Hello Eya and WC, I am a regular reader of the blog who gets angry every time a poster in a troubled marriage is advised to control her tongue when her husband is angry. My case is just so different and I need sincere advice from experienced marriages please.
My marriage is only
two years old and hubby and I argue a lot. I am always the one giving in to let peace reign. When I discovered this blog and started listening to advice given, some tips from here have made my marriage stronger and much more peaceful but there is still one hiccup and please I need advice.
When my husband is angry and I try to be defensive by responding to his noise, he gets angrier and says I am disrespectful because we are age mates. When I decide to seal my lips and keep mute while he rants, he still says I am quiet because he means nothing to me. What should I do in this type of situation where talking back is trouble and keeping mute is still annoying to him? Please help a sister with advice.
When u both are in a very good playful mood,bring it up and ask him. Tell him it bothers you. He'd talk..and u would learn. Ask him what he would want you to do in such a situation. Only him can tell you.
I have come to realise that men like apologies and pampering… My boyfriend doesn't like me to voice out my opinion when we have arguements…he always tells me that I am a woman and shouldn't talk back to a man… And that I shld learn to apologise and pet my man… Well,…I want the relationshiop to work,so I guess I will be doing a lot of petting and apologies…dear poster..try and apply ds method and see if it works…anytime he is angry…jst say baby I am sorry….and rub his back while at it…
Be crying , ok!
Anno 7'02pm. U no serious o. Lol.
My dear annoyance hs a way of controllin human being he jus wts 2 say somfin bt bliev Me he mite nt even mean it, discuss ds wt him cos dey say communicatn helps a lot in marriage
#Marriages#
try nt to hurt him. Wen u do just appologise. If hes d offender, dnt say u are provokn me. Rather say i felt bad cos of wat happened. Men. Are like babies u just nid to shw more luv and care, dnt think u are weak wen u apologize, its even strength. Stil shw him luv and respect even if u are agemates!
@ jay baby. Pls dnt overpamper bf. Bf u are overdoing it. Dnt spoil him o. If u kip doing it wat wuld u do if u get married. It wil get into his head and he may b offendn u and expectn pet!
Okay dear. Noted
My husband is same, if I answer, I'm disrespectful, if I don't , I'm nt taking him serious, if I appologise, he says I shld never say sorry even wen I jst say it 4 peace sake n sometimes its his fault … So wt 2 do????
Next time when he gets angry. Just beg him not to be upset and say "I am sorry" continuously. Do not kneel down o. It's a sign of weakness for controlling/bullies and it ignites them to a different gear. But how long do you want to keep apologising? Talk to him about it in calmer moments and give him an ultimatum dammit. Or else you are on a long tin. I keep telling you posters to stand up continuously to these bullying men. It's the only way they will stop!
I'd suggest (1) not cutting in when he is speaking and (2) not raising your voice when you speak.
Jay baby,
I'm sorry but that advice he gave is not it at all.
What's wrong with some men sef? So a woman can't voice her mind again?
He wants a "Master-Slave Relationship". When a master talks, does the slave talk back as well? Think about it.
You are co-partners in this relationship; you both should air out your hurt, pain, mind and view on issue pertaining to your relationship.
I've witnessed my parents argue many times and momsy, being the outspoken type will want to air her mind out at once, even interrupting popsy when he's talking, which he doesn't like.
Popsy will be like "ni suru, ni suru"(be patient/hold on, be patient/hold on). Sometimes she obliges and at times, she doesn't oh. She will keeping saying her own. At this point, popsy will just keep quiet and allow her talk but he would be so pissed off judging from his facial expression.
This doesn't mean momsy doesn't respect daddy, she does oh. Infact, she overdoes sef! Till date, she knees to greet him and thank him for gestures(her own way of doing things and upbringing too).
So Jay baby, leave that matter. Let me leave you with this: since you have started betting and pampering him, expect to do MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE if you marry him! You'll massage his pride and ego tire!
*since you have started PETTING and pampering him…
I second this!
Try to watch what you say and the tone of your voice while talking.
I suggest you think very well of what to say before airing it out.
On point
@ poster just like d first anon said, speak to him about when u guys r in a calmer mood. Tell him u don't understand him when he is upset. Ask him to tell u how he wants u to react when he is quarreling wiv u.
Ruby I must say that you are very intelligent… You have a great point there…I need to air my own feelings as well… Because if I continue to pet and beg him now and then when we eventually get married and I decided to tell him how I feel instead of petting him…he will say "WOMAN…YOU HAVE CHANGED"… Well..to avoid that..I have to start talkin now. Thnx ruby….
@jaybaby I was going to reply to your post yesterday but unfortunately my network was bad. Rubynnia has said it all. That pampering you want to start be ready to continue to the end Ooº°˚ . You also said you want the relationship to work. Well I hope he wants it to work too cos if he doesn't all your effort will be in vain. Not swearing for you but that is men for you. Speak when the occassion demands and be silent when you have to. You don't have to talk back all the time.
Marriage is not easy bt it can easier if the partners understand themselves well. All these things started when u r courting there r tins u both suspose to iron out b4 u enter into marriage n it is a give n take issues verse versa. I want 2 ask a question what if d woman is angry then what do u expect such a man 2 do 2 his wife *slap her* My marriage for instance my hubby wil be angry wth me i wil not say anytin n when he calms down i wil talk 2 me n beg him bt when am angry he wot say anytin until i voice out everytin n 4rm there we iron out d problem. *must d woman b on d begging side is it only d man dats being offended*. For d ladies dat r courting now if u start 2 be on d begging side now my dear u wil contiune 2 do it until eternity bt i didnt say u shldnt beg him if u offend him. Ask God 2 reveal 2 u d man u want 2 marry n put ur eyes down to study d man.
Marriage is not easy bt it can easier if the partners understand themselves well. All these things started when u r courting there r tins u both suspose to iron out b4 u enter into marriage n it is a give n take issues verse versa. I want 2 ask a question what if d woman is angry then what do u expect such a man 2 do 2 his wife *slap her* My marriage for instance my hubby wil be angry wth me i wil not say anytin n when he calms down i wil talk 2 me n beg him bt when am angry he wot say anytin until i voice out everytin n 4rm there we iron out d problem. *must d woman b on d begging side is it only d man dats being offended*. For d ladies dat r courting now if u start 2 be on d begging side now my dear u wil contiune 2 do it until eternity bt i didnt say u shldnt beg him if u offend him. Ask God 2 reveal 2 u d man u want 2 marry n put ur eyes down to study d man.
Marriage is not easy bt it can easier if the partners understand themselves well. All these things started when u r courting there r tins u both suspose to iron out b4 u enter into marriage n it is a give n take issues verse versa. I want 2 ask a question what if d woman is angry then what do u expect such a man 2 do 2 his wife *slap her* My marriage for instance my hubby wil be angry wth me i wil not say anytin n when he calms down i wil talk 2 me n beg him bt when am angry he wot say anytin until i voice out everytin n 4rm there we iron out d problem. *must d woman b on d begging side is it only d man dats being offended*. For d ladies dat r courting now if u start 2 be on d begging side now my dear u wil contiune 2 do it until eternity bt i didnt say u shldnt beg him if u offend him. Ask God 2 reveal 2 u d man u want 2 marry n put ur eyes down to study d man.
Anonymous 12:21
You have said it all, when the husband is angry the wife should be calm and vice versa. If you are always the only one begging you will soon get tired and that is when problem will start.
Hmmmmm I want to marry I want to marry mennnn when u hear some things about marriages u will almost change ur mind. Anyhow sha I still want to marry ooo.
Annon 2:32pm. Marriage is sweet. 2 sweet. Am enjoyning mine. Just marry d rite man tru d help of God and u wil be glad.
You needed to pacify him not to rant-along or keep quiet!
That's only if you genuinely feel you are wrong!
If you ain't wrong you could go ahead with ur old approach! But do women ever own up?
I doubt!
Maybe some.
you got it there.the key is understanding and proper communication,know ing when to talk and when to be quiet,especially during courtship.
for Autism and other special needs info,visit http://www.sensorycare.blogspot.com
Hi hi hi hi hi! U r such a crazy fellow. I fink dats it… Crying is a better option bt its quite funny.
I think the trick is to find a balance, and have a chat with him about it at a time when he is happy. explain your feelings to him and how you are unable to express yourself because you are unsure of his reactions. And learn to speak the truth in love, even when having an argument. Sometimes the tone we say some things, and our body language when we keep silent speaks a lot louder than our voices and that's what your hubby is picking up. In a marriage union, the man and the woman are equal in importance, its in function that hierarchy comes to play. God created us (women) to be help meets. So if we don't speak or air our opinions, then we are not functioning in our first calling and using the God given "intuition" in us.
@Anon, marriage is beautiful when built on the right foundation…and when you spend your courtship period setting the right stage for your union. A lot of us ladies spend the important courtship phase in fast food joints and saying "I love you" every other minute. Whereas this is the time to get to understand yourselves, express yourselves, decide on the kind of "atmosphere" you want for your home. E.g courtship is a great time to decide as a couple on how you handle conflict(s) when they arise. And its also a good time to help yourselves work out weaknesses etc. And more importantly its a time to build a strong prayer life together. The storms will come (the bible says so), but its how you've built your house that would determine if you will weather the storm. I pray you'll be like the wise man.