Good evening aunty Joy, my name is Patience, am 23 year old and am A very sad girl. I don’t know how to put it but my issue has to do with my family.
My mum is igbo And my dad is egun. Ever since I learnt how to talk, all I hear from my mum about my dad is negative comments. I have two brothers and my dad takes care of us equally. Since I started school up till the day I graduated from the university, my mum never sent me money but she gives my brothers.
If I ask for airtime she’ll ask if she’s the one that bought the phone for me.
In secondary school, I used to be scared to go home cuz
of her yelling at me or my dad. Even when I was in uni I can count the number of days I spend at home. There’s nothing I do that can please my mum, she says she loves me but all I get is criticism.
We attend deeper life and she makes me hate the church. I put on trousers in school and the day she saw my pics on fb, she almost died and I told her am doing it to spite her. I pity my dad the way she’s always trying to bring him down before us cuz I believe all marriages have their issues and I don’t know if she’s trying to make us hate him.
This issue of not feeling loved made me to start dating at an early stage and right now, I don’t even know how to go on.
Pls I need advice urgently because I’ve grown to be a bitter girl even though I smile on the outside. Pls any reader of your blog that wants to advise me in person can do so through search4amaka@yahoo.com or 28625bf6. Publish my details as I await your eager response(s)
My mum is igbo And my dad is egun. Ever since I learnt how to talk, all I hear from my mum about my dad is negative comments. I have two brothers and my dad takes care of us equally. Since I started school up till the day I graduated from the university, my mum never sent me money but she gives my brothers.
If I ask for airtime she’ll ask if she’s the one that bought the phone for me.
In secondary school, I used to be scared to go home cuz
of her yelling at me or my dad. Even when I was in uni I can count the number of days I spend at home. There’s nothing I do that can please my mum, she says she loves me but all I get is criticism.
We attend deeper life and she makes me hate the church. I put on trousers in school and the day she saw my pics on fb, she almost died and I told her am doing it to spite her. I pity my dad the way she’s always trying to bring him down before us cuz I believe all marriages have their issues and I don’t know if she’s trying to make us hate him.
This issue of not feeling loved made me to start dating at an early stage and right now, I don’t even know how to go on.
Pls I need advice urgently because I’ve grown to be a bitter girl even though I smile on the outside. Pls any reader of your blog that wants to advise me in person can do so through search4amaka@yahoo.com or 28625bf6. Publish my details as I await your eager response(s)
Babe, at 23, you are a woman and you are old enough to take care of yourself. Thank God you have survived her thus far. Now is the time to take charge of your life. No one has the power to make you sad except you.
Pray for her. Only prayers can change her at this point. Pray for peace and rest in ur home. Pray also for patience to tolerate her. No matter what, she is your mother. You can never run away from that fact.
Take charge of ur life. Don't make bad decisions to spite her or because of her. Whatever decisions U make now, you will live with it. She has lived her life, now it's the time to live yours and live it to the full.
Take charge of ur finances. Be the one to send her money and recharge card. Look for something and do like a biz. There is so much money to be made in this world o…You'll be amazed.
Go closer to God cos He alone can take you to that glorious destiny He has planned for you. He gave you to your mum for a reason. See her as a spiritual project you are working on. Show her unconditional love…she wnt resist it.
In all you do, pls confess positive things. You are not broken abeg…if you hear some people stories, U will know you are among the happiest ppl on earth..
All the best. God bless you.
My dear I don't even know how to go about this,coz so many people find it hard to believe that some mothers can be this cruel to their child.
But I quite understand your situation, just take it easy dear it will be over soon,when you'll move into your own house and by the grace of God live with the man of your dream.
I will tell you more via your mailbox dear.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
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Hello Amaka, I want you to be strong and know that you are growing and won't live with your parents forever. Change will surely come for you. You know God sees all you are going through and he has his plans for you. You will surely have an expected end cos I can testify.
You know Amaka, your mail made my eyes water and I won't tell you ehy but read this story: I know a girl whose father passed early, everything got forfeited by mean Naija uncles. This oung girls mother joined your Church with all the kids and things were cool except that the lifestyle was very difficult for a young student who had both male and female school friends and classmates but couldn't socialize with them cos of her church restrictions, wasn';t permitted to have even reading mates or join reading groups cos they were all "unbelievers"
In Secondary School and as a teenager, she got hint that the church was planning to put her on suspenson for having unbelieving friends, with that hint and the stress of living that lifestyle, this girl suddenly broke away and joins her BFFs church, then all hell is let loose. She suffers like an orphan.
Her mom didn't bother one bit about her anymore. How she lived her life became her business. It got to a point she was asked to stop using even the family detergent to wash her clothes, to stop using their combs since her hair was relaxed, to take care of her needs and survive on her own if she choses to leave that church.
Thanks to God, she still was allowed to eat their food and her school fee was paid for Secondary School o.
It got to a point, mom moved out of her matrimonial home for some days and left instructions that she would only return when that devil's child has moved out. This message she left with her husband (step dad).
After three days and his wife's refusal to return to her matrimonial home, the husband had no choice than to ask his step daughter to leave so that his wife could return home. She had no where to go and felt she was going to die at that moment but the God of miracles dropped words into a senior Aunty's ears, this Aunty saved the day. She heard what her niece was going through in her own mom's house, came down to look for this poor girl, and these were the aunty's words " My daughter, I confronted your mom over her ill treatment of you and asked her to return home but she says no way, that she is light and you are darkness. I am your aunty and I think I'm part of the darkness cos I can't go to your mother's church, park your belongiings, I'm taking you to my house, you will live with me henceforth" She moved in with her God sent Aunt.
Life taught her to work during holidays and take care of herself as a teenager.
Ok, her aunty took her away and that same day, her mom returned to her home. Years later, her mom also left that church and couldn't help confessing to people that the church pushed her so hard she nearly killed her daughter. She said this to people who revealed her exact words to her daughter.
Anyway, God took charge of this daughter from that moment and saw her through School, cared for her and blessed her beyond any man's imagination.
Funny thing is that now, mom gets very angry and jealous anytime this grl now turned woman sends items to that Aunty that adopted her then. Mom does not even want her to remember that aunty nor do anything for her.
She has forgiven her family, they are god now and the past is bygone.
*I just remembered this story because of your mail. It is meant to encourage you. This girl is someone you might know so fix a name there cos I won't add any name. (Let me cut it here jare, Too long a story)
That is life. If you feel unloved because you can't cope with your mom's rigid doctrines, someone has been there before and didn't die. God who sees in private will shock you with blessings and like Joseph, never try to repay them cos you will be blessed.
Sorry about this novel I wrote you. It is meant to encourage and let you look ahead into the future.This experience will make you love your future kids to pieces I tell you. It will teach you to live simple in the midst of plenty, it will make you see every material thing as vanity in future and to me that is the best life. Teach yourself contentment and hardwork now.
Eya.
My dear, u said you're the only girl. Most mothers I know, tend to hold their daughters to a stricter standard than the boys. Moreso, your being an only girl. In order to do this, they sometimes cross the line and instead become enemies with their daughters. I understand where you're coming from.
Just d other day I was gisting with my younger ones as to how my mom cut my hair, which was very wrong at the time, for no reason. She felt I was being to vain and always patting and styling the hair, she called me one day, sat me down and cut it! She didn't even allow me loose the hair I was carrying. For a long time I hated her, and had it in mind that she didn't like me. I called her a wicked woman, but looking back now, it was just her way of bringing me in line.
Will I do that to my own daughter? No. But I'm sure my mom felt it was the best way then. If I can give her the world now, I will.
Pray about it, I really want to say more but don't want to write something so long.
May I just add that most of our mothers went thru things in the past that has made them incapable of loving due to one reason or the other. Maybe being married early due to poverty and having to cope with family life from so early in life, abuse etc
Despite their willingness to love, they cannot and their seeing their daughters only serves as a reminder or something. It is no fault of yours my dear Amaka.
God has made you beautiful, he loves you. You don't need anybody's validation, keep praying for your mother daily for God to soften her heart.
I recommend you read Joyce Meyer's books. She dealt with so many topics like yours in different books. 1. Beauty for Ashes 2. Battlefield of the Mind 3. The Penny (fiction), please look for these books and read, I bet you, you'll not remain the same again.
*sigh* thanks for the kind words. I really do not hate my mum sincerely, I buy her things and all that. Its nt like we are broke, she retired as a level 17 officer but she sent herself to schl so she feels my dad is spoiling us with money and all that. Well, whenever she is scolding me I don't reply her and it annoys her. Thanks y'all. I feel so much better for the first time in over 18 years.
Ironically you need to be urself… True happiness doesn't come from living out a script but from living out your LIFE.
Do not despise ur mom and neither should you your dad. Maturity is what makes a lion know that attempting to make an elephant his meal is suicidal.
At some point in ur life you sure need them both, her fundamental role of bearing you maybe all God wanted her to play, all you need in life may just come from experience…
Finally… Only jesus love us truly. Even ur dad doesn't. Or haven't you heard of dad raping daughter or dad using child for blood money. On this earth "Love" is only a word, no one truly expresses it, what we see and call love is ppls selfish interest and when dey satisfy it, then you realize you were never loved.
E,g She needed to bear children so the world won't laff at her and she had you! Kapich…
Nuff'Said!
Ace, what's the meaning of your last statement?
How's that suppose to make her feel better?
Asin d height of stupidity.In ur quest to be deep u just say rubbish sometimes.
Hi,Eya was the girl in the story you? To broken girl:Rejection in life has taught me that its victims are carefully selected future impact making achievers under going training on how to successfully attain and substain success-but how you chose to respond to rejection determines where you end up.
Nice story by Aunty Eya anyway that girl you just told her story is you Aunty Eya. I repeat the girl you just described is you AUNTY EYA AYAMBEM hehehe!!!. Aunty Eya so you stubborn small when you dey grow up and your face looks gentle and innocent hehehe!!! Anyway i don catch you today aunty Eya "no be today Nyash dey back" hahaha! Dancing azonto and gangnam style plofecytinz
Hmmm! So sad a story, tank God u're through frm sch. U'll make it n God is helping u. Kattyreality
Pls poster don't use words like broken cos u aren't and there's so much life and prosperity awaiting you.
When I was younger and things got a bit rough and it seemed I won't pull thru, my mom always used 2 remind me that no suffering last forever and she was right…
So please forgive her and pray for her..
God bless and prosper you.
Dear poster,i perfectly understand how you feel.try and ask her why she treats you differently.and always do things that will make you happy.things will definitely turn around for you soon.
Home
Have u eaten today? Don't worry the asuu strike will soon end.
Everything you face in this life has the opportunity to either BREAKE or MAKE you. Instead of seeing the downside of all the ways she acts towards you, look at the bright side of it all and be the best woman you can ever be. This should be a heartfelt prayer point.
Everyone has their faults and your mom has hers too, normal. Trying to spite her does no good to you. Do you feel good after doing things just to get back at her? After then, what next?
Learn from her mistakes. Be a strong and hard-working woman. Always pray for her. She feels your dad is spoiling you guys, then achieve things for yourself and on your own that will marvel her. Keywords: Achieve and marvel.
You may feel that she doesn't love you. But truth is, different parents, mostly Africans, have different ways of expressing love to their kids; most of which we might term as 'hatred'. So, your case isn't unique.
Just ignore all the negatives. Use the negatives and the anger/bitterness to channel an inner energy and motivation for you to be determined to be a success in life.
Make something positive out of your life that will MARVEL her. Pray to God to do something in your life that will cause her to be marvelled and make her respect for you sky rocket and her attitude towards you and dad, become positive and full of love.
Talk to God like a father, just as you have shared with us. He's waiting to hear from you and help you.
@ poster the Lord is thy dtrenght
Woow Eya this your story sounds like my story which i am currently living rite now but its my mum & her 3sisters in my story. Eya i tank God for your aunty, but me i have noone but God…….let me stop here because i am getting emotional.
Anyone that has a loving mother is lucky, because for us that have wicked and easily manipulated mothers are seriously feeling it.
God dey
If u hv a gud mom, honestly ua blessed. It wasn't funny growing up & it stl has sm negative effects on we d children til date. Mom can nag 2 full days wt out stop. Really wantd to run away frm home wen I was lil. She made dad so miserable such dt I can forgiv wot she did to me but nt d one she made my dad go tru bc he is a very gentle man. Its so difficult to move on but am really tryin to. Do u knw wot it means to grow up & neva knw peace as in peace. Anyway sm tins ar beta imagined & nt gone tru. I wish I had a beta mum & I dnt knw hw to advic u bc av neva knwn d luv of a mum *crying* . Its well
Ace what kind of stupid statement is that? Is she meant to feel better that her mum just had herout of neccesity? My friend, in this life always rembr to think talk and think again.. haba.. common sense is not so common afterall.
Wen I hear stories of women treatin der children bad, its jst absurd. I thank God 4 mine. Y wld u wnt 2 throw away d crown of ur old age? Amaka u r a jewel n u shldnt let any1 tel u odawise. Luv ur mum even more. N b vocal about it. Wen u r down n jst wana scream, tel ha mum I luv u. Tel ha I luv u even mor evryday. Kip tellin ha. Dnt stop. It is well.
Read well before accusing ace. To me he made sense.
Some things Ace said are very true
You have to learn to forgive completely and let go. Ask God to give you such a heart. Don't make the experience mar you. Like I told the poster, you have the power to make the sad experience mar or make you. Be strong, forgive fully and let God take control. Bless! Let God take the wheel, just act to His script. It may be hard at first, but just learn to trust Him. He'll make all things right. Just be positive.
Madam Ada r u sure ur not a wwp woman? The way u advise makes me think ur one. And wwp is a prayer meeting o abeg.
Poster, pray for your mum, put your future in God's hands and look for a support group. What about your brothers? Are they supporting you in any way?pls just take one day at a timeand don't think of the hurt cause you are almost at the end of the dark tunnel. Love and respect your mum in spite of her behaviour and don't do something stupid to get back at year mum cause any stupid thing u do will have a negative effect on ur own life.
Hi poster. Does your dad love u? As in put u @ d top of his preference. If he does, your mum may see you as her rival.( Dats wat happened in my case).
It was wen I lost my dad dat I understood, I tot my mum didn't love me.
Bt, she felt my dad transfered all d love meant for her to me.
Hope I made brain?
Aunty Eya,
This is your life story.
I bless and thank GOD for your life.
Ruby and others asking if this is my life story. Sometimes we speak in parables and that doesn't make the stories ours. I know you guys just want a name but I'd tarher leave you in suuuuuuuuspence.
Wwp(When Women Pray) yes ooo its a fellowship to belong! Am so proud to be a part of it!
Well i think in life almost every person has one person who just made life unbearable for them, who made them feel they were unwanted,ugly, foolish, stupid poor, miserable etc it could be ur parent, sister, brother, ,uncle,aunty etc.
Word
Ace said the bitter truth tho