Good morning Aunty Eya, pls help me publish this mail on your blog so i could get as much advice as possible. It’s a long one but I will try to cut it short and p-ls hide my details alot of my friends and family come on this blog too lol
I am 26yrs old and I have been married for 4yrs now with a daughter who is 3yrs old. My husband and I always have misunderstandings for obvious reasons, he is a chronic womanizer, very insecure and hot tempered.
I really want to get done with child bearing as we both intend to have 3kids but our sex life is nothing to write home about, he is either tired or never around. I have tried talking to him but he just gets angry at every slight thing. He only comes home to eat my sweet food, play with our daughter and leaves, he is in town but won’t sleep at home, if I get angry its worse cos we can quarrel till whenever am ready to beg him to come back home no matter how long he will just blank me.
He also stopped taking me out because he says people admire me a lot and it makes him uncomfty, am trying all I can to get a job but it never works out, and I suspect his hand is involved. I have been praying and fasting and even getting tired.
Now we are not talking because I asked why he didn’t call or buy me a gift for my birthday, he just said “pls go and rest jare‘ I got angry and walked away, he just went in took his stuff and it’s almost a week, no calls, nothing. Is this life?
It’s funny the way I look good and drive big cars, my friends envy me, they don’t even understand.
He had zero Naira b4 I married him so, after sticking with him all the while I get this in return. PlEASE I need mature God fearing advice thanks and God bless
Too,too bad@poster it is wel
hmmmm! quiet touching,@ poster,please don't get tired because it is only God that can restore your marriage. just continue with your prayers and report him to anyone he listens to. May God help you. Peju.
The godly advice is this. 1. Prayer, 2. Seek counsel frm matured pastors and elders in the church, 3. Pls love ur hubby even if he doesnt deserve it. 4,have a heart to heart talk wit him. 6. BELIVE IN God and pray to him 4 a change. God bles u dear.
My dear poster. I really feel your pain…the advise I can give is for you to pray pray nd pray and keep loving him…wenever any situation arises please make sure not to exchange words with him…its not gonna be easy but you hav to try….this happened to my mom's sister and she prayed her way out and today her husband is even a Sunday school teacher. I would also pray for you too. God bless
background stories that would have helped to put this situation into proper perspective. However, many things can be responsible; e.g.
1. He never really loved you… you were the one over him cos you believed in him.
2. Hubby is unsecured cos you’re very attractive, educated and would take the shine out of him. He needs to ‘humble’ you to be in charge.
3. Family background/issues. He’s attached to his family and they are really demanding and want him for themselves. This sort of man cannot really love any woman but would want a woman that would worship him and his extended family.
4. Though you are a beautify lady, your hubby is not proud of your person. He cannot show you to his friends. You are now below his standard.
In these situations (1-3), only God can bring about a change; and you have your own part to play:
(a) You need to start a sincere relationship with Christ (If you have not done so).
(b) Pray for your husband continuously – power of a praying wife would be a good guide.
(c) Strive not to provoke him and avoid situations that would give him an opportunity to be offended in you.
(d) Reporting this man to anyone might most likely worsen the situation…
(e) Make his stay at home comfortable anytime he’s around. Remember special moments and call him using your daughter as a weapon. Let him see the great work you’re doing as a mum to your daughter…
Situation 4 would require you to add VAT to yourself. Yes, add value and upgrade… This one wey you call yourself “housewife”, I hope that is not the way you see yourself?
Sorry poster, it is well. Please wives connection family, help me beg the owner of this number to stop harassing me 07060515512. I called my no by mistake(according to him) and later called back to say he loved my voice. Since then he has been harassing me with calls and lewd massages. I am a respectable mother of five and my sons play games with my phone, what will happen if the stumble on the sms. My hubby is aware and he so irritated that I had to switch of my phone all day yesterday. Make una call am beg am.
My dear, pls the only advice I have for you is that you should not bring in more children into that environment for now. It is not condusive for bringing up a child. And please Pray, pray nd pray!
Hi Mam, what about changing your number?
@ poster like others ve' said please don't stop loving him. Just try as much as possible to get busy. Package urself and get a job oR save and start up something. I would nt advice u bringing in another child to that environment.its nt healthy.
@ house please I just got transferred to lagos where can I get quality baby clothes for my son. He's less than a year. Good quality clothes on the island market.
I replied u on one of the previous posts. Download 'Call control' from app world and block his number.
This is the best advice so far. What are u thinking about making more children when ur roof is caving in? Nawaao. Pls let him be. D problem is u show him u love him too much, blank him too and start visiting all ur relatives without telling him where u are. Let him stew too. Y do u need to be unhappy in d name of marriage? Sorry for my kind of advice oo. Dats wat I wud do.
Mrs A
why stay in this loveless marriage,….i say leave him!! Pack your bags and go!!! Take your children and go back to your family!!!!! Get a divorce as quick as you can. You are a beautiful woman. You are probably talented too. If you have any hobbies, make them work so you can establish a working foundation. That way you will be able to have some financial mean to take care of you and your babies..
i don't understand some of these posters. They are advising you to pray for this man, keeping loving this man, must stay with him, and/or whatever,….why pray for someone who don't even love you. why waste time with someone who don't even acknowledge your well being. if your going to pray, pray for strength to leave him, for peace, and stability for you and your children. Damn him and his family…
Dear Poster, I love the advice that Johnson gave; he has kinda spoken my mind. Just strive to be the best wife that you can be. I know it won't be easy, but ask for the help of the Holy Spirit.
…Telling it like it is!
My dear welcome to the land of Nigerian advisers! Everything in Nigeria is solved by prayers an unemployed person will sit at home and pray for God to send him a job without sending out a single resume or spreading the word that he is looking just incase someone has an opening they can call him up for an interview subject to his qualifications. My dear this is how people in that country believe in prayers not realizing that faith without works is dead. I am even surprised that no one has mentioned STDs and this is a man who stays away for upto a week do they seriously think he is sleeping alone when he is away. If her family is a typical "praying" Nigerian family they will not be of much help to her. Poster my advice to you is this.
1. If you must only sleep with him using a condom because from your write up it doesn't seem like you want to leave the marriage. Get both of you tested for STDs.
2. Only you can make the decision to leave this marriage. Before you do make sure you have enough money to rent a place for you and your child as you try and get back on your feet.
3. Why would you even want to bring another child into this situation?
4. You are too young to be going through all this rubbish all inthe name of marriage.
I will not tell you to stay or leave because ultimately the final decision is yours but if it were me I would have packed up long ago started my life afresh with my child but that is me.
Babe if all you have said is all their is to this story my advice is for you to leave. Your husband doesnt love you. Hell he doesnt even like you. And nothing you can do will change that.
You are too young for this and are at great risk of contracting a disease. Make sure you dont get pregnant again.
Thank u, I will try. Me and this my pity pity heart. It's well. I appreciate
He really loved me a lot and his close to his family but they don't interfer in our home. Yes he was initially intimidated cos my family are more exposed and learned than his but I still tried to be humble and not make him feel it. It wasn't a problem then. He was so excited when I accepted to Marty him, it was like a dream come true for him I didn't see things turn out this way never in my weirdest dreams
May she bcm pregnt(amen),i love Johnson‘s advice pls stick tu it as dose askin u tu leav do not wish u well,d Lord is ur strength&its well.
May she bcm pregnt(amen),i love Johnson‘s advice pls stick tu it as dose askin u tu leav do not wish u well,d Lord is ur strength&its well.
Thank u. That's why I needed to really open up. Glad am beginning to see things differently.
Thank u. That's why I needed to really open up. Glad am beginning to see things differently.
Thank u so much. This comment gave me a little relief.
Well,don't no wat to say on dis kind of issue but its certain ur hubby doesn't love you.Aside 4rm prayer,u can separate for a while and c if there can b changes and also,pls HIV/AIDS is real,so b careful,go for test b4 having sex with him again.The is dis true life story of a man just like ur hubby who is a chronic womaniser who infected d wife with HIV,d woman died b4 d man followed suit leaving d children as orphans.Just b wise.Am just sick and tired of d nigerian mentality of PRAYER,can't just imagine a man,a father for that matter leaving home for a week,no conscience @all.very soon,he'll introduce beatings in2 ur life.Nuff said
Adeyanju
@ poster pls take things easy ooo, dnt take ever advice u see here some are devil. Hw can u tell her 2 pack out of her husby house haabaa. 4 a man to marry u he love u. Poster check ur self d way u dress, look, behaviour,habit. May be u hve turn ur self 2 old woman. I beg check ur self first dear ok. GOD bless me
So pathetic! Pls o I nid help 2. My 7mths old son wuldnt take anyfood except 4rm breastmilk I av tried ol sort of baby food even pap bt he wuldnt even swallon it pls help me out experienced mum
Really?
This is nonsense, men! Well we are difference sha!,
My advice is dat don't just change ur attitude and keep fasting and praying. Wht I knw is dat GOD is always with those who have patient.
Dear poster. It is well. Just keep prayn and lovng ur man. Love him and u wil c wat God wil do. Dnt ever leave him. Except he abuses u by beating u up or maltreatn u. Never leave him. Dnt listen to those women encouragn u to leave ur man. Am sure they dnt wish u well. Pls get a job. Tel ur man u luv him.
Dear Poster, there's no situation that cannot be answered by prayer, don't through away your marriage, how are you sure the next man won't act same after a few years, tackle d issue spiritually, when he married you it was out of sincere love, the worst mistake you can make is to fight him whenever he "visits" home, it gonna be hurtful but serve him, show him some love( remember love covers iniquity) . The devil is fighting over your territory, peace and destiny, don't shift, give him no room, stand in the gap for, your husband. Ask Holy Spirit to do His work, if Saul could become Paul , I mean He is still d same, The Unchangeable Changer, The Unshakeable Shaker, it is only God that touch him, no matter your beauty, no matter your standing, when d devil wants to use your husband to fight your peace, that is inconsequential . My dear sister, do midnight prayers, I am writing from experience, did experience what you wrote and even more and I can tell you don't giveup and seize not to pray until Him that brought you to him, cause him to return back safely to his home.Shalom!
@ V Barnes – would you advice your daughter to pack and come stay with you if her husband disrespects her?
I know some cases are really annoying, as the case of the poster, but that does not take away the fact that God can still turn this around.
Poster, I support the advice that you should work on yourself and strive to get a job. Work on the spiritual aspect and believe that things would turn around for good. However, if he gets worse and becomes abusive, please give space… God will see you through as long as you bring Him into the equation.
I think u shld also do some investigation. U ve to do a little James Bond.
Have him followed, this is a serious war and u must treat it as such. U r d disadvantaged one here cos u dont know what he does with hes time.
Why wld he be in town and not come home.
Perhaps he is keeping anoda home?
Assume nothing my dear.
It wld hurt but u ve to know exactly who and what u are facing.
One of the rules of war is know thy enemy.
But in Everything be highly coded.
Dont involve female friends cos they wld use ur matter gist and hubby may hear.
U ve to be at d advantage in this situation.
Be strong.
I agree with you I too suspect that he may be keeping another home poster please get your FBI ears on and start investigating
I believe in prayers.
I also believe faith without work is dead!
I also believe in using wisdom.
I seldom comment on matters like this because when i read some comments talking about prayer alone, leaving the reality behind, i walk away shaking my head!
But i like what anonymous 3:36 pm said.
Be wise woman! Wake up!
Yes! Prayer works with action!
It is like a house on fire, and you just sit-down and be saying God help me, instead of looking for water to quench it, and also be praying.
You know your situation better than us.
Protect yourself first from STD/HIV.
If you have sexual urges, and he is not there to satisfy you, get a dildo!
Don't have another child for now.
Get a job no matter how minimal it is, as long as you go out of the house, and put your daughter in a day-care or with your parents if they live within the same town let her attend school from there.
Be prudent with your money, saving for the rainy day.
Then be praying for God's intervention in your marriage.
Please don't talk anything about divorce, unless he brings it up, then you know what to do.
Act now!
lol, what a typical man! I suggest you block his number
Yea! the best way ever.
Wisdom is a virtue which many don't have n crave to have! Prayer is the key, however you have to do a little digging! (FBI)I have said this here and I would say it again! My aunt would have been a HIV patient if not for her persistent digging! her husband had the virus n never told his wife! Going through his stuff she found the lab results! I don't know what your husband would be doing in the same town n wldnt sleep at home! Am sure you've heard of various stories how men keep two home! That isn't your portion though but don't just sit at home! You need to know what he is up to! Omo! You need to do police work oh, you might be called all sought of names but its ur life and that of ur daughter's. Reporting your husband to anybody would worsen the matter! You need to put your foot down n tackle was in front of you! you are 26 n you are having this issues what would happen in the years to come? He must have loved you to have married you! I doubt if he isn't proud of what he has! The man wants to so dim your shine that he threats you any how! Like u said you are still a head turner therefore he has a complex. Give your husband the silent treatment! But still prepare his food! Men are like babies they hate to be ignored!ignore him, he will come asking What's wrong except he isn't human #sorry for the long story#
Poster try and work on ur self, I think you ve to do more of paying attention to ur self than him,I ve no reason to justify ur husbands attitude though but atimes we bring those prblem to our selves. I will advice you to mke ur self more appealing to him, dnt feed him wit nags, am suggesting dis bcos I believe u dnt want to leave him. D idea of a house wife dnt sound too well to me. Pls my dear try as much as possible and get ur self a job, more respect and regard will be accorded to u. I believe u re slowly killing ur self. U re too way young to be subjected to such. Pls dnt mke ur self look lik 'housewife' pls be dt sexy charming lady he married, and pls dnt forget to put ur family in prayers bcos God neither sleeps nor slumber he will haken unto You.shalom!
Thank u! I wish I could just hug u now for this comment. God bless you.
Your very correct. I will see to that. Thanks
You don't ve to leave your marriage. Like someone said, get him investigated, even when he is out of town. Which man wouldn't be proud to have a head-turner as a wife? That's why i love Igbo men; they don't joke with their wives when it comes to that aspect.
NB: prayer is not enough ooo
Thanks.
Thanks.
Even if she's has turn into an old woman, wher is it written dt a man or a woman should cheat cos of changes in their partner's body. Wicked world
Oh dear! The Lord is your strength and pls don't give up on praying for your hubby. Soon the holy spirit will arrest him n e wil cum back to his senses.
For juicy gist pls visit http://www.amycharles.blogspot.com
Read this book titled the power of a PRAYING WIFE by STORMIE OMARTIAN.it will work wonder by adhering to the instrctions and learning from her experiences. Its WELL.
Dear poster,pls u nid to sit and think deeply to no d kind of advice u will follow.we all are just giving u advice.if bad tins happen(God forbid)we all wont b there u will b d one to carry ur cross.if ur hubby doesnt like u to visit pple or relatives pls dont.it can escalate tins and once he send u out it might b difficult to accept u back(person wey we want burn chop dey use petrol rub body)dont give him any chance to say u r at fault.like pple have been saying prayer is d key.visit ur spiritual pastors let dem pray to assist u with prayers all things are possible(God neva leave his own pple)it might b late in ur face but God nose d best time to answer ur prayers.neva feel depress always put ur daughter first in all u do and dat will always kip u hapi.sori for d long write up.
Leave which marriage?so dt anoda woman wil com in 2 ha home?pls my dear engage urself with prayers.try nd talk with ur pastors if u r close to dem.dont stp luvin ur husband pls prayer works
Leave which marriage?so dt anoda woman wil com in 2 ha home?pls my dear engage urself with prayers.try nd talk with ur pastors if u r close to dem.dont stp luvin ur husband pls prayer works
Hey dear, i can only imagine how this must be for you, my candid advice are as follows:
Do not leave your marriage, lets try make it work
Please don't investigate as you would most likely learn more than you know, which would hurt you more than you an imagine…the information you have at the moment is enough .
Please Please Please do not bring another child into that environment, talking from experience here.
THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD DO
Prayer is very IMPORTANT so PRAY!
Now we understand what he does and how he operates, why not give him the opposite reaction than he expects, trust me, this is not gonna be easy… Avoid quarrels as much as possible, when he goes on those long trips without calling you, keep praying for him and when he comes back treat him like a KING, like nothing happened( i wish i could explain more in detail) You would need the holyspirit for this
Do something you enjoy doing: I am imagining before you met your hubby, you had hobbies and plans on things you love to do with your life, start doing them now in other words, get busy, join a choir if you must, read inspirational books, work on yourself to be a better person, get involved with church activities, write that business idea you have always thought of……this would not make you forget whats happening but it would distract you and my darling a distraction is needed now for a bit
Spend more time with your daughter and get to know her more, try shelter her from this environment
As for the sex life lets bring it back shall we?
Let us start with the little things, Hugs when he comes back home and say stuff like i miss you even if he did not call for a week….i think lil pecks, kisses,shoulder brushing, hand holding is a good build up for good sex..
Prepare his favourite dish and you could call him during the day and ask what he would like to eat when he gets home
Get new bedsheets for the room
prepare water for him to have a bath
have a bath. get new lingerie etc
Just be consistent and ask the God to help you because you would be needing Him..
People might see this as silly, stupid and all that but as you keep doing this(stooping to conquer) you will get your man back in no time by Gods grace.
And before i forget, there are somethings he admired in you, on you while you were dating or your first year of marriage, keep doing them, wearing them etc…always try your best to look sexy for him.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYER
if you want to talk more, you can mail me on bride2mum@gmail.com
KE
MY BABY USE TO BE ALMOST LIKE THAT BUT CONSISTENCY PAID OFF, HE MAY CRY BUT JUST BE CONSISTENT AND EVENTUALLY HE WILL GET USE TO IT….HUGS
It sounds like lover boy already has a girlfriend somewhere. He is probably wishing you will pack up and go away. That is why he is acting the way he is.
Poster, you should get his family and your family involved and try to resolve what ever problem that exists. If that doesn't work, you might have to consider separation to give yourselves time or possibly divorce if he isn't coming around. In that time, you should get a job so you can stand on your own. You are still very young and by your words, attractive and should be able to attract another man. You definitely don't want to try and bring another child into the world with this man until all issues are resolved. Good luck!
Pray pray n pray. cos ur husband still loves u so much. pls don't lv ur home cos dat will b d worst n d biggst mistk. just pray n cry 4 God 4 14days midnite prayer without cloth and I promise u everything ll change n he will beg u 4 4gvness with gift….God is still God n he answers….. Prophetess lucy.
Now it all about YOU n ur daughter. A man in ma neighbor hood infected d wife wit aids did not tell her N he was taking medication, d woman is dead now n d guy is grooving abt town, 1 stop aving unprotected Sex (2) if it means you putting stuffs in ur car going to offices to sell pls do dat fast, start saving money pls (3) even if you re hurting don't show it any more be strong. Pay Attention to every move, if u can reach his phone anything u need to knw what u re up against, do away with friends for now, take ur self out , pimp ur self look ur best make him see ure getting stronger, Cook his meal make his house comfortable for him whenever he decides to come home, Finish d rest on ur knees, tell ur mother. E hugs.
Pls dnt leave,4 d sake of ur lil angel nd d love u 1ce had 4 him,if u leave ur daughter will suffer it more(talking 4rm experience)pray nd show him love,keep remaing ursef of d good tins abt him nd y u married him in d ist place.By God's grace very soon u look @ dis post nd laugh out loud 2 ursef,cos by den evry tin will b PERFECT.
Hi Poster,
PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF THIS ADVICE BY bride2mum AKA KE.
Although, i think you should do a little digging, and protect yourself.
If you are not rightly spiritually inclined, you need to be for the above advice, cause being loving and caring and sexy to a man that doesn't give two quarters, is not by physical and emotional strength, its by spiritual strength.
For the above advice, you'll also need to finalize in your mind that you are going to make this work, you are going to fast and wait on the Lord, the bible says that those that do, renew their strength like an eagle, they run but are not weary, when i say fast, i don't mean starving yourself for a day or some hours, i mean putting all distractions aside, listening to teachings, reading books by Men/Women of God on your subject matter, praying to God, acknowledging what he has already done, because this battle has already been fought and won, declare that your husband's heart is in God's hand. Speak and make decrees concerning your marriage and family.
I hope you know that as a christian, you've got power, real power to change things in the spirit. You are not disadvantaged! Be stirred in your spirit, Be provoked unto good works.
For the above advice, you'll need to develop yourself as a christian.
Get a Job! Make yourself happy, take excellent care of yourself and your daughter. In short, i don't need to say more, bride2mum has said a great deal.
The Lord is your Strength, your ever present help. Turn to Him, Fix your gaze on him. Don't mind these people talking about the 'Nigerian Advice'. Life is very simple, God has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness…If you are a christian, you cant take any situation away from him.
I wasn't in a similar situation, but i was in a situation, and i left somewhat, more like forced to leave for my life. Sometimes, i wonder, if i knew the things i know now and still getting to know, who i am in Christ, things might have turned out differently.
God Bless you dear.
Hi Poster,
PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF THIS ADVICE BY bride2mum AKA KE.
Although, i think you should do a little digging, and protect yourself.
If you are not rightly spiritually inclined, you need to be for the above advice, cause being loving and caring and sexy to a man that doesn't give two quarters, is not by physical and emotional strength, its by spiritual strength.
For the above advice, you'll also need to finalize in your mind that you are going to make this work, you are going to fast and wait on the Lord, the bible says that those that do, renew their strength like an eagle, they run but are not weary, when i say fast, i don't mean starving yourself for a day or some hours, i mean putting all distractions aside, listening to teachings, reading books by Men/Women of God on your subject matter, praying to God, acknowledging what he has already done, because this battle has already been fought and won, declare that your husband's heart is in God's hand. Speak and make decrees concerning your marriage and family.
I hope you know that as a christian, you've got power, real power to change things in the spirit. You are not disadvantaged! Be stirred in your spirit, Be provoked unto good works.
For the above advice, you'll need to develop yourself as a christian.
Get a Job! Make yourself happy, take excellent care of yourself and your daughter. In short, i don't need to say more, bride2mum has said a great deal.
The Lord is your Strength, your ever present help. Turn to Him, Fix your gaze on him. Don't mind these people talking about the 'Nigerian Advice'. Life is very simple, God has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness…If you are a christian, you cant take any situation away from him.
I wasn't in a similar situation, but i was in a situation, and i left somewhat, more like forced to leave for my life. Sometimes, i wonder, if i knew the things i know now and still getting to know, who i am in Christ, things might have turned out differently.
God Bless you dear.
Go and say a 9days novena to our lady of perpetual help. It works wonders, u can buy the book in any catholic church bookshop. Stay blessed.
all i can say is pray and do the calling be more soft on the phone or face to face and God will perfect your marriage again
Thanks. I will mail you if I need any other help. Thanks
Thanks to everyone who dropped a comment. They were all helpful in Different ways.
U are wlcome, am d one who said u shld do a little james bond cos he may be keeping anoda hme. How do i know??
I saw it happen to sme1 dear.
If ur husband was not possesive/jealous wen he had nothing it is not now that he is rich that he wld be.
The person i knw who went thru dis involved her younger brother who is very cls to her. He helped her do d investigtion and he was highly coded she didnt even tell me her best friend until it was over and she got her man back.
Of cos u shld pray but back it up with action.
Continue to be loving and pay him xtra attn so he doesnt suspect.
All d best.
@ poster, i wudn't wanna comment cuz it's like u dnt wanna hear the truth. u r not ready to leave him and as far as u am concerned u r nt ready to be happy. But one thing is for sure this guy has a babe smwhere and he dosent give a fuck abt u. how can he tell u he dosent want u to see ur family, if u know wat is good for u go back to your family and ask for help. it's nt by force u stay with him for life. U can still meet a better man. U are a woman , u shud be respected, LOVED AND TREATED LIKE GOLD.
My dear sister, am so sorry for what your going thru. U r too young to have a heart attack over a man who is not worth it. I cant say u should leave ur home, neither can i ask u stay. Only u alone at this point knows exactly how u feel. About having kids, i think u should let dat be for now, Put ur husband in prayer, pray all the time for him, be the good wife u've always been. give him time and see if he'll change or not. if after all that and things r not going well for u, i'll say u pack up wit ur child and leave. u married to him doesnt mean u should suffer over him, every1 deserves to be happy. u have to be strong and make the right decision for u and ur child. May the Almighty see you thru.
Is this what wc has turned into?
Eya,stop this charade pls…
Who are these anons?
Where are your regulars?
Pls go back to cooking!
Am not happy with what this blog has turned to,what's with the multiple comments.
You can cuss,but its the truth that has to be told.
Dear poster, I think you shld empower ursef. You dnt ve to wait for job to come, you can set up smthing, and be ur own boss. Ignore your hubby for now, I think you give him too much attention plus he doesn't deserve it for now. Dnt leave your home, just work on your self and get busy, and his disaperance will mean nothing anymore plus he will come to respect you for ur independence. Pray for him always, and call him to pray with you whenever he is around. Act like you're not angry, so you can get money from him to set ursef up.
Sorry this came in late. I've been very busy.
The minute you leave your home, the other lady moves in and blocks the way for you.
Be very careful and prayerful.
These type of men sometimes do not change until they are too old to chase and you the wife is too old to enjoy life, then they become the best husbands on earth and begin to sit with you by the fireside as if nothing happened in the past.
Try your best and if he is not noticing it, don't dwell in unhappiness for ever and don't give him the space to fill with another. Occupy that space, it's yours. Stay in that house and get yourself very busy too. Forget nagging and unnecessary questions. Do not sob and beg like the world is coming to an end.
Get busy, if no job is forth coming, try a business, join a good gym, join busy groups in your worship place, fix dates for fun outings with your daughter, take her to parks and meet new people. Do not wait for him to take you out or you may remain locked up forever. If you have people outside town you can visit, inform him before you go, just take yourself out of that environment more often.
One advice I won't give is …I won't tell you to start blogging or get busy Online cos I am yet to reveal you guys what hubby did to me cos he complained I am giving more attention to the Internet than to him. I leave it there for now.
Yet to reveal to you guys o. I'm trying hard but one day I know it will just spill out of my mouth just like that.
I tire for all this " u must die inside this marriage" advice.
@ anon that asked v Barnes if she wud advice her daughter to pack out of her husbands house, I am not V Barnes but YES if my daughter is unhappy in her marriage I' ll let her go happily.
The problem with us Nigerians Is that we like to over endure. It is good to pray but give the man some space let him enjoy himself well,to the full and realize his foolishness if he truely loves you then he' ll come back.
Haba.
Mrs A
I definitely knew there was something wrong. Cos it's like you only update stories in the morning and that's it. Wow I hope he didn't do anything too crazy!
I am not judging him but I don't understand men sometimes. If he was the one pursuing some business venture he would expect you to give him all the necessary support but when the reverse is the case, it becomes a problem. Is it because we were born women? Hmmm
Wow Johnson hit d nail on d head for u dear. No rush in life, close leg and get a job. U need a job, dats d only time things will chnge cus he wil strt seein u differently. Yes! Use ur daughter. My friend did it. Tuned d daughter to ask questions and told her things like u see its just us. Daddy is nt around. And other things. Wen he gets bk d daughter asks him questions and ignored him. He never got d welcome hugs again but sulking nd questions like daddy where did u go to? Call him wen he is out and let his daughter speak to him in a sweet voice. Pray my dear and upgrade ursef too to being how u were wen he met u. Ur young ooo some men find it in attractive for their wives to be home while for some it's insecurity.
Happend to me and I used call control. Loool. Even @ 3am I used to get calls.finally it stopped. I dnt even knw cus I've forgotten abt it
Thank u Aunty Eya, after this post believe me it's like a heavy burden just left my chest feeling so light and free. Been smiling more often as well. And yesso I have registered in a gym, just yest how did u know? Hehehe as I lekpa like this sef I hope I won't disappear lol. Am still working on the business to do. Will bring good news to you all soon. And yes he got back and I have been so nice and all he did was to take my phone to go through, sure he is thinking a man is behind all the excitement.
Thanks once again
@poster if u said he really loved u,and was the happiest man when u agreed to the marriage,then u were just a Trophy wife to him!
He loves to feel like he's conquered all the time,and for such pple its only a change from the regular happenings around u both dat can make him wake up:first do all u can to get a job,look extra good all the time when u go out,also frame up stories about u being admired by someone else,the fear of loosing u and his insecurities will make him calm down.such pple are only pressured by competition!
Btw,Yes prayers is key and it works but I don't know why we on dis part of the world can never give any oda advice to pple other than saying'pray about it'?huh!smh and most of such pple don't even fear God!
Even God said Watch and den pray haba!
Hehehe!
Is he aware that u are even a mother of 5?
It's like there is a new trend in town now dat young guys will be SERIOUSLY toasting married women!they will be saying they love u and can't sleep without hearing ur voice!huh??someones wife?!this generation is finished!
I actually have one pyschophat young man on my case too,tanks for this link Chinazor,will download asap and block the confused being.
Aunty Eya, pls forgive my being everywhere on this post,but can't help but ask anon 10:51,pls is marriage a do or die affair?
So she should stay and get trampled or even die in a bad marriage cos she's afraid of divorce?and I bet u,no matter what she does,dat man can never be able to divorce her cos she's like a trophy to him like I earlier said,rather he will sit up!
So Madam Poster,i agree with d first anon,if u have relations visit dem o so you won't die of depression and hypertension while he's balling with gals in town.
Dead women don't get divorced'!pls Live for ur daughter!
Going through your phone? That is a good sign! Take advantage of this and play it to the maximum! *You do get my drift huh? and continue being your sexy self!*winks*
What do you mean, what he did to you?? We are protective of our Eya o 🙂 I sabi fight oooo. Hahaha hope all is well Eya. We appreciate you for this forum sha. Do what is best for you and your marriage.
My Father in Heaven. Prayer without cloth ke? Ewooooo. It is well. Poster, our merciful Father does not need such theatrics abeg, Naija people and acting nollywood movie. I wish I could see His expressions when we do some of these things. If you are going to pray, pray without ceasing and dear put some pep in your step. Sitting down is not going to get this man back. You have a daughter, be an example to her. She is watching you wallow. Get up and do something. If he comes back good, if not…you will know what to do next but do not treat God like He is one of these oracles. If you want to stay in the marriage, better yourself, put all your hope in Christ, infact bury yourself in Him and trust Him to sort things out either way.
Anon 5.01 – "The way she dress, look, habit, behaviour abi"?? How about the mans dressing behaviour and stupid habits? Very funny. "For a man to marry u he love u"?? Listen to urself.. A man that spends one week outside with NO explanation, has no iota of respect for her or the marriage. ,So a man has NO PART TO PLAY in making a marriage work abi? It must always be the woman's fault even when the husband is being stupid and irresponsible!! Well you can teach your daughters that if/when you have them, that they are slaves to whomever they marry. As for me my father had seven daughters and no male and he taught us that no man is better than us, we can achieve whatever they can achieve in life and we deserve to be respected by whoever marries us. Thank God that it happened that way as we are all married to decent and responsible guys who respect us. That is exactly what I will teach my own girls too. I'm tired of all these lame excuses ppl give that encourage men to continue to be unreasonable and wicked to their wives.
Poster, sorry about this but from what people have said, u have Two options and u can decide based on whether u still want the marriage with him or not…
1. Leave the marriage and return to ur parents if they can support u and ur child. You are quite young, you can quickly rebrand urself and make something out of ur life. He is the loser and may come back to beg.
2. If u still want to save the marriage, ur option is serious prayers, (mfm type or otherwise, fast and pray and call his name) and patience, if hes not beating or harming you or ur child.. While you are there, Add value/dignity to urself, get a job or business, (ask ur parents to help) and stop begging him when he's the one misbehaving. Try to live your life ignoring his foolishness. find things to do with ur life that make u happy. Laugh a lot and play with your child. Dont ever let him think u are miserable. Cook and do ur part as a wife but don't sleep with him as he's cheating on you. If he complains tell him quietly that you are still young and you are not ready to contact any STDs from his philandering ways and die and leave ur child. Be as nice as you can, and get whatever money u can from him thru your baby or however and save save save. God will intervene for you and things will change. But if not then u will have something to fall back on if u eventually decide to leave. Peace.