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Getting Him To Do What You Want Around The House
Some women are lucky enough to have married men who enjoy helping out around the house – or at least who help out without complaint. Others have men in their lives who
will do anything for their wives, except help out with menial household chores. Here are 10 way to encourage a little help from the main man in your life.
- Incentive – Sometimes people need a reason to do something. The knowledge that he’d be helping you out is not always enough. So, implement a small reward system such as letting him pick the movie you will see this weekend if he vacuums the living room and puts the dishes away.
- Tit for Tat – Remind him that you did something for him the other day and that it’s only fair that he does something for you now. Or, transversely, you can promise to do something for him later if he helps you out right now.
- Logic – Logic doesn’t work on everyone, so tread lightly with this one. It is only logical and fair that he help out with doing household chores because you both have jobs, therefore you both should be doing laundry and dishes and everyday tasks.
- Hysterical Tears – Not everyone can conjure hysterical tears at the drop of a hat, but if your husband can see how frazzled you are from always having to do everything around the house without any help, then maybe he will give in and help out a bit more to prevent the tears from happening again. Crying women tend to make men very uncomfortable.
- Bribery – Similar to tit for tat, bribery is a way to get things done. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but you could give him an allowance of sorts. You could even try having a money jar and for every dish that is not put away a dollar goes into the jar. At the end of the week, you can split the money or do something together with it.
- Guilt Trip – Few things get under a man’s skin like a good guilt trip. The trick is to avoid turning it into a yelling match. The goal of this is not to get into a fight; it’s to get things done. Perhaps you need to sit down with your husband and point out all of the chores that need to get done around the house. It can be broken down into categories of the ones he does (if any) and the ones that you do. Having it spelled out for him might be just the ticket to light a fire under him.
- Work Together – This one is great for couples who enjoy doing other activities together. If you can turn it into something that you are working on simultaneously, it can be more appealing than one person doing all of the work while the other is not. You can even switch tasks every week so it doesn’t get boring. Almost every chore around the house can be done with two people. One person can wash the dishes while the other dries. One can dust while the other washes the windows. The house will get cleaned in harmony and it will take half the time it would if only one person was doing it.
- Ask the Right Way – According to the popular book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray, the way to get a man to do something is to ask him the right way. Asking him, “Could you do the dishes please?” is a surefire way to get him to not want to. Obviously he could do the dishes, but he certainly doesn’t want to. Instead, try asking, “Would you please do the dishes for me?” Changing ‘could’ to ‘would’ will help take away the resentment he may feel for you asking him to do something in the first place.
- Make a List – Some men just need a honey-do list to get things done. They may see that the dishes need to be done, but they may also think that you enjoy doing them and will leave them out for you to take care of later. By using a simple list of tasks that you need done around the house, you can help him realize there are things he should be doing on his days off instead of just watching TV.
- Go on Strike – If nothing else works, go on strike. If you let things pile up, eventually he will have to take action. He will wake up one day and realize his favorite shirt is still sitting in the dirty laundry pile and that will encourage him to get the clothes in the washing machine. He will go into the kitchen for a snack and have no clean plates to eat it on. This will make him realize how much you do around the house that he has been taking for granted.
Maria Wells publishes at Housekeeping
Dear Ladies, how do you get HIM to do what you want around the house??
Oh Eya,
I laughed as I was reading this and when I got towards the last suggestion I was thinking 'and if all these ideas don't work, go on holiday for a week' and see the result, and the last suggestion was 'go on strike'. Seems like many of us ladies think alike eh?
Brilliant!
Hahahaha Brenda, Yes, Ladies think alike and we do have A LOT in common. *wink*
Serious my wife will be d most fortunate woman,learnt so many things from my dad when it comes to handling women. It worked for him,and am sure it will work for me.
First when it comes to food,she's already covered coz I like cooking ma food maself,then watch d priceless smile on her face as she applauds ma delicious dish.but she must b in d kitchen together discussing with me,incase my relatives visits unexpectedly and catch her in d palour watching tv,while am in d kitchen.lolz
Secondly don't engage a woman in a heated arguement,she'll always win,with her tears and voice.
My wife ought to be an extended me,so imma do to her what imma do to me.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Bonario! You must be a funny character. I like your sometimes witty comments. But wait first until you get married. Sure you're still in your dream world. Not saying you're gonna change from who you are, but the responsibilities of been a married man are numerous and you may not have all the time to be in the kitchen. Keep being yourself anyway. Enjoy the rest of your day..
Working together works for me. You just have to study your hubby to know what tip will work for you and you must be very patient to make it work.
I pretend to be very ill and just continue to lie there. That is the only way my husband gets to assist and bathe the kids at least on Saturday morning.
Nelly B
For my husband, giving monthly allowances and paying School fees is his idea of helping.
The chores are solely my duty. I have tried every thing possible to make him help. No way, he will rather watch Manchester United or CNN while I clean and cook and baby sit. *sighs*
Last Anon, you really need to up your game. Watch the ball with him and then ask what you want, like tit for tat or some of the other suggestions here.
@Eya, some of these are so funny. But yeah some women need various styles to get what they want.
@Bonario, you are quite an eligible guy o 🙂
My husband thinks that men are not cut out for chores. He feels like his sole duty is to work hard support his family financially. He is ready to pay for as many house keepers as I want. But not to be the one wiping baby's bum or cleaning the dirty cooker.
He tried a little when I gave birth, but when my mom came in to visit, he returned back to not assisting with house work.
The reason I don't want to do tit for tat is because I know that he can drive out in the pretence of seeing his barber and then stop at a restaurant to eat while we are here doing the tooth for tat and refusing to cook for him. lol!:(
……………………..Treasure
@ Treasure, yours is even better. Mine wants us to share the financial burden while I still do the house work alone. *sobs*
My first time commenting on this blog. I come here for food sha.
I am about to get married, to you married women, I think that you are still sleeping. For me, from day one, my Fiancee knew what I am made of. Me not ready to be dat over submissive and always available wife. You ladies are always available, they get what they want at anytime and even without appreciation. I will be stingy with what the almighty has planted on me. He knows sha. All man must do house work!
So i'm not the only one who has done this as a last resort.lol
My dear wait until u r married º°˚˚°ºoo. I used 2 think lik u bt wen its marriage hmmmm u don't need anyone 2 tell u.Every body hides d oda side of him or her till after marriage so u ll no ur real man after u say I do
@ Jazmyn just wait till u get married den u no its a diff ball game. Just pray he provides for d family adequately and get a househelp for urself. Most of d methods mentioned here dont work for Naija men especially those resident in Nigeria. My husband helps me bath the children when i i dont have a maid and makes the occasional breakfast and babysits on sat wen i have to go to the market. And am really very grateful for his help! No bribery or tit for tat involved. E no go work sef:-)
My husband is so helpful, God bless him for me. @Jazmyn, dont be too confident that what he is doing now he'll do later. Wait till u get under his roof, am not saying he'll be sooo bad but sure he'll lots of new characters. Good luck all the same!
Lol, I thank almighty God that I said 'I do' to my hubby coz he is God sent. He is a clean freak n he prefers to do d cleaning n tidying up himself. He does 80% of the cleaning n doesn't complain. He enjoys bathing n dressing d kids up only if I leave out what they'll wear. The only thing is he doesn't cook so dats strictly my department but I often form tiredness so he'll help with washing up while I cook, shebi na him no like dirty. But I really can't complain. Lizzy
The average Nigerian man is not cut out for house chores, they(not all) have this weird ãήϑ personally annoying and irritating belief that housechores are for women.
Personally I have my way of making my husband do some chores even tho he works so hard and's usually exhausted. Sometimes they just don't know even when we feel its glaring at their faces but a little "Hun plz d'U̶̲̥̅̊ mind washing the toilet when you're free, my back kinda hurts" might go a long way. Nagging solves nothing, it hardens a man all the more so you'll want to swallow it 80% of the times he didn't put the toilet seat down ãήϑ only tell him 20%.
@Lizzy. You are blessed sha
Interesting article, even though I disagree with some of the points.
Anyways, my DH doesn't do chores. Big problem until just recently when he finally let me get a maid and even he testifies that I'm a much happier wife 😀
Eya honestly speaking, half of these afore mentioned methods are really funny. A woman that has a husband that shares chores with her reguarly is one of the luckiest. Men with all their pride, nagging, wickedness , although not all. Some are humble and good christians. Eya i go try one of the methods when the time reach. FROM LOVELY**
Eya honestly speaking, half of these afore mentioned methods are really funny. A woman that has a husband that shares chores with her reguarly is one of the luckiest. Men with all their pride, nagging, wickedness , although not all. Some are humble and good christians. Eya i go try one of the methods when the time reach. FROM LOVELY**
Eya honestly speaking, half of these afore mentioned methods are really funny. A woman that has a husband that shares chores with her reguarly is one of the luckiest. Men with all their pride, nagging, wickedness , although not all. Some are humble and good christians. Eya i go try one of the methods when the time reach. FROM LOVELY**
Great suggestions really. But I think naija men's largest problem is their ego. Funny part is, when u leave to reside in another country u see the domestic side of them cos there are no friends, colleagues or family members to show they are the" men" with their wives… Thank God mine let me get a maid recently cos he wouldn't mind going without a vex instead of throwing his dirty laundry in the washing machine…
♍γ̲̣̣̥ husband does what he can around the house, and that's because he grew up helping his mom. į̸̸̨ƭ is important to allow boys handle house chores S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ when they become men, its easy,
Soo so true! N yes my tots exactly!
Was begining to think mine' was too weird until I saw Lizzy and JJ comments!
My hubby is also truly very helpful and kind,funny enuf years ago before our marriage,we disagreed and fought a lot,almost ended the relationship if not for the intervention of our pastor who kept saying we will be fine despite the obvious!
Today I am happy I wedded him,he helps me around the house even with his tight work schedule esp when I am pregnant,of course helps with the kids too.
All dis method cAnnot work wit nAija men(not all) xpecially my hubby, if I dare try the last option, ooooh!! Nagging sets in, complaints on evry slightest mistake sets in, the house will want to blow off my head, nobody go tell me to get things done for me to ve peace of mind in my home *sigh* God help us wives.
my husby only help wen he feels lyk it not when i need his help.and those times he'l tell me to sit down and do nothing while he does all d work.but we fought like hell @the beginning about helping out.i could remember him telling me infront of his mum that he could do all d chores but he wont help me.my solution?lol.i feigned illness for a week!even his mum and younger ones came to help with house chores.now he doesnt want me to stress myself like the last 'time'.na brain we need abeg.these men no go kill us.
Most of those points are not practical and they can even breed misunderstandings.Let's be fair, if you have a man who supports very well finacially,gets you a helper and does not demand finacial assitance from why would you still want such a man to do the dishes and wipe the baby's bum or do laundry? A beg let's be fair and realistic.
You are right Nife but if a woman has a demanding career just like her hubby she will get tired sometimes and need him 2 help with chores and the kids. There are some parts of the world where you don't have d privilegde of a househelp, driver or gardener and financial wise both parties have to chip in to keep the family going. Lizzy
@Lizzy: that's a different case o. If she has a demanding job and no help, that's a different case. In a case where the man provides adequately for the family, holidays, fees, sends money to your family and all plus domestic help, an average Oyibo man expects his wife to share finacial respinsibilities and does not see why he should send money to your family. If you have a man like the one I described then please get over yourself and do the chores and run the home happily. Abeg!
Word of advice: every situation is different, some women do not enjoy some of the priviledges that you might be enjoying so make una no go follow wettin another person write for internet and beging to have false expectations and unhealthy comparisons there by putting avoidable strains on your marriage o!
Well, no two marriages are the same!!! We may have some things in common, but the patterns are not the same. I am trying to imagine a family where the man's job is so demanding, he leaves early and returns late, sometimes too tired to even eat well.
The only day this man has to rest is a Saturday. His job is more demanding than yours, he still bears a lot of financial load. Extending to the extended family or In-laws like Nife said. It won't be fair to expect him to use the short weekend he has to rest on chores.
Considering that this is Africa, most times extended family members are around. Must it be Oga's hand that will sweep, back the baby or wash baby's bum?
Help around the house is not the only area where we need our Hubbies. If they are really trying in one or two other ways, why not look the other way and try to get help from outside?
For those of us who are scared of getting house keepers/house helps, there are people these days who come to clean your house and leave in the evening. They don't have to live in.
The burden of house work can leave a woman very unhappy and short tempered. A little help can go a long way in making you happier and making him spend more time at home.
If the workload is much, especially when you have two to three little kids. Employ someone if you live in Nigeria. For those outside, their case is different because in their society you get to do everything yourself. Here, it's different. If you need help with driving, cleaning, security etc, there are agencies who provide these services that allow you remain sane and enjoy your marriage.
Depending on the arrangement, some house keepers work till dinner is served before leaving, while others leave as soon as madam is back from work. A lil help can go a long way. Raising kids and trying to do everything yourself can be depressing and exhausting.
I am one woman who has watched so many Nolly wood movies that show house helps' tendencies, and I try to find other ways to survive. Although there are still some good helps out there, the good ones are very few.
I realised that I became a happier person the day I got someone to be helping out. She doesn't come on Sundays, but hey, that's Ok. I don't bother, I leave her work for her. Monday is not far away from Sunday.
It gives me time to do other things that I enjoy doing rather than waste precious time on house chores.
Right now, may be I am too African or local, because, I just can't imagine my husband washing dishes in the kitchen. He is too old for that kind of thing abeg. It looks demeaning to me. Too busy to do chores when he should be resting. It will feel really funny to see him sitting or squatting over the kids clothes to do laundry. I won't even let him load them.
If possible, let's get help outside and let the men be. They are really trying even though we may not admit it!!!
For societies like the one described by Lizzy, The men really need to fold their trousers up and help out with chores o.
Well said Sis Eya
Eya, one thing I am surely taking away from here is an excerpt from your comment "no two marriages are the same, we may have some things in common but the patterns are not the same" well said!