Am a 25yr old lady, my marriage is less than 2 yrs with a 10 months old daughter. Hubby has a female married friend dat is close to him, dey’ve been friends even before we got married and all. They do call themselves ‘sweety’ ,’honey’, and ‘Shugah’. Initially i complained, but he assured me
nothing is goin on, that they are just good friends and nothing more. Even her husband is aware of their friendship. It almost cost serious issues in my home, I decided to let it be, Only God will judge them if it’s more than he is saying it is.
Somtime Last yr, I sent a facebook request to the lady’s husband, the next day hubby came to ask me why will i send a request to her hubby, asking me if am a friend to him or have i ever seen or spoken to him, that will make me send a request to him.I was shocked by that question, I told him, i just sent the request without anything in mind, since we were all trying to be cool with their friendship. That issue ended as i canceled the request.Just yesterday after up to a yr of that issue, hubby was telling me how the lady recently brought up the topic again and was still amazed that i could send her hubby a request, unto as she is chatting with my hubby, lemme do the same with hers. She said i was been childish for doing that.This lady is question seniors me with 6 yrs and has two children, currently pregant for the third.My question is this, was i wrong to send a request? why is she still having that in mind after almost a yr? Should i go to her office and talk it out with her and really understand her issue with me? Or should i let the sleeping dog lie. Note: They are not having any romantic relationship.
You are obviously not comfortable with your husband’s relationship with this lady and whether you accept it or not, that influenced your decision in sending a FB request to her husband. Do u send FB request to people who are not your friend? Abi the man na your friend? What really is your intention? At times, we take irrational decisions when we are unsettled…
Though you did not state how your husband found out about the FB request… the story around how he found out could have created some embarrassing moments.
In all this, I expected your husband to be more understanding of how you feel/ are feeling. This kind of relationship if not well managed leads to serious jealousy.
What can you do? Be vulnerable b4 your husband by letting him know how u feel about this whole thing… If he cares for you, he will make efforts to protect u.
Something stinks.
Honestly, I feel uneasy here. If it's ok for her to continue to be friends with your husband, Why isn't it ok for poster to try making friends with her husband?
Ok, poster, how did she get to know that you Sent her husband a friendship request?
Please reply us
I don't really know how, maybe her hubby told her or she has his password.
I don't really know how she got to know, maybe her hubby told her or she has his facebook password. She then told my hubby about the request which felt very embarrasing as if i had an ulterior motive in mind.
@ Auntie Eya, this friendship with her husband started b4 they were married. It's even possible they were childhood friends.
If both families are friends, I do not see an issue with poster sending FB request; it's obvious this is not the situation. The whole arrangement (friendship) is not looking healthy anymore and should be reviewed, esp when it is already leading to issues like this.
@Eya I wonder o if you ask me na whom I ask
Somtin is wrong som where,bcs I dnt see anytin wrong wit u sending friend request to her hubby since she and ur hubby are very close,wat is she afraid of,if dey dnt hve somtin to hide why is it bothering her soo much. Dear poster review des ur hubby friendship wit dt woman ooo. My opinion thou.
I was in a situation like this once. I had a friend who was married (I'm married too). We were really close even before the 2 of us got married (friends for almost 10 years), his wife however (even though she knew about the friendship before they got married) had a problem with the fact that we were so close. So I did the right thing by cutting off all forms of communication with him. If that woman had any type of sense she would do the same thing to and leave your husband alone
Mr johnson, both families are not really close, the spouses just know they are close from camp thats 6 yrs ago.
Thank you so much people, ur advice has really been a relief.
Something is fishy here. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
The fact is, the lady is your husband's friend and you are not her husband's friend. Shikena!
Although there is no harm asking her husband for friend request but then, he is not your friend.
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Thank you oh!we all gave up friendships after marriage on any side!and what's with d sweetie, sugar level na??@least as a sign of respect,stop dat!if not 4 anything, so as not to make a caricature of your to others/bystanders and u keep looking like d ignorant wife
Their friendship isn't what's in question right now but the woman's reaction! So na poster husband good (o friends with eh??plus bringing it up almost a year later??….DING!!!
Exactly my thoughts o. What is good for the goose is also good for the gander. That your husband's friend should respect the boundaries of marriage. We all had to drop friends after marriage. You really need to talk to your hubby again and set new boundaries.
Dear Poster..if the issue comes up again just say" Oh darling we are just building up our family.It wont be nice if you cant converse with the lady's husband during the family BBQ right?
You have done nothing wrong. Stand your ground.
Lastly if ur hubby isn't guilty let him invite her over to ur house. U sef babe u no sabi turn d woman you ur own friend? Since hubby don't want to cut d communication. Whenever he's home talking to her say hellooooo brandy wen ll u come visiting? Or time to time ask hubby How's brandy na. If possible force the friendship. Don't slack oooooo women are extremely smart dis days oooooo. Na from one step dance de start oooooo.
OMG!!!! D world cannot b free again because of SIN. If not what there if one keeps friend? Dt means all single guys shld fling out there female friends n same to Babes? I think we need a movie like THE END OF FRIENDSHIP.
Ah have missed my fam really busy day I got. To me no point sending d husband request dts kinda childish, besides u don't even know him or talk to him before so what's the point? There 1million n 1 men out there if u wanna do tit for tat. There are also many ways of making sum1 jealous so if u ready do one.
It is not a crime for you to request her hubby's friendship on facebook. As close as she is to your husband you both families ought to be family friends by now with all the spouses and children inclusive. So i dont see how fb friendship will be biting her in such a way anf your hubby too is acting like he is supporting her.I have become acquintances with my hubby's friends wives ( he doesn't have a lot of friends though) he should try and make friend with the lady's husband too at least know each other. By the way which kind play play reach "sweety, sugar" make them stop am abeg. I had a very clise male fruend whom even my church members thought we were going out as soon as ge got married, as close as we were, I gave him and his wife their space. The wife knew how close we were and sometimes accuses me of not visiting them often. Everything is common sense. Your husband should set boundaries and stop all those expensive jokes.sweety ko, sugar ni.
If you are not comfortable with their relationship please go ahead and talk to the other woman (no fight o),since you have complained to ur husband or you have a heart to heart talk with ur husband ,let him know their relationship is really hurting u .
All I have is please don't die in silence trying to endure (forming mature)
Reciprocate by requesting her to "cancel" any form of friendship with your husband. Also make it a heated issue that your husband halts any form of association with her. Her actions have proven she is insecure because of what is or might be happening (in secrete) between her and your husband. Stamp your feet on this.
I'm hatinG this rapidly growing culture of platonic friendship…
Cancel all the friendships. The other lady has something to hide if not she won't have been so bothered.
So she doesn't want another lady to be 'friends' with her own husband baa? But she can be 'friends' with another person's husband shey?
Issorait.
Since she's such close friends with your husband for years, maybe it's high time you guys became family friends.
Tell her your family-you, children and husband want to come and visit her and her kids at home on a weekend you guys are free.Then you can meet the husband, your husband can also meet her husband and chat in your presence.
In fact, you can start popping in on your own to her place just to say hello to her and her children.
However, always remember to keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
We're not even sure which category she belongs sef.
You were not wrong darling. In fact, u should look for another avenue to ask for the friendship again. No need to talk anything with her, the next time you see her husband in her presence pls be very very charming to him without seeming awkward. She dey craaze…two can play the blawdy game! Let everyone be friends of the family!
I still don't know how the husband found out that his wife sent a Facebook friend request.
Some lies are not worth it.
The woman probably had her hubby's password. She doesn't want you to be close to her husband too because she is probably doing something fishy with your husband. I don't understand what the big deal is if she sends a friend request to him. Some women are really nitwits. Calling your husband sweety and honey. For what reason biko. I have one of my hubby's ex who they communicate well. I know that it will stop one day because I have spoken to him about it that I'm not comfortable. She says she sees him as a big brother. Msheeeew big brother ko. A man you slept with in the past cannot be seen as your big brother. Shikena. I will block her soon if she continues. Sly Obi.
I'll go with you on this one!
The lady is really mad.