Hello Aunty Eya,
Hope you are very well and I want to say thank you for all I’ve learnt from your blog.
I am 25 years old and ever since I started dating at 17, I have never
attracted the kind of man I would have loved as a husband. I reject men because they are not what I want, not that I am a choosy girl. Now I’m getting older by the day and no better man is coming. It’s either they don’t come at all or I see what gets me angry. The kind of men that approach me Aunty Eya are the ones that irritate me, the ones I will never want to be identified with. Why do I have this kind of hard luck. I have prayed, assessed myself and asked my friends questions. Not that I’m ugly or uneducated. I may not be super pretty but I’m a fine, well mannered lady.
When we go out with my friends, men look at them before me, why?
When we attend parties, they are picked before me and sometimes no one great man even tries me to see whether I’d say yes or no.
It takes long, sometimes up to a year before some man comes toasting. The kind of men I’d have loved to get intimate with are the ones that would just want ordinary friendship, they value my advise, respect me, confide in me to the point of asking me to advise when they have issues with their girl friends. Why can’t they make me their lovers rather than confide in me about the nonsense their babes are doing?
This year, I buckled up and told myself that if what I want does not come to me, I rather make a move than sit and wait for manna from heaven. The very first good friend I told I had feelings for ended up telling me how great a friend I am to him, how good I am and how he wants our friendship to continue the way it is. He has a girl who I feel does not appreciate him because of the way she treats him. I appreciate and have feelings for him yet he wants us to remain friends.
After he turned me down, I don’t think I can summon courage to tell any of my male friends that I have any feeling for them henceforth. How do girls attract great men into their lives? What special thing do they do that I’m missing please? I dress well, I am very neat and hardworking.
The guy I have now is just OK, his business is doing great, he loves me so much and does not hide it. He likes to show me to everyone he knows which I do not like because despite his thriving business, I accepted him because there was no better man forth coming. His English Language is very very poor. So poor that he addresses men as “she” and women as ” He”
I have a big problem with his language and vocabulary, it’s something I can’t manage at all. I know that he is the type that would want to spend the rest of his life with me, but I am not ready for that kind of level. I am just trying to console myself pending when a ‘good guy” will come my way. The quality of men that want me is too low for me. Is it my destiny or what? If I manage to get a great guy, he will be the very bad, like over playboy type.
The only time I managed to get someone reasonable was while I was still an undergraduate and I suffered in his hands because he was a terrible womaniser, I had to leave when I couldn’t bear it any longer.
Aunty Eya, please I’m desperate for answers. Help me post this on your blog so that other ladies can help me pls. Is there any other lady out there finding it this difficult to attract a great guy even for once?
Why can’t I attract someone I’ll like to show off?
Hope you are very well and I want to say thank you for all I’ve learnt from your blog.
I am 25 years old and ever since I started dating at 17, I have never
attracted the kind of man I would have loved as a husband. I reject men because they are not what I want, not that I am a choosy girl. Now I’m getting older by the day and no better man is coming. It’s either they don’t come at all or I see what gets me angry. The kind of men that approach me Aunty Eya are the ones that irritate me, the ones I will never want to be identified with. Why do I have this kind of hard luck. I have prayed, assessed myself and asked my friends questions. Not that I’m ugly or uneducated. I may not be super pretty but I’m a fine, well mannered lady.
When we go out with my friends, men look at them before me, why?
When we attend parties, they are picked before me and sometimes no one great man even tries me to see whether I’d say yes or no.
It takes long, sometimes up to a year before some man comes toasting. The kind of men I’d have loved to get intimate with are the ones that would just want ordinary friendship, they value my advise, respect me, confide in me to the point of asking me to advise when they have issues with their girl friends. Why can’t they make me their lovers rather than confide in me about the nonsense their babes are doing?
This year, I buckled up and told myself that if what I want does not come to me, I rather make a move than sit and wait for manna from heaven. The very first good friend I told I had feelings for ended up telling me how great a friend I am to him, how good I am and how he wants our friendship to continue the way it is. He has a girl who I feel does not appreciate him because of the way she treats him. I appreciate and have feelings for him yet he wants us to remain friends.
After he turned me down, I don’t think I can summon courage to tell any of my male friends that I have any feeling for them henceforth. How do girls attract great men into their lives? What special thing do they do that I’m missing please? I dress well, I am very neat and hardworking.
The guy I have now is just OK, his business is doing great, he loves me so much and does not hide it. He likes to show me to everyone he knows which I do not like because despite his thriving business, I accepted him because there was no better man forth coming. His English Language is very very poor. So poor that he addresses men as “she” and women as ” He”
I have a big problem with his language and vocabulary, it’s something I can’t manage at all. I know that he is the type that would want to spend the rest of his life with me, but I am not ready for that kind of level. I am just trying to console myself pending when a ‘good guy” will come my way. The quality of men that want me is too low for me. Is it my destiny or what? If I manage to get a great guy, he will be the very bad, like over playboy type.
The only time I managed to get someone reasonable was while I was still an undergraduate and I suffered in his hands because he was a terrible womaniser, I had to leave when I couldn’t bear it any longer.
Aunty Eya, please I’m desperate for answers. Help me post this on your blog so that other ladies can help me pls. Is there any other lady out there finding it this difficult to attract a great guy even for once?
Why can’t I attract someone I’ll like to show off?
Mmmmmmmmmm God dis is kinda complicating there is is always a way out tho. Jus keep d business guy jus as u say.no point asking ur frnds out cos it doesn't make sense to me dey might end up treating u anyhw.bydway u aint desperate,remove dat 4m ur mind-taughts.I bliv d ryt person ll come soon even if u 30yrs.jus keep looking gud n b nyc n pray well
Hmmm…tough one. My suggestions
1, upgrade yourself, go for a masters or postgraduate, that is a way to put yourself back in the pool of educated people including men who may be single and searching like you.
2, change location, like church, where you hang out, make new friends, etc.
3, Ask yourself if you know what marriage is. Understand that it's not for who to show off, but who to live with everyday. You mentioned the quality but womanising guys. I'm not saying lower your standard, but be realistic.
All the best
1) it could be spiritual. 2) work on ur attitude. i think thars ur biggest challenge. Beauty gets d man, it is ur character that will keep him. Beauty is in d eyes of d beholder. 3) focus on God, the one who seeks after u , while ur so much involved in God, having His time, u will be less concerned about any man and God will compensate u with a good man after His own heart. 4) ditch that guy! Dnt manage any relationship!!! It shld be enjoyed. That shows that u need to work on ur self esteem. Forget friends, work on ur sef. 5) Focus on bein a better partner/companion rather so as to attract the kind of Man u want. u don't need too many male friends around u. Another man who is interested in u can get d wrong msg.
You are so funny dear,what kind of man do you consider your type in the 1st place.Maybe,tall hansome,dark in complexion and so on like that.You are still a young woman you dont need to be choossy as to the type of man you want,you need to relax and let things flow the way the Holy spirit has arranged them.
Firstly,do you think that you are perfect for those kind of men you would have loved come your way?
Let me tell you a short story maybe it will help you by Harold Klemp.
There was a lady who had married and divorced 3 times and was in the habbit of disturbing God for a type of man she wanted as her husband,Tall,with masculine physic,hansome etc.but she kept getting those men,until her 3rd divorce,when God showed her in revelation that she has been getting married to the same man in different persons with the attitude of beating her and deniying her of marital peace.
Let the will of God be done in your life and stop changing men like wrappers.The best will come to you.
Gods time is best for you and don't push anything,even the very urgly ladies still find love,yours can not be an exception.
You might not know it but guys can sense anxiety and desperation. You might be sending out some negative vibes you are not aware of.
Relax and focus on your life, family, career and God.
Change your confession. The more you say the wrong things, the more they come to you. No matter what you see, remain positive. Babe, you're 25, dnt let desperation push you into a marriage you'll regret.
Say EXACTLY what you want to see in ur dream guy. Keep confessing that the right guy will come to you at the right time, not too early, not a day late. It works. When I was 19, my dad told me to tell him exactly the kind of guy want. I told him stuffs although then marriage was the farthest thing from my mind and I felt uncomfortable with the discussion. Recently, I looked at my husband and realized, I got exactly the kind of guy I told my dad about down to height and complexion. So what you say counts.
There's nothing wrong with being choosy, everyone has or should have standards. Dont worry, the right man will come for his rib.
All the best and remember to invite us for ur wedding. 🙂
Dearie, sometimes things happen for a reason. I used to have such problems and I believe there's no problem without a solution. Try upgrading for a change. You have a clear picture of the kind of guy you want, then, ask yourself this question: what makes me different from these other friends of mine, these guys seem to like better? Why don't you change your clothes, your perfume, your bad attitude(if you have any), your overall appearance but don't become fake (remember that our character is who we really are but our attitude is what we have learnt over the years, it could be good or bad. Either way, it must be curbed or enhanced). It is easy for a man to spot a fake girl, so try to be real at all times. Enhance yourself through simple things as making sure that your hair looks good always, your make up remains flawless, your nails are neat, you smell fresh and most importantly, learn to talk to men. Don't be abusive, brash or aloof or too eager either. Be decent, well mannered and well spoken and they will come. if you have been working in an environment that doesn't let you meet prospective males, try changing your job. Majority of marriages spurt from work places, and the most decent men are always buried beneath a pile of computers and files.
Lastly, be patient because his word says "His words are a lamp to our feet" so you must be sure that your feet leads you to the right path. Maybe your man isn't here yet and you are desperate to date. If you don't like the man you hang out with, tell him and stop leading him on. Try staying single for a while, it doesn't hurt then put your thoughts into prayers and focus on your work too. Surely he will come at the right time.
Good luck dear
Am suffering d same fate…am a very beautiful girl. Am nt comfortable wit my relationship n my BF make's me feel worse cus he always mks me feel like he doesn't deserve me(he loves me witout reservatn n av cm to luv n respect him too). However his frnd's n everybody tells me to my face he isn't my class. I only accepted to date him cus we've being very gud frnd's n I didn't wan to fall into temptatn's wit other guy's who r asking me out( esp married men n player's).
Hmmmm all I can say is for u to be prayerful and patient and another thing is 2 put urself in ur current BF shoes, it will hurt u if he ws just managing u. So pls let him go n who knws maybe dat is keeping u 4rm getting dat guy of urs. Dnt manage anyone it is called SELFISHNESS. Same is happening 2 me 2 but I decided 2 embrace my single nature n be more prayerful n I wld neva manage someone I dnt love, so pls release d guy, it can hurt ur destiny 2 knw dat u r hurting another human being. As long as Christ lives it is well
Upgrading in terms of education is good, but it is not a solid criteria for getting the right kind of man for marriage; getting the right partner for marriage is not about educational qualifications, even though that is a good attribute to add to your kitty, but there are women with basic education, who are happily married. Education goes beyond mere academic qualifications acquired within the four walls of an academic institution. You can enlarge your mind in lots of other ways, but if you want to go back to school, by all means, do that.
I sense an underlying lack of good self esteem. You need a healthy dose of that. If you do not love yourself rightly, you unconsciously send out negative vibes which others pick up and begin to act in negative ways towards you. You need to develop a healthy sense of self. You are still young and the right man will come along and treat you right when you treat yourself right. Above all else, prayers tie everything together and a committed relationship with God too, because it is in God that you derive your sense of true worth and believe me, God sees you as His treasured possession and the apple of His eyes, so you had better start believing it and living it. You will get your desired partner. Cheers.
Are you an ECKIST? I am an Eckist too and you caught my attention with Harold Kemp
After all ds advices here there is little I can add. I just want to still emphasize that u should let the guy go if u know deep down of u that he is not what u really want. There is no point marrying someone u're not proud to show off o. It might make the marriage a very bad one. Do you know that u'll be at d same place with dt guy countless times after marriage? Some people might not mind marrying someone dt dy feel is not so ok for them,but from ur mail,its a big deal for u. Pls stop tagging him along. All d best dear.
I am going to be blunty here because it might help someone. It is good to know what you want and go for it but you lay so much emphasis on physical attractiveness than what is inside. You got the type you wanted in Uni and he played on you so why will you even call him "great". It is time to reacess yourself ….what do you want? Don't envy yourself but believe in yourself. There is an adage that says " Never envy a Man,His trousers may look perfect but his boxers might have holes". Another thing is pls be careful,I know a friend of mine who spent quality time dating Married Men in the name of "She is broke", Anytime she is in a relationship with a single guy and any of this guys sees me….they do automatic U TURN and start asking me out in her presence or the relationship just never last. Why? When you spend time destroying what belongs to others…same thing will come to you in a bigger package. Some people reap what they sow immediately,while some others reap it later. My advice is "look inwards and see what you are doing wrong". Thirdly Life has taught me never to advice a Male friend to leave a girl no matter their complaint against her…Why? The more you advice them against her,the more they find her very attractive and mystifying . These Men aren't even perfect so they prefer to stay with a girl who is not perfect like them that won't judge them. I could go on and on but I will tell you to be patient…love based on character first and physical attractiveness last. The spoken English stuff can always be built on. MIRACLe
Thank u so very much for such wonderful comment.
I pray she and others like her learn from ur advice,all that glitters aint gold,there are no perfect relationships. U make them perfect to ur taste.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
Hmm… I don't know, I think I'm going to go with Myne with this one and say upgrade yourself. Maybe change the way you dress and carry yourself.
Try to see yourself from the man's point of view
My Dear, relax. N enjoy ur singlehood! I personally don't tink anytin is wrong wit u! U. Are 25 for pete's sake. Forget Men n enjoy ur job,friends,church, family etc! Am sure d right man would come wen u least expect it!
The chikoo
My dear, Stop searching for your Jewel in wrong places. I am a man and i am married. I concur with ideas of some commentators;Education alone would not get you there. You need to be Emotionally Intelligent, because your need in marriage is around you, but you are not seeing it. At 25, you are not too old, please relax and do a self examination of your personality.. Your personality might be communicating something different to guys and because of this wrong communication wrong guys are attracted to you.But the good news is that you can change whatever is wrong about you now. Please always be optimistic and try not to pass wrong message to guys.
ECKIST?!?!! EWO TUN YEN? Make i ask google and pls dnt tell me na eckankar,, hian!! Aunty Eya una get pple fr dis una site o. na 2 dey weary of some of d comments giving advices.. God forgive me
Asking to upgrade her academics is totally wrong…. A lot of women who got maRried dint do so by their certificate.
From all indication, you sound like a wannabe! Someone who's not upto level A but want to be associated with level A.
You also come though as some1 who doesn't really know what she wants "Life is not a bed of roses" that same guy with a bad grammar will be picked up by another girl and be made perfect.
Finally… Just the way the bad grammar guy appears in your sight, that's exactly the same way you appear to ur choices!
He chose you cos you're better than him, you chose/want them cos they are better than you, you are ina vicious chain.
NOW, The only tin you need is not an upgrade, but a downgrade of the mountainous standards you set in front of your self.
Bye!
Brilliant comment @Ace. There is no perfect man or woman,infact those wit cap got no head n those wit head got no cap. If i were u i ll help correct his grammatical express 2 som level,bt b careful nt embarrass him. U also need pray hard cos there is more 2 marriage than u fink.
Lmao @ Finally… Just the way the bad grammar guy appears in your sight, that's exactly the same way you appear to ur choices! But that is soo true.
2ndly at 25 u r too young to bother yourself with that if u have a gud job or sth doing just focus on it for now.
3rdly u need to reaccess urself n the vibes u send out and yes you should set a standard but don't set it too high like the runs girl said "u live in ur fathers house but you want a guy that is not living in a rented apartment"
4thly there is no perfect guy so make this imperfect one perfect by speaking positively to his life n u can assist with the grammar problem but do that respectfully.
Finally pray to the Almighty God he alone has the best answer.
Don't be jealous of ur friends or wish to be in their shoes cos u don't knw wat they r going through in their perfect relationship rather work on ur own n make it look perfect.