A good adviser to me is someone who tries to guide others to the right path through counsel. A good adviser is one who can talk even a bad person out of his bad ways.
Eya, I’m sending this because I feel there is a need for us all to reflect on certain things while we try to render help to humanity.
First and foremost, for anyone to send a mail, confessing what they did and asking for advise shows they want to change. There are a lot of people who do wrongs all their life and never care to turn a new leaf. Life is all about choices, a lot of people have chosen lifestyles that other people frown at and because they do not want change, they will never bring their problems before anyone to seek counsel. Many continue in their chosen wrongs or lifestyles all their lives without batting an eyelid.
For the few who reflect on their lives and decide to OPENLY ask for help. It is pertinent that we try as much as possible to render the little help we can without making matters worse.
Aunty Eya, I’m sending this because Many of us who read your blog have read psychology at one point or the other in our lives and we know that help rendered wrongly can cause more harm than good. There was a story on LIB some time ago about a young man who tried to commit suicide by climbing an electricity pole. The story reads that the young man was persuaded by the standers by to come down and get help. As soon as his feet touched the ground, some friends and family members started hitting him for trying to commit sin by taking his on life. After all the shouts and warnings and threats and hittings and all, everybody departed and this young man went back home. No one tried to see how he can be helped. Every body felt there is no reason whatsoever why he should contemplate suicide. The crowd later dispersed.
The next morning, his corpse was found lying on his bed. There is how we do things sometimes and the aim is defeated. The only reason anyone will come out here to say “I have been sleeping with married men all my life and when I try to stop they won’t leave me alone” is because this person needs help. Every wrong doer can chose to continue that way and there is nothing you and I can do about it. Because I am a wife does not mean that I make her feel condemned before helping, That help may never be appreciated. The reason some posters become defensive is because of our replies. They are humans and no matter what still want to maintain their dignity while seeking help:
Eya, I’m sending this because I feel there is a need for us all to reflect on certain things while we try to render help to humanity.
First and foremost, for anyone to send a mail, confessing what they did and asking for advise shows they want to change. There are a lot of people who do wrongs all their life and never care to turn a new leaf. Life is all about choices, a lot of people have chosen lifestyles that other people frown at and because they do not want change, they will never bring their problems before anyone to seek counsel. Many continue in their chosen wrongs or lifestyles all their lives without batting an eyelid.
For the few who reflect on their lives and decide to OPENLY ask for help. It is pertinent that we try as much as possible to render the little help we can without making matters worse.
Aunty Eya, I’m sending this because Many of us who read your blog have read psychology at one point or the other in our lives and we know that help rendered wrongly can cause more harm than good. There was a story on LIB some time ago about a young man who tried to commit suicide by climbing an electricity pole. The story reads that the young man was persuaded by the standers by to come down and get help. As soon as his feet touched the ground, some friends and family members started hitting him for trying to commit sin by taking his on life. After all the shouts and warnings and threats and hittings and all, everybody departed and this young man went back home. No one tried to see how he can be helped. Every body felt there is no reason whatsoever why he should contemplate suicide. The crowd later dispersed.
The next morning, his corpse was found lying on his bed. There is how we do things sometimes and the aim is defeated. The only reason anyone will come out here to say “I have been sleeping with married men all my life and when I try to stop they won’t leave me alone” is because this person needs help. Every wrong doer can chose to continue that way and there is nothing you and I can do about it. Because I am a wife does not mean that I make her feel condemned before helping, That help may never be appreciated. The reason some posters become defensive is because of our replies. They are humans and no matter what still want to maintain their dignity while seeking help:
- Loves others as her/himself and tries to feel whatever they feel at that moment.
- A good adviser does not make her victim feel condemned and useless before giving guidance.
- Does not make a victim feel worse.
- Tries to help others see that there is still hope after all the mistakes have been made.
- Keeps sentiment aside and tries first of all to render help to those in need of it.
Monique
Hmmm, feels like I have been selfish while trying to advise others . Odiegwu,
May I also add dat a good adviser keeps sentiments away.
I lv dt no 2……………..some claimed special adviser on Eyas blog,wl mk u feel worthless…they mk u think u r useless n wl only wish urself dead. Some advise here disgust me.mtwww
Nos 5 kip sentiments aside"
Yesssssss o! Pls lets all embrass nos 2
@monique, u again??? Congratulation at least u make sense this time.
A good adviser doesnt paint his or her own lyf/marriage as a perfect one
d funny tin here is dt al d i too knw wl stil come n rubbish monique s write up by trying t defend demselves…i cnt rem any professional counsellor i v eva visited,rebuking or condemning me.dey correct in lv n leave u happier dn u came.
Another nice piece from Monique.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
@Anon 11:58. my thought exactly. i ve made a post sometime last week. the advices i got was disheartening.
lol@ a good adviser doesnt paint his/her marriage as a perfect one. *thumbs up*
God bless you Monique for this post. Thank you!
It takes a lot for someone to accept they are wrong and to choose to open up to TOTAL STRANGERS FOR HELP. It takes a lot. Your 'hate' or 'anger' comments is the least thing they are looking for cos this isn't a 'gist' blog but a 'HELP' blog.
You are trying to help someone you might never meet in this life. You can't be 'flogging' a stranger and trying to draw them with another hand. It's not possible. That familiarity to do that isn't there yet. You will only cause them to RUN AWAY and feel HOPELESS and CONDEMNED.
I hope readers learn from it and are guided next time someone comes here to open up.
Well done Monique .
If only we can all always remember this piece while dropping our comments.
Please can i also add that people deserve to be told the truth, while advising, don't coat ur advice, the person wants to know what to do, so let's all be honest with our comments and referees. Thank u.
Ella
If only we can all always remember this piece while dropping our comments.
Please can i also add that people deserve to be told the truth, while advising, don't coat ur advice, the person wants to know what to do, so let's all be honest with our comments and referees. Thank u.
Ella
Heheheheheheeee!
I be bad adviser be that….
#running into my village bush!
Ace,u are much better than the person most guilty of the five.I'm still waiting 4 her to come and comment on this post.she needs to imbibe all this..correctly said dear poster.I hope SHE reads this!!
Dis person hiding under anonymous is such a childish trouble finder…I kip wonderin d kind of person u re.u beta stop hating people and live ur life…Remove d dirt in ur eyes befor pointing @ odas…
6. A good adviser is open to other people's advice.
7. A good adviser is a good listener… in this case, (s)he tries to understand the issue before jumping to proffer solution.
8. If (s)he needs to bash you for wrong doing, (s)he will do it and subsequently give an opinion on how to resolve the issue. Like beating a child and later draws the child closer.
9. Must not be heard all the time… tries to learn from others.
10. Must be emotionally intelligent.
he he he where are dem professional advisers abi dem don change name? lol
he he he where are dem professional advisers abi dem don change name? lol
I thought we are adults here! Monique has posted her piece,didn't mention any one's name! If you have any one in mind,as u comment put the name. When will some members of the female folk stop being petty! Anon 4:59 let's not cause unnecessary quarrels! We don't even know each other,why try to start what is not?
Anonymous 4:59 pls shut up nd get a lyf….haba y r u guys like ds….ur waiting for ha to come nd comment??? Like serzly??u don chop? Ur pikin nko?don't u ve ur lyf to live….fuckin retard
Some matured idiots appearing as anonymouses will not rest.