Appreciation and Respect in Marriage

Sometimes, a lot of us feel disrespected by the actions of our spouses. This feeling of being disrespected just crawls in when something very insignificant happens. Something that sometimes a husband may not realize that he has done. We are very emotional beings and **I think that I top the list when it comes to being emotional**  Most times I see tears dropping from my eyes is not because I want the tears to drop, NO. It is because I have tried unsuccessfully to keep them inside. I have done a lot of blinking to hold them in, but while still trying hard, the tears just come running down and it is too late to stop.


There is one thing that really makes me feel worse and that is the feeling of being disrespected. Is it that men naturally become difficult and hard to please when their job becomes very demanding. Is it OK for a husband to download stress from work home and then upload it on his family by shouting unnecessarily, getting agitated over little things and being a little bit callous.


Sometimes, no matter what you put in, you still feel like you are not being appreciated, should one die trying to make another happy? Marriage is compromise, Yes we know. It is about giving, Yes. It is also about tolerance and sacrifice. “We know all that”


Knowledge is one thing, application of that knowledge is a different thing entirely. I know that I should show understanding and try to be calm at all times. especially when a husband’s job is very stressful, the wife is supposed to act like the shock absorber,  the de-stressor if there is any English word word like that.


Are there any pills that can equip a woman with the strength to de- stress your husband without feeling drained and emotionally stressed in a way?
Imagine that  your husband comes back from work, sees the door open and just becomes agitated and starts    raising his voice instead of just walking in quietly, and asking the kids gently and softly like “girls, who left the door wide open at this time of the day?)”  This kind of approach leaves everyone happy at the end of the day. But a situation where you hear your husband shouting even before he stops the car, eh? Though the shouts are directed at the kids, they still get to you the woman in the house. You feel embarrassed, You feel like he is indirectly saying… So you are at home and you let them leave the door open?


You feel like he does not appreciate the fact that you get home from work, go straight into the kitchen to prepare dinner while attending to kids homework and cleaning. After cooking, you still have to ensure that they eat by watching them else they leave the food and claim “not hungry”
Though things are changing gradually in Africa, but we are not there yet. In Africa, you cannot decide on which day to cook and when he should take over. No, It is solely your responsibility. If he decides to assist, well. If he doesn’t you cannot complain.
Only few African women can proudly say that they get some help with the kids. I DON’T.


I have explained before how my day starts. I explained on the post: ‘what really works for wives and mothers”  


After taking care of the home, job, making sure that everyone is OK, many times at the expense of my comfort and pleasure, I want to smile thinking that “OK my efforts are being appreciated”  thinking that someone is grateful to God for having me, But no, instead it feels like everybody just sees whatever I do as my compulsory role. What ever effort I put in is seen as ” after all she is a woman and it is her duty to do what she is doing, so, she does not need to be treated specially for doing what she ought to do” what? Is this fair?


Like I was saying before I diverted, Daddy shouts at the girls for leaving the front door wide open, then almost immediately, he goes through the back door to turn on the lights, he comes back in and, behold!  the back door is wide open ( he has forgotten )I am the first to see the open door, You see.
The proper thing to do at this moment I think is to call “my Love” back and show him the open door. Yes. But  I decide not to do that and quietly locked the door.He won!


Why did I decide to just lock that open door rather than draw his attention to it?
I did it to avoid the uploading of another downloaded stress from office. I did it so that another argument won’t start ‘cos an argument could mean the rejection of my dinner, which will further lead to my sleepless night as a result of *treating a patient who has gone to bed hungry and is having cramps in the middle of the night*


Sometimes, I allow myself to loose just to save me some stress at the end of the day. Taking it all the time can be really draining you know.


Just wanting to see peace all the time in your home can take  quite some sacrifices and when you begin to feel like you are the one always sacrificing, it begins to get to you and that feeling of ” I am not being appreciated” just creeps into your head.
When a woman begins to feel that she is not appreciated, there is that tendency for her to also feel like she is not being respected.
Am I  making any sense here or beating about the bush? Anyway, I think that I have downloaded and feel relieved. Writing in  English Language sometimes is not very easy my dear.