I got a very emotional mail last night. The contents and perhaps later comments would have benefited some of us readers. I can’t
post it here. The mail sender did not grant that right. Though I’m not permitted to share the story, she has asked me to forward her question to this great audience:
In a marriage, is anything as hurtful, depressing and painful as having a very very rich husband who is also very stingy to you? A husband who feels like your only need is food and accommodation, like you are born to economize and manage everything while he can afford to give himself all the best things of life?
Is there something more painful than asking a husband for financial help and getting a “NO” at every occasion? even when he is capable of helping/assisting?
Maryanne.
Btw, Dear Bog Readers, I'm beginning to feel like censoring comments on the blog. I hope no one will feel bad when I start spamming and deleting some comments?
sorry about my typo; "Blog Readers"
Didt she know before she married him that he is stingy! People just get married because of the wedding forgetting after wedding, the marriage starts. Get a job, build ur career and be stingy to him too! If he wasn't taking care of his children that's a different matter. Women just think a man is their ticket to financial explosion. What a man can do , Shebi a woman can do much better. P.s I'm a woman too.
Please Aunty Eya how can i write u,i really need τ̅☺ share my story…thanks
I honestly do not like Stingy people, not just about money, but of themselves, time, everything. But in this case, I think the woman has to move on, she has to find a way to make her own money. Unless the husband is preventing her from doing that?
In the email, she explains that when they met, he had nothing. He was just struggling and she never asked or expected anything just hoping that when things improve, he will treat her nicely.
That life changed 5 years into their marriage. God blessed him so much, she expects that for the fact that she suffered with him when there was nothing, he could have at least thought about her feelings/needs too, or even carried her along now that money has come.
She says, feels like as a couple, when they go out for instance, he shouldn't be wearing a wristwatch worth hundreds of thousands while she manages with roadside watches that she can afford.
She feels embarrassed when they go out together because, the difference in their looks/outfit is much.
OK dear, Send your mail to: cuulme@gmail.com
Censor now, who cares… Long Hissssss
MY dear..so sorry abt ür husband..pls start prayın for hım to change and i dnt knw if u av toked to hım abt ıt..if u havent pls do and pour out ür whole heart to hım like wat u expect hım to do sınce u managed wıv hım when he dıdnt av much..i have heard dat communıcatıon is essentıal ın every relatıonshıp..so pls try to communıcate ıt well to hım…and i guess u are an housewıfe..pls and pls try to fınd somefın doın like openıng a shop..jst fınd somfın to do no matter how small ıt is so u can start avıng money of ür own..
Pain arrives in marriages in all shapes and forms; whom am I to say to this woman that hers' is not legitimate? However, as in everything in life: it's all relative…..what shall we say to those who have it all financially yet find an emotional tear at her spirit at every turn when she is verbally abused? Or to the one whose lost a child? Rather than us commenting on is there any more pain such as this: it would be much more fruitful to ask how much pain are you willing to bear to keep calling the marriage a union? A relationship deemed of sacrifice and long suffering? Religion used to close my eyes to the possibility of freedom and peace from senseless sacrifice: however, I'm no longer tied to such restrictions….why would anyone or God who loves me unconditionally, completely – want me to suffer endlessly without purpose or end in sight?……it's my prayer-hope–that the lady who posed this question will soon define what is a "marriage" and love—and then ascribe the amount of pain she's willing to bear…….but as in all marriages: we all see things differently, respond differently—-and in the end, whatever makes her marriage meaningful for her is what matters……
Go get a life hippie!
Wow! Ds is not good at all, ds lady maybe old enough to be your mother or at least ur elder sister!
Y use such words on her?? Its really wrong!
Dear Eya, pls go ahead and censor comments, such comments are not really healthy for the warmth ds blog offers.
Dear Anon, dnt bother comin at m, U must b really jobless o. Get a life, find smwhere U can mk an impact and be productive so U can quit letting out ur frustration here!
Once ppl stop responding to ur bickering, I m sure U d get tired,
Z!
Am speechless
@anon 4:45 wetin be own sef am sure its Eya as usual
My fellow anon keep making impact and continue to be productive on a worthless blog u hear oniranu
I know that most men who suffered b4 making money tend to b stingy even afta dey hv med lots of money,somtyms out of fear of going bak to poverty or selishness so jst pray hard for ur man,talk to him abt hw u feel n strt making plans on hw to make ur own money and if it doesn't work speak to ur pastor or reverend,dat way he'll want to salvage his ego.the lord is ur strength#Ugoo#
Pls Eya,start censoring abeg! Infact,I don't expect 2 see anoda one of ds rude comments.pls don't allow ds blog lose its worth,its bin like fresh breeze 4m other blogs!ds days I hardly read comments on LLB n LIb;so off putting,and dts wat dy want 2 import here.keep up d gud work dear. Funke
Ahnahn…noooo.. This is not normal. Something is wrong somewhere. Who is this bitter person coming as different anonymous? I know it is one person cos all of a sudden bam! It's an influx or insults and curses. On top wetin nah? Some of you pronounce death and stagnancy on yourselves just like that. Later you will be wondering why things are not working for you in other areas of your lives. Pls let's live in peace. It's not just worth fighting and insulting over. Unlike other L-blogs, we actually LEARN something here. We also help each other out with recipes and meaningful advice. Pls lets make it a win win situation for all. Aunty Eya does not deserve this. Seriously.
Dat said, pls NO ONE should reply any rude comments. If aunty Eya does not delete the comments, let's just ignore and move forward. Some people are sponsored by the devil and as we all know the devil cannot be cured of hatred and lies. We can't beat them by joining them. They wnt give up. trust me!
I wonder where this bitter anonymous came out from.. Aunty Eya start censoring comments because some people are just kill-joys and rude idiots.. Don't carry ur stupid venom from Lib and LLB please.. This is not a gossip blog where you just open your mouth and say any kind of rubbish.. Serious issues are discussed here and I can't thank God enough 4 aunty Eya who is a million times better off and doing sumtin that will make so much more impact than anything u can ever achieve in your life you silly anonymous… I'm waiting for you.. Try coming back at me jobless fool
Its true what you said about men who were poor before, but this one buys expensive things for himself.
Lady, your husband is obviously very selfish and it did not start now. You probably did not notice it before because he did not have much. Only the word of God can change a man like that. Naturally men are givers and when they love a woman, giving her is not a problem.
Also pray about it and tell him hoha that you are not happy with the way things are. I thot men are usually happy when their wives look very good.
Anyway, with prayers and the word of God and probably the counselling of ur man of God, he will change. I pray. Also be careful about going to ur pastor, some men hate being reported to external parties.
it is better to marry an already made man. They are usually generous. Those you suffer with to build a family when they make it you become their worst enemy. She is lucky at least he brings food money and pays other bills. Some of us do not even have that much. Let her go get a job. Even if he says no job she should not mind him.
Some situations leaves u dumbfounded,I can't help but feel for some women.. sometimes I doubt if something like this is actually happening. For example a man beating d wife, a man growing cold towards the wife, and this type of situation we have here.
Maybe coz am from d type of family,where ma dad and his brother loves their wives more than their children. And av learnt so much from them.
Serious d basis of any union is love,once the love is fading everyother thing is following suit. Thats why a man can wakeup anyday and realise the woman has been adding so much pepper or salt in her food.
I see stingy people as kill-joys and selfish individuals,coz dey know they've d key to ur happiness but will decide not to see u happy.
My dear pray and work ur way back to ur husband's heart,coz am sure it wasn't like dis at d onset. So dat d next story won't be dat u foundout d lady ur husband has been a Mother Theresa to.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Bonario, my thots exactly i feel sorry 4 my fellow women atimes. Baba God, thank U 4 my husband o. Anytime i complain about one small thing my hubby did, i quickly realise that my complain is nothing compare to lots of women. Poor women, it is well in Jesus name, Amen.
Me too. As in eh, I am not supposed to complain at all….
I agree with you, let's all ignore the naughty comments, with tym, the anonymouses will get tired…Agreed???
Eya, please censor and delete. I find this blog different from many others, please help us maintain the decency on this blog. Thanks
My dear,am saddened by just imaginin what u r goin thru honestly. Its a different matter if u dont hv 2 gv but when u have to give&refuse to gv dts just bad. Esp to sum1 wu toiled&suffered with u when u had nothing. I think ur best option wld b to go into serious fastin&prayer cos dont think dis is ordinary. It cld b dt he got tired of bin poor&joined cult to make money&his price was to never let u reap frm his money or have 1 naira of his money least he dies or he is under a spell frm anoda woman to maltreat u&give her all d attention&money. Cos no matter how stingy he is,it won't b up to d extent of nt gvn u money no mata hw small. Either ways,u need to be steadfast&strong in the lord. Talk it over with ur pastor or priest. Fast&Do midnight prayers btw 12am-2am. There is nothing God cannot do&no situation is too much for him to handle. Go to d lord in prayer&u'l surely come out smiling. I wish u well my dear.
It is well. Just be prayerful
People can and will always give opinions to every subject,which is good.I've been there,believe me,stingy men are the worse.They were stingy but because he didn't have money earlier,she didn't notice;that's one reason,I don't judge those who go for very rich men who have wives.she should start doing something and Should be independent of him for her finances and if things gets worse.she just has to leave.I don't believe in praying for such a man;his wearing nice things only mean 1 thing:which is very obvious.
What happened Five years Ago. Were you ever spiteful to him when he didn't have. Did you ever insult him because of that maybe when you guys had a little quarel. If nothing of that sort happened then its time to get on your knees and pray. MIRACLE
Well my two cents…..I think it's absolutely important for a woman to have her own source of income; a job, vocation whatever. It's also important to understand the kind of man you're marrying – would he support your career etc. (all these kain things you'd know to a certain extent from the courtship)..Now after all this grammar, nothing pass God! Omo girl get on your knees! If you can't think of prayer point, get ODM (Our Daily Manner)…Pray cos you life depends on it…Previously I used to think this kain yarns was 'old mama' yarns, its not at all….I've prayed until i'm even afraid of the changes I've seen in my husband (almost doubting the changes to be real), but then my bible tells me that 'when the Lord turned the captivity of Zion, they were like them that dream' and please when you see the changes CONTINUE TO PRAY!! The Lord would see you thru. PS: stumbled on this blog today and i'm totally loving it!