Dear Eya,
I am a regular visitor of your blog and will like to remain anonymous. I have been married for 13 years and have never known my husband to be alcoholic. Some months ago, I discovered that my husband took alcoholic wine as I am very sensitive to the odour. When I challenged him, he said his colleague in the office was celebrating his promotion, so he had to take a little but he vomited which really got me irritated and angry. He apologized that it will never happen again.
The other time he went for a burial, when he came back his body was smelling of alcohol and he brought 2 bottles of alcoholic wine with 35% spirit vol. when I complained to him he said, I do not have the moral justification to correct him since he cannot stop me from putting on trousers , which I have stopped. I later hid the wine.
About three weeks ago, when he came back from the office smelling alcohol, I confronted him, he said he took the wine when he went to meet the manager that will approve his letter for his professional exam after office hour at their zonal office, he met him where they were having a drink and he took a little. He apologized again.
Last week he requested for the 2 bottles of wine which I hid (and I believe he wanted to take them to the people in his office), I told him I have thrown them away. He promise to deal with me but I told him he cannot do anything. Since then he has stopped communicating with me. We do greet, talk but not serious gist as we normally enjoy.
Should I give him back the wine, report him to his brother or pastor in the church? I am worried about my husband, Please advise.
I believe your husband is passing through some challenges and he apparently found solace in alcoholic drinks. first, pls have heart to heart talk with your husband and try to find out whats going on in his life. Reassure him of your support as his wife and am sure he will open up. I see a troubled man and it will take the grace of God for him to open upon but your peserverance in trying to know and finding solution together will help alot. Above, all pray together. If all all these fail, then seek external help from your pastor, trust family friend or parents. gudluck.
Hi sis, good morning, I just published your mail on the blog and pray you get the advise you truly need at this time. I think you should return those bottles of wine to your husband. What if he didn't show them to you? Do not make him feel like you are trying to control his life. He is an adult, your husband. It's not very OK for you to hide his wine as if he is your child. Even if he wants to drink that wine at home, I don't think there is much you can do. You can only pray and try to advice without nagging and being argumentative.
By telling him you threw his wine away, I think you were wrong there, how would you feel he threw your trousers away against your wish or at a time when you were not ready for that change? If he wasn't drinking before and suddenly starts drinking, apologizing and going back again, maybe what you need to do right now is try to BE MORE OBSERVANT, to know the trigger, why he suddenly started drinking. Has he changed his friends? Is he under some kind of pressure at home or office? Does he still pray like before? Has his job become more stressful? etc, etc,
He needs you to show understanding and love and not become a rival, you can't win by fighting him. Please dear sis, return his wine ASAP and apologize for hiding it.
Finally, try to look inwards to see if he is drinking to get back at you over something.
I have posted your mail and please my advice is just my opinion just like any other reader on the blog, read all the comments you'll get and pick which one you feel is best for you. May God give you wisdom.
Hugs!
First you must realise that challenges are good test of love, understanding and loyalty in marriages and the sweetness of your marriage lies in your ability to conquer theos challenges.
Your manner of approach is wrong. You don't tell your partner that "he cannot do anything". It's an insult. You may need to check your temperament and your tone while trying to correct him. Try not to sound imposing.
OOh, thank you Richie, how can a woman tell her husband to his face that "you cannot do anything" Is that character Godly? It shows you are trying to rule over your man and telling him that he is weak.
If it's Aunty Eya that said what Richie just said, by now some people would have started screaming "Crucify her for saying that" Lol.
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Are you guys advising the poster to encourage drunkenness?
Madam Poster, please be gentle with your husband and show more love…
With the kind of decisions you're making in your home, I can tell that both of you want to please God – no alcohol, no trouser… Are you sure you're not omitting the weightier matters?
Obviously your hubby is not good with alcohol and seems to have been influenced – wanting to belong. Remind him of who he is in Christ, while praying against negative influences around him. The only person you should report to is the One who made him and God will bring about restoration.
Both of also be cautious not to put yourselves under the law – I see lots of ‘thou shall not do this/that’. Concentrate on loving God, knowing Him more and enjoy yourselves. Let God be the one that instructs you on the directions to go. Whosoever is justified by the law makes Christ of no effect…
@ beecee, give it a rest, nobody likes a suck up.
I don't think the problem is him being drunk, it's a change in his behaviour ..she didn't mention him being drunk..I think you should return the wine miss feisty. Have a tete a tete with hubby. He seems reasonable enuf from ur description. Good luck
It seems this is very difficult for you to accept because he wasn't drinking when you met and before you got married.
Taking the bottles of wine away won't stop him drinking, that might push him to drinking in bars and getting drunk as it appears he is passing through some challenges.
Try to find out what challenges he is going through and try to support him wherever possible.
Spot on…
Madam its you that has a problem not your hubby. if you dont want to wear trousers thats you personal choice but dont impose your "religious beliefs" on the man. Has he ever come home drunk? even if he does taking his alcholic drinks will not stop him from drinking outside. dont push him to start staying late at beer parlours just to spite you.
kikky, i disagree wit u outrightly! So d posters hubby should be taking it at will? Do u know its health related problem?. Poster if am in ur shoes, i would have a heart talk wit hubby. Knw if hes using it as a solace to problems. Tel me with wisdom dat he wuld affect his health, show him more luv. Knw d root of d habit. Do these..
Kiky is right. Hiding his wine cannot sto him from drinking outside
d poster is nt tryn to impose religious beliefs, i disagree the hiding of d wine. Wat am sayn is dat if care is nt taken he may be drinking 2 much. And 2 much of alchol is wrong!
mama ijebu. Welcum bk!
This has got to be the strangest letter I've ever read on this website. First of all, who says he's not allowed to drink wine? Second of all, who says you're not allowed to wear trousers? Which kin religion be this? Second of all , why are the two of you lying and hiding things from each other?! Is that in the bible you read?!
LOL U̶̲̥̅̊ anon 11 35 iyaff kill me.
Really, your last question is funny yet important. And I agree with your views, though some women can't stand alcohol. Poster needs to be more observant and more subtle.
Don't blame the bottle. This sounds like a relationship that is already toxic or one that is beginning to get toxic. Tackle the root cause of the problem, swallow your pride, sit him down, and TALK. No impositions, just discuss things and see how you can work on a solution then implement it as honestly as you can. It may not be easy to get him to loosen up, but if you try hard enough you can do it. Best of luck.
Thanks luv.
Good day Eya,
Thanks for your advise. I've read the post and comments on your blog. I really felt sorry about my reaction, is just that I don't want him to graduate from alcoholic to a womanizer. you know men can be funny.
I will try and work things out. I've actually returned the wine yester night.
Thanks for your advise.
Eya: Thank you too for taking our advice. Please try and work things out in peace and do not give the devil any chance OK. I will post your response so that others who advised can read too.
Hugs!
We missed you Mama Ijebu!!! Welcome
Thank God you are taking steps to reconciliation, but drop all that religion and reporting -to- pastor- every little- thing while at it, pastor isn't perfect o…
Please with love try and find out what the real issue is and find the best possible way to sort it out..
All the best.
Biko Madam, is drinking wine a sin?
Even jesus our lord and savior drank wine and turned water to wine! God himself created palmwine.
Wait, what church do you attend? I hope you guy's are not reading a photostat bible.
Give him his wine… Wear ur trouser, Finito!
Lolzzz@Ace,u r very funny,photostat bible ke?well@poster u hv heard it all be wise.
Ace – no bi wine Jesus turn water into… na ogogoro. In fact, Jesus was shaking ogogoro! E bi like say your bible reading na for literature?
It takes the spiritual minded (not ogogoro spirit) to discern the things of God and in dis regard, Ace, you are ogogoro minded. Get born-again and the spirit of God will reveal the truth in His Word to you!
Mine too drinks i dnt seize d wine ol i do z advice him tel him how hurt i m n pray n he z improving…..it hurts buh dnt stop not now………!!!
@Ac u really need 2 give ur life 2 christ it will help u to get 2 knw d truth