Helloo Aunty Eya, please help me post this piece for Nigerian wives on the blog.
Why? A pretty young lady gets married today, when you meet her after three years, she is looking exhausted, unkempt sometimes , old and haggard. A look at her husband who is older, you see a fresh looking clean gentleman looking succulent and well relaxed.
What makes women age so fast after marriage these days or has it always been that way?
Most Nigerian wives look tired and in a hurry everytime you meet them? where are we hurrying to? To cook before hubby returns from work. To pick the kids from school. To shop quickly before the stalls close for the day and so on.
Are we really wives or maids I ask sometimes? If Jesus were to get married, how do you think he’;; treat his wife? Will he let her work 24/7 without rest? No! Will he make his wife the sole childminder? No! Will his wife be the only one doing all the cooking and washing? No. Will he treat his wife better than himself? Yes he will!
Divorce rate in Nigeria has risen so much that even preachers are not left out. We are shocked at what is happening and isn’t there something that can be done? Now it’s easy for some husbands to say things like “If pastors can divorce, who are we not to?
Most women too begin to feel like if pastors can divorce, what is there for us. No assurance that one day you’ll not be served divorce papers.
What is causing the high rate in cheating and keeping side chicks. It was never a norm like it is now?
What has made wives too to not really care about keeping male friends as revenge? Can something be done at all to save marriages in Nigeria?
With all that’s happening now, Nigerian wives are really affected by it all. Some working harder to impress. Others giving up and just doing what they like. Believe it or not. Many Nigerian women have given up on marriage as a source of joy. Many were happier in their single days than when they got married.
Aside the stress of managing kids all alone while hubby just focuses on paying fees, rent and medical bills without lifting a finger. Very few Nigerian marriages still exist the way marriages should. Very few Nigerian men respect their wives like they should. Very few are faithful. Only few husbands do not cheat on their wives.
With all this happening< the family is affected greatly. Women who use to fight themselves a lot are becoming more and united in this fight against cheating men. A lot of men are not aware that the wives they had some 10 years back are not the same women they see today living with them.
Thanks to Social media, Nigerian wives have realised that their issues are more similar than different and they now have compassion, they show empathy and support themselves. Let’s hope that this beautiful institution of marriage doesn’t lose value in the nearest future.
What went wrong? It wasn’t this bad?
With all these happening, there still exist good marriages in this country. The struggling outweigh the strong though.
These three habits are aging Nigerian wives really really fast.
THREE HABITS THAT AGE NIGERIAN WIVES
- Super power mentality. Strong woman. I can do it all by myself. A woman automatically becomes a superpower after marriage. We are taught to give ourselves oxygen first in the case of an emergency. After marriage, women forget ourselves completely.Especially when the kids arrive. You rush to bathe yourself. You are too busy serving others to create time for yourself. You rush to dress up last after finishing with the kids and then when you get to the event, you see hubby looking clean and fresh while you look rushed. What stops you from asking hubby to help dress up the kids while you take care of yourself?
Why can’t you tell daddy to bathe the kids on weekends since you do it the whole week? Yes the husband is the head but we are family and should work together as family.
- Another habit that ages Nigerian women so quickly is total dependence on their husbands. emotionally, financially and even spiritually. If the husband decides to make them miserable, he succeeds. Marriage is the only thing that gives most Nigerian women some actualization.She is happy with no personal savings. Happy with the little peanuts he gives. The man decides whatever he gives them at the end of the month and the women just manages until she becomes CEO Manager while he spends recklessly on himself.
Why can’t a Nigerian wife sit with her husband and decide what percentage of his salary is for the family and what is for savings and his personal needs. Nigerian wives who earn salaries, only few have personal lifetime savings. At the end of the month, it is the woman’s salary that makes up for the little peanuts dropped by their husbands.
Is he supposed to give you peanuts from the much he is earning or you supposed to sit down together and allocate the money as a family. Why can’t Nigerian women talk and plan with their husbands instead of take orders like a master/servant relationship. The number of Nigerian wives that can actually challenge their husband to a family meeting are few. The rest just take orders and continue to act good wife and superwoman.
- The third habit really aging Nigerian wives is the fear of side chicks and what might happen. Will he bring home STDs? will he decide to keep her permanently? What if someone decides to get pregnant for him? Does he even use protection? The fear of side chicks has turned many Nigerian woman to “war room owners”Some blame themselves for their husbands’ actions and think they are the reason he is cheating. Don’t you know that with your statutory marriage, he can go to jail if he gives birth to another child outside wedlock.?
You can send your husband to jail if he decides to marry another woman while still married to you. That Law in your marriage certificate is stronger than the “An African man can marry as many wives as he wants” thing.
If you had a registry marriage, stop worrying about your husband having a child outside wedlock. Stop worrying about him deciding to bring in another wife because he won’t.
Men know these laws and they are aware that you don’t know your right so they threaten and control you by instilling fear.
Try to avoid these habits and be happy. If you try your best and your husband still acts like the god that bought you by paying your bride price, look to your children and be happy. If marriage isn’t what you expected, sorry and don’t kill yourself trying to make it work alone. You two should make it work together.
The load is easy to carry when both join hands. Do your best and never forget yourself while serving family. You too are important. Allocate time to yourself too. Do not spend the whole day everyday rushing to serve family. What about you?