Hi wives connection, I have been married for two years, but been with my wife for a total of five years.
Very long story cut short and could do with honest or brutal advice please.
Split from my Ex ( my daughters mother) 5 years ago, we were never married.
My daughter has just turned 7
Been together with my now wife and step son (10) for two years.
Very long story cut short and could do with honest or brutal advice please.
Split from my Ex ( my daughters mother) 5 years ago, we were never married.
My daughter has just turned 7
Been together with my now wife and step son (10) for two years.
My family travelled for easter holiday this year the 4 of us. There was a
minor incident whilst away which involved my wife tapping my daughter a few times with her slippers as my daughters behaviour was appalling and I was in the bathroom when this incident started off. We argued about what she did as I thought a bit over the top, and a few hours after, my wife said she felt bad about it too, that she was sorry.
Anyway, following returning from holiday my ex got to know about the incident as my daughter reported to her mom when she went to spend a weekend with her which turns out to be over 2 weeks.
Because of this incident, I didn’t firstly see or speak to my daughter for 2 weeks as my ex withheld all contact. Then she lightened up a little and I was able to have my daughter back home.
The last few weeks I have been going through he’ll as my ex wont stop calling to ask after her daughter, sometimes after a tiring day at work, I get home to rest and she calls after 10 PM to check on her daughter and be sure that my wife hasn’t kept her awake to clean the kitchen.
That’s the first part.
The second part, which is more pressing at the moment. My wife has taken great offence that I have promised my daughter to take her out for a movie night before Christmas. She loves going to the cinema but my wife or step son are not slightly interested. My wife is saying I am a terrible step dad as I am planning doing something just me and my daughter. In all fairness to my daughter, I did notice a massive improvement in her behaviour those few weeks where it was just me and her, so maybe this is psychologically what she needs. I have also read on many parenting sites that biological parent and child need time alone together when living in a blended family.
Because of this incident, I didn’t firstly see or speak to my daughter for 2 weeks as my ex withheld all contact. Then she lightened up a little and I was able to have my daughter back home.
The last few weeks I have been going through he’ll as my ex wont stop calling to ask after her daughter, sometimes after a tiring day at work, I get home to rest and she calls after 10 PM to check on her daughter and be sure that my wife hasn’t kept her awake to clean the kitchen.
That’s the first part.
The second part, which is more pressing at the moment. My wife has taken great offence that I have promised my daughter to take her out for a movie night before Christmas. She loves going to the cinema but my wife or step son are not slightly interested. My wife is saying I am a terrible step dad as I am planning doing something just me and my daughter. In all fairness to my daughter, I did notice a massive improvement in her behaviour those few weeks where it was just me and her, so maybe this is psychologically what she needs. I have also read on many parenting sites that biological parent and child need time alone together when living in a blended family.
Me and my wife had not spoken for 3 days because of this movie night problem, and when we tried to talk last night we ended up arguing and she started dragging the past up as always. I feel extremely hurt and offended that she has said I treat the kids differently and I am a bad step dad. I do more for my step son than my own daughter as I spend every day with them. My wife has basically said as good as if I want to spend any amount of time just me and my daughter when she is at mine, I can leave and do it somewhere else as she wont be treated 2nd best. The way I view it is i’m trying to please everyone, and when I get a few hours with my daughter I want her to feel loved by her daddy and make sure she goes home to her mom with happy memories rather than stories of maltreatment from a step mother. It may sound like a small problem to some, but it could break us. my wife is very angry about it. Is it ok to cancel the movie night I promised my daughter? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
If only your wife was the one that posted this, I would have really known what to say to her woman to woman. I would have told her to please stop that. She also has a son that is not from this marriage. What does she want you to do? Abandon your daughter? It's not fair the way that she is putting you in a difficult situation. I pray some wise reader wd be able to tell you how to manage this situation.
Bros, make it a family cinema day out – find a way to sell the idea to wifey & son… U should expect friction in this kind of arrangement, but a lot of patience is required to succeed. Things will work out provided there is sincere love.
I will encourage you to let your wife take charge of the girl, while you do same for the boy – there is no other way to build this home. Also minimise the interference from your ex as that will not help matters: even mothers and daughters do have issues at time. Let your wife and daughter bend and manage themselves, provided your wife is a good woman. She looks like one from the tone of your post…
I just wonder why some women behave so ungodly. Anyway @poster I see you a real calm man dts out for peace. U have to seat ur wife down n tell her that ur daughter is ur blood. Is not all men that ll accept a woman bring in their child ( from another man) to their marriage ( home) but u allowed it not because u weak or hv a child outside but bcos u just wanted it so Lil peace will reign. Talk to her like the man u are. U are d head of that home and ur decision stands. Tell her if she's not ready for u to build a good rshp with ur daughter, let her take her son to his dad or out of the house let's see her reaction. 50% of problems marriages face these days are caused by the women haba!!!!! @poster please take ur daughter to the movies otherwise anything u want to do next she ll strt doing face again n u ll end up playing to her tune. U guys really need to talk things through. And put ur marriage in God's hands. Cheers
Thanks anonymous… I completely agree that even mother daughter do have their bad moments and that does not make them enemies. Let your wife take charge of the girl – your effort should be to make them best of friends. This is the only way to enjoy your home. Keep your ex out of family affairs as much as possible.
Thanks for helping me out. We have agreed on making it a family movie night an I'm also working on making my family more United. Your advice is much appreciated. Thanks.
In addition 2 aving family moments, let everyone have their own speciAl timing wiv u ie u n wifey, u n ur princess n u n ur son. Ur daughter is 7, in a few years, she ll be all grown, build that bond b4 it's too l8. Ur son is 10, he also needs u 2 teach him how 2 become a man. Then finally, when the nest becomes empty, it's just u n madam. Learn 2 create a balance. U sound like a good man. Wish u all the best. Plz note that family moments can also be spent at home ie gusting, telling jokes over snacks, watching movies at home