Hi everyone, I was raped many years back that is How I lost my virginity. Ever since then I don’t want to have anything to do with men. I need help ,my friends are telling me that Am going to get married someday, Please what can I do because I don’t know how to love any man. I have never fallen in love and just
hate any man that tries to get close to me. All my friends are ladies and I know that one day I’ll need to raise children and have my own family.
I cannot continue like this forever and can’t help myself either. I need advice please. How do I change to stop hating men?
hate any man that tries to get close to me. All my friends are ladies and I know that one day I’ll need to raise children and have my own family.
I cannot continue like this forever and can’t help myself either. I need advice please. How do I change to stop hating men?
My dear pls dnt let ur past ruin ur beautiful future! Make up ur mind and pray too for God to erase the tot frm ur heart and try to see men as good pple, what we imagine actually comes alive too. Am 33, single all cos I was molested as a child! I have tried relationships but…….. Pls u can help ursef, truth is its u, no one else can help.
You must try and move on, do not allow does losers to have control over ur life. Whatever becomes of your life in the future is determined by you and you alone.
Try to see a counsellor or life coach.
They are better trained at dealing with issues like this.
U can also try having platonic r/ships with d opposite sex, frm there u wld get too see that all men are not monsters.
I hope and pray that when u eventually find a man he wld treat u with love and patience that u deserve.
All the best .
Ms Kay.
am a psychologist I could help counsel u free of charge.@poster where are u based?how do I contact u?u wil b fyn hun its jus a mara of time
Have you prayed about it? Pray about it, seek professional counselling, dnt dwell on the past, stop saying you hate men. The more U say it, the more you feel that way. It is a mindset…from ur head, not ur heart… Surround yourself with positive materials, stop reading posts or news about how terrible men are, trust me, there are some wonderful men who will make U forget ur sorrows. Look for good men and good marriages and dwell on those…soon you'll crave it.
Change your mindset and give a good brother a chance….it might take a while…but U have to set the ball rolling.
p.s dnt let anyone tell you you are a lesbian…cos it seems being gay is now the explanation for everything. *rme*
I wanted to comment as anonymous but I thought better, dear one the truth is that one out of every 20 have been sexually molested. And I am one of such persons, mine was a devastating case because I refused to tell anyone, I held on to it and the devil even made we believe I was to blame, I started reading the word of God, I was reading the bible daily, looking for an escape route, a divine way out, till I read 'renew your mind' there are things that even God cannot do for you, one of such is renewing your mind. You have to determine in your heart that your mindset must change, then out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, you start speaking positively, say to yourself I love men, men are created in the likeness of God, I decide to walk in love etc. I tell you try it, at 1st u will fell like a fool because the devil will say to you, you don't really mean it rebuke it there and then, tell the devil you mean it by faith, study his word, hold God to his word, tell him all things work together for good, I personally got to forgive, and not only did I forgive I told the devil you brought this rape to me because you know I have a great destiny, so you want me to hate and refuse to forgive, but no satan you have failed, because I will turn this to a testimony to glorify God, I began talking to girls in school and as many that open up to me. And I tell you once I renewed my mind the holy spirit took over and started the healing and comforting process, there are times I will want to cry and start the pity process but I get up and start praising God. I tell you it wasn't easy but God was and still is faithful. My entire disposition changed, not only did the rape turn me into a better person, I brought me closer to God, who led my husband to me 3 months before the incident, all glory to God pls if you can get the battlefield of the mind by Joyce meyer, it will help you renew your mind. Sorry for the long epistle but this is very personal to me, because I have vowed not to let the devil win this battle, perhaps it was because of a time like this I was led to WC.
I am moved with this, thank u Debby. Gods grace hun
Seconded!!
Omalicha…
yea..i also will advise u read Battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer…its soooo helpful….in my own case,i held on to un4givness 4 soooo long bcos of sumtin sumone close did 2 me n as hard as i tried i cld,nt 4get nor 4giv…but i soon realized that letting go was much more better than holding on 2 the hurt and pains people inflict in us…its not easy but try as much as possible to forgive those losers and allow God heal u a step at a tym…above all RENEW your thoughts…let ur thoughts be focused on positives stuffs n trust me wen i say there r lots of great men out der…Enjoy ur life swity..u,ve got juz one life 2 live..xo
Dear poster, you should see a counsellor for proper counselling. Then you should also pray about it and speak positive into your life henceforth. You will surely smile again.
Sorry abt what happened to u, thank God u v moved on but I know it will b hard but u v taken d 1st step dats to move on..it is well
Abt ur relationship thing u will get a man dat will love u n care for u beyound ur immagination, just hang in dere.
Honey, pray about it, seek counselling and above all forgive the rapist. Yes that is what I said. True healing will come when you can recall the incident without feeling bitter about that person. It is not abt the person but abt you. Then you can start seeing men without hating dem for that guy's crime. Un forgiveness makes the offender have control over your future after ruining ur past. Is not easy, but the Lord is ur strength.
My dear there are many guys that were also sexually molested,but ironically in our case we tend to love women more.
U need to come out of your closet and put your past behind,just like other commenters have opined u'll also need to seek the face of God to overcome this phobia to avoid you developing feelings for your felllow females.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Its really hard, I was raped when I was 16 and then got into an abusive relationship that I was trapped in for 5 years of my life. It is really hard for even think about loving any man after that, but I found refuge in God and my self worth, I refused to let anyone bring me down. I believe that I deserve the best out of life and that there are genuinely good men out there, who will never hurt me and who will love me, and I found someone really special. You have to pray for God to give you the spirit of forgiveness. You have to learn to let go and learn to love again. God bless you love. Ceecee
Thanks for sharing, and keep on shining. More blessings!
go see a counsellor.. all the best