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| Money for savings (Photo credit: b4b2) |
WHY COUPLES SHOULD KEEP SEPARATE BANK ACCOUNTS:
Last night,
I heard of a very supposedly sweet marriage that is about to crash if something is not done fast. I know this couple and can confidently say that I love them together. They had this sweet romantic relationship that would make shy women like me wish I can demonstrate such Public Display of Affection (PDA).
The cause of the separation/divorce? MONEY. How did money affect their relationship? They are both Medical Personnels who earn well. They operate a joint account and it worked for them for so many years.
The problem started when the man made huge withdrawals without informing madam. She confronted him, he made some explanations which although didn’t go down well with her, she just decided to let the matter rest. In 2012, he withdrew a huge sum and bought himself a new car without madam’s consent. This infuriated her so much because after the car purchase, there was almost nothing left in that account. To make matters worse for his wife, she had been managing up to the point of wearing old clothes to work. She has been so dedicated to this savings account thing. She just realized after the car purchase that the kids have also been wearing old clothes even to church. She didn’t realize all these before the car purchase. It’s as if her husband’s new car opened her somewhat blind eyes to all these needs she had ignored, wanting to save a little bit more.
She also looked at her rickety car which was long overdue for replacement, and thought of the last time she withdrew money to make over the kids wardrobe, how Oga kicked against it and told her that she was a reckless spender. She got nothing for herself, just the kids. After that reaction from him, she decides not to make any more withdrawals except when it is very needful. This decision made her ignore her needs and the children’s for so long.
The day he brought home his new car was the end of that marriage. She moved out immediately, she could not take it, didn’t know how to fathom or understand his actions and fluid excuses. In February she got a lawyer and they are in the process of ending it all.
This story made me kind of worried, we have had a joint account for so many years, and I am thankful for that. The joint account gives rest of mind because as a woman sometimes one gets a bit careless and then realizes that her savings are going down fast. With your joint account intact, you get relaxed and know that there is hope. For me, a joint account does not stop one from having a personal account. I don’t think I should inform hubby about every little expenditure like buying sanitary pads, treating acne, changing undies and what about siblings and my family? Do I have to inform my hubby before sending something to my mum or my younger one in school? I think that’s not necessary. These and more are reasons why we still need our personal accounts. A man may never understand why you should spend some few thousands of Naira on hair. He may not understand why you should spend that much on a bag. Your reason is durability. His answer is, have you finished carrying all the ones you bought? With a personal account, some of these needs are taken care of without a fuss and your marriage enjoys the peace it deserves.
There is a percentage sent to the joint account. It is not the same amount from both. We pay as we earn. The higher your income, the more you put in there. A specific amount is put in monthly, this amount is just a percentage of what one earns. * RME* With this agreement, at the end of the month you know what to put and he knows too. No one sits down to argue or talk about the joint account as long as both parties send in their percentages monthly..
Truth is, a joint account favors the wife more, especially if the man earns more. His own personal account is enough to take care of his needs so, he has no business with the joint account. If both parties agree on what to put in there and list out needs that can warrant a withdrawal from that account, there should be no problem. I can’t remember hubby making withdrawals from the joint account but can remember me coming up with reasons and touching it.
I encourage couples to have a joint account, and encourage those with joint accounts to also keep their personal accounts because it can be really stressful when you both put everything in that one account and the woman has to inform her husband before buying a new pair of shoe, she has to inform him before making her hair. Many men are too busy and stressed at work, so much so that they do not need us to bring up talks like; Can I withdraw three thousand Naira to make my hair? Can I withdraw four hundred naira for my sanitary pad? I think men shouldn’t be bothered by such petty things. It is more fun when he sees you wearing a new pair of shoe that he didn’t get to give approval for. It is fun when you surprise him with that new black dress. You come out looking new and radiant and he is like …. Whose dress is that? When did you get that? You look different today and all other sweet comments. All this is not possible when you both just heap all your earnings in that one account.
A lady travelled out and on her return brought bags for sale. She called me and three other ladies to see the bags, while we were admiring them, I remembered I needed a brown bag and picked the one I like. The second woman said she already had too many bags and didn’t want to spend a dime on any bag. The third lady was interested in two of the bags, but dropped them when we were about to leave. When asked why she dropped the bags she chose, her explanation was that she needed to get her husband’s permission before picking the bags because they operate a joint account. I told her that I also operate a joint account but will pay for the bag from my personal account. She was actually shocked and told us that she didn’t see me as one who keeps secrets from her husband. It was then I explained that this is not a secret, it is an agreement by both of us to still keep our personal accounts aside the joint account, she loved the idea but felt it was already late cos her marriage is just a year old and she wasn’t ready to raise up money matters like personal account or whatever with her new husband.
I thought about how keeping a joint account lead to the end of that supposedly happy marriage, then decided to use this forum to try to find out what other people think about keeping a joint account.
Do you think it’s unnecessary to keep a personal account aside a joint account?
Aunty Eya your method is just the best.though we haven't opened our joint account yet cos we got married last year, hubby and I have agreed to do that and still and still have our separate accounts. I can not stand taking permission from hubby before buying little things. But what my husband does that I don't like is that he wants to know about everything that I send to my mum and siblings including money and other things. And the question is must I always tell him? Aunty Eya thank you so much for this platform. From Mrs Adi
My parents operate joint account amidst their personal business/work accounts and it works for them. But I dont think i'm really into it. We all manage our funds separately. When a joint venture comes up, we discuss about it – I bring my part and he brings his. That apart we know how much we both earn and that's all.
I have never understood the essence of a joint account.please give me an example of what you people use the money in the joint account for because my husband pays school fees & all the big bills in the house.
My business is with my kitchen,maids salary & i also ask him for money when I want to buy something I can't afford on my own
My friend was asking me for some money to surprise his wife the other day because they operate a joint account….see Ozeba
i operate a joint account with my husband and we both put in a certain amount of our money aside for projects such as house rent, new car, vacation, date nights, etc.
once it hits the account it is no longer anyne's money but "our" and we are both signatory to the account so the other has to agree and sign off for any withdrawal.
I still have a good portion of my salary over 50% to spend as i like..
i'm not married yet but when i do and my hubby wants a joint account, we will have one but i will still have my personal account. money matter is so delicate and sensitive, wouldn't want that to cause friction in my marriage.
I'll even prefer we split the responsibilities according to our income and if there's a need to do any thing together, we will talk about it and contribute. wish my hubby will not like the idea of joint account sef!!!
My hub earns a lot more than I do so a joint account will favour me but no. I dnt see any added advantage in it. My hub takes care of all the bills in the house, gives me food allowance and a personal allowance. so he is quite generous. According him, my money is mine. I can only help out if I feel like it.
BUT!, if I like, lemme spend all my money on whatever, if my money finishes before the month ends, nothing for me. not even 100 naira extra. if i like lemme beg on my knees, he'll tell me that he cannot beg them in his office to add more money for him so I should sort my self out till my next salary or allowance comes. Even when I spent my money on him or the house, he'll tell me 'thank you dear, but you should have thought about how you'll cope till the month ends before you took me out.' So is that the person I'll open joint account with? he wnt even agree sef.
About the couple about to divorce, devil just set them up. Oyibo people will say the man was maybe having mid-life crisis. That one na story. I think the woman took a very harsh decision but I am not in her shoes…Pele.
Please I just want to ask.where do I send a mail to,if I have a matter I want to discuss.Thank you.
Hubby n I are both Doctors and earn about same salary.I like the idea of a joint account,and also we both agreed to still keep our previous personal accts. 1) It doesn't make sense leavin the bulk of d responsibilities to hubby n save my big salary for myself or say I'm taking care of d kitchen alone. 2) I think my husband respects me more being that he sees me like a "shareholder" a pillar of support and not as a "parasite" sucking on him.he doesn't want to mess with that fact.he tells me I'm his greatest support and is appreciative.
Ofcourse he puts in a higher %tage into our joint account, and we view that money as "our savings" its strictly for our family use. Whatever miscelleneous spendin we want do,send money to relatives, etc, we use from our seperate personal accounts.
I keep spending my little capital on housekeeping a d hav to get money from my mum at times. I have started little contribution now sha but it isn't easy
Nice one, my hubby used to call me his pillar too and boasts to his colleagues at work cos I earn much more then and never used to disturb him for money but story changed when I lost my job to the banking tsunami in 2009, it's been hell, like I'm married to a total stranger. Can stay days not talking to me, gives money out to friends and family as they need but I have been on same allowance of 50000 since January 2010. This allowance covers feeding, school runs, fueling of car, Dstv, everything that needs to be done at home and my personal needs. As much as I like joint account, I think I was foolish to not have maintained my personal savings, I guess I was hoping it will be rosy all thru
Different things work in different marriages. The key thing is wisdom on the couples' parts, knowing who they are and what will work best for them is the solution… especially with God on their side.
I love d idea of a joint account as well as still keepn personal accounts alongside. But pls I have a question, what and what would you advice the money in d joint account be used for? E.g shd feeding,children's schfees, house rent n other bills b from d joint account or from d personal accounts? #that confuses me. Pls need replies…
Hi Eya,
I must admit that a joint account has worked for us for 47 years of marriage, but I think that is down to trust and accountability. I have always looked after the finances because I love managing money and have always enjoyed getting as much out of our money as possible but also being able to enjoy buying things we both enjoy. My husband trusts me with the money and does not lack things. We are both content to wait if we can not afford something we want and I suppose both want the other to have things they like. Trust and caring about one another are the most important things I would say.
Send the matter to: cuulme@gmail.com
U took d words frm my mouth!
A touch condescending. There is absolutely nothing parasitic about not splitting the financial responsibilities of your household with you husband. Circumstances vary and that yours works for you doesn't make another approach "parasitic".
I don't operate a joint account with my husband but I believe both parties should be co signatres to the account that way none of them can clear the account without the consent of the spouse.
My husband won't even let me know how much he earns talkless of a joint account. I'm so disturbed. And I never disturb him for money at all cos I'm scared of asking
The money in the joint account is the family's life savings, not to be spent on fees, feeding, new car or other needs. It is money that can only be touched when there is a big emergency. Money the family puts aside for the far future.
Other family needs are taken care of from personal accounts. Other families may operate their joint accounts differently anyway.
Depending on the agreement, a joint account can be touched when it comes to big spending on very expensive items like a new car, a vacation etc.
The money in the joint account is the family savings. It is not for monthly expenditure. The joint account does not take the bulk of the income, it is just a percentage of one's income that is kept and forgotten and that keeps growing over time.
U not alone sarafina. Same here.
Hi Sarafina, I guess u both don't disclose to each other what you earn OR, does he know how much you earn?
Spot on! Absolutely agree with you different strokes for different folks!
It implies a lack of openness. Have tried talking about it? Hope u have ur own income!
Wow! 47 years! More grace in your marriage….
Serious matter. We don't operate joint acct but we are still as open as can be. My husband earns the bulk of d money and therefore carries the burden of the house. I try to take care of myself and some things that concern the kids with our family biz that I am running . Though he is the one that funded it, he gives me the liberty to take some financial decisions and I don't always have to inform him of every spending. My point is that as humans we still want some level of freedom and spontainity which a joint acct alone cannot offer. Atimes it makes us feel caged. I would therefore advocate having a personal acct as well as joint (if both parties feel it is necessary). But trust and openess is very impt. For the lady in d story, she should not leave her marriage rather she shd operate a personal acct to take care of her needs and the kids while still contributing to the joint acct. She shd also make sure she collects the car from bros… If that will make her feel better.
Wow! 47?! Pls we have to give you a high table on this blog cos we, I, have a lot to learn from you. God bless your marriage and your life even more!
I have a joint acc wit hubby but its empty. E no work. Hubby pays all the bills in the house incuding money for my hair even though I have a job and a business. I help out though in other ways-i buy clothes for the children,buy clothes for myself, contribute to vacation bills and generally step in when hubby needs extra cash for his business. Am a savings freak and he is always surprised about the amount of money I have when he needs money.No two marriages are the same. Just do what works for you.
It all boils down to doing what works for ur marriage and provided there is peace.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!
I like your idea of a joint account and personal accounts
I have my own income. I disclose to him how much I earn thinking one day he'll open up. I tell him when I get cash gifts and how much, I even let him know how much I pay my tithes. He just refuses to open up about money.
Hubby and I went to open accounts. When asked if we wanted a joint account, hubby was d first to say No. Hmm was I glad!! **smiles**