If he did know all along, then he should have at least told you of her existence. This is a very common situation..it happened in my family and we didn't discover the other "child" until after Dad's death. Fortunately, everyone was accepting of it and that child became our friend as an adult.
Perhaps the way to go at this is…say to him kindly, look whatever other skeltons you have in the closet, let's see them now, then we can all breathe easy. You are in a oosition to gain his respect by being forgiving.
Like it or not, he has a daughter who may want to be part of his life. It's not like she's going to live with you. The only choice you have is to accept the situation gracefully, set your boundaries (like he spends all holidays with your family) and be the bigger person. He should agree to have no contact whatever with the mother, which I would assume could be one of your fears. Just because they bumped uglies way back when, it should not be something that threatens your marriage.
Dear Poster,
Your husband had this girl 24 years ago before he met you. I know you must feel hurt that he didn't tell you before he married you but you must take into consideration that he might have not known that she existed before marrying you. I suggest that you relax and pray before meeting her because whether you like it or not, that girl is a part of your family. She is your children's step-sister and have your husband's blood flowing in her veins.
Please pray for wisdom and accept the situation maturely and don't look feel he betrayed your trust.
madam please go to bed u dont hv a problem. u shud b happy he's nt cheating. leave to where? bcs of who nd wat? keep flogging d issue u hear .Okoro