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| Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra) |
A nagging woman is the direct opposite of a peace loving woman. Any woman who complains all the time, always and daily has something to complain about is a nagging woman. A nagging woman is seldom happy. She is dissatisfied, has something to complain about, and feels like no body really does what she wants. A nagging spouse believes that her happiness depends on others. She looks for people who can do her every whim, obey her commands, grant her every wish, and ask her for life directions.
The Characteristics:
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Compare and contrast mode. One reason why she is always depressed, is the fact that she is always in the compare and contrast mode. Her spouse is compared to her friend’s husband. This is done verbally or internally. She wonders why he cannot afford all the beautiful things her friends get from their spouses, She compares him to his best friend who has changed his cars thrice in two years. He is compared to his colleague in the office who just moved into a great neighborhood with all the luxuries at their beck and call. She doesn’t seem to understand why he is more interested in savings than living large like his friends. In her head, her man is the worst compared to every other husband around her. She forgets easily that he is human and has limitations.
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Tries To Change Others. Lives the greater part of her life trying to change her spouse. Struggling to make him what she wants, to get him to eat less, get him to sleep more, make him shave more often and so on. It is good to try to influence others positively. The problem is when we try to make them be like us because we fell like we are the best thing that happened to their lives. He loves to do things like a man and she tries to make him live like her next door neighbour. No man can successfully change another. Even young children at home are born with their different personalities. Try changing your two year old and see how impossible it is. How then do you think that your efforts can change a full grown man. When we try to change adults, we only succeed in making them expert pretenders. They try to be what you want in your presence, but change back as soon as they leave your presence. If your man begins to be like you, who will take over the him that has been dropped. You cannot change him from loving big cars, you can’t stop his love for outdoor activities, neither can you stop him from watching football at the expense of your soap operas. We should change what we can and ask God for the grace to tolerate what we cannot change and move on with our lives.
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She Is Unobservant; Never tries to study her spouse. Does not try to find out the reason why he could not afford an expensive gift during the last marriage anniversary. Never cares to know why he has suddenly become withdrawn, what is making him short tempered, why he talks too much lately, why he is drinking more than usual, why he has started to carry office work home, why he is always in a hurry to leave the house. In as much as she is happy, everything else can wait. She complains constantly about his working late but does not try to make the home more comfortable than his office. Sees no reason why he is suddenly a social networking guru, complains of not getting attention from him whereas she is never available to talk with. After complaining, she looks for things to keep her busy and unavailable too. She does not realize that the reason he still drives that rickety car is because he wants his kids in the best schools. All she wants is a better and bigger and LARGER life, refusing to see that he is planning ahead for the kids ‘education. He has lost some weight due to the stress of work, colleagues and friends have drawn his attention to his looks except madam. He wears a wrong pair of stocking to work, the last person who sees him leave the house is you, yet it is his secretary who notices and draws his attention to his dressing. Complains about his drinking but not about her uncontrollable Television watching. He is thinking too much lately, she is talking too much about her events lately.
- A Pleaser Of Other People; She would rather impress her friends than make her spouse happy at home, tries to be every body’s friend forgetting that the only thing liked by everybody is water, If we can survive without water, many will withdraw their likeness for it. Every body cannot like me! No matter how hard you try. Even among your friends, some are just frienemies. The nagging wife is always complaining because she wants to look her best at all times to impress. Wants to gain acceptance in the group. Wants him to provide the latest and most trending at all times. Forgetting that reality is different from what we see on the screen. Behind the scenes programs do not really cover everything, you know. Do not spend your few days on earth living to impress others who may not really care about you. It pays to be considerate.
- Never Content; She can be compared to Oliver Twist. Wants more of everything. The more he tries the more she craves. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Nothing brings peace and happiness than being content. While we struggle to get better and to go higher in life. At every level and step of the way, we should be thankful and content. Craving and lusting without being grateful for what we already have can steal the joy of harvest from us. A content woman is a crown to her husband. She gives him peace and helps him live long. The grass that seem greener on the other side may not really be that green when you cross over to that side. Contentment is different from laziness, it is also different from idleness. She is always pushing him hard for more, more and more. She never lets him relax comfortably because he has not acquired as much as her friend’s spouses. A nagging wife is like a thorn in your pant. Lives all her life in a rat race of competition and unhappiness. She can be overly dependent too. She wants him to do everything, even where she should assist, she fails to realize that Independence is power.
Who Is A Nagging Woman?
She is a complainer. A nagging woman is always in need; physical need, emotional need, psychological need financial need and all kinds of needs, Quit being needy! and you will be respected even more. A nagging woman is like a dead sea. Always ready to receive but never giving. Imagine eating and drinking without urinating, sweating or even toileting.
A woman in the habit of nagging does not try to help or find solutions, but uses words like:
- Why are you always drinking?
- You eat too much
- your pot belly is growing by the day
- Do something about your size
- When are you going to shave and look clean?
- When last did you go for a manicure?
- Do you polish your shoes at all?
- Don’t you think that your toothbrush looks old/
- I hate the way you snore when you are tired.
- You eat too much to lose weight
- Can’t you just replace this car?
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You walk like a pregnant woman.She just goes on and on without realizing that there is no perfect human anywhere. When you nag, it is easy to mistake that for being truthful and frank. Every time we nag, we become obnoxious and unbearable. We become a pain in the neck. Stop nagging to get what you want! Once you have acquired that nagging attitude, you just cannot wait for him to finish his dinner before attack.
The Result Sheet:
- He is constantly uncomfortable around his family, he decides to start spending longer hours at work. Begins to hang out more. Starts working on weekends just to be away from family and trouble.
- He may begin to look for peace in places that you may not like.
- He begins to ignore you and your rantings and eventually becomes insensitive to your feelings.
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He may start doing the opposite of what you ask for just to annoy you for nagging .There is always a time for every thing. Observing the times in marriage will teach us that there is: A time to talk and a time to keep quietA time to pry and a time to refrain from pryingA time to poke fun and a time to be seriousA time to be dependent and a time to be independentA time for the kids and a time for the dadA time to frown and a time to smile
One of my pre-marriage prayers have always been that no matter what negative traits the frustrations of marriage might push me towards, may nagging never be one of them. Because I've seen first hand the disasters caused by the tongue of a Nagging wife
lol @ pre-marriage prayers. I heard a man say that he prefers a cheating woman to a nagging one.
Understanding can solve all of that.
Even though all times will not be perfect.
You are right Tessa, thanks for dropping by. Please do more poems!
Hi,Eya…this is my first time on ur blog & I must say I'm really impressed.ure doing an amazing job.i just read thru ds article and it caught my attention becos I must say I dunno how I became dis "nagging woman"my boyfrnd & I have had a lot of trust issues in our relationship which has made me see nagging as d only way out but I miss what it used to be before d issues came along…I'm scared I will push him away with so much nagging becos I can't forget d past but what can I do to forgive him so dat 'ill forget d past and move on to a better future filled with peace & happiness cos despite his flaws ,he's really an amazing guy.I'm sincerly @ a crossroads?or is it too late to change this terrible attitude of mine?..pls I need help cos he says I sometimes cos d problems with my attitude…I really want to change..pls I need tips & ur advice on how to stop hating and start appreciating..thanks so much. I look forward to ur insightful advice
I wished my wife could understand this!I only been married for 3 months.I don't hang out, I'm not cheating,I take care of home,go to work.When the weekend comes, I will grap a twelve pack of beer and my smokes.I may drink 6 or 7,that's a problem.Her: You gotta buy a twelve pack every week.No sex,because she not in the mood.Its always something with her.I love her, but ,I thinking about leaving.Nagging will drive a man crazy.
Hi Vanessa, you are not alone on this one. I used to be a terrible nagging wife, and that attitude caused so much strain in my young marriage then.
You are even a better wife than I used to be, you have accepted that you nag. I never saw anything wrong with my attitude, but, blamed hubby as the one who triggers that nagging attitude. I never saw anything wrong with my character nor reasons why I should change.
As women. we are very emotional beings. We are very good at keeping hurtful memories and trying to avenge at the slightest opportunity, the weapon we use to fight, and hit back is our mouth. God help us!
The day I made up my mind to change, was the day my relationship with him got restored. You see, we can forgive, but to forget? I don't think so.
What I do is try to suppress the pain with thoughts of the amazing things he does.
When I am angry these days, I try to remain silent and say whatever I wanted to say, right inside my mind without voicing out.
Why I chose to keep quiet is because every time I talk in anger, I tend to lose it and say things I shouldn't have. At the end of it all, instead of getting an apology, I become the one who apologizes because of the kinds of things I said in anger.
I am wiser now I guess, I just keep quiet, wait and say whatever I want to say at a more appropriate time.
You don't have to forget anything, you are not a computer with a DELETE button. You just try to replace the hurt with constant reminders of the good things about him.
You gain nothing by hating and nagging, it pushes him away from you. When you change, he will see it and you will be shocked at how he too will begin to gradually come closer again.
Thank u so much Eya for understanding & for this insightful advice.I'm indeed glad I opened up to you.The time u took out to help express & explain took me by suprise..ure a wonderul person.I will definitely use this tips wisely..lol @ not bin a DELETE button..that got me laughing.Hugs & more Hugs.
goodday eya,ijust discovered your blog today and i think this is what i really need.my husband started a business for me and ever since he did that he expects me to be buying things in the house too not minding if taking money from the business will affect it since it is still young.he nags about everything,whatever i do is not right,if i do A he will say i should have done B,the last thing he will do is to take my advice on anything he talks about my flaws even to my family members,the other day he was just talking about how i m not managing my shop well with my younger brother living with me,i knw i have a fault i argue alot but he has made me to start nagging and we live like dog and cat,my love for him is dying slowly,i was telling myself that i wish i had a good job that will sustain my 2 kids i would just walk out of the marriage and have my peace
Haaaaahahah! You won't know why I am laughing. Most men are just the same dear. I just flashed- back now after reading your comment. What did I see?
Hubby complaining about me to my family… younger siblings for that matter. My dear, I used to just cry when I hear or see those type of things.
Thirteen years after marriage, I guess we have grown past all that now.
There were times I felt like, leaving is the best option but, you know what? I am happy I didn't leave! I have grown and realised that most of those things he complained about were actually true. I was childish too.
The grass on the other side always looks greener dear, but, it's all a mirage. Things are not always as they seem.
Right now, how you feel about him may be the same way he feels about you too. Two wrongs can never make a right.
My dear you are still an African wife. Try your possible best to forgive him and bend low a little Ok?
Men are men, we can't change them, we can only influence with how we carry ourselves.
Do not think about leaving or fighting him with your mouth anymore. Cool down!
Forget his flaws and just focus on yours. Try hard to work on your attitude with him. He is still the head. Maybe, you try and be more open with him about what the business is making and all that. Let him in. Let him know when you make a profit. If possible let him have access to your records.
After all, if him no love you, e no go start that business for you o!
He started that business so that he can also get a helping hand from you. He may not know that the business is not making much yet. Let him in Ok.
Stop trying to advice him and just concentrate on advising yourself, with time, you will see it rubbing off and he too will begin to adjust. It worked for me dear.
If you cannot bear his wahala, keep a pack of chewing gum around you, so that, when he is talking and making noise, you just slot one in your mouth and just continue to chew rather than say something back. Chew until he stops talking and comes to realize that you are not talking back Ok?
Have a great day!
Waaaaaaoh! Learning a lot! Tnx Eya for ur piece of advice. Lol @kp a pack of chewing gum beside u, dt's sarcastic mehn, love it tho' Thumb up! Mrs AJ
I'm a husband and came across this after another session of nagging! It is so bad and so draining. I've lost my job due to it. Not that my job was ever good enough..nor were my social skills..or the way I eat..or the way my family (parents n siblings) are overly informal..I compared all the time and labelled.
I have isolated myself. I have no one to to talk to. After 5 years marriage I feel broken. I love being alone now and can't wait to go to my garage and work on my sculpture. So many times I've wanted to end it..but the love is still there between us. She shows her lighter side once a month and I instantly remember the woman I Love and married. I only see the good in her while she just sees the bad and focuses on it..
I did start drinking but stopped completely as I was going down a bad way,instead I exercise like crazy, I go on 4 hour marathon runs at 1am. I was so close to cheating recently when a woman showed interest and admiration..but I couldn't do it. I couldn't betray my marriage vows or love for my wife. I try talking to her but she says I can't articulate or express my self like an adult. I suggested councilling and she refuses. I used to be a happy person full of life and enjoyed helping other people. I appreciate everything in life and in no way materialistic.
What can I do to help my wife? She is never happy and blames me. I dread celebrations and especially birthdays. Any gift I buy is criticized and she tells me I don't know her. I keep thinking of ways to self improve but just ran out of ideas..so tired.
Hello Mrs. Eya. Honestly, I've read so many articles about marital problem and most of all are truly "Unfair". Unfair in the sense they will always put the blame to the husband. But then, the moment I found your blog, well, justice speaks for all. Based on my terrible experience as a husband, I truly found out that there's also something wrong in the other side of the coin. What I mean that men and women have the same characteristics regarding good and evil. Infact, when I tried to share your blog to my wife, honestly, she's really got mad and she couldn't believe of what you're saying about a nagging wife. Due to her strong personality and great pride she won't admit her fault nor don't want to hear that she can commit mistakes. I have more things to say but it's better to pray for us.
I have strong personality too but thats not right.. I mean not understanding this doesnt mean she has a strong personality.. more likely ignorance and a close mind..
Hello Mrs. Eya. Honestly, I've read so many articles about marital problem and most of all are truly "Unfair". Unfair in the sense they will always put the blame to the husband. But then, the moment I found your blog, well, justice speaks for all. Based on my terrible experience as a husband, I truly found out that there's also something wrong in the other side of the coin. What I mean that men and women have the same characteristics regarding good and evil. Infact, when I tried to share your blog to my wife, honestly, she's really got mad and she couldn't believe of what you're saying about a nagging wife. Due to her strong personality and great pride she won't admit her fault nor don't want to hear that she can commit mistakes. I have more things to say but it's better to pray for us.
Hi Dear, sorry I'm just seeing this after 6 days. What I do is put it up as a post and let my blog readers and I share our thoughts and advice. I will put it up now. Scroll down, click on HOME and readit OK?
Cheers, don't worry I will join you in prayers and God can change your wife cos he has changed many.
Hi Myrene, your situstion and marriage has not gone beyod repair. I join you in prayers and know that many women like your wife have changed over the years and your testimony won't be different. Later, I'm going to put up your comment too as a post so that other women and even men can say something to you OK?
You will testify of her change, trust God to change hearts, and make them softer.
Hello Mrs. Eya I really thank GOD that I found your website. Your Advises truly speaks justice for all ! Honestly, my nagging wife got mad when I shared your blog to her. She couldn't believe of what you're saying. She won't admit about her mistakes. Despite of these, I still pray for her.
Please go to this link to see comments and advice on your comment:
http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2013/06/what-do-i-do-about-my-wife.html#more
*situation
Thanks so much Mrs. Eya for the prayer and a very good advice. May GOD bless you and your family.
You are welcome Myrene. Anytime.
I posted your comment on this link:
http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2013/06/re-characteristics-of-nagging-wife.html
wow
U have been married for two years. It's the worst thing I've ever did for my life. And I have a child by her. I'm smart but this was the dumbest thing I ever did in my life. I hate never hated someone as bad as the one I said I do to. I'll never get married again. On everything. American Women today are not worth it. Must if them are to busy watching drama queens in tv and emulatu ng that garbage. Oh yeah she never says sorry either even if she is totally wrong. Some choice I made. I think prison would make me happier than my situation right now
I am blackman tired of ma wife nagging way bought her a home two luxury car and went against ma believes did I IVF now am stuck with her and have a son divorce is the only way deng I will pay that 20% of my gross income to be happy never again will I get married to beyonce looking like black woman I will take average or different race lord help on this one something had to change or I will nut up
Hi, I'm going to publish your comment so that maybe you get advice from other readers.
Your comment is posted here: http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2013/08/tired-of-ma-wifes-nagging-ways.html
You hit the nail on the head. As an American Black man, I'm sick of it. My woman loves watching and getting influenced by Real Housewives of Atlanta and other Black woman filth that is destroying American Black women nowadays. My woman also never apologizes and I don't think I have ever dated one that did until she was begging me back.
As an American man, this post tells me what I'm missing in my life…. AN AFRICAN WOMAN. These American Black women are so pathetically influenced by the media's description of the "new woman", they're practically runnning men out their lives. I have a woman I have been dating for almost 20 months and she nags me to the point I've been considering leaving her almost everyday. Its one thing to make twice as much money as I do, but its another when she is extremely needy and constantly nags. She nags me for stuff she can easily do (e.I. give me my shoes when I'm in another room doing a chore for her when her shoes is within reaching of her) to needing my undivided attention 24/7. I need a woman like you
She nags about coming back late from work and accuses me of drinkin and smoking while i have done nothing of that sort,she is driving me to the wall with her swearing and cursing. I need some advise on whether to let her go or keep her……….
Please I need help, because as I am dropping this comment, I am crying and want to be alone rather than to continue with her. She is a deep orphan but I am suffering much from her nagging. It is not good to swear but I have to do it now. I give her accounts of every kobo I spent my own money she is not working since we get married even before I met her. She rather believe outsider than me. Oh God I never tell her liar, I dont drink, never keep date outside marriage. Please I can,t write well now, if any one here can help me I will prefer to speak on phone. Please I need help.
Iam really tired of my nagging wife sometimes i just feel like i have made a mistake even now i just feel like cheating on her but the fear of God in me gives me a second thoughts consdering the children that we have . Sometimes she can even complain about silly things for instance why dont you pack your shoes nicely , why you make the house dirty . I prefer being at work than with her please help me before i do support that both of us will regret
You guys have it tough! Maybe you could try talking to your wife, and not characterising her with a set of features from a blog you've found?
Wow Sir, have you been spying my wife?
Leave her! Nagging is spousal abuse! Plain and simple. If a man said or did similar things, he'd be in jail!
Definetly leave her she will only ruin your life
Hallo, thank you for the blog, I have learnt a lot through the many comments and posts for my fellow blog leaders.
I have a very strong woman, who is insightful and hardworking. This is the reason I fell in love with her in the first place I suppose, however over the past two years, she has turned into a totally different person. Let me start by conceding that, I have equally contributed to the many heated arguments we have had over the years. And I am always open to criticism from her on my shortfalls.
However the biggest weakness she has is to never accept her wrongs, she feels she is always right, and if its clear that she is the one in the wrong, she tries her very best to coin it around and justify its my fault that she did whatever she has done.
She becomes very rude and doesn’t open room for discussion, I have of late turned to keeping quite and letting these arguments die with time.
I really am committed to this marriage but am slowly starting to think may be am the only one who wants this marriage saved. She can’t stop talking about me letting her go, even on very trivial matters.
If only she could read through this blog, may be she can see how she has contributed to this gap that has been created between us I’ve these few years
I have always thought that she would be more supportive and am starting to think that may be its this expectation that is killing me most. May be its good to switch off from this thought.
I have now resolved to writing my anger, frustration down in my e_notepad and helps me take the stress away. Since these arguments have no time, place etc, it has started to affect my job and all my business efforts.
I am clueless now, on how I can help her understand that it’s human to say sorry and it’s human to make mistakes and it’s normal to accept your shortfalls.
If you can send this blog post to your wife, please do. I’m going to post this on the F
If you can send this blog post to your wife, please do. I’m going to post this on the Facebook page of the blog today, so others can also give their advice. Please follow the link below the blog to view it.
Hi Eya. Thank you so much for these wonderful and insightful message..
My husband and I have been arguing lately, more likely I am getting mad at him and thats the reason why I have seen your blog here..
After reading and understanding everything, honestly I have seen some of the attitudes of a nagging wife in me.. but im not sure if its right for me tho since scenarios are different..
i.e, Him coming home late drinking with his buddies at work.. I have tried several times already understanding him that is his personal space and leisure as a man.. even talked to him and letting him know that its okay but with limit. Like, he can stay up late until 8pm to 9pm.. We live in the Philippines and mostly of us here grew up conservative.. Then he would say okay he will go home but still forgot the time and will be home by 10 or 11pm.. this has been our issue for many times now.. Do you think Im overreacting? Or Is it wrong for me to get mad because I just want him to go home early and be safe?
Also, ive got other issues with my husband too.. like, when I got sick, I would try and ask him to go to me and help me but doesnt want to.. i get mad at him because when he has spare time what he does is be on his phone all the time.. not even having time for her daughter who is growing up so fast.. ive got lots more but so far this is the most argued situations we have.. Please advice.. Thank you so much..
After a while, it’s best to stop repeating those things you have already said to him. He is an adult and can only change if he wants to.