Don’t even know where to start from but my mom is driving me nut, Treating me like a kid. Am 22 and am serving and the major reason why I redelopyed from the state I was posted to was because of my fiancé but each time I leave the house to spend like 1 week with him my mom turns something else.
The recent thing she did was too call me on phone that because she gave me opportunity am misusing it. And calling ma fiance and shouting on him on phone that he should talk to me that I left house shores for my younger ones the annoying part is when am home I don’t even do any tin in the house because my younger ones are of age. Like seriously don’t know what to do.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed mobile broadband on any
she is just been a mother. maybe ou should respect her and stop going to visit ur fiancee for that long. whenu guys get married, u will have all the time in the world, just respect our mum for now. please. how much longer do you have ? patience my dear. you are still young, i was at home till i was 26yrs old, it was very frustrating. now she comes to visit me and my kids in my husbands house. because i respected her in the past, she now respects me too.
My dear I no how u feel and I no how ur mum feels too. I have been there. Just because u r engaged doesn't mean u should go and spend a week in ur fiance's house it's disrespectful. My mum did same to me buh I was sensible enof to understand how she felt. I no u feel like flying out of d house, and getting hitched. buh trust me one day u will appreciate wat she is doing and u'll miss her a lot! So my advice is calm down dear, do wat u r supposed to do @ home, visit ur fiance less. Till u get married.soon u'll be in ur own home. And u'll be a a mother too Oo°˚˚˚°! Lol
Respect is reciprocal. Just because you are my mum does not mean you should cross boundaries. You need to speak to her about your frustrations. Calling your fiancée to talk badly about you is a no no. You however need to handle this diplomatically cos in all she is still your mom.
My dia there are things that are just not done! Has ur fiance payed your brideprice? How do you leave from your mother s house to go stay for a week with him? Respect her my dia. I was at home till I was 27 so I know how it feels.
Well said. Poster you are only 22 ooo. I was at home until I got married at 27. But what you don't do is go from your parents house to a man's place to stay for 1 day not to talk of one week. It doesn't show any respect for your folks now. You think about it ehn. Put yourself in your mother's shoes na. Would you allow your own daughter to do what you are doing?
Pls your mum is right in not being happy with this arrangement o. It is one thing to know that your child has a boyfriend she is sleeping with but to now know that the child has actually gone for kwanan gida from your own house is another thing.
Pls wait small and complete the marriage rites na because uraa ga eju onye nwuru anwu afo (sleep go tire dead person).
The english in this post is very poor. Aunty eya please try to edit these posts so we can read them clearly and advise accordingly. House "shores"? "she did was too call me on phone that because she gave me opportunity am misusing it"??
Anyway, my question is – why are you spending a week at your fiance's house? Is that appropriate?
dear poster you sef you no try why would you go and be cohabiting with a man you are not married to?
Dear poster, she's a caring mother looking out for the best interest of her daughter, before ℓ̊ got married, ℓ̊ was somewhat in your position, when A̶̲̥̅♏ home ℓ̊ don't do anything cos my younger siblings are there. ℓ̊ just supervise them, buh dat doesn't mean ℓ̊ can leave house for 1week to go visit a man; no christian mother will support that…. Buh ℓ̊ will have to agree with ƴ۵џ that she kinda did bad by calling ur fiance buh an thinking its cos ƴ۵џ wldn't listen to her. You will be a mother someday, maybe then ƴ۵џ understand… Pls respect ur mum and tell ur fiance to come marry ƴ۵џ so ƴ۵џ will live with him 4ever…lol
It is not appropriate to spend 1week straight @your fiancés place. It doesn't show respect. I am 22 too and have never spent more than 1night @my fiancés place. Even that 1day, I get scared to tell them I won't be back, not because they will beat me but because it doesn't speak well of my home and upbring. The day I wanted to stay for 2days sef, my fiance was the one that told me himself that it is not right and that my parents will think we are taking them for granted which was true. So please you can lesson the time of your visit . My mum has called my fiance too. That was the first night I stayed out 2 tell him that he hasn't paid my bride price and should know what he does with me. I was embarrassed @first but since then my fiance respects me and my family more.
Hmm,tell her o!!!
Hmm,tell her o!!!
Dear poster, u and your fiancé obviously have no respect for your mother or family, and you also have no self respect or common sense, if he wants you to leave your parents house and stay for a week! Den he should go and organize a sharpsharp wedding no big celebration just a few frnds and family. So basically ur in his house probably washing,cooking, and giving him steady sex,etc and ur mom should praise d both of u and maybe buy you some sex toys na, to spice up ur endless weeks with him, fiancé kor fiancée. Ni. You better be careful with this "fiancé" Bcos anyman that has little or no respect for your mother, hmmmm.
if you are in such a hurry to spend time with your fiancé, then ask him to hurry up with the marriage rites. It is quite disrespectful to spend a night talkless of a whole week at a man's house in the same city as your parent. why are you in a hurry to eat hot porridge??????????
Dear poster, if he doesn't marry U̶̲̥̅̊ at the end of the whole thing, blame urself. That's extremely disrespectful. How ȡǿ U̶̲̥̅̊ want other family members to look at ur mum.
Hmmm… everyone has spoken well and I know that no matter what they say, you may not get it until you marry, then you would ask yourself, what was all those running from pillar to post for? Though I admit it adds to the thrill, the memory and the story you and hubby might laugh over later… that said , I would want to say a child is never too old for the mums correction or guidance because they know more than you know, no matter what you think now and everything they do is for your interest…I can remember my fiancé came to visit me, his mum called him to find out his sleeping arrangement…Even though all you and your fiancé do is hold hands and pray when you stay over at his house, your mum doesn't know that and fears for the worse…Since you guys stay in the same state, you can actually see him everyday without sleeping over because God forbids this boy doesn't marry you at the end, you still want to have your dignity intact.
http://www.bride2mum.com
U're not serious o! And let me tell u,dt ur fiancee has no respect for ur parents. Haba! One whole week in a man's house (u even went from ur parents' house). U're selling urself cheap to him and at d same time,u're proving to him u don't send ur mom.
From what u said,it wasn't even once u did it o. If he respects ur mum,he won't even allow u to repeat staying long at his place after d 1st time ur mom called him. Be careful o! When u get married,it might blow up in ur face! Nothing as bad as a man with no respect for d in-laws.
Sorry for my epistle and possible typos
Dear poster please listen to your mom,my mom was same way too back then,at times one gets resentful,but after you are married you would sure love her to pieces and wish you could be with her more often,so enjoy her attention and care now while under her roof.
Please like our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hadarcreations and also visit our website http://www.hadarcreations.com for your trendy clothes and shoes for women,men and kiddies,we sell unique and affordable stuffs,and we are always pocket friendly,Join our team and enjoy a good shopping time always,thank you
I read this and I was shocked! Am I getting old or is our country something else! Ahh I couldn't tell my mom I was going to spend the day not night with my boyfriend abi fiance! Ahh my brothers would drag u out of that man's house. Nne respect yourself na!
At 25 my parents never allowed me spend a night at my bf's house even after we had done introduction & we were just one month away from our white & trad wedding. Babe respect urself & stop spending a week at ur bf's place. It doesn't speak well of u & ur parents at all. What if u guys end up not getting married? Think about it & evaluate how u'l feel. I now appreciate all my parents did then cos now am married & I have a child.
Ur mom is treating u like a child cos u probably act like one. Maturity is not in age o. That being said no mum wld smile at her 22 year old going to stay 1 week in a mans house. Comon. Have u no respect or regard for her? U expect her to help u pack ur bags and say see u in a week wen ur goin abi? It is sooooo wrong of u to do dis esp from ur parents house. My dear take it from us married ones, a hubby witout respect for ur family is disaster waiting to happen. Beta fix it while u can.
Hian oooo, 22yrs old for heaven's sake! U r already sleepin over for a week at a guy's place? From ur parents' house for that matter! *Smh* . Your mum self didn't even do well by allowing u in d first place. I'm 26 ehn and I can not even dare tell my parents dt I'll b sleepin over at my fiance's place. Its jst for d respect. Another thing is dt, u r even still serving! U better calm ur nipples ehn n concentrate more on ur life b4 d boyfriend that u r calling fiance will do u over strong thing…. Mscheeew
God bless u Olivia,she's a very spoilt child obviously! She even had to redeploy jst to hv sweeter sex with the fiance. Biko the boi nor fit dey travel come meet u for whr u dey? Na I dey strive to be with him…. We won't hear of how very dumb and stupid u are at 22 until they design ur face with beating as u sure don't even have respect for yourself.. You better listen to ur mother rather than allowing ur so called fiance's dick control you…
Nne when ur fiance goes to work wot du u. Du??? U start preparing food nd all like a wife wen u r not.. Well u r lucky even after my introduction I dare not spent a night in my hubby's aux. Well in my aux its only 24th of dec we d females r allowed to come om late say 12am till 4am In a whole year… No clubbing no sliping out in friends aux talk less of fiance…. I will advice u listen to ur mum nd see ur fiance if u like everyday but definately nt sliping over. Wot s it dat u both do at night dat u can't do during the day if he decided to close from work early? Tink well my dear poster.
My dear the girl is unbelievable. I read this post as soon as it was posted I was too pissed to reply cos wetin I for tell am she for no like. I blame who even allow am get bf at 22 sef. At 26 going on 27, I can't even saying I am going to visit a man. Even after my fiance came for intro I am still not allowed to sleep at his place. Even my sister of 33yrs is planning her wedding but she is warned not to sleep over at her fiance's house. Wo! Babe chill Ooº°˚ that thing u r rushing for u have 40more years to do it and you go tire. Your reaction shows u don't have any form of respect for your parents and your guy will also treat them that way
Poster they have said it all. I don't know the kind of eye your fiance is using to look at you sha! Man wey never marry you put for house you'd rather please him than your mum that carried you for nine months? Orisa bi iya kosi oh! You are too young to go aNd be camping in a man's house biko
God bless u.exactly what i had in mind n to add to that,am married wt two kids yet anytime i go to my dad'shouse.i follow d rules i grew up with.i dnt stay out late,i lock d door d way he likes it n al dt.it dosnt make me less of me.its just my way of respecting my dad n respecting myslf in d process as i will nt like it if he complains..moreover,i want my boys to alwaz respect me even when they r older.so pls calm down,do as ur mom wants n blive me dt man will respect u more for it..wish u happy married life in advance.
@poster, ur mom loves you. She doesn't want you to lose respect in the eyes of ur fiance. Men appreciate & respect a lady who is not so available before marriage. Btw, that u r engaged doesn't necessarily guarantee marriage (hard truth). As a married woman, I advise you to allow ur fiance to miss and long for you to an extent, it will speed up your wedding and keep u esteemed in his eyes. I did it & I don't regret it.
Its very wrong when you are not married to a man and you go and spend days in his place, if he want you all the time then he should pay you bride price or he should get married to you legally, from your mothers reaction you should understand that she is not in support of your action, I suppose out of respect for you she don't want to say it directly to you
Also that you are 22 and have younger ones is not a straight ticket to stop participating in the house chores, there should be a limit to what you do at home, else you will not give the younger ones chance to grow and learn how to do house works, but you should participate in the house chores once in a while, like me for an example, I am a guy and I am in my mid 20's but as a form of exercise, and also to serve as an example to my younger ones I engage in the house chores once in a while, that gives my parents joy, and make them have lots of respect for me, and in your case you are a woman, so there shouldn't be any reason whatsoever for you not to do house chores because you have younger ones, so don't spend all your energy pleasing a man you are not yet married to and displeasing your mum in the process
So my advice is do some of the house works sometimes, be a leader by example just like Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, and I am sure you mum will have little or no problems with you again
Your comment will be visible after approval
First commenter, please, what's "aux"? I don't get, please.
Please, let's not insult the OP, or call her "whore". She came here to ask for advice, let's give her constructive ones.
Op, as others have said, it's really not part of our culture for women to spend so much time in a man's house when they're not married. I started living on my own at 24, after school and stuff, but liver still no gree me spend more than 1 night at my boyfriend's place. It's just to signify respect for yourself and your family, you get?
Also, your boyfriend might just be studying you, and thinking to himself "if that's the way she treats her mum, no way am I taking her home to mama".
It's not too late to get back on track dear.
Choi! Babe, who send you go send Aunty Eya dis kind mail? All d Mamas in da house haf finish U…lol. Singing…"hear ur mama hear ur papa, life go beta for u".
na wa 4 u babe! U better close ur leg and wait til marriage. And if i were to be ur mum i wil gv u a gd slap!
God wants to deliever her!
Mtchewwww. at 22? its so obvious u re one of dis new generation spoilt brat witout value or self respect. dat ur boyfren, pray make he nor go be waka pass 2morro.
Nyno
I don vex…who's this child biko?
There r some things you don't even need to be told and you just knw its absolutely wrong. Haba
You are very stupid! Wait after carrying your first child for 9months then put to bed after which you'll go through sleepless nights then come back here and tell us how much your mum pisses you off. Bloody child..mtseew
poster. U think u wil be supportd 4 ur irrational behaviour. Pele.
What is irrational about her behaviour? Or dido just learn the word?
Why is everybody vilifying this girl? She is here to seek a litt advice not to be crucified by a bunch of hypocrites..just because one has had a secret abortion does not mean they are better than the one who had a child outside wedlock..just because one does not openly live with a partner or boyfriend does not mean he/she is not having premarital sex..heck how are you guys better than her? She is only openly doing hers and everybody is wearing their holy robe and pointing dirty and stained fingers at her…for those playing the western culture card, is it the western culture that gave u the opportunity to be the faceless accuser that u are that is all bad? Is it the same that gave us white collar job and fly overs that u enjoy today that is bad.. Is this African culture that u solo often advocate for all encompassing? Didn't the African culture kill twins at one point and was stopped by this dangerous westerners? This lady is just 22 and obviously need a lot of growing up and not to be devoured by holy weje claimants
At 22, you are going to spend one week in the house of a boyfriend. ode. later you will write saying that they dumped you
Exactly! let us not call her names
I commented earlier on this and came back to check how it was going and I must say, personally I am not sure, I like what is happening here, a young lady came to ask for advice from us and all of a sudden we have started insulting her, calling her a slut, fool and others…The reason she came here is for us to hear her out and the best we can give would either be to scold her and give constructive criticism not call her names…later we will be wondering why our kids hide things from us? they are afraid how we will handle the situation, maybe we will call them names too and slap them making them go out to find answers to their questions…Before you guys attack me, please read my comment above so you know I am not supporting her but I am just addressing the ladies here that later want their kids to be their best friends/confide in them.
Everybody knows how the beginning of engagement is like, it almost seem like you cannot get enough of the guys company and most of us saying with pride that we never slept in same house with our fiancé , we never even held hands, if we were given opportunities, wouldn't we want to try it? I am not saying it is right but let us not act like she is from space or what she said is totally out of the world/unthinkable…let us just advice her and stop the name calling please dear mothers…
I would just like to say once more that I don't agree with her being rude to her mum or staying one week in her fiancé house, I am just talking about the approach here and the throwing of "stones"
I once thought dis blog was different frm other blogs, but I was wrong. I only wanted an advice from u people, I realised my action was wrong and hv made ma amends but d insult frm dis blog is just too much, I regretd sharing my problem would I kept mute yea I knew I was wrong but dats nt d way u guys shuld correct me calln me names like slut etc dats uncalled for. Tnx anyways wil never share any tin here again
Kid advice… obviously still single.
@Anon 11:39 – agreed she "need a lot of growing up.."
She should, however, not be pampered so that other singles can learn.
@Poster, what is your dad saying in all this? If na my papa, he go wan the guy! If he wants to marry you, he should come clean and do the needful, rather than start enjoying the benefit of married men.
Poster, your mum is seeing danger ahead that you're probably blind to.
Only your friends (true friends) will tell you the bitter truth… Your post did not show that you knew you were wrong – thank God you now know!
How did the insults and name calling affect you? Does anyone know who you are? It's for reasons like this that WC posts are anonymous.
The whole essence is to pass (and give Godly advice) without being political about it – and that’s what you got. I will, however, encourage you (and others) to share challenges in order to avoid pitfalls.
Eya! Sorry @ poster.
Exactly..poster give urself some value and stop staying that long at ur fiance's place cos I know u're already performing wifely duties even before he has "wifed" u (if dat word exists..lol). U can visit him, but 1week? Very wrong.
As for ur mum, it's just normal. I'm sure most of us ladies went through such before marriage/some still do. Why don't you jst endure..afterall before you met ur fiance u had no choice than to stay in the house. Overlook her pestering attitude, that's 'motherly instinct'. Biko quit staying over at ur fiance's place.
And what makes your a full grown adult's advice? Seems like u can't handle the truth u are one of the one side thinking can't think outside the box people. Here is the truth miss adult, some people think outside the box and can't be bothered for what others are saying..just cos one is not on the side of the majority does not mean one does not know what he/she is saying..I hope are not single ursellf..looks like marriage is like achievement for u..how's dat?
Serious kid advice. Thanks anon 8:15.
Anon 3:20 still has a lot to learn in life.
@Anon 8.35, you have said it all. @ Poster, I hope you have truly made amends. I want you to see all the advice above as helping you to be a better person. Deduct the insults and take the advice with a positive spirit. Like Anon said, only true friends will tell you the truth. (Na only your friend go fit tell you say your mouth dey smell)
All the best and no vex.
And u need to stop being a suck up
Hmmm so u don reach WC?
shut ur mouth, wat did u know?
Ur English tells a lot about u "what did you know" really?
annon 405pm go to hell, ok
ssce holder, shut up please…
Lmao! this blog is turning into something else! so what's the difference between dz and the comments on Linda ikeji? I really thought matured people were here but nahhhh! y'all are the same… Well only a few well constructed answers! and Aunty Eya please approve comments before posting!
Wow! U seem to be an expert on ssce. Have u been stuck on that level for too long? U need to expand your vocabulary beyond "shut up" besides u can't say shut up to a write up..I hope whatever ur frustration that has reduced u to your "shut up" situation gets better..good luck.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
So sorry dear, I didn't see the "slut" comment before you read it. Sorry please, it's off your post.
Your making it seem like only particular peeps write in dis blog, its open to everyone. So anybody can come here and post wat eva rubbish dey like and go. @poster take d advice and forget the haters. Simple!!!!!
Seriously? At 22? And u even have the guts to say u have a fiance talk more of spending the night. one week? Children of these dayz, na wa. u are still very young sha. The guy sef, hin no get mama for house? It is wrong on both sides. You shudnt do that. Some of us couldn't even have a boyfriend at 22. But really, who do we blame? Respect ur mum or u wud get the same or worse from ur kids. Shey u have a fiance.hopefully, u wud marry.
i wuld employ u as a cleaner in my organisation, if u are a fool reply, ewu
Lol..I don't think empty brains own organizations..I think what you were going for was company but you still failed at it. Who dash monkey banana. Bigger fool.
sorry dear
Sorry too dear..i won't address this again..I apologize for writing that u are a bigger fool even though u started it cos I don't think there is any real reason for this dispute. It's ridiculous to bandy words with someone u can't see who may turn out to be someone dear to u..do not think I misunderstood your sarcastic apology…if whatever I wrote hurt u, please I'm sorry.
i said sorry becos i dnt want the childish talk to continue, not as if i dnt know wat to reply u. D fact i use the word irrational is none of ur biz, gd nite dear
Lmao
Lolz. My dear don't be stupid. I saw same even after my introduction. My dad would threaten to arrest my fiance. That I'm cheapening myself. Mum would call me cheap and say i'm behaving like a calabar girl. That Igbo people have pride that I should stop encouraging my fiance to insult them. Na visit I dey talk so o. And come back about 9pm everyday. Once I even strong head sleep out. But if you so much as refuse to help mumsi out with something they'll say how the guy hasn't even paid your bride price and he wants to enjoy husband benefits. My dad used to say in fact he will call off the marriage ( story) that the guy is brainwashing me to forget my family. We are now happily married and expecting our first baby( thank God) and my parents and my hubby are the best of friends. Truth is they are nervous that you will be "Leaving' them soon and will say even hurtful things so you will feel bad about it. Rise the wave they love you and are showing you in their own(crazy) way. In no time you will be married and outta there. And will even miss there sometimes
Oh I forgot to add even my mother- in- law to be (at that time) gave me strict warning that no matter what he tells me I should not sleep in the house until we are married but trust children. The forbidden is always the tasteful.
Gbam!
Who born me to even tell my parents I have a boyfriend talk more of going to spend half the night in his house.LOL, I dey craze?
Poster, for your mind now, your are a grown up and you want to do things your way #yimu
So far as you are still living under your mothers roof, you MUST,I repeat MUST respect her and abide by her rules, period!
Your mum is doing what every good and responsible mother will do. Don't make your fiance to feel you have no regards for your mum, it will blow up in your face in no distant time. I'm even surprised he still let's you sleep in his house after getting a call from your mum (that speaks a lot about his kind of person). Be very careful young lady.
What ever you think you know now, bear it in mind that your mum knows it, she has seen it all. Just bear it in mind that all things being equal, you won't stay forever with your mum so try as much as you can to make the best out of your remaining stay with her, you won't regret it.
If the man wants you with him that much, he should quickly come and marry you officially, it's that simple. This one you are offering him yourself freely, don't cry when he feels he has had enough and dumps you(God forbid sha).
Remember you will still have your own kids and I'm sure you won't want them to disrespect you cos these things has a way of coming back to haunt us. Be wise.
Poster a beg go and see down. Eya please post my comment. Was she not the same person that said her mother was 'pissing' her off. Who uses that kind of word on her mother for something that is obviously wrong. Only God knows how badly she has insulted her mother and she is here crying over a few harsh truthful words. I mean what kind of girl goes to sleep in a man's house for a week when you are not married to him. Even if u have to you cannot rub it into your mother's face. Can't u tell that the leaving chores for your sibling excuse is just an excuse she gives instead of telling you what u really are. #nice woman.
In conclusion, after suffering all these ones I am suffering for my children and my daughter tries this honestly I won't just be calling on the phone o. Hmmmm!
Obviously a stupid young girl. May your child do it to you times one million oloriburuku @ original comment
So Sylph abi na Staph is saying Calabar chics are cheap???
I think she's high.