Dear Mrs Eya,
Thank you for giving people like me the opportunity to share and learn from your blog. I have learnt a lot from your blog and the wonderful counselors that God has put there. I have a problem, if you can advise me, please do not bother posting to the blog. But if you can’t, you are free to post. I need help. This thing is really eating me up and making my love for him to reduce drastically.
In January 2011 my husband signed up for Facebook. He initially
refused to join Facebook. He felt it’s pointless since some people complain of privacy concerns. I joined Facebook earlier, in 2010. I was so happy when he informed me he is now on Facebook and quickly sent him a friendship request. Till right now as I type, he has not accepted my request. I waited until couldn’t wait any longer and had to inform him that I sent a request, he lied that he doesn’t go there often. Because I am friend to some of his friends, I was able to visit his profile and see that he is still accepting recent requests. I confronted him and now I can’t even see his name when I type.
I suspect he has blocked me or changed settings to ONLY FRIENDS. I feel embarrassed when I see other couples posting pics of their family anniversaries and showing their PDA on Facebook. I feel embarrassed knowing that my friends may look for my husband since I signed up as married. I feel so humiliated. I wanted to write “MARRIED TO… with his full name,” It’s not easy, I may feel more humiliated when friends see his name as my husband, visit his page and see that I’m not one of his friends.
He had little and we were managing, now he has hit it big and is making big friends. I don’t know if he’s not proud of me. I have thought about so many things. He is the type that likes to be seen with the big and mighty. I am just a managing health worker who doesn’t have much. I feel he is not proud enough to let his big Facebook friends know me.
Should I just forget the matter and face my life and kids or continue to ask why, even when I know he doesn’t give satisfactory answers/
Please Eya, or, kind people on t blog, help me out with your wise counsel.
What do I do?
Ini
Thank you for giving people like me the opportunity to share and learn from your blog. I have learnt a lot from your blog and the wonderful counselors that God has put there. I have a problem, if you can advise me, please do not bother posting to the blog. But if you can’t, you are free to post. I need help. This thing is really eating me up and making my love for him to reduce drastically.
In January 2011 my husband signed up for Facebook. He initially
refused to join Facebook. He felt it’s pointless since some people complain of privacy concerns. I joined Facebook earlier, in 2010. I was so happy when he informed me he is now on Facebook and quickly sent him a friendship request. Till right now as I type, he has not accepted my request. I waited until couldn’t wait any longer and had to inform him that I sent a request, he lied that he doesn’t go there often. Because I am friend to some of his friends, I was able to visit his profile and see that he is still accepting recent requests. I confronted him and now I can’t even see his name when I type.
I suspect he has blocked me or changed settings to ONLY FRIENDS. I feel embarrassed when I see other couples posting pics of their family anniversaries and showing their PDA on Facebook. I feel embarrassed knowing that my friends may look for my husband since I signed up as married. I feel so humiliated. I wanted to write “MARRIED TO… with his full name,” It’s not easy, I may feel more humiliated when friends see his name as my husband, visit his page and see that I’m not one of his friends.
He had little and we were managing, now he has hit it big and is making big friends. I don’t know if he’s not proud of me. I have thought about so many things. He is the type that likes to be seen with the big and mighty. I am just a managing health worker who doesn’t have much. I feel he is not proud enough to let his big Facebook friends know me.
Should I just forget the matter and face my life and kids or continue to ask why, even when I know he doesn’t give satisfactory answers/
Please Eya, or, kind people on t blog, help me out with your wise counsel.
What do I do?
Ini
Hmmmm, happened to me too and I quietly deleted my Facebook account. couldn't stand seeing friends with spouses on My page while mine wouldn't accept me. Wicked men.
Don't be a learner. There are plenty fake accounts on Facebook for a reason. That's all I am going to say.
I tried the fake account thing, DDn't work, he won't accept friendship from any name/one he doesn't know very well outside Facebook.
I really don't think it's that serious. Some people might feel that they need some space that their spouse is not involved in and FB might just be his only way of achieving that. Don't think he's ashamed of you, he probably just wants a place where you don't monitor what he does, especially if he's avoiding the drama of you confronting him on things you see on his page. You shouldn't base the strength of your relationship on whether or not you're friends on FB as these social networks have destroyed a lot of relationships. I know of many people who agree to not follow each other on Twitter for the same reason and they're happy. It's not a serious issue. Just ask him his reason for not accepting, you never know, it just might be because of what I've said.
I will go with the comments here.
Please don't let it bother you.
Just have fun with your own network of FB friends.
I agree with D and Simply Mee. Don't let FB become a competition with your friends on who can show off their husband more. Remove married to …his name, and don't talk much about your marriage. Enjoy girlfriends kind of FB and since you have kids, focus on that. Also don't allow FB come between you and your hubby if there's nothing else the problem. All the best, OK. Take care.
Ps be truthful and stop deceiving yourself! I like to call black black and not yellow abeg.No one who wants privacy signs in on fb,dats number one,number two,privacy from your wife?are u a learner?
Abeg,let's admit when we have issues and stop trying to accept wrong as right.Me if I know my husband's wrong,I accept it as wrong and never try to justify it as right.
Every man who loves you and your kids sees you as his world.My 'old' dad has my 'old' mum on his friend list on fb.
I agree with Myne if there is no other problem in your marriage then just leave it. It hurts i know. Its either one of two things. he doesnt want to show you to his "big friends" or he wants his privacy.
One more thing, if you think he is now more "showy" because he has money now, why dont you also get a make over adjust a little bit to "compliment" his "big man-ness".
lol, the things men make us do. I wish you well dear.
I wonder why a husband will not want to accept a friend request from his wife! Makes no sense to be! A woman that bore children for you, what privacy do you want to have again! Take heart Ini because I understand the battel your mind has to go through as I am also a very emotional person! Nevertheless forget about the fact that he doesn't want you on facebook, put your mind into your kids and your health care work! Have peace with yourself, the type of peace that is from within and even your husband will know that there is a difference in you. Don't ask him again about the facebook, don't even bring up the subject I tell you sometimes silence speaks more than words.
On a second thought let him give you enough money so you can get a total make over, overhaul your current wardrobe, hair etc. So you can also step up your game to be like the big people he now associates with. Two things will happen he either apprecaites who you were before or he will totally love the new transformation. But one thing is certain don't hide in the background oooooo, when he is going out to see his big people step up your game and follow suit ooo,
hello Eya how are u and d family . Please i have been looking for the recipe on how to make ice cream my kids love it and they have been telling me to learn how to make it so dat we wont spend so much money buying it outside. Will appreciate it if u can help. Thanks and God bless.
This is a big issue o. Let's not overlook it. There are little signs that show that something is wrong somewhere. I'm sure the poster's issue is not Facebook per say. I could see a lot of subtle msgs that she is trying to pass across.
Sometimes my husband takes a break from my 'over clinging-ness ' by playing his PS… *rolling my eyes* …and since I dnt like Soccer or all those games, I am forced to give him space. That is understandable. Some times men need their space. My husband loves me to bits, but being all up in his business all the time, wears him out.
It can also wear your relationship out too. I noticed that whenever I give him space for a long time (and dress provocatively, chatting seriously on my phone and laughing hard, even when nothing is making me laugh *wink*), he'll now be the one following me up and down. It makes the love 'sweeter'. My hub is on fb but he hardly goes there. Me, I dnt even remember him cos I have so many friends there. So…
But when your husband does not want to be associated with you on a social network, then something is wrong. Even distant relatives list themselves as cousins, siblings and co. Why will a married man not want his wife there? And he did not give her any concrete reason so she has a reason to be worried… She knows her husband better than we do so she should definitely know he is not telling her the truth.
However, my dear, just tell him your unhappiness with the situation. Tell him what conclusions you are forced to draw from it. If he now opens up and tells you the real reason behind it, fine. But if he still lies and refuses to add you, then let it go. As long as you dnt have serious issues in your marriage. There are some battles we can't fight physically. Just pray and ask God for wisdom cos no matter what we tell you here, God knows what's best for each and every one of us. So we can't compare.
But dnt delete your fb account. Abeg enjoy your life. You dint come to this world as Mrs …., you came to this world as a fearfully and wonderfully made unique human being. Anybody that doesn't want to associate with you, it's their loss. That's my mindset sha. I am an advantage to my world! I am the answer to the cry of many! Greater is HE that is in me, than he that is in the world. I am special! I can never be disadvantaged! Glory to God! (Just came back from church hehehe)
To me, i dont see anything wrong in what he has done,probably he doen't want to hurt you,am not a FB person and my husband is,and he opened the account for me and my friends keep trooping in he also help me to accept those that mention that they are old school friends while my friends keep complaining that i dont chat with them he also chat wt them as if i am the one,i dont know if he added me or not but he did.i am a banker,mother and wife and too busy to worry mysef over this kind of a thing.My advise is that u should just try and let things be so that u can have peace within u.He might just wonder y you have just stop to bother about it and inturn get worrier.please enjoy ur hubby and dont let FB break ur home.
Gush, I talk too much! 🙂
Someone teach us please.
sis,pls dont let dat boda u. Just give enuf space n u will see what will happen. Enjoy ur life to d fullest
No,u don't.
i love ur comment
Abi o,pls dnt justify dis,it aint fair2ini,wat is he hiding?hisss
Nothing more to add…really.
Hope the poster finds the answer she seeks, peace, love and fulfillment in her marriage.
http://www.biolaleye.blogspot.com
Pls let no1 say ders nothing der,ders a lot der!do u no how many girls n ex gfs men mit on fb?u can't even begin2under estimate d power of dat particular social netwrk!my own is,he must av a gf on der!n probably dat1 sends him wall posts dats y he's blocking his wife 4rm coming der.ders nothing like giving sum1 space on fb,re u sitting on his head by jus been his fb friend?me I don't c ny oda logic bhind it,am nt married bt my fb status says in a relationship with my boo's name!n d pic we took 2geda is both our facebook cover photo bt d thing is I hardly even open d fb or go tru his profile bt I know we re open der!pls 1more tym call ur hubby n ask WHY,if u both av bbs,tell him2give u his 4ne,send d request n accept ursef!we ladies re d1s dat indulge our men,pls don't take it lightly with him!
Ahdaisy jade biko giv us ur TL so we all can chat n get d hubby jealous once in a wyle tanx!
Hello Jadye. I hav always wandered, do u have kids or r u newly married? Its ust bcos you always talk abt ur husband but never kids.
Mmmmh something doesn't seem right
Hmmm don't no wat 2 say.I hv a prob lyk dis 2.I n •̸Ϟ husby hv our bbm pin n we do ping bt •̸Ϟ prob is dat he hs his ex-galfrnds pin.I hv try tellin him 2 delete dose pin bt he wil tell me he hs notin 2 do wit dem.dey r all gettin married.I don't care if dey r gettin married or nt,I just wnt him 2 delete dose pin.pls wat do I do 2 mk him delete dem.
Ahdaisy! I just love your comments. Most times u say exactly what's on my mind! But I wonder how u get to type so much if its with ur phone then won't your hands pain u? Anyway love all your comments
Lol…thanks guys. @Deborah, no I type on a Tab so it's easier than phone. The truth is, in real life, I am very quiet, kinda shy sef. Even my husband always wonders why I dnt talk much outside. I do all my talking by writing and typing. 🙂
Anon 5:24PM, so u want Ahdaisy to list all her family members on the internet so that Kidnappers can go knocking eh? You asking are even hiding your name. hw do u want her to know who she is communicating with?
I'm not really active on twitter. It's @chokl8y anyway. But we can do all the chatting here. In trying to get someone's attention or make the person jealous, bottom line is that you must do what they are not used to. 😉
So since a husband not adding you on FB means that he's got something to hide, I hope you follow yours absolutely everywhere then? To work, to business meetings, to the toilet. This is actually how some of you drive your husbands into cheating and other dodgy behaviours. Must you be involved in every single aspect of his life? Come on! Get serious. You sef, there's no way you can tell me you won't get a little annoyed if he was involved in everything about you. Humans need their own space. Being married doesn't mean you should be in each other's faces all the time. Just like Ahdaisy said in a comment below, being all over his business can wear the relationship out. Give him space, he'll always come back. I don't understand how you can conclude that him not accepting her on FB means he's trying to hide or cheat. Oh please!
I dont know how to say this eloquently so I'll just say what is on my mind. Dont negelect this issue, it is a big deal. My brother deleted all of my family from his facebook a while back, because he lived with me and I saw him everyday, I didn't think anything of the situation. Fast forward a couple of months later, I moved away and he was living by himself, 20 years old, he is smoking weed and posting it all over social media, guess who was the last to find out? US. And it is still choking us.
I am not saying that your husband is doing anything shady but there is no smoke without fire.
My little cousin dd the same thing only for us to find out a few months down the road that she was dating this junkie weed smoking thug!
@Mimi: I wish I could have found out sooner, because he is so not the type. Very quiet, docile was studying electrical engineering. It was a visioner in Nigeria that told us. Me like mumu I was arguing with her. When I finally tracked him down on twitter my eyes popped.
I wish you and your family the very best and God's grace with dealing with your cousin. It really isn't easy
Aunty Eya did you delete my comment it was here yesterday now I can't see it anyway I insist if a man does not want you on his social media account then he is definitely hiding something. If he takes his phone with him to the bathroom each time then he is definitely hiding something be afraid be very afraid. I don't agree with the comments that say if there is nothing wrong with your relationship don't worry about facebook. Abeg do what Sting says get a friend or close relative you know he will add to help out if you must, use her name and photo. Shine your eyes oh where there is smoke there is fire. Privacy my foot when you are busy adding the whole world and their mother on facebook please do not be a learner
There is nothing i will not see or hear from all this amatuaer and selfish men, hee nawaoooo for all dis men oooo.so it is a big deal now to accept your wife's friendly request. If ur wife does not meet up to ur social statue why not make her to look so. My dear ini don't mind him, face ur children and responsibility as a wife u will see dat he will add u when u don't expect, when his own friends jokingly yab in
A spouse that does not want to be friends with you on facebook is definitely hiding something.
Lol @ Ahdaisy.. U r so cool! U shld be a counsellor or somfin,, cos u r just good on that levels. Mnwyl I also type alotttt like u , bt urs is different u just av d patience to sit down and respond to pples worries like ds and in a very wise way too, u shld seriously look into counsellin and stuff, maybe an Ask Ahdaisy blog or somfin it jsut myt be ur calling .. Mwnyl its super harder fr me to type with tabs and touch screens how do u do dat????
To also add I don learn dt dressin provocatively n laffin hard dey chat on ma fone hahahahahhahahaha!!! Bros go take!!
God bless jare…Cheers babes ..
Like you said D. Its not serious when both couple agree to it. In this case there is no agreement. The guy is hiding sonething and there is nothing she can do about it.
My dear, when I read your story it was as if you were telling the story of my life. This exact thing happened to me two years back except that in my case, after he denied seeing the request, I sent it repeatedly until I came to the realisation that he wouldn't add me. Guess what, I became very sneaky, got his password and logged into his facebook account, what I saw blew my mind away. He had all sorts of love mails in his inbox and there was a lady posting "my love" on his page. I couldn't resist it so I sent a nasty mail to that one, she got back to him, he got back to me and he was still askinh why I had to write her, as in, the issuewas why would she call her my love when I'm not allowed to do so, I cook ur meals, bore your children and wash ur laundry, I signed the dotted lines! I never admitted to sknowing the password so he wouldn't change it, I told him he did not log out on the laptop….. Bla bla bla, that was the beginning of my sneaking oh, phones, facebook and mail box.
Don't be surprised cause he might have registered as single on facebook so u can't add him as married to! That was what mine did. I did what Adhaisy said, I didn't delete my facebook account because of that, life does not end because of that though its painful. I also came to the conclusion that mine was not proud of me, me that I was the apple of my parents eyes, one man is now treating me like a persona non grata, unwanted element! I was shocked, depressed, angered but I moved on. I got a better job and thankfully it took me away from home for a while. He later added me on facebook but it didn't matter no more. Till date I have not been able to add him as my married to, I am not bothered by it anymore. My focus is on God,my kids and my career. I still love him but I won't die for him. Be strong and enjoy life, make good friends, go out a lot. Focus on your God, kids and carreer and give him whatever he wants. First of all though, you can have a heart to heart talk with him, Don't jump to conclusions until u have evidence that he is doing smt wrong.
Hahaha…Lol@ Fabulousity, e dey work o. Just be close to where he is, wear some hot clothes, sit or lie in a sexy position and just be typing on ur phone, even if na on Aunty Eya blog….all na chat! 😉 Then after a while, burst out into a laugh and end with… “Ah, you eh, you are so funny!" Or just be smiling like something is 'sweeting' you. When he (ur man) is talking to you, do as if you genuinely did not hear him and when he raises his voice to get ur attention, just turn and smile and say 'oh, how long have you been standing there, what were you saying dear?"
Or while he is on his own ignoring you (even if you just had a fight) , just go and say, My darling how are you, hope you are not still angry? Then kiss him….after that ignore him for the rest of the day! (This is just to make sure he knows that you are not ignoring him bcos you are angry, but because you dnt have his time!)
My dear, U have to learn how to manipulate situations to ur advantage. Or else you go vex tire. You know men are not as emotional as we are…
This is a very good comment. As much as I believe a couple should give each other space;something like this is a slap on the face!Why won't he add you?!You need to tell him how u feel about this,and if he still doesn't add u,then forget about it and make urself happy.One thing I've learnt is dt my happiness doesn't lie in anybody's hands. God will keep our homes for us.
Thanks
The easiest things to do are these!
1: Create a different profile with another name on Facebook.
2: Send him a friend request.
3: Make sure he adds you.
4: Don't place any of your pics on your Facebook wall.
5: Start up chats with him
6: Along the line, ask him if he's married.
Just do an underground investigative work…that's all.
At the end of the day, breeze will blow and fowl yash will show.
Welldone Ahdaisy. i love your sense of humour. i have this group of friends, they are wonderful. y'all here are wonderfuler* lol. And i am jotting all these tactics down for when the time comes. winks*
Whao! Wives connection is really one big family that i've discovered has the most matured followers. God bless aunty Eya & bless us all for keeping it real!
For me I think its unecesrary to start hurtin urself with those tots,let it go.concentrate more on sum oda stuffs,Be happy,forge ahead n everything will fall into place.If he wasn't proud of u he won't marry u in the 1st place.Men r always Men,Lady njoy ur life with or without ur hubby.
My dear, thank u jare, I couldn't have said it any better. @op, nne, why on earth are you punishing urself? Are you newly married? Cos if you are, I'll understand but if you are not, then I'm shocked that at this stage, you are yet to learn how now to make create your own happiness that doesn't evolve around your husband.
But if you are dt curious to find out what he's hiding from you in his facebook page, then my dear, all u need do is to follow these steps.
1. Hack into his email add. Try logging in and click on 'forgot password'. Answer the secret questions if you knw your husband well enough and change the password.
2. Quickly put in same email as u log into his facebook account and click on 'Forget Password' too. they will send u a link to change ur password to his yahoo mail that you have hacked into.
3. Now, you can log into his facebook acct with the new passowrd and read to your heart's content and add urself too if you feel like it. Though I'll advice u to change ur name n pics so that he won't knw or best create a new facebook account.
4. Now you are in to monitor his mvts.
Will this make you happy at the end of the day? I really doubt it. So, why don't you go out there, live your life and engage yourself in activities that will make you happy. Trust me, that will go a long way to build your confidence and quality of life. Creative Mom
I'm going to add that this is d last I will be commenting on these topics. I came here to learn on how best to improve my culinary skills. It's really depressing reading these stories and that's y I barely watch Africa Magic where almost 80% of them are filled with all sorts of abuses against women both emotional, verbal, financial and physical. Most of us watch this and indeed take it as normal. Our little girls also watch it and see it as the way that women should be treated and our sons, well, it will take a lot if we are to create men who treat their wives and women right with all the insanity in our society.
I am not saying we shouldn't speak out. On the contrary, we should but I think it is high time we stopped taking a defeatist attitude and learn to empower ourselves as women.
Oh well, now I am ranting. Forgive me. Gotta run. Bye guys
Creative mom
One man's meat is another man's poison, my husband practically forced me to accept his request on facebook,and also forced me to add him on blackberry wen a friend told him I was proud dts y I didn't have him on my bb, pple are different, I wasn't bothered bout all that, gave him his space and still do,mayb dts y he's after me, deres more to dis life than monitoring ur husband, make urself happy, engage ur self in creative stuff, wen u don't pay as much attention he will come to you seeking for it, but d more u run after him the more he runs away
Use hotter babe as profile picture. Add people and start friendship slowly. Take weeks to do. Add a few of his friends not too many. Comment on their status. Then add him. He will bite the bait.
My husb did samethin to me even remove me from his bb but I ignored him to d extent dat anytime I am wit him I concentrate on fb and bb, fake laughs, reAding aloud, comentin on family and frds etc he got jealous even to d extent of reporting me to my frds. He beg me to accept his request.
My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heal of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com) so I had to contact him and explain my problem to him and in just 3days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me,once again his email is Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
While i'm not married, I have a boyfriend. From what he's doing it looks like he's most likely looking to cheat. It's not that he's ashamed of you or anything of that sort. It has everything to do with him. Of course this doesn't mean that oh, you follow him to his business meetings or to the bathroom. It's just you claiming your territory and what's yours. Men who don't put their relationship status on FB have another motive. The only people/adults i know who did this were cheaters. If nothing has been resolved from day 1, I suggest a long hard talk. Secretive men are my forte, I suggest it be yours, too. It's true what they say, that social media could be a cause for divorce and whatnot & this is how it starts. Sorry for the harshness. Just had to tell it how it is.