Have you ever wanted something so bad but met a closed door? Sure you prayed about it really hard, even had to fast about it so much but the door remained locked shut.
Well, welcome to my world. I’d like to share a story with you as regards closed doors.
“I had my life planned out before me and the next step in my books after my BSc. was Masters in the UK.
In my books, I had to work for a while to raise at least half of the tuition and I worked rather hard for a young girl and raised the required £4000 in about a year.
By June, I had paid the initial
deposit of the tuition to my intended university and was only left with getting a visa to which I had to come to Nigeria to apply.
Everything seemed to be working out perfectly well for me until I was dealt with several blows of a UK Visa denial ON MY RETURN TO NIGERIA. I was dazed to say the least. How could they have refused me? I had travelled to the UK more than three times, had never overstayed my visit and even had a visa valid up until October of that same year.
When I took my time to go through the reasons for the denials, it was so flimsy that the word flimsy itself marveled. I was told that a document which they returned wasn’t included in my documents.
I cried until my eyes were weary of doing so; I didn’t have a plan B so there was no telling to check in ‘my book’ for the plan B. It was an awful time for me and page can’t do as much justice to the emotions behind those feelings. I brought only a few of my belongings to Nigeria with the intention that I would be back to the UK in a month.
Two months had passed and I eventually encouraged myself to get a job. With the help of family and friends, I got my first Job in Nigeria. It was a far cry from what I knew to be a job; the working conditions and SALARY was nothing to write home about hence I started looking for another job.
My second job was slightly better than the first and that I did for 2 years. At some point, I was frustrated and started job haunting, again. I got tired doing the same thing over and over again, every day of the week. I knew there had to be more to me, there had to be more to life, and there had to be more to achieving a fulfilled life.
I went for several interviews and did my best but never got any calls afterwards. I had sleepless nights severally, my pillow became my best ally as it got drowned each night with my tears.
Like a joke and without any application, I got my present job in May, 2012 and it opened several opportunities to me. Was I glad? Sure you can imagine. Oh Yes! I’ve visited the UK several other times after then and can now say ‘thank God for that closed door’ ‘coz else, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
As opposed to where I’m coming from, I’m glad and grateful to God for where I am today. I couldn’t see this me I have become years back and didn’t have plans for this in my book.
I have since re-traced my step and have other plans though I have more room for God’s plans now. “
Of course! I’ve hit several other closed doors since then and I actually just hit another one. However, I know better than to give it all up, I know now that sometimes closed doors are good, hence I’d hang in there ‘coz I know this is a testimony about to break forth.
I’d leave you with one of my favorite words, ‘no one said it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it’ so hang in there ‘coz, you’re about to share your testimony.
Lotaluv,
FolaShade…
A thousand likes
Thax sis…amen .
Adebubler..
Amen! and thanks.
Another heart-attending piece from Shade.
I quite agree with your assertions,coz the difference between a stumbling block and a stepping a stepping block is what u make of it,coz either way u need it to effect the change which u desire.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Thanks for sharing this. When human power ends the power of God sets in.
Great piece. I'm so encouraged by this.. I believe in a couple of years, I'll be a lot better and progress much more than where I am today. God has brought me to such a great height, I'm excited at what He has in store! Help me believe God!!
Ohgey A
Thank u sis! What a piece.
i need a 2bedroom for rent in Abuja any available?
Awww… i love happy endings.beautiful piece Folashade. Thanks for sharing.
Very inspirational.
I knew it had to be you even before I saw your name! Had a experience recently that butresses your claim. Great piece….
Amen!Amen!Amen!
Really beautiful. God has been so good to me too. I may not be where I want to be right now, I may not have the most of what I want in life but my friends look at me with envy. I am just a little girl with a Huge God.
Crystal
Tank U crystal for d lovely comment. That totally describes my life. I may not be where I want to be but am not where I used to be. I have a WHOLE LOT to be thankful for. Sometimes d devil tries to show me just d negatives in my life just to depress me and cover up a multitude of positives.
Like d writer I've met some shut doors in my life and dis post just made me know better, what I already know…. to trust God in all things.
P.S I Love this blog
OBY!!
Hmmm! Well said… Nothing is really worth dying for besides God.
The moral is that, no matter what you see, if God does not see it, it's a waste of time!
My prayer is that God directs our path in whatever way he chooses.
Nuff!
Amen!Amen!Amen!God is jst awesome!am trusting him 4 d best.thnx Fola,luvly!
Hi Everyone,
Goodevening Aunt Eya and other WC reader, I'm sorry to hijack this post but my mailbox is really acting up and I'm in sorta a fix and need some objective advice- or, please, a sweet person could just help me send it to Aunt Eya box, no? I'll be so grateful!
Please, please, I'm in a big fix.
I began a distant relationship (US/Nig)last year (August).
I'd come out of an emotionally abusive relationship around April and took the time to heal and pray…. I remember I was in one of such waiting(you get? Fasting) modes when he started calling.
Turned out he was a chikker that I wouldn't give the time of the day in 2010- me I was ready to test the waters so we begun.
We kinda became serious and he made plans for me to come over- my visa got denied, he came in and, I found I liked him in person( I fretted about bonding over the phone and not being physically attracted).
He came again and wanted to introduce me to fam but fam, curiously, won't have it cos they didn't like where I was from.
He was truly upset and left back.
I was truly hurt in that interim, (early this year- feb, precisely) and kept asking if we were over but he insisted not but, I sense him soft pedal- we were still on.
I met someone else here in naija, my city.
I'd never met anyone I connected with that instantly- he knew I was in a relationship buti guess he set out to get me regardless.
I honestly didn't plan to, we both fell in love.
I was truly befuddled and the plan was that I'd tell bf in the US.
Somehow, he already guessed someone was asking me out or sth cos of the endless calls he's chance on me taking at midnight so I told him the truth- that I met someone. He asked what the issue was with that, I met someone, so? Tell him off! I told him I liked the person and he was probably someone I could date if I hadn't already been with him and he was livid- long story short, he insisted I cut off from naija love….. And I did. But not for long.
The naija guy was patient but had begun to tell me that he wanted to take it to the next level and wouldn't stay at that spot he was for long- I realised of course but I needed to end things properly wit us friend.
Us guy started calling with the "good news", his family were suddenly in acceptance! My heart broke.
Fastforward, few months back, US guy comes in (Naija guy and I gave each other a break and I'd told him I couldn't guarantee the fate of the meet with US guy (I did have in mind to severe relations)) and I realise I had Zero attraction to him, couldn't even hold his hand.
I felt I was in a haze the entire week he was around as I saw him first day, second day he's calling to ask that I come to his house and I go and meet his family and at the end of the week, a day before he flies off, he comes to my home with friend and a drink to see my dad.
I didn't quite severe things, they rather got serious.
I became depressed and he knew I wasn't happy and would call and tell my mum (my family had known him over the phone) that since the day he came with the drinks, I'd become most unhappy and that she should find out why.
I kept falling deep into depression (and truly, I actually suffer(ed) from clinical depression(so they say sha)) and I came out and told him what I really felt.
I told him I realised I wasn't attracted to him anymore (he once tried to kiss me but I couldn't) and I told him that for me, that was a truly bad sign.
He wanted to know if there was someone else, I tried to protect naija guy but he de-coded and was livid. Ranted about how that he'd warned me to cut away from him and that see where not cutting away was landing us.
Long story short, he wouldn't let go, or me neither, insisted we start praying together, the day I gave him this news, he called me about 50 times (and my mum simultaneously) and told her he couldn't concentrate at work- imagine how the poor woman felt.
They only came home to "talk" (pressure) me, telling me all sorts of thing…..
How that my friends are all getting married and this one has already brought drink and wants to marry you in Nov (naija guy wants to settle down mext year- the think its "far" and- "who can say what will happen?)
Long story short, this is where I am, I feel I can't really say anything, I've tried every means to communicate our incompatibility (which is so gross- its alarming) but, amazingly, he tells me that there are "forces" that aren't happy with the concept of marriage and we should intensify prayers.
I also fear I've lost naija guy.
I've hurt him too much in all these (he pushed on seeing my mum but she wouldnt- she felt it was inappropriate for now).
All of it made me just seem juvenile and extremely confused- a state I wouldn't ordinarily allow to be used to describe me.
I've been praying too…..
I just really love naija guy- our communication is fast dwindling- and I wonder if I should just let it and settle with US?
After all, I used to love him, I'm just torn…..
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
What do you ladies think?
I won't necessarily buy it, this is a women's forum, I know I can garner great wisdom here.
Thank you ladies and God bless you and your homes.
Xoxo.
you too xoxo
you too xoxo
Thanks for this post namesake.
Dear, you have to know what you want and stick to it no matter what anybody says or thinks. pray about it and please pray without thinking of any of the guys. just let your heart be empty. if your people keeps pressuring you, let them know firmly but with love and respect that it is you and not them that would be in the marriage…isnt it better to marry next yr and experience marital bliss than to marry in nov and be regretting.. my dear for now purge yourself of the two guys ie tell the us guy off and stay away from the nigeria guy , pray and develop yourself…. The only person you should be dependent on now is God. talk to him as if you are telling someone infact tell him everything as you have just written here…tell him your fears,doubts,confusion,thoughts etc….COMMUNICATE with him and be patient to listen
Dear, you have to know what you want and stick to it no matter what anybody says or thinks. pray about it and please pray without thinking of any of the guys. just let your heart be empty. if your people keeps pressuring you, let them know firmly but with love and respect that it is you and not them that would be in the marriage…isnt it better to marry next yr and experience marital bliss than to marry in nov and be regretting.. my dear for now purge yourself of the two guys ie tell the us guy off and stay away from the nigeria guy , pray and develop yourself…. The only person you should be dependent on now is God. talk to him as if you are telling someone infact tell him everything as you have just written here…tell him your fears,doubts,confusion,thoughts etc….COMMUNICATE with him and be patient to listen
Thank you so much, @ Anon 9:38am.
I've been waiting for some sort of response but it seems most people had read the post earlier and of course, won't re-visit.
God bless you for your advice-
I have to say, I've been sorta bias in my prayer, I pray about them both- without any preference- only asking God to let His Will be done as things work out between myself and the person for my future.
The guy in the Us and I have nothing in common now but, the sad part is that he doesn't see it…..:(
I find no humour in our relationship, we aren't friends, I've realised- when I try to express certain things to him, no matter how nicely, he becomes overly sensitive, closes up for a while and just acts in ways that presses my brain so I have to constantly contain my irritation and this is really getting me even more depressed- when I explain, somehow, we run around in a little circle and all of a sudden, its my fault as "he cannot believe I can tell him I'm feeling the way I'm feeling"- should I now die? (whereas, the naija guy and I are like, great friends! We laugh a lot, yab each other, share and express ourselves clearly with understanding)
Anyway, I'm waiting on God now- I really need an answer and this is my final search in quest for it.
Thereafter, I'll just go with whatever resonates with my heart.
Thank you again, anon.
God bless you.
POSTER/ or rather, HIJACKER
I was once in a similar situation where there was pressure left and right to continue a relationship dt cld never makr a happy marriage bt I took my stand. I'm married to another man now and everyone is happy i ended the previous one. Ur mum does nt feel what u feel in ur heart. Go with ur feelings/heart.
Based on what you ve written, i wld advice dt u cut ties with the US guy since u re nt attracted to him and dont get urself worked up on the naija guy if he walks away (what will be will be).
Most importantly, keep praying.
Some questions for you:
1. Have you met US guy family? For him to convince them to accept the relationship is no good sign. Possibly their acceptance is due to his influence in the family – that would not stand the test of time.
2. You claimed to have prayed (are praying)… peace about a situation is a good way God speaks to His children. Do you feel at peace about the US guy?
3. Why would you want to marry either of the guys? You should be able to articulate @ least 15 reasons. Would be nice to know what reasons the guys would give for same question.
4. If you’re a Christian, you need to know that the worst mistake you can make is marrying an unbeliever. What is God saying? Hope you know it’s possible neither of these guy is the one?
As you pray, be open to hear what the Holy Spirit will say – God is interested in giving you a good home. You shall not err in the journey, IJN.
I would stop here for now… might need to re-read the entire post again to ensure I got the story line right…
@ Anon 3:53PM, thank you so much for your input. I particularly loved where you said, "…don't get yourself worked up over the naija guy if he walks away…", I had issues with that but I think I'm more at peace, indeed, what will be will be.
@ Mr Johnson, thank you very muc sir.
In my story, I said I'd met with the Us guy's family, his elder sisters have only begun calling me quite frequently.
As for peace, curiously, as much as I'm not presently in a place where I'm brimming with affection for the guy in the Us, I feel safer and more secure with him and that's not quite the same with the naija guy…. The naija guy is more of my type of person- really cool guy with a likeable personality- you know he'll always get some person to get into a relationship with in no time- not quite for the guy in the Us- he's not quite the "cool" type, just a regular ibo guy who's learned but still has his "nna" edge.
That's all for now.
Of course I can't list my 15 faves here but I'll be sure to draw up same for myself.
Thanks guys!
God bless
POSTER/HIJACKER
Ije Love……………………
the best thing I would tell you is that be with the on you love. For one, you do not know this US guy very well and you guys have not spent a lot of time together.How sure are you that you would love him when he marries you? Also I dont understand why he wants to rush and marry you knowing very well that you are not sure of how you fell about him. Marriage is a very long journey and you need to take the journey with someone who loves and understands you and vice versa. For me, the red flag here is the way the US guy is in a hurry to marry, and not minding how you feel about him.
I am not saying the naija guy is better, all I know is you really have to love and be passionate about whoever you want to marry
Anon 12:10, I really don't understand the issue. I suggest u make it clearer by using paragraphs.
Omalicha…
HELLO
Another great piece from Fola. Very inspirational. Weldon!!!
Omalicha…
Jehovah has the final say
Jehovah has the final say
Lol. Blindbatomalicha
I just read this today and this is me I went ahead and married the uk guy even though u had no feelings for him anymore presure from my family and I felt since I loved him once I will love him again. Fast forward to five years after marriage I still don't love him marriage is dull we hardly agree on anything and I spend most times thinking of the nija guy who is doing very well and married.
My dear follow ur hear nobody is going to be in the marriage with u