Not by taking over all the cooking and creating stress for yourself. When you go visiting would be or already in-laws, while getting ready for the big wedding or during these Holidays (Christmas is fast approaching). seeing the way that our African family setting is and how some people are quick to judge daughters in law, there’s
this temptation to ACT a mental script.
Please, never allow yourself to fall inside the ocean of ‘acting too nice’ because you’ll start what you cannot finish. If the man is going to marry you, it’s not by combing his mum’s hair with your teeth or licking her bathroom slippers with your tongue. Do not try too hard to be too nice and be seen as a ‘good wife’ because you’ll start what you cannot finish. Be good and be YOU but don’t act too nice.
Husband scarcity has not reached that level oh. The new trend of in-laws testing their would-be daughter in-laws with lunch or dinner without meat/proteins sha is something I don’t understand and I honestly feel like no respectable family will use ordinary meat, whether cow meat or chicken or crayfish sef. In short ehn, any family that does that will lose their respectable status because that’s too low. Be warned already!
Why would you use meat to try somebody’s daughter? How would you feel visiting a family for the very first time and seeing food served before you looking like dog food? Will you feel welcome?
Thankfully my girls are still teenagers abeg. If they were older, visiting any fiance’s family and report that they were treated like second class citizens in the name of TESTING, that would be the last day, I’ll let them set foot in that kind of family gathering… Who told you that the lady that accepts to eat dog food served just to prove a point will make a good wife? For where?
The lady that visits your house for the first time and offers to wash all your laundry, do all the cooking and cleaning of the kitchen and scrub the toilets and bathrooms may not even be a good wife for your dear son. What is your definition of a good wife sef?
Some of these things, when done, make you the lady look timid and stupid before would-be inlaws. Remember to carry along your self-esteem, your Dignity whether among fiance’s family or around In-Laws or around anyone for that matter.
Some things are acceptable while some are not.
Because you want a man to make you his wife doesn’t mean you forget that you are also somebody’s daughter.
How to be helpful is to OFFER to assist and not to take over the whole work. We hear that in some parts of Nigeria, Christmas is the worst season for wives who travel home to spend the holiday with in-laws.
They start the day by making breakfast for the whole extended family, washing dishes, and cleaning after everyone has eaten and then without rest, Lunch is supposed to start cooking, after Lunch is dinner and the circle just continues until it’s time to return back to the city.
The poor wives spend the whole Christmas Holiday cooking, cleaning and looking after kids… Where is the Christmas fun in all of this. Wives from that part of The country will rather stay back in the cities than travel home to spend the holiday in family compounds serving like upgraded house helps and you know what?
Culture demands that The woman never says a word, do all the work wearing a smile, and secretly looking forward to when the return journey will commence.
Taking over all the cleaning and fixing at the In-Laws won’t make them love you in case they don’t. Flushing the toilet after hubby’s mom won’t make them love you in case they don’t, washing all the ladies’ underwear and ironing while neglecting your own kids won’t make them love you.
Do you know what will give you respect? It’s carrying yourself with dignity and saying your mind without hurting others. People can read through fake acts.
What to do in a situation like this is beckon on the other ladies around, hubby’s siblings lazing around because ‘their wife ‘is in town, call them to join in the cooking and if they don’t, find a way to satisfy your husband and his parents and let the ladies feel the pain.
Say you are making pounded yam and cooking some intense Nigerian soups for the whole family if the young ladies refuse to assist, do not kill yourself and make your kids motherless babies abeg.
Pound the little quantity that serves you, your husband, kids, hubby’s mom, and Dad. Leave the rest of the yam boiling in the pot so they learn a lesson and respect you. If hubby has younger siblings and cousins and all who are like still teenagers and should be able to do the dishes and clean up, do not go and start washing dishes oh, you can help clear the table but after that, go and sit down too.
No one says that wifey cannot sit down and gist and laugh and rest too. Let the young women do the washing. Never become a slave and at the end of the day, you become useless in za oza room because the whole day is spent cooking gigantic pots of food, washing, and cleaning.
If you are visiting would-be-In-laws for the first time and they are cooking, join in the cooking, assist with your eyes wide open.
Do not act stupid or timid and never act arrogant either. If there are big boys around, don’t offer to pound any yam, incase they do manual yam pounding.
Do not act stupid or timid and never act arrogant either. If there are big boys around, don’t offer to pound any yam, incase they do manual yam pounding.
You can offer to wash the vegetables, chop the vegetables or even arrange some kitchen stuff but never offer to do what you have never done in your own parents’ house like asking siblings for their dirty laundry to wash. Have you ever asked your own siblings for their dirty laundry to wash? you well so?
If it’s a Christmas Holiday and you are home with the village people and In-laws, do not try to cook different varieties to impress and show that you are a strong woman. That won’t earn you any medal.
Be wise, cook either fried rice, jollof rice rice and stew, coconut rice, or rice with sauce so you have time for yourself too. Don’t offer to do all at once because when you get tired halfway cooking all that variety, you are on your own. You will spend your holiday taking paracetamol daily for headaches caused by self-inflicted stress.
Traveling home with the kids? don’t just rely on family mealtimes to feed your kids. Shop for your kids before leaving for the village.
Shop some fast foods and canned foods like indomie noodles or any other your kids like. Shop canned sardines, milk, beverages, and snacks because that will help a whole lot when you don’t have to wait till 10 am to feed your kids because the mighty pot of food is still on the fire cooking breakfast.
I think this post is taking too long, let me just break it down and do a post on what to do and what not to do when you travel to the village for Christmas Holidays with The Inlaws.
Step by step how to use oven to bake. I want to learn please i’ve never tried before so i don’t know how to bake things like cake, chicken etc in the oven