Aunty Eya.!!!I really appreciate all d gud work you are doing on most women and ladies out there.I say God bless you and may you live long to reap the fruit of your labour. I need your advice on an issue,also will like it if you could post it for other women to read and to advice me. am a lady of 29 years,married last year, with a lovely baby girl of 11 months. I have a lovely husband who cares and loves his family. he set up a business for me which am managing. but the only problem
am having with him is that he’s a kind of person that loves to flex around and loves to be with his friends. I know deep inside me that I satisfy him with everything he demands. I dress nicely, keep the house neat, make his food available at the right time. I told him that I don’t like him hanging around or going to the bar or club with his friends when he has a family, soI decided to start making him pepper soup and also make wine available for him in our bar, because I sell wines in my shop. I believe that’s what you take outside, so why don’t you seat at home and let me prepare that for you? despite all this I am doing my hubby does not appreciate it.
What he did last was he came home late,I called to ask him where he was, he told me he was in a bar.I got annoyed when he told he, and felt sad, but he said he will come home soon, my hubby did not come home not until 9:30, before then I called him but he refused to pick my calls.when he came back I was annoyed and I showed it, immediately he picked a quarrel with me.
Aunty eya!I think he’s cheating on me, also my hubby likes admiring, appreciates and likes other peoples’s wives. Am convinced, and I don’t have a heart to take it, each time such happened I cry a lot coz, little things bother me a lot. please should I keep quiet and keep on praying for him or report him to his sisters.please advice me am in pain………….Shade.
am having with him is that he’s a kind of person that loves to flex around and loves to be with his friends. I know deep inside me that I satisfy him with everything he demands. I dress nicely, keep the house neat, make his food available at the right time. I told him that I don’t like him hanging around or going to the bar or club with his friends when he has a family, soI decided to start making him pepper soup and also make wine available for him in our bar, because I sell wines in my shop. I believe that’s what you take outside, so why don’t you seat at home and let me prepare that for you? despite all this I am doing my hubby does not appreciate it.
What he did last was he came home late,I called to ask him where he was, he told me he was in a bar.I got annoyed when he told he, and felt sad, but he said he will come home soon, my hubby did not come home not until 9:30, before then I called him but he refused to pick my calls.when he came back I was annoyed and I showed it, immediately he picked a quarrel with me.
Aunty eya!I think he’s cheating on me, also my hubby likes admiring, appreciates and likes other peoples’s wives. Am convinced, and I don’t have a heart to take it, each time such happened I cry a lot coz, little things bother me a lot. please should I keep quiet and keep on praying for him or report him to his sisters.please advice me am in pain………….Shade.
My two scents: keep treating him like your king, stop calling him when he does not come home early, make he has his food and wine and every other orishirishi d way he likes it, dont stop caring for him.
He probably thinks you v become a nagging wife who kps tabs on him.
Stop asking him about it.
Just sit him down n let him know how U feel about everything, close the matter after that and kp praying about it.
Do not let it get to you.
Keep busy when you get home or go register in a gym or an evening class, anything not to make U needy and lonely when he isnt home.
Stay blessed.
Two cents o, lol.
Let him be..give him some space.It's heartbreaking but make urself happy. Keep being the dutiful wife,concentrate on ur bizness and child and leave the rest for God.
Thanks dear, I have posted but changed your name to Shade to hide your identity. Don't worry sis, many African men love to do their "boys nite out" once in a while and may not pick calls when they don't want to be bothered by lonely/nagging wives waiting at home. Try not to be suspicious cos you could be killing yourself over nothing. Men gat to be men. Mine comes back later than that on Some Fridays and I'm used to it o. His friends too need him. His job is too demanding and Friday night is the only free time he has to socialize with friends.Sometimes I manage to call and the loud noise and men's voices I hear eh, I'd rather stay at home than ask to follow.
Eya
My dear from all you have said the man is not giving you any problem.Let him have sometime to himself, don't call or nag him when he is out and don't harbour suspicions. Find something to keep you occupied or try and have another baby(lol).
You should avoid giving yourself more problems. Don't you have a social life? Where are your own friends? Start a kind of friend circle with old friends, meet up and have fun too (don't keep late nights) keep your baby in a daycare and give yourself space. Employ a sales girl in your shop. Have fun. Trust me when I say,it's your hubby's time to flex, he might not be seeing other women as you think he is. Give him a break and yourself too. Watch films, read books, go for an educational course. Get occupied with things. I think it's loneliness that's causing you to fixate so much attention on him. Join a prayer group in church, get so involved with the matters of Christ and place everything into God's hands.
Ladies most times do away with their friends when they marry. But it is not same for the men folk, esp when they have come a long way with the person.
So please stop being insecure (Yes it's insecurity to think that whenever he spends time at a bar he is with a lady).
You can start having time-out with ur friends (Though u have to be careful, ladies+friends+marriage usually is not a good combination with respect to gossips). But if u have good friends that shouldnt be a problem. If not, allow him some time with the men.
My hubby has a friend since primary school and they hang out when he is in town, so should i say "dont see him again at a bar".
You might even run the risk of pushing to the very thing you are afraid of.
I understand how you feel but I'd advice you not to raise the issue anymore… You have to take his word for it. A lot of men love to hang out with their friends and this doesn't mean they're cheating. You might just be getting worried about what isn't even there and then actualluy push him to cheat with the nagging.
Pray to God about it, play your part as the wife, take care of your baby and you'll be fine!
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to have a suspicious mind.. I can tell you love him very much but you need to give him a little 'alone time'.. He's a man remember? He's been with his friends long before you got married.. Make him understand that you're not trying to take him away from his friends but you need him more @ home… And if he decides to spend some time with his friends(once a week) pls don't stop him.. Just let him know that you trust and love him.. He should call you any day he's with friends and pls be nice to his friends.. You could invite them and their wives(if married) for dinner.. Love and Trust him sweetie.. All the best
Chinny
See,most men do this I can assure you. Don't give yourself headache over this issue abeg. You said he comes by 9:30;mine comes later than that at times after hanging out with his friends.I used to worry myself long ago when I just got married but I just had to grow up! Its not all men that cheats dear,against popular belief.unless u're very sure of this cheating thing,pls don't dwell on it,its probably not true. U even have a baby,thank God, that is occupying on its own. Me once my baby sleeps around 7pm,I have my bath and relax with a book or tv till he comes in.This is my opinion o. God bless and keep ur home.
I want to add that,most men do not want to give the impression that their wife is the boss. Ur calling him and asking where he is etc when he is with d guys might actually be embarrasing for him. It might be why he didn't pick ur calls. I'm kind of passionate about this because,I just hate d rate at which ladies are becoming bitter and not enjoying dr marriages ds days! Pls continue to be good to him and I'm sure he is taking note of those nice stuff u do. Ciao.
My husband used to come home around 4 am sef! One day i had to send him an sms to ask whether i shld bring his belongings too, abi he is waitin till 12pm to check out frm the hotel, that was when i woke up one day and saw it was 8 pm the next day and he wasnt back! u want him to come back at 5pm????? ur definitely not living in lagos..I'm too busy with my career, my baby, business, friends and my God to let that bother me sef! At least u didn't complain ur husband travelled and calld u while on his way to d airport. We all have challenges, yes! Not problems its only for a while. Well, that's in d past now sha. It's only God that changed him, I exhausted d energy to nag about it cus the more I talked the more he was out, then I'm soo busy too, by 9pm im asleep!Use the secret of delilah! reverse psychology works too! Build ur confidence babes and drop the insecurity, after all na u him marry after seeing all those babes!
Sorry I meant 8am d next day
Don't bother yourself cause if you are suspecting him you are killing the love you have for him and huring yourself at the same time.hanging out till 9pm is not a bad idea though my husband does not really hang out but if he wants to he doesnt come back till late and guess what i dont even call him at all cause i trust him.build your trust around him and let him know that.i dont advice you to start hanging out cos your husband is doing so by the time you start you are putting your marriage on the line am newly married nd have a 9 month old baby so i understand the way you feel.
Is so obvious you care for him but men appreciate there space at times,get busy during the time he his with his friend so you will not be having bad thought.as for me watching film or playing with my baby help ma a lot
Give ur husband a break. He came at 9.30 & u r complaining, some men get home after midnight, some sef spends weekends outside their home. Take it easy on him & complain once in a while, he will stop or he will reduce it to once in a while.
Liked all the comments, and some were funny 😀
Seriously i don't see any problems ur husband is givin u in dis post, before he met u he had friends. Because he's married doesn't mean he won't socialize again na nd d same goes to u. He even comes home at 9 nd u're complaining. Most times my hubby goes clubbin or hangs out with friends nd comes home really late, d most important thing is he still comes home. Stop bothering urself, dat means if he doesn't come home till mornin u'll kill urself? Biko take it easy b4 u gv urself high bp o!.
Wonderful comment i must say, God bless everyone on the Blog helping US (Fresh Iyawo's)..lol
Come to think of it, God will save us from this men that promise heaven and earth before marriage, You are my number one, I cant stay a min without you and all, Only for them to start looking for what is not lost about. they want women to be married to them and suddenly drop all those social life they know you both use to enjoy together, they want to eat their cake and still have it, It baffles me. They try lot of things their wives cant dare and everyone would be fine and everyone would be at peace… Why??
Even the quiet ones could be the worst atimes. I have tried understanding all this but my Sisters and Aunties i cant understand and it hurt cos Men can change and dwell in their bad attitude like its the best, Cant stop shaking my head and this men with all their kurukere waka they would still not trust their woman.
9:30, LOL, Thank God, some women are so use to 11:30 or 12:30 am sef
God please reward us (Women) because only his reward is utmost, they should just be reasonable and dont let our single friends laugh at us. My Husband is a very loving and caring man too just this Crayfish waka once in awhile. It use to bother me but not anymore, my dont care attitude is getting to him and he is feeling Insecure now and i am increasing in my Shakara daily and i do gist him how people compliment my beauty..lol
I am 27, I dont keep friends but i think i need few good ones, by the time you start doing his duty like taking the kid out etc he would reduce it.
Baby Baby
I love the comments. keep urself busy by focusing on God's word. Do not nag. It might not be easy but don't push him out, rather embrace him when he does wrong. Men are like babies, they want to be pampered, the minute you start nagging, you will scare him away. All the best.!
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Most of the comments have said it all. Connect with old or new friends, or get a hobby. 9.30 is not too late unless you're worried about safety. Please don't call several times when he's out with friends, that is nagging.
You sound like a lovely person, but you need your own social life too so you can be rounded, your husband will appreciate that, and it will give you stuff to talk about, like what you read in a book or mag, or blog, or on TV.
All the best.
Reporting him is a no-no. In fact, the biggest NO-NO there is.
Everyone has definitely said it all. Look for good girl friends and keep yourself busy. Women need to learn how to exist as a unique independent individuals even while married, especially while married. We tend to lose ourselves in the activities of life. Soon we stop being ladies and start becoming wife and mother. That is why when some kids grow up and leave the house, their mothers have a hard time letting go because they have forgotten how to be a 'self'. If he admires people's wives, admire the husbands. Abi U sef no get eyes? Hehehe
It's hard, I know, but just remove ur mind from his activities. Be at peace with him irrespective of what you see cos let's face it, there is nothing physical you can do about it if he is cheating. Nothing, except make urself miserable. Pray for him. Have a heart to heart and tell him ur concerns. Also ask him to tell you genuine reasons why he likes staying out. Keep asking him why, why, why, till he himself can figure out if he's reasons are good enough.
Example:
You: Sweetie, why do you like staying out late at bars?
Him: because I want to hang out with my friends
You: Why do you want to hang out with them
Him: to catch up
You: why everyday?
Him: bla bla
You: Why so late?
Him: bla
You: Why not here?
Him: b…
You: why?
Him: ?%$*&#…
Lol. My dad used that method for us and in the end, after so many whys, you find out your reasons are flimsy.
If you are still not comfortable with it, next time he wants to go out, dress up and follow him. If the bar is good enough for a married man, it's good enough for his wife. 🙂
I'd say 9.30pm aint late at all. Don't bother ur head,concentrate on ur baby n business and don't 4get to turn to God as well. Please stop nagging b4 u push him away completely. With 2 kids n 1 on d way I am exhausted at 8pm I'm ready to crash in bed once d kids r asleep to worry hubby aint home yet, yes I'll call him to check hez ok as I worry about his safety more than anything else. I still don't understand y ladies do away with friends coz dey r married, I hang out wit my fiends one night every other month as 'ladies night out', 4 us its time to b away from hubby n kids n just let our hair down. We meet up at 8pm @ a resturant n have dinner, go 2 d movies n end up at a club we r home by 5am. We inform our hubby in advance so hez aware afterall they go out every weekend n weekdays sef n ours is once every 2 months.
Well said sis, very well said!
Baby Baby, I so much love the indifference you showed and the increase in shakara you're doing. That's the way to go!
Pls don't worry urself, let d boys hang out, let him release d tension that he would av brought home to you. U said 9.30pm..wow, ur hubby is a saint! Dt's early.. Anoda thing I noticed from ur story is dt u make peppersoup and make wine available so he won't go out. U shld do dat randomly on a day u r not fussing abt his hang outs. Cos if u tell him, u made d p.soup n wine so dsnt go out, u wld make him feel like a puppet. Men will always be men. Infact men, love it wen u release dem. Next tym, put on d tv, watch food network wen he's out. Dey show Chopped, Diners,drive ins n dives at nite..lolz! Pls enjoy urself and let him be.
Heheheheheh I dey laugh oooo! Married just a year and u r already freting, over nothing for the matter.
U r good as good wifes go for keeping d house neat, cooking meals timely and making pepper soups but I tell u d taste of ur pepper soup and wine is diff from dat outside why? Because outside he is eating it with friends , gossiping and probably flirting with his eyes oh yes! But is dat cause for worry! Hell no! Get a life n don't be like me- couch potato. It can really get lonely so fast. Suggest u go with him but me personally, I don't love bar/club scenes. So rowdy and loud so rather go watch a comedy show or cinema. Good luck