Does it make sense at all? Your husband lost his job, your only child is in school. You paid the last house rent after it expired. Your job is lucrative, pays really well but hubby is so frustrated he cannot live in a house rented by by a woman. Wants all to relocate to his village and start farming.
After reading the story shared on Social Media… I ask myself this question; ‘doesn’t farming require money? To be a successful farmer, you need to cultivate a very large piece of land and perhaps mechanized farming will be need. That requires money too. Fertilizers are expensive over here. Tilling the soil requires money. Good feeding needs money, even if one lives at the village, you cannot get all your food from the farm. Not possible. You have to buy some food stuff and groceries.
I Eya, cannot advise any woman to quit her job and relocate to the village because her husband lost his. What happens to the kids’ education? What happens when one falls ill and needs money to pay medical bills? Is there a guarantee that farming will be successful and can you farm?
Read her story below and please share your thought with us:
I” got married like 2 years ago, I am in my late 30s while my husband is in his late 40s. We have a Son.
Trouble started when my husband lost his job about a year ago. He changed completely from the Man he was to a complete stranger.
He became Vicious and full of anger. I work, I earn good Salary, he has refused to do even menial jobs to survive pending when he gets another well paying job. When our Rent expired October last year, I sat him down to have a hearty talk, we talked and I handed him the #600,000 to pay the rent. Knowing how egoistic he is, I told him it’s a Loan he’s taking from me, that he’ll pay me back once he Secures another job.
He took the money, paid the rent, but my husband won’t sleep in that house, neither will he eat what I cook anytime he comes around. We can no longer have a decent conversation without him saying that my money is getting into my head.
Whenever he’s ranting, I just keep quiet, he gets to a point he’ll be asking me ‘won’t you say anything?’ i’ll tell him no, then another side of rant starts that am now making him look like a fool.
If I talk, problem, if I don’t talk, another problem
I don’t know where he sleeps, i’ve asked severally, but he won’t say. He has lost tremendous amount of weight and not in anyway the man I know before now.
In December, he told me that by January we shall all be relocating to his Village to start life there. He insists that if I don’t leave my work and leave with him back to the Village by this January, that I should consider our marriage Over.
I asked him why I should leave a lucrative job that carter’s for our only son, myself, including his late brother’s Kids who live with Us and follow him to the Village, what will I be doing there? He said we will start farming.
My dear, I love my husband, I love him to a fault, but this ultimatum is threatening our marriage, i’ve spoken to his family, they seem to be in support that I move back to the village with him.
Please help me, I don’t want to lose my marriage, but I won’t want to give up this job, that’s where I also foot my aged parents medical bills from. This is my predicament
Poster, you have already answered your question. This ego thing has driven your husband crazy.
He is no longer the man you married; he may never be the man you married!……You know within your heart that more ultimatums will come. I believe that a marriage is in discord when a man gives an ultimatum in a marriage that only favors him; especially when there is a child is involved. Search your heart and soul, is this marriage worth the insecurity of moving to the village? is it worth your parent’s health? is it worth your son going to bed hungry? Is it worth your sanity? At the end of the day, fix your marriage before deciding whether to relocate because the move to the farm at the village will not mend your marriage.
Thank you dear concerned woman
What options do you have?
1. Stay behind while your husband moves to the village – you most likely will lose your husband but keep your job.
2. Quit your job and move to the village – you temporarily save your marriage but lose your self-worth.
3. Don’t resign but take normal leave and relocate to the village with your family.
4. An hybrid of the above. Ask for an extended leave: 2-3 months (if possible without pay); relocate to the village with your husband.
I would expect you to seriously keep & save the money you make. The family unfortunately have to suffer for awhile as you would refuse to take care of the home since your husband is refusing the help you are providing. When you get to the village, it’s just a matter of weeks for your husband to be frustrated if you do not provide any financial support. Let him know that you do not have money as the one used to pay the previous rent was borrowed. The villagers will be the one that will insult him and frustrate him… Those asking him to come to the village think he has kept money somewhere. The sooner they know there’s no money anywhere the earlier they would start shaming him! Hopefully this whole drama will continue within the time your leave is still active.
The important thing is that he should think you have resigned and do not have money because your company has insisted that you pay them off and you are paying back the loans you collected.
Please, commit your actions to God and He will guide you through this – you can still save your marriage and your job!
Wow! Uncle Johnson here with his priceless wisdom! Miss your advice so much. Thank you for this.
Area mama – dank u wel and thanks for the wonderful job!
My sister, what you have at this point is not marriage o, so there is nothing you are losing. Your husband is definitely battling emotional issues, and is not in the right frame of mind. He might need to seek the help of a therapist which I am sure he might not be willing to do.
Even if you go to the village, there is no guarantee that he will get himself. I believe you are the person to take the right decisions for your home at this point. Forget what his family or any other person is saying, use your tongue to count your teeth. If you can take leave as was advised, and follow him fine. If not, choose your sanity and stay back. Let him go, after awhile he might realize and retrace his steps, and if not ……… Remember, “the covenant of life is superior to the covenant of marriage”.
I wish you the best.
Love and Light.
Thank you so much for coming by again dear sis. Bless you for this awesome comment. Missed you too.