Hello wives connection and Madame Eya, I started following the blog in 2014 and have benefitted immensely. Please advise me on how to go about this new drama from my wife. We have been married for 8 years and live in a 4 bedroom here in Lagos with 2 kids. We are not rich but comfortable enough to thank God. I am a business owner and I pay for everything, children School fees, food, cars, insurances, groceries, maintenance, medical bills, building a home at my village and all expenses which is well over say ten thousand Naira straight. I also pay for my wife’s part time schooling. She became a teacher after our second child was born, to enable her create more time for the kids while earning a little something for herself. My wife doesn’t really work that much at home and does only a few dishes sometimes, laundry pretty much most of the chores for
just the two of us. We used to have a house help that takes care of other things and the kids too so my wife is not over worked like she claims but the girl travelled and never returned leaving the work for my wife which is not my fault. Now she wants to start receiving the maids salary for doing the chores. How is that possible when the family is hers too?
Right, she wants to get paid 50k a month from me for her doing the most chores while I get the time to go make big money according to her.
She found something on oyibo gossip blogs on the Internet that housewives work is worth more than 50k a month and she is serious, and tells me she is giving me a discount that since I’m paying all the bills, she will reduce it to 40k. We have a joint account that we use and she says she doesn’t want to withdraw from there but wants me to give her that personally as in for her exclusively. I don’t care about giving my wife the money she wants since i always thought whatever we have or make is ours. It is obvious that she wants her own money (that she doesn’t have to think about or telling me whatever she does etc.) I really hate her calculating things, who is working and still doing house work etc. I already told my wife about the facts (calculating things and checking my earnings) that i hate it. I have never cared or complained about my paying all the bills and expenses for my family because I am a parent and I see it as my responsibilities. She earns a salary for heaven’s sake… I have never complained about paying all those expenses myself until now that she made me to, I just hate the fact that i started calculating because of her, that’s not how I want my family to be run.
When my wife gets angry at me, she says all sorts of rubbish about her being the glorified maid with nothing to show, her marriage to a supposedly “rich man” with nothing to show for it etc. With all these unnecessary calculations between us, our relationship is drifting further away. I do not understand my wife anymore, and don’t know what to do. Is it me that’s doing something wrong or my wife is jealous that I’m successful?
Any input will help! Thanks.
Women can be so unreasonable. How can she asked to be paid as if she is working for someone else's family. Everything you own is hers too, please tell her that.
If you can afford it, pay her, if you can't, negotiate with her based on what you can afford.
From your mail, you take care of everything at home for that reason you don't give her anything, so I don't think she is been unreasonable, she needs to save, look good, help her family without asking you for it.
If she is getting enough from her job, she wouldn't ask for more.
One of the ways of making your wife happy is by giving her enough money, don't let her lack or asked for it before you do.
There's no such thing as paying for the housework your own wife is doing for her own home. She working doesn't mean from time to time, you won't give her little money for her up keep or buy her things. I think she needs money from you to maintain herself but is going about it through payment of house work. The issue here is Most men think there no need to give their wives or girl friends money from time to time because she is working. You mustn't give her millions but little as u can afford will make her happy and show you care. Talk things over with her. She has needs and if her salary was enough she won't act these way. Still beg women not to let things we see or watch influence us. Most people that come to say stories about how their husbands treat them lie and hype things. They will ruin your marriage or relationship while theirs is buzzing. Women should be reasonable and understanding and men should do the needful.
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She needs money for her upkeep and I guess that all the bills you pay for in the house has made you think of giving her money for herself. Atleast every month, despite the fact that she works, you should give her something if you can afford it. Something within your budget, whether you have a help or not. I suggest you should tell her how you feel about her asking for money for house chores and that you'd rather give her money for being your wife and a good one at that.
Do not stress yourself into thinking deeply into this or it would affect you.
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You may not need to pay for house-chores or housework but ensure you appreciate her at all times. To be a woman is not a day's job.
Once in a while just acknowledge her with gratitude, "she may be coming from a place of, it seem you don't know how much I do" I don't think you should pay her for house chores. tell her stuff like "Inasmuch as i go out to make the money, I cannot do it without you taking care of the home front".
Love the new look aunty Eya
I go with @New Jwel… However, you cannot give a woman (wife) enough money.
Fix a monthly allowance for her – that money is hers. U should also have your own money outside the joint account, provided there is transparency.
Give her monthly allowance even if you pay all the bills.It doesn't have to be the 50k she's demanding,give her whatever you can afford.
I totally agree with you Funmy,i do not believe that there is need to pay for housework. However, an occassional treat or money for shopping in appreciation for taking care of the home would go a long way. Also thank you notes or words would help a lot.