If I Can’t Enjoy My Marriage At This Early Stage; What Happens When My Parts Start Falling Apart (Old age)?
Hi aunty. Let me start by saying I need this to be anonymous. This blog has really helped me immensely. I am a 30yr old mother of one who has been married for almost 3yrs now. My husband is a serial cheat. At the top of my head, he has cheated about 5 times. I have been forgiving, prayerful, patient and tolerant in the past but I think I have gotten to a point I cannot take it anymore. I am a very good looking fashion forward, hygiene conscious
woman. I make sure I give an impressive performance in bed no matter how tired. I even initiate it too. For the life of me I just don’t understand what my husband goes looking for elsewhere. In the past when he gets caught, he apologizes and tries to lay low for a while till things are going well then jumps back on the horse. So I realized that he started dating a girl sometime last year. I confronted him about it last month with my box of evidence. Usually he would seem remorseful and what not, but this time around, he is being very defensive and arrogant about it. I know he has fallen in love with her cos I see the messages the send to each other and her pictures on his phone.
Despite that he knows I know, he still goes ahead to date the girl. I have tried to not contact her cos my battle isn’t with her. Ever since he started dating her, he hasn’t touched me. In the past, he gave me an STD. Took a lot of prayers for me to forgive him and concentrate on building a family cos I was pregnant at that time. Am so hurt that he wouldn’t mind throwing away a beautiful family over an affair. I need to teach him a lesson he will never forget. I am tired of being the door mat. Am tired of forgiving and praying and tolerating. It’s obvious that it’s a lifestyle for him and not a mistake. If I can’t enjoy my marriage at this early stage then what happens when my body parts are answering the call of nature(old age).
please what do I do? Should I confront the girl because I am so tempted to. What can I do to teach him a lesson? Am really running out of patience . Thanks.
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Read More: www.wivestownhallconnection.com
I just posted your mail now, see my sister, thank God you already know the kind of person your husband is. It breaks my heart that you confronted him and he still carries on. You suspect he has fallen in love with this lady and if that is true, then any confrontation ( the girl I mean) will make them feel persecuted and draw them closer. You'll help them bond more when you confront her and she goes reporting you with tears in her eyes, crying before your husband for putting her through "this hell"
You already feel like even if he leaves this one, he'll jump on another one and I think jumping like that is not safe for you. Protect yourself. Buy condoms and keep in your bedside drawer oh. Don't let any man snatch this life away from you. Don't let him infect you again, the other one was treatable, who knows… One thing cheating men don't know is that these young girls cannot sleep with them alone. The girl knows he is married and will also keep her young boyfriend by the side, while she enjoys hubby's money, her heart is with the young boy and she can infect him. Sometimes, these young boys know their girlfriends have sugar daddies and never complain because they too enjoy the goodies. It's like a circle, the boy too cannot be faithful since he knows his babe has a sugar daddy, he'll play around, so you see what can happen if one person in that circle gets infected with something bad, it will just spread around from one partner to the other and then the unprotected loyal wife suffers for other people's sins.
The lesson you can teach him is buy enough condoms, Buy many, let him see them. Don't nag about his affair, it's hard but try. Please don't try to make him touch you at this time. If you feel like it, see, bring your ear closer let me give you an old wives' secret: Boil water, make it not too hot, just like what you use when you give birth, hot enough not to burn, enter your bathroom and splash in there for a while, the urge will disappear immediately. Instead of leaning on him at night, help yourself with some water in the bathroom and see how you won't even feel like you want anything. I know some people may not believe me but sha no problem, just do it for yourself and your children. If you want to take the lesson a step further; Get a vibrator, tell him that you want to be using this for now until you both go for tests and he is cleared because he has infected you before. Please don't even think of moving out for a day. Stay put in your house and don't give any small girl the chance to come change your bed sheets.
You'll be fine.
Awwwwww!!!!!!! Anty Eya if u were close to me I wud hv given u a kiss n good hug LOL.Dear she has said it all. If he likes let him bring dem to d house, stay put. U won't leave dt house for nobody nt even d small girl out there. Don't worry about teaching him any lesson. Is not important at all. U know how to love ursef so jealously dt everyone becomes jealous? Oya start it NOW NOW. Pretend to be happy till d real happiness comes in. Live life to d fullest, keep good friends ( not to take about ur hubby) but to gist about important things that ll keep you n ur kid happy. Don't think n fall sick oooooo, he ll bring in another. Mydear LIFE is sweet, stay ur husband house and enjoy ursef with ur pikin mbok.
Thank you aunty Eya for this good tip. Poster, you have read it all…
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Lol at old wives" secret.
Thank you to everyone that is leaving some advise for me. Hello, Aunty Eya. Your advice to my mail literally made me cry so hard. Not In pain but joy. You have no idea what it means to me. God bless you immensely. I will take every single word of advice. As hard as it will be, I will not contact nor nag my husband. I will continue to be a virtuous woman who will fall immensely in love with herself and her daughter. I have decided to engage in activities that will take my mind off it. I will also invest in looking so beautiful all day ever day. Am happy to inform you that I got myself a vibrator today and loads of condoms. And the hot water splashing, I will try tonight. I am not one to keep friends but I think I will think about that also. Sharing with you has really helped greatly. God bless you and give you more wisdom to help and guide women and even men in need. Maybe you should write a book ooo!! Thanks
In addition to all Aunty Eya has said, I'll say keep cool and love yourself, lady. Your happiness does not depend on your husband. Your happiness depends on God. When you remain calm, you will cause him to be guilty and beat himself. Go into your War Room- prayer room and pray like never before, calling on God to heal your marriage. You'll be okay. Live, love and laugh against the odds.
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Wow madam Eya you're so on point. Am learning so much here.
Old wives secret….aunty Eya o. Nice one.
Also you suggested she gets a vibrator…….I'm thinking is it a right thing to do? Spiritually, morally? Should a Christian wife engage in it? Not necessarily if your husband is a cheat.
Nawa,this case is really bad, and like you pointed out the battle is not with you and the gal but ur husband.
IMO still try and work things out with him………..
You might even threaten to bring relatives and his friends into the matter if he doesn't change.(DON'T THREATEN HIS LIFE OHHHHHHHHH) as that might give him reason to abandon you and your baby.
Don't forget to always pray!
While you are teaching him the unforgettable lesson make sure you have a jotter and you are taking some notes because you might as well be teaching yourself a bitter lesson too. I believe you saw glimpses of what you are seeing now when you two were courting but you may have overlooked it as nothing serious only for you to see the seriousness of those little lies and things like that. Bigger things surely start from little things. My advice is in any action you want to take remember your children if you any.
Just keep praying about it and I believe you must have seen this bad part of him wen you were dating but you thought you could cope. Sorry but talk to your pastor so he can talk to your husband about it or even involve his close relatives.
Maybe the problem is that you are trying too hard. While he has to work outside to "conquer" the girls, you go out of your way to please him. For what?
Learn to please yourself in the first place and things will change.
He is a health hazard, you should be glad he isn't touching you. Do whatever will make you whine less . All these marital kasala stories don dey tire person
Aunt Eya said it all!
Am in support of the vibrator /dildo. Help yourself I had an uncle to succeeded in infecting his second wife with HIV they are all gone now, thanks to aids. But the 1st wife escaped why? Because her grown up kids forcefully removed her from their fathers house.
Madam, be thankful he isn't sleeping with you. So he doesn't give you HIV. If you already contraacted STD from him once, its obvious that he doesn't use protection with his external riff raffs called girlfriends.
Am not going to ask you to conttinue or start praying for him, because of am tired of the woman being asked to stay and be praying for a man who mentally, emotionally and physcally abuses her.
Madam for a marriage of 3yrs.how many years did you court? You must have seen or caaught him cheat and you stll married him.
The ball is in your court. You could arrange with a mle cousin of yours who he doesn't know of, pretend. To start up a rship with the cousin,and play along to see if you can get to him that way. Let him also see text msgs and photos you pple snap 2geda. If this trick doesn't work. Then na only sabi and waka go inside that marriage o!
Madam! I said your male cousin o! No go plan with another man wey go end developng feelings for you. In the end, so you can openly tell your husband and family nothing went down.
No vibrator pls its an abomination before God cos u need your prayers to be answered oh.pls get this book it will really help.why men love bitches by sherry Agov.cheers
I'm surprised you still want him to have sex with you despite knowing he's sleeping with someone else, and after giving you STD.next time, you might not be so lucky. I don't buy the idea of keeping the marriage no matter what. Women have to realise we're precious,and shouldn't be anyone's footmat.Give him space,free him to continue his rubbish. ..my two cents
When you decide to go on a journey of revenge, make sure you dig two graves! !!