I have an issue and need advice from other ladies and gentlemen on wives connection blog. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We dated for 6 months before marriage and I have never given him a reason to doubt or suspect my movements. last year December ending, I walked passed my husbands office phone which was lying on the bed face up, so I read the message, it was from a former female colleague that wished him a happy new year and wanted to know how things were going at work.
He replied that things are same and he wished her a happy new year. Then she told him she found a new job and loves it. He
replied to her saying ” look at you sweetie, I’m proud of you” it made me feel uneasy he called her sweetie cause he doesn’t call anyone else sweetie or any name like that but me. Well a few messages went by and he called her honey. Now I’m hyperventilating, I confront him and he says he was very sorry he never meant it in a way that would be inappropriate and I was his one and only honey. That all went over pretty well and he apologized and said he won’t even talk to her anymore. I did find another message that was from when she worked there also that said ” I’m heading out of town for the weekend, next week I’m gonna be on you like white on rice” he replied with ” see you next week, have fun”
Well, early this January, I used his phone to call my tailor and I looked through his messages. I saw a message from a colleague that said ” we need to do lunch real soon baby”, he replied with sounds good. Then the next day she’s texts him and says ” I started working out and my body is killing me” he replied ” work it girl” then a few days later she texts and says ” love you have a great weekend” he replied ” you do the same” she texts him back with an emojis with a tongue sticking out.. .
Another message said ” love you have a great weekend” ” licky colicky…” like she is playing around but as a female I know what her intentions are. He says he honestly pays no attention to her and she is twice his age and could care less what she says. It just hurts. I feel so scared she has other intentions. I had a panic attack once o reading them. He called her and told her that the messages she sends were too flirtatious and I didn’t like them. She apologized and said she didn’t mean to hurt his family.
I feel like he is not as pure as I thought. I want to trust him but my gut is telling me she wasn’t talking to a wall and sending those messages for no reason, he was responding. I can’t even believe her apology, it sounded fake. What should I do?
He replied that things are same and he wished her a happy new year. Then she told him she found a new job and loves it. He
replied to her saying ” look at you sweetie, I’m proud of you” it made me feel uneasy he called her sweetie cause he doesn’t call anyone else sweetie or any name like that but me. Well a few messages went by and he called her honey. Now I’m hyperventilating, I confront him and he says he was very sorry he never meant it in a way that would be inappropriate and I was his one and only honey. That all went over pretty well and he apologized and said he won’t even talk to her anymore. I did find another message that was from when she worked there also that said ” I’m heading out of town for the weekend, next week I’m gonna be on you like white on rice” he replied with ” see you next week, have fun”
Well, early this January, I used his phone to call my tailor and I looked through his messages. I saw a message from a colleague that said ” we need to do lunch real soon baby”, he replied with sounds good. Then the next day she’s texts him and says ” I started working out and my body is killing me” he replied ” work it girl” then a few days later she texts and says ” love you have a great weekend” he replied ” you do the same” she texts him back with an emojis with a tongue sticking out.. .
Another message said ” love you have a great weekend” ” licky colicky…” like she is playing around but as a female I know what her intentions are. He says he honestly pays no attention to her and she is twice his age and could care less what she says. It just hurts. I feel so scared she has other intentions. I had a panic attack once o reading them. He called her and told her that the messages she sends were too flirtatious and I didn’t like them. She apologized and said she didn’t mean to hurt his family.
I feel like he is not as pure as I thought. I want to trust him but my gut is telling me she wasn’t talking to a wall and sending those messages for no reason, he was responding. I can’t even believe her apology, it sounded fake. What should I do?
I see your husband as a good man surrounded by temptations. These ladies just won't let him be.They are the ones coming to him even though sometimes he tries to play along a little too much. I don't think he is a womanizer. So, you too help yourself. Don't you like your peace and good health and long life? Stop snooping on his phone cos that's invasion of privacy. Yes, even married couples still need some privacy for life to be fun. See, it's wrong and not fair on your husband for you to be checking his phone. If he was that kind of person, knowing you read his messages, he'll delete or password his phone and there's nothing you can do. Please stop hurting yourself over nothing and enjoy your marriage. He made his colleague apologize yet you are not satisfies, what else do you want? Give oga a little space so your marriage stays healthy, let it not be choking and don't be too clingy. See me, I have never snooped on my husband's phone and I don't plan on doing it. I understand a woman's world better and he understands a man's world better. We are adults and can manage ourselves. I have never seen hubby pressing my phone either. If it rings and I'm not there, he brings it like that ringing to look for me or lets it ring to the end so I find my missed calls and call back. Without trust, you'll keep hurting yourself and falling sick over nothing. You have never seen God o, but you have faith and trust him completely, why is it so difficult for us women to just trust our husbands and let them have peace at home?
Well said aunty Eya. I like the question in your last sentence 'why is it so difficult for us women to just trust our husbands and let them have peace at home?' Particularly when it has to do with other women; even husband's mother.
Would it be bcos women don't trust themselves?
Pls permit me say, no man is perfect. So d early u get that into ur head d better for u. Bcos if u should that forcing him to talk, is what u want to hear that he will keep telling u which is lies upon lies. Wish u luck
And funny enough we women gave men d room of ' all men cheat' which am not ready to accept. I noticed something about some women, when they stay for long quietly in peace dey begin to feel uncomfortable n strts looking for sum kinda trouble dt ll disrupt their peace. @poster u blessed for having such man dt ll even call bk d girl to stop sending such message. Mbok just b happy n reduce d FBI Okay
Did he make his colleague apologise to her? I did not read that part.
Privacy in marriage? Well no two marriage are the same so i cant really say check his phone or dont check his phone.. I check my husbands phone when i feel like, not like i make it a do or die affair.
I think the posters points are genuine, why are his colleagues so mushy mushy with him? Is he the only sweet guy in the office.. Why are they all coming for him.
Dear poster, i think if you are not happy about somethings in your marriage, pls talk about it with your spouse. Let him work on it.
I personally do not think its fine for him to have pet names for some of his female colleagues, i believe he can have healthy friendship with his colleagues but there definitely has to be boundaries. #myopinion
Mama Ijebu, I missed you oooo, heard you travelled to the Polar region, how journey? hope you brought bread for us holding the forth. Back to the matter on ground, I think I understand what Aunty Eya meant by some level of privacy. She is not talking about keeping secrets from our husbands but y ou know there are somethings you just do quietly like for instance in my family, hubby just paid the kids school fees and my younger sister called that she needed some money for late registration which our parents couldn't afford immediately. I didn't have to start telling hubby about my sister's request or expect that he sends the money after paying kids fees a couple of days back. I quietly transfered to my sis and that's that. My husband and I are very open to each other but from my woman's instint, I sensed a few times when he quietly did some little little things for his siblings without having to report to or discuss with me first and that's fine by me.
I guess even you have had moments when you didn't bother or thought it not a wise idea discussing some things and you just do them and forget about it. When a wife works and earns her money, it's not every little expenditure she must tell her man unless of course they have a joint account or she is financially depenedent on him which I stand against. I need my privacy when I feel like spoiling myself a little my dear. I don't have to tell my D O about every dime and how much some of my shoes cost else he'll scream. One love my dear Ijebustic mama, African marriage needs wisdom to last. <3 <3 <3
My sister no be small thing eh!… Lol.. Na real longest time.
I understnd your point and Eya's. I am all for every woman having their money, i believe men appreciate it. Just that this privacy thing ehn, one has to have boindaries o, especially all these phones and internet matter. Na so God direct me check Papa Ijebu phone,if not, i for no know say papa Ijebu don dey visit all these online sport betting site.Imagine o my sister. How e take start i no know.. Too much love for football. For this aye ma yomi garri! Na small small e dey start. Left for me, i will advise women to check their husbands phone once in a while. You dont know what God is trying to show you.
It is well