Hi Aunty Eya and everyone. This is my first time writing and asking for blog help, so here it goes.
I’m 28 and have been married for 3 years. I have a beautiful daughter and is due for the second one very soon. My problem started last July
2014 when my husband admitted that he is addicted to prostitution & drugs. This confession brought my world crashing down heavily on me. I gave into depression so much it took the grace of God for me to recover. At that time, I couldn’t go to church anymore as my Sundays were spent wallowing in depression.
Well, the prostitution started way back then when he was only 18. He blames his bad childhood for that. 6 months after we got married, he had to work in a different state. Feeling of boredom, freedom, financially stable led him to prostitution again. Feeling very guilty as he is married, one of the prostitute introduced him to drugs. She told him that would take away the guilt away.
So it went on for 2 years plus. It was hard to notice something was wrong as we were not staying together. Last year, he came back to stay with me. I was incredibly happy till I started to notice some weird behaviours.
After the confession, both of us took a month off, during our annual leave which was applied for at the same period to work on his addictions, his underlying psychological turmoil & our marriage. Coming from a medical background, I believed he needed help. Things were better for a month or so then he had a relapse. He will go into this rage and anger followed with crying spells & depressed mood after each relapse. Things got worse. He tried to get help from a psychiatrist, a psychologist and even a religious mentor, a well known man of God. We decided to stay apart to think. After a month or so, I moved back with him. Things were much better. So much better. It lasted for nearly 2 months when he had a relapse again. I was crushed. He became a monster. Shouting and cursing at me. His mother wasn’t very helpful, she asked me to leave my own house. So I did with my 2 year old and 24 weeks inside of me. I went back to my parents’.
Well my husband is a surgeon. I wonder how he can still function at work. He has nothing but good remarks from his superior & his patients. And yet he treats his own wife like a piece of dirt.
I myself am a doctor too. I work in Psychiatry department. Can you imagine the heartache of having to listen & help your mentally ill patients when you yourself are falling apart?
My husband tried to make up for things this past 1 week; buying me gifts, went out for dinner. The moment my heart starts to melt again, he brushed me away. I told him I wanted to see him 2 days ago but he said he was busy. I asked him again last night but he said he has some work to do today in the house. Well I know he cheated on me again recently, I’m so used to this that I don’t need hard evidence to prove it.
I am heavily pregnant (8 months and counting) and I’m very very very broken hearted. I’m in excruciating pain and I think I’m beyond repair. Should I just leave? I am really at lost. Help.
I’m 28 and have been married for 3 years. I have a beautiful daughter and is due for the second one very soon. My problem started last July
2014 when my husband admitted that he is addicted to prostitution & drugs. This confession brought my world crashing down heavily on me. I gave into depression so much it took the grace of God for me to recover. At that time, I couldn’t go to church anymore as my Sundays were spent wallowing in depression.
Well, the prostitution started way back then when he was only 18. He blames his bad childhood for that. 6 months after we got married, he had to work in a different state. Feeling of boredom, freedom, financially stable led him to prostitution again. Feeling very guilty as he is married, one of the prostitute introduced him to drugs. She told him that would take away the guilt away.
So it went on for 2 years plus. It was hard to notice something was wrong as we were not staying together. Last year, he came back to stay with me. I was incredibly happy till I started to notice some weird behaviours.
After the confession, both of us took a month off, during our annual leave which was applied for at the same period to work on his addictions, his underlying psychological turmoil & our marriage. Coming from a medical background, I believed he needed help. Things were better for a month or so then he had a relapse. He will go into this rage and anger followed with crying spells & depressed mood after each relapse. Things got worse. He tried to get help from a psychiatrist, a psychologist and even a religious mentor, a well known man of God. We decided to stay apart to think. After a month or so, I moved back with him. Things were much better. So much better. It lasted for nearly 2 months when he had a relapse again. I was crushed. He became a monster. Shouting and cursing at me. His mother wasn’t very helpful, she asked me to leave my own house. So I did with my 2 year old and 24 weeks inside of me. I went back to my parents’.
Well my husband is a surgeon. I wonder how he can still function at work. He has nothing but good remarks from his superior & his patients. And yet he treats his own wife like a piece of dirt.
I myself am a doctor too. I work in Psychiatry department. Can you imagine the heartache of having to listen & help your mentally ill patients when you yourself are falling apart?
My husband tried to make up for things this past 1 week; buying me gifts, went out for dinner. The moment my heart starts to melt again, he brushed me away. I told him I wanted to see him 2 days ago but he said he was busy. I asked him again last night but he said he has some work to do today in the house. Well I know he cheated on me again recently, I’m so used to this that I don’t need hard evidence to prove it.
I am heavily pregnant (8 months and counting) and I’m very very very broken hearted. I’m in excruciating pain and I think I’m beyond repair. Should I just leave? I am really at lost. Help.
This is sad but you can still salvage that marriage before it's too late. Have you considered rehabilitation?
This is sad but you can still salvage that marriage before it's too late. Have you considered rehabilitation?
Wow. A surgeon that's on drugs. Hope no member of my family ends up in his operating table. Your husband is in real bad shape. Maybe a job loss would wake him up. Right he's got the cash to visit prostitutes. I hope he doesn't bring home some disease. Prostitutes are known for that.
You really need a separation until your hubby gets his act together, otherwise, he might harm you in many ways, either physically or give you sexually transmitted disease. Look at Charlie Sheen.
Wow! I feel so sad for you dear poster. The only thing that can help him now is, that he admits that he has a problem and concentrate on making things better. Going for therapy is a step but sticking to it and staying off prostitutes and drugs is another step. You should understand that it is hard to break an addiction but when one is determined, it's possible to break it for good. Don't forget that addictions have led to the doom of many people for instance most of the foreign celebs who have been found dead in bathtubs or committed suicide-they were known for their drug usage. If you leave him, you will be giving him room to wallow in whatever bad habit/addiction that he has been used to. I advise that you stay with him and be prayerful and since you are a psychiatrist, dig deeper into your books and come up with a solution to save your husband. Believe it or not, his life is in more danger than you think!
Goodluck!
The prostitution, you are not to blame. It started way back before you guys met. One thing led to another, distance, loneliness, back into the arms prostitutes then into drugs. It's a pity you are trapped in this Web and I don't know if your husband can change now that he can afford that lifestyle with ease. That's like a part of him now. Can you keep him locked up from meeting people? No. You can only pray and hope and I don't know if it's possible for him to get rehabilitated. Does he truly want to change? There's only littlethat you can do, the will is his. Nothing will work o, no hardwork from you will yield any result unless he is willing and ready.
U can't fix a man who doesn't think he's broken so u need to give him space and make him realize he could loose u and the kids if he continues like this and pls be prayerful as addictions are hard to break
Yes I will advise the space thing bcos of ur present conditions. Am equally a psychologist but u a psychiatrist. As it seems u can't help him bcos u emotionally down and directly affected. Source for other personnel like you to help out. U know how withdrawal seems and take effects. I have handled similar cases. Secondly u need to stay away alil nvr totally. Communicate via phone. Don't bother about him cheating that's not a problem for now if I may say. The major issue is d substance addiction, it's very serious n can cause more damage Dan u xpect ( anyway u know this). Most importantly as u away go to God in prayers. I don't need to state everything here am glad u a psychologist as well but act fast. Lastly u know u have to b Psychologically stable bcos of ur present state. Calm ur nerves down, give ursef peace, think less mix up with love once. Think beyond ur problem. All the best ma'am.
Your husband is addicted to prostitutes and not to "prostitution"- for a minute there I was thinking he was himself in the escort business.
As an alcoholic in recovery myself, I know how gripping addiction can be.
The devil's tried to use it to break my home but I thank God for my supportive husband who, in this day and age, and as a Nigerian man with a great oil job, can still stay focused, recognising that it is the devil using a weakness and secret sin to try to destroy our home.
I don't know where you are but if you are abroad, he can start by attending meetings.
I can say to you now that there is no way I will ever pick up a drink ever only because I have accepted God's saving grace.
But, I also attend Alcoholics Anonymous religiously every week and have been for a long time now.
More than anything, realise that this is more spiritual than physical- the devil will use any means to fight against the unit called marriage – even if it is with a weakness of your husband's so you have to be on your knees.
You can decide to be separated whilst you pray for his deliverance or live in your home with him but, divorce is not an option only because God has expressly told us he hates its- there is no sugar-coating or rationalising it.
It is your cross that you need to lay at the feet of Christ, asking that he make your burden light.
The bible says that one will chase a thousand and two, ten thousand – and that is why the enemy is waging all sorts of war on the marital institution- same sex marriage, divorce, gripping addiction, domestic violence ( separate your husband from yourself in this case because only a living person can pray but continue to pray in all manners of prayer and supplication unto God), etc.
God will help you.
Find a bible believing church, especially in a critical time as such, leave all the high life and hip churches for now, start attending Deeper life or Assemblies to hear the undiluted word of God- God will visit you and change your situation.
I am a blogger and would have loved to show my identity and give you support but then, you do understand that from the nature of what's been discussed, I have to be anonymous.
I do hope everything goes well for you both.
God bless you.