This Is Where I Am…
Aunty Eya..good afternoon..i hope you are ok. Today is both my son and my mum’s birthday.Aged 2 and 60 respectively..so i have every reason to thank God.
I know that the WC family have been wanting to hear from me(thank you for your concern,love and prayers). I have just been trying to live as best as i can ..but one thing i did notice is psychologically..am much stronger now.(thank you..fam..for your support and encouragement).
If i try to include everything..i will still be writing for the next 24 hrs straight..so i am going to try and summarize.. but am at a crossroad..my people;
Even though my
hubby said he was going to be responsible for taking the child to school, as he had already enrolled him to a school near his workplace..he didnt live up to it..sometimes he wont go to work, he would be going out to look for people to work on his site and my options are ; i let him take the boy to site..or i can take him to work..even the few times he took him to and fro..was mostly filled with problems..even my first day at work..i had to go and meet them at the police station..where my husband was behind counter with someone..the two were fighting each other on the road..over one car hitting the other.i was able to get there on time..to take the child from him otherwise..he too would be behind the counter with his dad.we did not leave the police station untill 11pm that day.
Ever since then..so when the problems became never-ending..sometimes..he won’t come home straight ..which would mean dragging the boy about..and i would be half out of my mind.so i re-enrolled him back to his old school and fashioned a way out to take him and pick him from school myself,( thank God for the kind of job i got..though it is challenging as it is a new start up..but i have freedom..nobody queries the time you resume work..all they are after is for you to do your job..however you want to do it..and do it extremely well. Even the first month..i started work the last two weeks..and i received full salary).
Ever since then my husband has meted out his usual silent treatments and finally all sorts of outburst that will make the average woman talk but somehow..i have also mastered the silent listening mode.
If you remember too.. our house rent has expired and the landlady has been doing embarrassing things.. My husband didn’t get anywhere before his 1.1m Naira finished. So he has borrowed money.. still not enough.. now he is relying on the money his father is getting from his own brother to finish up the tiny B/Q.
He says we can’t do borehole now..that we will buying water in the meantime..that means no access to running water. right now..he is just getting money to do wiring..if it is going to be enough.he has not bought plumbing and bathroom things ..he hopes to buy these..the next time his father gives him more money.
He has already told me that i will be supporting the house from now on..as he has already mortgaged his salary..he doesn’t have salary again now. I don’t even mind this but currently , I spend 1,700. on transportation only…ferry is #600 per trip..with other bike money..bus fare as well.so what i have left is usually to take care of simple things.
If we moved into this half finished B/Q..i will have to quit my job..as I won’t able to cope cos of the distance and its not straight forward..even if his car has a fault..going to work from there for him will be a dilemma unless he specifically calls someone to pick him.
If we moved into this half finished B/Q..i will have to quit my job..as I won’t able to cope cos of the distance and its not straight forward..even if his car has a fault..going to work from there for him will be a dilemma unless he specifically calls someone to pick him.
I have asked him when he said I will be supporting financially how I will be able to work from there..and which school the boy will go to as there are no basic good schools there..he had no answers..all he could tell me..is he will think about it. Obviously.. as usual.. he never puts my situation into consideration.
Now..not working again ..in an environment .. That is still very very underdeveloped.. not knowing how my son will school now is giving me migraines.. Experience has taught me not to rely on him being able to take the child to and from school smoothly. and now that there are no good schools in that area..I don’t know..
I love my job.. Online business is charting a new course in Nigeria and am excited to be part of it..my boss will nearly faint if I mention to her ..i may be quitting cos she has come to rely on me..she asks for my input .. Even in work areas that are not my turf.. and she encourages me a lot.
Before i started working again..i remember how my husband used to behave to me..as if i was used to borrow money from him..though it hasn’t changed much.. but I have a job as an outlet. When I quit.. I wonder what will happen. So this is my update. This is my crossroad.
Odunayo
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Hmmmm. This is all I can say 4 now.
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm…..
Hello Odun, i think your hubby needs someone to talk to him preferrably his parents or someone he looks up to. Also, when relaying the matter to whoever it is, talk and maintain the importance of ur childs welfare and pls ignore the issue of your job when talking to his parents. Prayerfully approach the parents or his mentor and God will work a miracle. I know ikorodu quite well and the good nur/pry schools are in ebutte and im guessing wherever u r moving to is quite in. Kindly ignore him when he keeps quiet but rather respond with praises and admiration for the singulart act of wanting to provide a rent free home for u guys. From ur salary, u can get him a small gift thanking him for the way he swallows his pride n can go back to jis dad to ask for money. When a man sees his spouse appreciate him, he would want to carry out ur requests. Also suggest dropping ur son off with ur parents for the weekend for u both to bond.I wish u all the best dear. God keep and preserve your finances and home.
I just prepared beans and yam of life..buh didn't take pix while doing dat….wish I did…woulda sent d pix o
Odun, ur husband is like my mum.
We moved in2 a house wit no windows….in d north where harmathern can kill….we had 2 use cloths 2 make windows…and in no time our uncompleted house was completed. Left 2 my dad, 7years on, which is this year we would stil be living in someones house and he won't b d one paying d rent.
I love my mum everyday even if we cried dat time.
Am not saying this 2 say ur husbands actions r the best. Buh pls find a way 2 support this man…pls.
Everytin he is doing is 4 Ʊ…if whatever happens 2 him 2mao, Ʊ r the number 1.
Support him in anyway possible…
Pls.
In no time, Ʊ wil be glad he did what he did…
Its well dear! Respectfully put these facts to him whenever you see he's in a good mood. Before this, table it before God cos He has the souls of kings in His palm. This too shall end in praise!
@teerex..it s not ebutte..it is simawa
My dear, it is well. No matter how bad it gets just know that everything will work out for ur good. It's funny that a man who did not support ur job search now wants you to take over finances for the house…this life eh….
@the anonymous..who said..the mum is like my husband..please let me make it clear to you.. i am not the kind of woman who wants to live a fake life..otherwise i wont be here..please read my earlier posts.i have always supported my husband ..i have always supported i pay at least half of the bills excluding my personal things..up till now..he has never ever given me any housekeeping allowance and i have never asked..cos i dont like to bother pple. whatever we need..how he buys it ..is how i take it and i augument with any spare that i have and i love him very much. Infact i have always been his voltron..i dont have time to be counting the events one by one. It is good to have a roof over your head.. what matters mostly is timing and planning..like i said when i got this job..i knew i could stil manouever..even if it means extra cost..but sticking to that job from this place means ill health.not when i will still have to get home early to cook..wash …take care of the house..take care of the child.i have no maid. And now that he has borrowed against everything..what next? fyi; he cant sell the car..it is official car. People who know my story will know where am coming from ..and would understand when i say i am scared..because of his ways..of further sacrificing again..i want to pray..that moving that far in..with nothing again …that it would be good. so..if u think this is drama..am never one for harsh words..but i would say think again
*i meant when i had my initial job when i got married to him..i was paying at least half the bills…and there was never any housekeeping allowance that some people enjoy. and i never ever complained.
anty eya my eyes dey pain me oh. na so so akpuruka akpuruka problem wey need cracking of brain solution na im you give us today and you nor neutralise am with any sweet mouth tinz. you just starve us the whole day. if you continue like this you go cause brain drain and brain tumour for this ya blog oh. wetin sef oshisco
My dear,don't giv ur self headache,instead take it one day at a time. Let not ur heart be troubled,in due time ,all will be well. Ive found out in my home,that even when I don't agree,there is peace in submission,let ur husband have his way,just keep praying. The Lord will always sort you out. Make ur self happy,u have a son who lives u,not everyone has that. God bless you(big hug)
Madam Odun, its only prayers o….
Have faith its all working for ur good, try not to think too much nor stress urself…
For d Job thing try not to leave it, God is ur strenght…it is well.
Hi Sweetie ( Big Hug) my heart goes out to you and I pray that God makes a way for you.
As you have been adviced, talk to someone he respects with the aim of getting them to appeal to him on your behalf. The way I see it, it may be too late for him to do an about turn now as he has no income to get you guys an apartment to live in, but perhaps he may allow you and your son to put up with relatives in town on weekdays. I'm suggesting this because I feel it would be a shame for you to loose your job at this time when your family needs the income.
I know Simawa and I know that it is also accessible through Redeem camp, have you explored alternative routes to find out what works best for you.
If you are sure that your boss values you as an employee, you may also want to discuss some of the matter with her. You never can tell she may offer you a more flexible work plan.
The Lord is your strenght.
pls give peace chance @ anon
I am that anony and I said all outta love being sum1 who saw my mum go through what ur husband is doing now even If my father is stil alive and was looking on, complaining and even asked 4 a refund of d 5k he gave d cement seller who came home 2 embarras my mum.
I only asked Ʊ 2 support ur hussy dear. Pls support him and we claim. It can only get better.
Again, need I remind Ʊ that we moved an hour away from where we were living, we moved inside, one hour away, buh guess what, right now the area is a city on its own and people are fighting 2 buy half of our land @1000% interest…it sure pays off after a while.
Please be patient and keep supporting ur hussy.
Sum people on dis blog go through worse but wil tell Ʊ that na wa that a man who didn't support Ʊ taking a job is asking Ʊ 2 take up d house expenses….LMAO.
We all won't pat ur back and ask Ʊ 2 leave ur home, some of us wil tell Ʊ d hard truth. Pls bear it.
Love Ʊ dear
Dear Odun, everytime I read from u I feel so sad and at a loss for words.
One thing I will suggest, though I was one of those that discouraged u from taking that job, pls if at all possible don't give it up now.
Spk to ur boss and see if there's anyway u could do most of the work from home since it's mainly online, and maybe go in 1ce or 2ce a wk.
Keep strong. E-hugs 🙂
Keep on deleting Eya I will still type.
@Ada I remember you asked her not to take the job. Smh
Eya has started deleting comments……mschewww
It's annoying cos that woman can be so one sided. She is never objective so she deletes comments that doesn't favor her. Esp if you are not part of her special group. Double mschewww
My sincere comment is leave him and run with your son,and be happy.my own opinion.which kain man go dey give u headache everyday.
Anon…really? My bad. But the way I remembered it, I told her to weigh her options and choose prayerfully cos one must suffer, job or family. I dnt remember ever telling her which to choose cos I cudnt have predicted the turn out. It's easily verifiable. But if that's the way you remebered it, sowi. 🙂
Odun, I understand ur fears jawe…sometimes ppl dnt know it's cheaper to rent a house, than build one.. cos let's see, you rent a 2 bedroom flat for maybe 400k a year. How much will it cos you to build a nice 2 bedroom bungalow? plus land, let say 10 million (cud be more)How many years will it take you get the 10 million back? 25 years. Of u buy land in a cheap area, most times you blow a lot of cash on transport and water. And if you dnt have the money to build all at once…it takes an even longer time. The only gain is that it is ur house. It is only profitable to build ur own house when you have the money ready or you build another for rent.
I suggest that while handling the finances, pls save a whole lot for urself. Dnt get carried away and want to do all you can. Keep like a quarter or even half ur salary if you can… It is well!
I read it again and even though you have a somewhat open response you were gearing towards not to take the job with your subsequent comments.
Anyway I like the new you, you seem calmer and you are more likeable in your tone of writing.
Not everyone can look inwards and make changes like you have done.
I wanted to be petty and attack you unnecessarily but your response has changed my heart
Anon, I think I understand your point but u know it is somehow comparing her situation to yours right now,its d truth u are kinda saying but…..relax
Dear Odun,
I will try my best to make this very short.
At this time, I need u to be very patient.. U need to be very very patient..I also want you to know that things will always get better.. What he is doing is actually for the good of the family and nothing good comes easy.. However,I don't know how you will do this, but do not leave your JOB, I repeat, do not leave your JOB.. Already, your husband is in debt, shey u were complaining before when u didn't have a job and he wasn't even in debt that time. If u leave your Job this time,it won't be funny o cause already he is fustrated and you not having a job and not been able to support is just going to make u a liability.. In one or two years, things will settle back and u guys will be fine,believe me..
Look at u, u are a strong woman. Strong and intelligent one for that matter.. You can do this. U can survive this. Your marriage can survive this. Look, it might look like going to work from ur new house will be very difficult but I know,u will survive and even get a better job soon.. Just keep fighting, u will make it..
Your husband is trying to do the best for the family, he just not going about it the way u feel he should have but not to worry, I know u guys will survive it.. Cheers
I like Virtuosity's idea. Just what I wanted to say. Just try and explore all your options mostly as regards the job. Talk casually with your boss on the possibility of going to the office like 2ce a week. She might ask loads of questions, so arm yourself with lots of intelligent answers on why you think that plan will work (cos you love your job and don't wanna quit, but want to have a meaningful work-life balance. Since it's online, there are loads of alternative communication outlets (mails, skype, IM etc).
None (job and family) has to suffer. None is actually meant to suffer. There's meant to be a balance. Just try and stylishly discuss it with her like that sha.
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Well, I deleted three comments accusing Odunayo of coming here to ask for money. You think I should have left them??? If you were the one that asked for advise, how would you feel?
She has a job, she is not a begger, all she wants is love and some advise and then someone comes to tell her that if it's money she is looking for, 'NOTHING FOR HER.' (All three comments came from one source).
When you hear that people harm themselves, sometimes it's only negative words from other people that trigger such negative actions.
I haven't deleted any other comment. If that is what favouritism is all about, and what it means when they say one is not being objective. Then I'm guilty.
How abouttorain reply on Ahdaisys first comment. Didn't you delete it too?
I can only pray for you..dunno what advice to give u. God will definitely sort things out for you
Sis pls don't mind them,because is obvious that these people are just behaving like a child.
How can you accused her of coming here for money.Hiding under the umbrella of Anonymous,what a shame.
You should stop disgracing yourself here.
My sister I will advise you to please convinced your husband not to relocate for now we did it recently and now we're regretting it . Though my wife warn me towards last year but I won't listen to her now we are in serious debt for us to move back to town to change children school and stuff like that. …now we are planning of converting the place to a letable at igbosoro ogun state via odongunya. ..There is time for everything on earth