Hello Aunty Eya and fellow blog readers, pls I need advice before I do something stupid. I don’t like the way my husband handles things and he knows it but won’t change.
I reported the children to him, how they spend all the time online playing dress up and Fashion games. The reason he subscribes monthly is to enable them use the internet for their school work but I realize only about 20 percent of that monthly subscription time goes to home work research while 80% percent goes to playing dress up and fashion games. In fact they take turns playing during the holidays and I don’t like it cos these games are addictive. Okay, I reported them and asked him to stop subscribing and let them use their school text books for homework, he didn’t say a word and before I knew it, they called
him and he promised to recharge the modem before closing from work. That same day I saw them online and they said Daddy called that he has recharged it for them.
That holiday passed and schools resumed. One day, I had a talk with him about how those games made the children finish the holiday homework only a few days to resumption, I explained how addicted they were becoming and how they started disliking chores cos they prefer to just play fashion games. After the talk, we agreed that they use the internet only for educational games or school research work. I wrote and pasted on the wall in their rooms. So that we don’t have to start arguing over it with them.
The children saw the posters on the wall and were not happy. They tried to convince me but I told them that it was an agreement between their Father and me and that I cannot on my own change it and that we won’t even change it cos we want the best for them
On a Saturday morning, I went out, left them alone with their father (3 kids between 14 and 8 yrs old) and when I got back they were alone and started talking about how they asked Daddy and he said it was not his idea that you ( mummy) made him do it. That he doesn’t know anything about fashion games, that you told him about it and that you suggested it should be banned.” He asked them to come meet me cos he doesn’t know about those things. Is that how he should have reacted or talked being the head of the family?
I feel bad and plan on asking him but I also know how he can dismiss such confrontations as if it’s nothing important. Were the children supposed to be told who brought it up? Please I need advice cos I feel like apart from my husband paying fees and doing only stuff that involves paying money, too much is being shifted to me when it comes to proper parenting and child training and upbringing. If I don’t pray with the children no one does, if I don’t hurry them up to the church, no one does. If I don’t discipline them, no one does. Am I now the head of the family?
Please I need to know how best to handle this kind of situations. I could never have told our children that the ban is their father’s idea, what for?
Sorry about my long mail, I only wanted to off load my chest.
Savvy Mom
I reported the children to him, how they spend all the time online playing dress up and Fashion games. The reason he subscribes monthly is to enable them use the internet for their school work but I realize only about 20 percent of that monthly subscription time goes to home work research while 80% percent goes to playing dress up and fashion games. In fact they take turns playing during the holidays and I don’t like it cos these games are addictive. Okay, I reported them and asked him to stop subscribing and let them use their school text books for homework, he didn’t say a word and before I knew it, they called
him and he promised to recharge the modem before closing from work. That same day I saw them online and they said Daddy called that he has recharged it for them.
That holiday passed and schools resumed. One day, I had a talk with him about how those games made the children finish the holiday homework only a few days to resumption, I explained how addicted they were becoming and how they started disliking chores cos they prefer to just play fashion games. After the talk, we agreed that they use the internet only for educational games or school research work. I wrote and pasted on the wall in their rooms. So that we don’t have to start arguing over it with them.
The children saw the posters on the wall and were not happy. They tried to convince me but I told them that it was an agreement between their Father and me and that I cannot on my own change it and that we won’t even change it cos we want the best for them
On a Saturday morning, I went out, left them alone with their father (3 kids between 14 and 8 yrs old) and when I got back they were alone and started talking about how they asked Daddy and he said it was not his idea that you ( mummy) made him do it. That he doesn’t know anything about fashion games, that you told him about it and that you suggested it should be banned.” He asked them to come meet me cos he doesn’t know about those things. Is that how he should have reacted or talked being the head of the family?
I feel bad and plan on asking him but I also know how he can dismiss such confrontations as if it’s nothing important. Were the children supposed to be told who brought it up? Please I need advice cos I feel like apart from my husband paying fees and doing only stuff that involves paying money, too much is being shifted to me when it comes to proper parenting and child training and upbringing. If I don’t pray with the children no one does, if I don’t hurry them up to the church, no one does. If I don’t discipline them, no one does. Am I now the head of the family?
Please I need to know how best to handle this kind of situations. I could never have told our children that the ban is their father’s idea, what for?
Sorry about my long mail, I only wanted to off load my chest.
Savvy Mom
Just like my husband. I don't know what to do again abeg. I am indirectly the head of the family cos he thinks that fee payment and accommodation and feeding is all being a father is about. You can never see him spend quality time with the kids o. I don't know why he can't.
Like now it's public holiday and as usual he is out of town. He must have schedules that take him out and when you ask he will say he is
doing all that for his family. I can't remember him spending a whole day at home with the children or taking them out himself even on weekends. He is too busy.
My dear,u have to b firm.can't u sieze d laptop or ipad since u are always at home wit dem.ur hubby seems to be d type dat loves to pamper his kids to a fault.dey evn hav d guts to come and question u.seems dey hav takn d both of u for granted.u hav to go bak to d drawing board.when dey see a strict n firm mum dey will adjust.u hav to change ur parenting style.14yrs old!I go flog dat pikin
Maybe you're being a bit too pushy? Look, you said yourself that they do get their work done, so the problem is not that they don't use it for work at all. You're annoyed because they don't help out with other things. The solution would be to put a password on the computer so they cannot access the internet unless you unlock it. Relax a little, they're not bad children, they just need to understand how to do things moderately. Once you've put a password on it, talk to them about how they spend too much time playing games while you do all the work. They will understand and help out, but you sef don't over do it and make them do chores all day because they will only resent you more and love their father more since he seems to understand them better than you. The thing with teens is that they are going through a lot of changes within themselves and you have to respect that. Take note: this does not mean you are 'friends' with them instead of their mother, but you meet them half way and cooperate. Not everything has to be 'my way or the highway'. they are not bad children! They are very normal teens/ pre-teens who happen to love fashion!
As for the husband, I suggest you talk with him and explain that you are not happy with his parenting skills. Ask him to be a little more firm with the children and not be so soft to the point where he's more of their friend than parent, because him discussing with the children how you are the one who initiated the idea wasn't a good move because it makes the children dislike you more on top of the bad feelings they might have towards you for being too tough. If he cares he'll change.
You have 2 be firm and strict with them, they shld know dat all u are doing is for their own good. U can talk 2 ur hubby 2 help u out in taking care of d kids…
Please you have to be very firm. I think you should have a meeting with children and your husband. Let them know what playing too much of games would cost them. Pls while doing this dnt mind if ur hubby pertakes or not just make sure he is there so he can hear ur view properly, plus let ir children talk back too. They might ask questions that their will shed lights on. Take care and all the best ma.
lol..I Know this because my mum always tried to play the baddest police with 3 jumpy daughters.. my dad sometimes interjected and we preferred him more when it comes to minor things..except education..your daughters are not bad at all.. talk to ur hubby that when you guys agree on something, the kids do not need to know who set the rules! once you've said something let them realize its from mom and dad and not just from mom..Also kids are smart too.. so maybe they know how to get answers from your hubby or beg and do those silly faces that your hubby cannot ignore which will make him the favored parent..(My sisters and I know how to make dad agree with us lol).So yea talk to your hubby and set a time when they can play and you disconnect everything till further notice.
This is hard but easy too. You are the mother and your kids discipline comes first. Truth be told, your hubby is making you look like the bad cop infront of your kids and you have to stop him. If he doesn't really pay heed to your talk as regards the kids electronic devices, then stand your ground on what you feel is right and make sure the kids understand you too.
Set your own time table for them and make sure they do what you have instructed. Try disconnecting the power supply once they are through with online assignments, but you must do so discreetly so that they won't know you did. Once their batteries are always drained, they'll learn to savour the little power dey hav for important things. Give them assignments of your own, online, it cud be research or something of importance and give them deadlines too, they'll struggle to kip up with ur work and won't have time for fashion games.
Most importantly, learn to know your kids passion and support them, who knows if Nigeria's greatest designers will be one of them.
Adaeze Ibechukwu
Most of the time, Mom's the 'bad guy'. A role I already know is mine even now (daughters are 2yrs & 4 mths old) and I'm very ok with that. One of us has got to be strict.
I think you should let your hubby know how u feel about how he handled the situation but at the same time, embrace your 'bad guy' role. From the sounds of it, you're gonna be playing this role for a VERY LONG TIME.