Hello Aunty Eya please I need you to post this on the blog. Do hide my name and ID. We were coming back from church this morning, hubby and I had a little misunderstanding while gisting. I expected that because of the kids, he would talk in low tones but no, he raised his voice and won’t even acknowledge my sign language signalling that he lowers his tone.
When I realized he won’t stop shouting at me and won’t even lower his tone. At this time the kids had stopped watching their DVD and were listening to us. When I saw he won’t stop, I had to also raise my voice while telling him to take it easy on me. The next thing I heard is a slap on my face cos I sat beside him in front. I was too ashamed to cry , the embarrassment was too much for me before my children and I
just smiled. No one talked again until we got home.
No one was going to talk about him cos I can’t remember him saying sorry to me, ever. In our seven years of marriage,He always tries to find other ways to make up. My little four year old just asked why Daddy was shouting at me in the car and I don’t know what to tell her. If I lie, she’d know so am thinking of raising the issue again in front of the kids cos I know they have questions.
I want him to apologize to me before the kids but am not sure this is a good idea. Please I need advice. How do I go about handling this issue and my kids?
When I realized he won’t stop shouting at me and won’t even lower his tone. At this time the kids had stopped watching their DVD and were listening to us. When I saw he won’t stop, I had to also raise my voice while telling him to take it easy on me. The next thing I heard is a slap on my face cos I sat beside him in front. I was too ashamed to cry , the embarrassment was too much for me before my children and I
just smiled. No one talked again until we got home.
No one was going to talk about him cos I can’t remember him saying sorry to me, ever. In our seven years of marriage,He always tries to find other ways to make up. My little four year old just asked why Daddy was shouting at me in the car and I don’t know what to tell her. If I lie, she’d know so am thinking of raising the issue again in front of the kids cos I know they have questions.
I want him to apologize to me before the kids but am not sure this is a good idea. Please I need advice. How do I go about handling this issue and my kids?
Loool…. Seem like some kinda stage drama, must it be infront of the kids, guess the kids need to see how the drama ended and how you both lived happily forever after…
IMO, he was totally wrong to shout at you, and thereafter raise his hands. so so wrong, just try to explain to the kids and demand his remorse and apology from him privately. I sense he's egoistic and he would rather die than apologize infront of the kids, sm1 who won't even be sorry in private for 7 years!
Just be calm, there's nothing hidden under the sun! Over perfection they kill ooo, the kids knowing what he's capable of is enuff to help you and them in future about the challenges of life.
Nuff'Said…
Hmmmn, i feel you …i would be in agreement of him apologising infront of the kids or saying something infront of them that would try to make you two look good in their eyez! cos, that was very wrong to raise his voice infront of those lil kids then now slap you!! Kai, what the spirit of anger does to people.
The Lord is your strength and pls dnt forget to update us on what y'all did.
lets see what the rest of the wives connection family thinks.
He needs to apologise for slapping her in front of the kids, so they know it is wrong to do so! Otherwise,his son might grow up & think it is okay to beat up a woman & the daughter also might grow up, thinking it is ok for the man to beat up a woman. This is is why this attitude goes from one generation to the next!!! Stop this! Nigerian men need to loose their ego! This is a partnership,not slavery!!! And before you ask,if I were married, the answer is yes!!! 21 yrs Infact,so I should know a thing or two about how things like this can destroy families.
You do definitely need him to apologize, for his actions and for not being a good example especially at a time where he should be filled deeply with the spirit of Christ. Interesting that he should be in such a temper after church, obviously the spirit did not reach somebody.
Settle in private wit him n both of Ʊ should agree dat he asks 4 ur 4givnes in front of d kids.
But raise d issue of what happened in private….
Bebe
i reckon he should apologize in the presence of your kids…so they 'll know its never accepted to do what their dad did.
hmmn, is this the first time hes slapping you. my dear, domestic violence most times starts with shouting in front of the kids, then a slap and all. it seems its the fact that he did it in front of the kids that bothers you and not even the slap which is a form of physical violence. advise is when next he shouts, u keep quiet after all one would get tired if theres no response. also ensure he apologises properly infront of the kids and give him a stern warning about raising his hand against you. my 2 cents.
Awww…domestic violence!!! Please pack up your bags & leave!!! Don't raise your kids in that kinda environment…they might grow up with a warped perception of family.
Lucinda
Awww…domestic violence!!! Please pack up your bags & leave!!! Don't raise your kids in that kinda environment…they might grow up with a warped perception of family.
Lucinda
I would love for those encouraging women on being humble and submissive to respond to this story. This is a real life scenario. Women are told not to be trouble makers, agreed. But just take a look at this case now. This is a case were the man stooped low, slapped her and disrespected both her and the kids. Please advocates of quiet and submissive women I support u all and anut Eya. But pls u guys shud come and talk on this matter and encourage the woman here. Poster your husband just disrespected u n ur kids and didn't act lyk a head. He wronged u guys in public, he mst make it up in public and teach d kids d ryt tin. But if he's stubborn and refuses, pray abt it, talk to ur kids, tell dem their dad did a wrong tin. Tell ur girls to neva accept dat and ur boys to dare not eva do dat. Then pray.
@Anon, well understood! But why I feel he did it right infront of the kids was because she shouted back at him and he needed to show the kid's he's in CONTROL.
You should also know all men love to be seen in control, men love their control. In all, everything rests on the dynamics of her marriage and the persona of her hubby! Would he bulge?
Lastly…. Only if she took the patient and hard decision to just be calm and quiet as he made his shouts a lot would av been saved!
I think you both should talk about it in private and then after making up, he can quietly talk to the children that what he did was wrong, and they should forgive him and not emulate it. If not, before you know it, your son if you have one will begin disrespecting you and beating up the girls.
@lucinda were!na so u dey pak comot husband hse. U n ur stupid comments
well since u said instead of apologising he has other was of making up, let me say he is egolistic. u too smart up, forgive him for the sake of the children, then both of u sit the children down and explain to them that it was all mistake when he does that.
you know now bedroom, u do the do not quarry ooo, his is ur man and u know his strenght and weakness, use ur trik as his woman… e go beg not only apologies..
lastly, alway pray that God give u wisdom to handle his short coming and when next he is behaving like that in the presence of the kids, stay calm till when u too are alone, as two wrong cannot make a right.
"Lastly…. Only if she took the patient and hard decision to just be calm and quiet as he made his shouts a lot would av been saved!"
Exactly my though Ace!
Provided her hubby isn't the type that would want to "touch" her for keeping quiet, I think she should have kept quiet after seeing the eye sign didn't work.
Dear Lady, you know her hubby more than us, if keeping quiet would have saved the day, you should have towed that line.
I would advise you to re-study him and know the things you will do that will keep him in check.
No way @Ace, you did not just say that! Control what?! Any man that feels he needs to show that he's in control by hitting a woman, talk less of hitting her in front of kids is a COWARD. Control my foot!
Who in the freaking world gives a hoot whether he's in control or not? If he wants to be in control, he should have acted like a mature head in the first place and not argue in front of the kids. That's how to be in control! Must everything be fight? I'm out!
Dear Lady,
In addition to what I typed, please I implore you to make use of the Power of the Bedroom.
Discuss and settle this matter right there in the bedroom and thereafter have a talk with your children like others have said with him being the chief speaker cos he's the head of the house and as such must LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
Children copy what they see their parents do; would he be okay if his SIL abuses his precious daughter?
Please be calm as you do this and I pray for wisdom upon you as you do this.
Your hubby is very egoistic; please use your woman skill to get him to reason with you. I wish you the best.
I believe two hot/cold individuals can't live as husband and wife; one has to be hot and the other cold. If the hot becomes hotter, the cold will neutralise the hotness and vice versa.
You husband is the hot, so I would assume you to be the cold.
Na wa for men! You want to misbehave and you are showing your immaturity in front of your kids? How childish can one get? Its even advised for couples not to argue in front of the kids sef. I'm short of words here…
Poster, like someone rightly put, you are more bothered, not because of the slap but because he slapped you in front of the kids.
The things we women take from the useless beasts parading themselves as men *rme*
Madam, I'm not going to tell you any unrealistic theory. You know your husband well. You know how best to handle him. It may be talking to him, it may be ignoring him and giving him the silent treatment till he rights his wrong and not only apologise in front of the kids, but tell the kids what's right and also, assure that it will never happen again. Use some God-given wisdom to know what to do. Tackle the matter once and for all. Next time, when he quarrels in front of the kids, turn into an okieMUTE. Don't talk. Silence is golden. Two wrongs can never make a right. Peace!
I think he has probably slapped you before that's why you aren't bothered about the slap. Please and please, be bothered about that slap. Are you his punching bag? Let him slap the wall next time if his hand will not pain him. So silly!
i agree with you Jay, it seems that this man has slapped you before but what bothers you now it that the kids witnessed it. pls you need to speak up if this has been on for a while. make sure he apologies to the kids, if he doesn't call your kids and explain to them that what daddy did was wrong, and your boy should never try it, and your girl should not accept it. you also should not accept it. pls
Jay, abeg collect this e-hug! Isn't it time we moved on from this 'men should always be in control' syndrome? I mean, what if one of the kids had said something to the man, what would he have done? my 5yr old would have bluntly told the dad that 'that's not Godly'…
Jay u dey vex oo.Poster may God help u.
I agree with JaY and others who said this slap isn't the first. As far as I'm concerned, these two shouldn't be condoned:
1. The slap
2. Doing it in the presence of the children.
I wish the poster could shed more lights on this.
Just like some people has rightly said, make peace with him in d room or beta stil since u said he has his own way of making up, maybe u should wait for dat way then after d peace talk u both should agree to re do it stylishly before d kids so as to erase d wrong impression dis might ve created in dia mind. As for the slaps its a no no for me.God help us women.
Thanx Jay! Der are so many ways a man can be in control, def not by raising his hands or voice! I would always say dt any man dt needs to affirm verbally or otherwise that he is the man of the house is def not the man of the house….there is NO reason justifiable for a man to hit a woman, so Ace and Rubynia: I don't agree with your comment abt if she had remain quiet! She's human too, he kept talking. I'm not justifying her actions, but dt is not an equal reaction from the husband…And for me, no apology can be enuff weda infront of d kids or not! The message has bin passed, I'd take it in good faith…I would av already gotten d msg..Madam pls forgive ehn! Sorry…for d love of God, for him and for ur kids! Its well
@Jay and Shayor… We can all stay here and argue the theory of what is "right or wrong" will it change the situation or will it change another man from doing same tomorrow? If my guess is ur's then we are on the same page!
I made a post two months ago about "TRIGGERS" have you asked her what she did to trigger the shout, at least we know her 2nd trigger was her shouting back. Like I said in that post… Does "shouting back" make it right?
We can all go around justifying… If you actually see nothing about ur self and keep pointing fingers you'll never help to manage the good man you have until you turn him into a monster!
NOTE: not all men are born a monster!
Nuff'Added…
My husband yelled at me soo badly dat he hit d table hard to drive his point home. He said some unprintable words as well. All these in front of d kids who at d time were 3&5 respectively. D interesting thing about the story is dat for almost a year d kids kept tormenting him on y he yelled. He apologised to dem, even lied dat it was just a grown up gist, but d kids won't budge. They'd tell anybody dat visits.. Do u know my dad is a 'yeller' and makes mum cry. Hubby had to beg me to explain dat it was adult gist. Lol. He took d kids on a special outing to pacify dem. 3 yrs down d road, d kids still talked abt. Hubby & I only argue in d room, when d kids knock, we stop. Lol
Anytime he raises his voice, they'd ask him if he wants to make me cry again bcos it's a mean thing to do.
So yes, I think ur husband should talk to d kids, but not apologize to u in front of dem.
Mase
Shayor
,
Yes, she's human but not everything can be solved through confrontations you know. Like I said, she knows him better!
I have taken time to conclude that when 2 people are involved in "hot" argument, nothing good comes out of it.
Like I said again, we can't have two hot heads in a union; one must be cold to neutralise the hot.
Still, I don't condone what the husband has done!
Ace plz 4get that trigger. Everyone should take responsibility for their actions. He lost control and slapped his wife and all u talk about is she ran her mouth to trigger the slap! He could have packed the car and gone out for fresh air or just ignore her and drive on.
We don't kno d details of the arguement but regardless no man or woman should hit their spouse. Let us stop making excuses for his action and call a spade a spade.
It seems its not d 1st time she has been slapped by her hubby and this is domestic violence believe it or not.
Next time he'll hit her with something, beat her up till she looses consciousness, pour hot water or acid on her.
Rubby Rubby, but you know that everything has an elastic limit and breaking point sha. If you are the quiet/peace loving/always-keep-quiet-type, you'll understand that there always comes a time when you just spark. It becomes reflex. You can't stop it. You may hate yourself afterwards, but you just spark. Most times, people 'pick' on others cos they know they can't 'spark'. So, such peeps will need to declare once in a while. Well sha. She understands her situation better. I'm just trying to explain it just in case she got to that elastic limit. You know it's easier to type somethings on blogs than to do them when the time comes. God help us sha.
And I hope that you know that the slap can also trigger the woman to harm the man. Women can't be triggered abi? So, you can like to stop thinking that all women are saints who can't harm men. Spend some time watching 'Zone Reality' and 'women who kill' and you'll know how far. So, kindly advice your fellow men to desist from towing the physical route and stop triggering worse evils. Just watch Zone Reality weller! Thank you Lizzy o jare. You've said it all!
Just like men trigger women off,with the torturing them on a daily basis. Do you see women hitting them? No matter what,you men need to learn to control yourselves & stop this ego nonesense! If he is so angry,he should take a walk or go find a wall to hit. If its in any civilized country,this will be termed abuse. You know how many men have gone to jail for this? Stop giving excuses about triggering him. We all as human beings have to learn self-control. Men get off your high horses & stop making women your punching bags! Too many women are dying daily because of this,& should not be taken lightly!!! We have to do this & make a conscious effort to correct this attitude ,so as not to transfer it to the next generation. Otherwise,the vicious circle continues!
@Ace, so we all should hide whenever the men talk simply because they were born monsters? Rubbish!!!
i dey gbadun jere. it is up to women to know their worth, until then this type of nonsense will continue
Yeah JaY, you have a point.
I'm tired of talking about this issue.
Ace, i fear for your wife
Ace pls I have a question for u, this triggers do they apply only to women? When a fellow man triggers another, will d man slap his fellow man? Can a man slap his daughter or mother because he wants to show he is in control? Pls being in control does not justify this slap at all! Let's call a spade a spade.
talking of this trigger issue ace, what triggers the woman to even shout in the first place. or do u think she is a mad person who just needs to shout. Sometimes the comments i see on blogs particularly this issue of Domesctic violence overwhelms me. Dv is wrong on all levels. it should never be accepted neither shud it be justified.
E doesn't nid any1 to tell him to apologize in front of the kids cus that's wat he is supposed to do.
My dad mistakenly slapped my mum (22yrs of lyf ,my dad has neva raised his hand on my mum. And am d 4th child) Reason for the slap was bcus my mum n lil sis wre avin misunderstandin wen my dad was with a guest n d house. My dad in d mist of dir confusion slapped my mum. I was dre wen dis happened n I cud see d shock on my dads face.(lol, my mum started packin her thins oº°˚ ˚°ºoo )Buh l8r dat 9t my dad called us (d children) and apologized 2my mum.BTW I n my sis wre d only ones dre wen it happened buh e apologized in d presence of all d children.
Still he shouldn't hit her, hot argument or not, no excuse joor….demand an apology now o if not he will think its ok 2 slap u wenever his hand scratches him.
@Anon 6:20, you can lie oo
Ace but you seem to keep justifying this kind of behaviour and I just don't get it. This is serious and nothing to lol about.
If you can't hit your boss, your parents or friends when you have differences, then do not hit your wife. Its that simple.
Poster, seems he has a bit of a temper. Please find a way to discuss with him calmly, let him know what he did was wrong and he should apol.ogise most importantly in front of the kids cause you don't want them growing up thinking its normal to hit or be hit.
All the very best
This is what we're talking about. Everything doesn't work by 'talking'. Your mum knew her worth. If this poster had immediately done this and the man cares at all, some serious sense would be driven into him. The only time I remember my mom ever threatening to leave after a fight, dad begged us to convince her to stay, begged her in front of us, at out back, all rounder. Even promised us gifts afterwards cos of the trauma of watching him raise his hand on her. Though my mum was loud mouthed one sha. But that's a man, he never talks back and he never raises his hand. There was no fight after then ever!
You are stupid for saying that. Do you live in her house? Ewu jos
Lol. Sorry ma 🙂
Thanks Anon 12:42 and Shayor@Soup-a-Bowl *Group E-hugs*
My point exactly Mrs B, if ur boss can get on your nerves and u don't der raise an eyebrow, talk more of voice! Or parents, neighbours! Den y would u do dt to the one who God has called ur helpmate..Nuff said! I taya for dis mata!
Agreed – settle in private 1st. Agree on how to manage the children cos you both have issues to clear. You were both wrong to have raised your voices in the presence of the kids and daddy should be ashamed to have raised his hand. If he wants to raise Godly children, he has no choice but to apology to the kids…
… and madam, please don't provoke oga to this level next time.
You know Ace likes saying women don't listen. I wish he could sit back and reflect on those words and realise that he as a person rarely listens when it comes to this issue, but keeps justifying wrong in the name of triggers. I'll like him to answer MrsB, just as most of us have always asked him. Why is the trigger he talks about always from a man to a woman and not to a fellow man/boss/parents/friends etc. Ace, biko, you musto answer. Don't run away o.
@ Ace please there is no excuse for hiting your spouce please!!!!
Pls poster if ur husband refuses to apologise make sure u tell ur kids gently n firmly how wrong it is to hit a woman,and how no woman should stand for hitting,apologise for daddy's behaviour but do not make any excuses for him,if he wants to redeem his image in front of his kids let him do that himself and of his own accord!!! Look if that's the first time ever he slapped u,u had already made a mistake of not giving him a deterrent measure,next time brazen up and do sometin scary to drive home the point of him nt hitting u again. If its me its either I disappear with our kids for 2days or feign something horrible to scare the shit out of him so that next time he wnt try shit,I wanna keep my home and at d same time keep any form of violence out of it.Pls brazen up n dnt be a coward!!!
@ lucinda Maya i was going to say the same thing. This is how it starts .SMH
Abeg Ruby go and sit by the corner. You dnt have a mind of your own, I thot at first u gave the impression the slap was prob ok and she should hv controlled herself? Nw ur asking jamb questions. Abeg.