Hello Aunty Eya, please help me ask WC a question that has been bothering me ever since my elder sister’s traditional marriage.
Six months after their marriage she still lives with our parents because her church doesn’t believe she is married until after the church wedding.
They keep postponing the church wedding cos of funds. I advised her to
go do the registry thing, invite a pastor to bless their rings at the registry because that is what my friend did but she and my mom won’t listen.
My mother keeps sewing aso ebis and attending every tom dick and Harry’s wedding, now she feels cheated if my sister doesn’t do a big wedding so that she also gets to receive from her friends and numerous committee Of Friends. Is that not selfish? My big sis is no longer looking good cos of worries. I wish I can bundle her today to her husband’s house cos to me she is married.
Please, I would like to know if people who move in with their husbands after the Traditional marriage are not properly married. Help me and my confused sis cos she reads wives connection blog too.
Six months after their marriage she still lives with our parents because her church doesn’t believe she is married until after the church wedding.
They keep postponing the church wedding cos of funds. I advised her to
go do the registry thing, invite a pastor to bless their rings at the registry because that is what my friend did but she and my mom won’t listen.
My mother keeps sewing aso ebis and attending every tom dick and Harry’s wedding, now she feels cheated if my sister doesn’t do a big wedding so that she also gets to receive from her friends and numerous committee Of Friends. Is that not selfish? My big sis is no longer looking good cos of worries. I wish I can bundle her today to her husband’s house cos to me she is married.
Please, I would like to know if people who move in with their husbands after the Traditional marriage are not properly married. Help me and my confused sis cos she reads wives connection blog too.
In dis part of Africa d traditional marraige is honoured,bt den again d white wedding is done 2 seek God's blessings n approval.4 lack of funds,I tink a pastor should b called n d marriage blessed jst as u said,dat does it.its btw her n her hubby,nt ur mom…its her decision 2 make…best of luck
She can move in wit her husband after the trad and court wedding. then the church wedding can come later when there is fund.
P.s; but seriously ur mum shuld b concern with her daughter's happiness n well being instead of her league of friends.and y is fund an issue? Dint they plan for it all? Anywys, I pray the good Lord provide for them sooner than they expect. Amen!
As for me funds should not delay a wedding. If u have the funds for a big wedding pls go ahead and have it large but if u don't simply go to the registry and have a small traditional where the groom pays the bride price then have a small reception where u can invite ur pastor to bless d rings. I had a small wedding. Went to the registry in the morning,came back home and had a parlour sized traditional followed by a bible talk on marriage n a very small reception. I did all this in a day. I cut out a lot of things. Didn't print invitations or shared any gift and I still had over 100 guest at the reception. Life starts after marriage so advice ur sis to go to d registry,get d pastor to bless the union and move to her hubby house.
recommended and approved african marriage is traditional marriage.white wedding is a borrowed culture. If you cant afford white wedding,a Pastor should be present at the traditional marriage to bless the union.
It bad luck to postpone weddin date. I hope u guys know that.
In most cultures once a man pays d bride price he automatically marries the girl.(In my vill trad u must follow him home dat day) White wedding is necessary but not Compulsory, just get a priest or pastor to bless the union dats all. If u ve money for d reception u do if not go to d registry and get ur certificate. In as much as I will want to do my white wedding, I don't pray for lack of fund thou but we wil plan according to our resources. 29FFF3EE for bridal makeover.
Gbamesst
This is exactly the Nigerian problem… A strewn and complacent lifestyle, very peculiar to a nigeria where high-service is the order of the day.
Most times we focus on a 1 day Wedding while absolutely loosing sight of a lifetime Marriage.
I'm sure when the guy is tired of shagging the public, she'll make her life and future a priority and not owanbe!
Nuff'Said!
Y do we like making life diificult for ourselves? Wen I wanted to d my wedding my father said lie lie, I wanted to disgrace him. Y do a trad and white on d same day bla bla bla, it's not done he has neva hrd of it, if we don't have funds to do both on seperate days we should forget it. It didn't take long for him to see reasons.
He let us do our thing and by God's grace it went well.
Ur mum is thinking about herself my dear and not her daughter. It is left for ur sis to stand her grounds and take ur advice.
exactly! after the bride price settlement, the bride goes with the husband that same day i.e in my place (Igbo) I think ur sis should stand her grounds and do what is right for her and her new home. your mum should know better abeg! haba!
says whoooooo?
it is eye-service better still lip service not high-service.thank me later.
After my bride price waz paid, I followed my hubby home d same day. We did our white wedding 3 mnths later. Ur sis should do wats best for her new home before her hubby will change his mind.
Ur sis is married thou nt legally,let ha go 4 registy&move into d man‘s house as dis delay mite cause sm1 tu cum& fil d space sinc ur mum is selfish nt tinkin abt ha daugte‘s welfare&hapines
Let ha move in wit hm&both can decid tu go 4 registry,its well.
I dnt agree wit u o. Trad wedn is legal jare. Poster pls talk to ur sister o and mum jare. Put head together. D church wedn must nt b big na. Haba! Ur mum has married o. Let her leave ur sister o. Lack of fund shd nt hinder them abeg.
I dnt agree wit u anon5.08, trad wedding is legal joor! Ur sista shld move in wit her hubby except if d guy has nt paid d bride price. I did my trad in April moved in wit mu hubby nd had our white wedding in Oct, so d choice is urs
i think ur sister should taslk to ur mum, cos in africa ,if d masn pays the bride price, she is his wife. All d need to do is go to d registry and get married, the white wedding casn come later. That was how i did mine. Good luck.
Your mom is is probably controlling and a little selfish. Your sister should start making her decisions now or else her mom will start making decisions for her and her husband regarding their marriage. If they don't have the funds, they can do something very small (something they can afford), then maybe in the future they can have an elaborate reception when the funds are there if they want. It's already been 6 months after the traditional wedding and this makes no sense! How long is she willing to wait? Is your mom willing to pay for the elaborate wedding she wants??? If not, your sister should move on with her husband!
Your mom is is probably controlling and a little selfish. Your sister should start making her decisions now or else her mom will start making decisions for her and her husband regarding their marriage. If they don't have the funds, they can do something very small (something they can afford), then maybe in the future they can have an elaborate reception when the funds are there if they want. It's already been 6 months after the traditional wedding and this makes no sense! How long is she willing to wait? Is your mom willing to pay for the elaborate wedding she wants??? If not, your sister should move on with her husband!
Your mom is is probably controlling and a little selfish. Your sister should start making her decisions now or else her mom will start making decisions for her and her husband regarding their marriage. If they don't have the funds, they can do something very small (something they can afford), then maybe in the future they can have an elaborate reception when the funds are there if they want. It's already been 6 months after the traditional wedding and this makes no sense! How long is she willing to wait? Is your mom willing to pay for the elaborate wedding she wants??? If not, your sister should move on with her husband!
My parents had their white wedding like 5yrs ago, I'm 29 and I'm d last of 5 kids so do the math. Abeg if they don't hv enuff funds they should do wat u suggested o.chi
Pls is d husband not capable? Wht is his take on this? Or he dint pay the bride price? If he is capable n did pay d bride price, I see no reason he can't order his bride home. If na me ehn, she better move in or shikenah for d wedding. Or mayb there is somthing else d poster is not telling us.A man is still a man ooo. Abeg talk sense into ur iyawo joor
Na wa for this lady that her husband has paid her bride price but she REFUSES to be his wife. Yess I said refuses because he is already her husband. Lady, u had better move to your man's house- n be the wife he expects you to be rather than hoping for a mighty wedding which is not a prerequisite for a successful marriage. Even in the bible, marriage is contracted when the both parents consent and bride price is paid and not when a pastor joins you in a church n you dance in a reception with d bridal train. Eg refer to marriage of Rebekah n isaac, rachael and jacob etc. Nne, be wise!!!
I think anything guided by law, be it traditional laws or Oyibo law is legal. Traditional marriage is legal. Your sister is a married woman, she shouldn't be in her parents' house. She had better go to her own home now and leave her mother's home before some fast chic occupy Nigeria for her husband's house. I don talk my own o.
Same as me. My parents had der white wedding bk in 2008 and I was 21. Imagine. Pls tell her 2 move in with her hubby. Dey r married
Marriage as ordained by God is the 'paying' of bride price (traditional). However, getting the marriage certificate from a recognized registry is mandatory by law. The church wedding is the icing on the cake – can be replaced by church blessing or getting a pastor to officiate during the traditional. The decision on the mode of wedding is normally decided by the couple – not parents; except they (parents) are sponsoring; and all these should be done within a week to avoid stories that touch.
If your sister’s husband is man enough and is not ready for church wedding he should say so and go collect his wife. No bi by force dem take dey do church wedding…
A teaser for the house – why is 'blessing the ring' important & how did the ring thing come into wedding?
Thanks!
the man gentle well well, if na my own husband ehn, wey e don pay bride price, e go just tell u to com visit him for like a week and he will ensure that ur levels change before u go back home, if the belle begin grow make i see how ur mama no go send her go meet her legal husband.una com turn the poor guy to married but single!!
Johnson God bless you! Ring is just a symbol… It is not what joins you. Your bride price is what joins you… Family agreement! Christians shld go back to the bible abeg. With less than 50k, you're done with court wedding for the society sake- the law. But the thing is who joins you in the court of law? Get a christian lawyer pls… Then move on to church for thanksgiving on a sunday where the pastor gets to pronounce his blessings, for the church sake- not God's command… Nigerians like borrow pose a lot! Na oyibo style + nigeria+ jewish style we add together so… No #2M, no wedding… God help us
With all due respect poster, move to your hubby's house.. You are a married woman already. Stop starving your hubby of his rights, that is a big sin!
Patsy
Johnson God bless you! Ring is just a symbol… It is not what joins you. Your bride price is what joins you… Family agreement! Christians shld go back to the bible abeg. With less than 50k, you're done with court wedding for the society sake- the law. But the thing is who joins you in the court of law? Get a christian lawyer pls… Then move on to church for thanksgiving on a sunday where the pastor gets to pronounce his blessings, for the church sake- not God's command… Nigerians like borrow pose a lot! Na oyibo style + nigeria+ jewish style we add together so… No #2M, no wedding… God help us
With all due respect poster, move to your hubby's house.. You are a married woman already. Stop starving your hubby of his rights, that is a big sin!
Patsy
Lolz! @ levels changing.
Same thing I did but on different days. No gifts either but the reception of the traditional was very big. Went 4pastoral blessing and my rings were prayed on as well
I'm so loving Johnson!!! So so on point.
Actually now that you mentioned it, iam thinking about it. Afterall all these men that cheat and shag with their rings on, had the rings blessed
From a legal point of view, while traditional marriage is recognised under Nigerian law, it is polygamous.in essence, the husband is allowed to marry more than one wife who will also be recognised as his wife for all purposes including the administration of his estate upon his death.
On d oda hand, statutory marriage ie marriage at d registry or a licensed church(not all churches are licensed) is strictly monogamous.
SIMPLE! U have ur answer right here. If ur mum is so interested she can use her money and do asoebi and sell to her friends and leave d couple out of it. They can still give her whatever they wanted without putting strain on ur sister.
Correct @ Anon 10.am Stopping at trad marriage does not protect the wife. With all d stories we read here its better she makes it legal by going to d registry, and ask the church for a small wedding ceremony in order to be recognised by d church. If d mum needs asoebi so much let her bring money now? Its her life and happiness not her mums.
Johnson has some good points, its really not about blessing the rings per say cos some churches don't join with ring,but with Bible. Eg. Rccg. I did it and the rings were later prayed over in d pastors office privately. Its not even regarded as part of d marriage sef, just a symbol bbetween two of u. Its more about joining and blessing of the marriage, which d pastor present at the trad can do after payment of bride price. Its that easy. After that u do thanksgiving on Sunday and its over.But going to registry is over important as the lawyers have said. Cos that way the law recognises ur marriage as a monogamous one with all the rights and privileges u would never have under traditional marriage. Eg if something happens to the man god forbid, his family can disposses u and u have no benefit because ur marriage is not a statutory one.
I have been thinking a lot about not having a church wedding to cut costs. I suggested this to my fiancée and we were thinking it's kinda weird. These postsgivrs me hope
Please I want to have my court wedding this December and then have my traditional marriage next year May I hope isn’t a bad idea?