Nigerian wedding picture image courtesy: In Love Naija. After reading her story, It felt like the Sophia here has done what we should be doing to let the single ladies know that marriage is a Union that requires hard work. There are no two marriages that are the same. There is so much talk about divorce these days. Many singles have become scared of commitments. Some go into marriage with BIG expectations, and when it is not what they envisaged, they rush out almost immediately.
There is so much about woman empowerment and equality before the law. I am a believer in these, but I do not think that a “modern marriage” is one where the woman goes into power struggle, or shows no respect at all for her husband, or where the woman talks to her husband like a no body. Whether we like it or not, In Africa, the man is still the head of his family and he deserves that respect. I am a believer in *any marriage can work if you make it happen.*
I have been married for over twelve years and the truth is my marriage is more peaceful now than when we got married initially. I remember times I practically packed my things and was ready to leave. I remember times I asked myself and my husband the juju he used to make me accept to marry him. When I flashback, I just smile. During those early years of marriage, if any one told me that I would remain married for up to ten years, I would have called that person a false prophet. Right now, I am grateful to God that I did not end it. Not that it is a perfect marriage, NO. There are still challenges, and will always be. The only difference is that my approach has changed over the years and that change has made a huge difference.
I look back now and laugh at the major cause of quarrels and misunderstandings then. In my naivety, I saw my husband as the cause of our misunderstandings. You know what? He wasn’t, my BAD MOUTH and SHORT TEMPERED NATURE was the problem. Sophia’s marriage may not be like mine or yours, but there are still lessons to learn. Please continue to read.
My name is sophia and I have been married for the past 9 yrs,I’m blessed with 3 kids( 2boys and a girl) and I have the most amazing hubby.. I’m trying to correct the notion that all marriages are wacky and all because that’s not true.. It wouldn’t be nice if some single girls out there don’t get to know that marriages can work if u make it happen.
I got married 9yrs ago to my hubby,we dated for a year and got married.. My friends were like it was too soon since we barely know our selves,I was staying in abuja while him in lagos,I just come occasionally to visit him,so after a year,we figured it was time to move to the next level which was very amazing.. We got married and I started living the life of a married woman.. We loved each other so much but their were things we did not know about each other since it was long distance hence posed a problem for us.. I had very bad mouth as of that time.. I do like to challenge everyone including him which he didn’t like.. We argued a lot which ends up with several beatings..
The first time my hubby hit me,I ran to my aunt’s place and later went back home,it happened again and again,but the whole thing was after the beatings,he comes back to say sorry and to tell me how the things I said to him really did hurt and how he’s hot tempered and I’m hot tempered and all… After a year,I told my self I had to work on my self,I stopped talking too much,prayed more often and asked God to help me with my temper,I stopped challenging him and always make him feel more than superior to me,like magic,the whole fighting stopped.
I took in and gave birth to our twin boys the second year. I was so engrossed with taking care of the babies that I forgot to give my hubby the attention he deserved… When my babies were 5 month old,I went through my hubby’s fone for the first time and I found out he was cheating on me.. The girl in question was supposed to be a family friend but she started sleeping with my husband.. I went thru the whole bbm chat and saw the way the girl started flirting with my hubby and how he tried to resist and how he finally fell for her tricks,I was mad,I was raged but at the same time I was determined to be calmed about the whole thing.. I didn’t mention it to him when he came to pick up his fone cos I would have insulted him and said so many hurtful things to him,so I pretended like I saw nothing.. The next day, I started jogging with some neighbours,after 2weeks I got a treadmill and started using at home.. I was still running in the morning and using the treadmill at night.. After 3 months,I lost the whole baby fat coming back to 60kg which was my initial weight.. I didn’t give up,I kept trying to look fit and everything..
One night,my hubby came to me saying we needed to talk,I was like hope there is no problem? He said there is! And I was like lemme hear it. He then opened up to me about his affairs with that girl.. Told me everything that happened,even went ahead to show me the whole chat and how he ended it with the girl and how she’s still calling back and begging for more. Ofcourse she was gonna beg for more,my hubby is well endowed and gifted(LoL). He was crying and apologising but I told him he shouldn’t worry,that it was all my fault,I forgot about him and he saw attention some where else.. We made up and after 2 days,he got me a car out of guilt but I told him to stop worrying but I still liked the fact that he got me the car,it was my dream car.
We started enjoying our lives the way it was before,going to the movies,club,hanging out,I gave him all my attention. Even after I gave birth to my baby girl 3yrs later,he didn’t cheat on me bcos I made sure I didn’t stop been a mother,a wife,lover and friend. As usual,I started exercising again and went back to my body 4months after my baby was born. We were so blessed,work was going fine,home was fine.
Now when I say “Home was fine” it didn’t mean we were not quarreling,we were but I just made sure if I was gonna quarrel about anything,it was gonna be something worth it and I tried as much as possible not to be harsh or rude.. There was a time we quarrelled and couldn’t reconcile immediately like usual and I went out to tell a male friend of mine not knowing that was the last thing I should be doing. The guy was advising me and I felt he was nice. One day,the same talk came up between me and my hubby,when we couldn’t reconcile,I drove of to that guy’s house.. He consoled me and started kissing me.. I was kissing him back and it suddenly dawned on me,he’s not my husband,I couldn’t do that to my hubby,I pushed him off and drove back home. Told my hubby he won and told him how I kissed someone else and he told me he understands,so we’d drop the case even if I was right,deleted the guy as a friend and worked on my marriage.. Since then,we don’t stay mad at each other more than 10mins.. My friends come to the house and they are like,I envy ur marriage,that we still act as newly weds and all,but what they don’t know is its not easy getting ur family 2geda. Its so hard been a friend,lover,best friend,mistress,mother,wife,sister all in one.. I’m from a broken home so I know what I and my sister went thru and I didn’t want that for my kids.. So I had to fight to make my home work. I got married when I was 18 and right now 27,but when u see me I look 24,people never believe I’m 27 or a mother cos I made sure I kept my self looking good.. My hubby doesn’t like the whole idea of wrapper or anything so I don’t have one except for meetings. I dress in my bum shorts,mini skirts,short dresses,anything to keep me looking good
So at this point I’m going to say,ladies:
1. Marriage is not easy
2. Don’t go into marriage expecting so much
3. Don’t think ur marriage would not have problems,they will always have,what makes u a woman is the ability to handle it
4. Make ur partner ur friend, best friend,lover,wife,mistress,mother,sister,with that,he can open up to u all the time
5. Never loose urself because u are married,he loved what he saw that’s why he married u,try not to go away from that
6. Never share ur problems with anyone,u would get the wrong advice from people,handle ur problems within
7. Do not argue with ur hubby,let him win if u see its gonna pose as a problem
8. For those with sharp mouth,trim it,that’s the one thing men hate,I took me time to learn,so please and please,never challenge ur hubby,cos it would make him feel he’s not in control and men like feeling they are in control even when actually,its the women who are in control
9. Talk to him all the time,appreciate anything he does and encourage him
10. Don’t forget to make God ur number one.. Don’t joke with prayers,it never fails.
I can't believe I actually read the entire thing lol but I love the lesson it teaches… fights don't cure anything and marriages work if you make 'em work
The lady in this story has learnt some of the key secrets to keeping a marriage and early too. At 27 I was still such a foolish wife having only married 3 years before……. I doff my heart to her cos nothing she has said/done could have been easy.
I liked the honesty in this piece but I must mention that both parties here had their faults – and both were interested in ensuring the marriage worked. Women should remember that if the man is not interested in keeping the marriage, there is nothing they can do to hold him Long story short – take time to choose the right partner and a lot of issues will be averted Bless you xxxxx
Im so terrible with my mouth,and it brings alot of problem between my hubby and I. After hearing this,i believe its nt worth it.will work hard on myself.
AS A SINGLE MAN/WOMEN, TIMES COME WHEN YOU DISAGREE WITH YOUR OWN DECISIONS AND "FIGHT" YOURSELF….NOT TO MENTION WHEN YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE ELSE IN A MARRIAGE.
LOVE, RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER AND FEAR OF GOD IS KEY…
NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT AND WHEN I DO EVENTUALLY GET MARRIED….I INTEND TO DO ALL I CAN TO KEEP IT HAPPY…
I think we can go through many tests in a marriage. My husband and myself are two complete opposites in nature, and I like it that way. I think a husband should love his wife as himself and vice versa, insomuch that if you would not like it done to yourself, try not to do it to your spouse, but I believe husbands have qualities that wives don't have and vice versa too. I got married at 18 and have been married to my husband for 46 years, and it is a much better marriage now than it ever was. Like you say, we have to work at it.
Yeah, Work is easier when both parties are interested. Perhaps one party has lost interest because of the other's attitude, I think if one begins the hard work, it can also rub off on the other and may be, convince him or her to join in the hard work to make the marriage work.
Hmmmm! I am 7yrs in marriage now and I am tired and just want out! I have 2kids but the man I am living with is not the man I dated to marry…dsnt give me money even though he has tons of it bcos he dsnt think I need any allowance. Has no regard for me or my feelings.
I enjoyed reading this. Thanks 🙂
Nice piece,waiting for d one about men.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
I can't believe I actually read the entire thing lol but I love the lesson it teaches… fights don't cure anything and marriages work if you make 'em work
The lady in this story has learnt some of the key secrets to keeping a marriage and early too. At 27 I was still such a foolish wife having only married 3 years before……. I doff my heart to her cos nothing she has said/done could have been easy.
A piece of advice indeed.nice one!marriage aint easy,but wit God all things are possible
I liked the honesty in this piece but I must mention that both parties here had their faults – and both were interested in ensuring the marriage worked.
Women should remember that if the man is not interested in keeping the marriage, there is nothing they can do to hold him
Long story short – take time to choose the right partner and a lot of issues will be averted
Bless you
xxxxx
Im so terrible with my mouth,and it brings alot of problem between my hubby and I. After hearing this,i believe its nt worth it.will work hard on myself.
Very insightful. May God give us the might to be women of virtue and builders of our home in Jesus name.
AS A SINGLE MAN/WOMEN, TIMES COME WHEN YOU DISAGREE WITH YOUR OWN DECISIONS AND "FIGHT" YOURSELF….NOT TO MENTION WHEN YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE ELSE IN A MARRIAGE.
LOVE, RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER AND FEAR OF GOD IS KEY…
NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT AND WHEN I DO EVENTUALLY GET MARRIED….I INTEND TO DO ALL I CAN TO KEEP IT HAPPY…
Marriage demands dedication and love that understands every reason why it should remain so. It also demands communication,to achieve clarity.
I think we can go through many tests in a marriage. My husband and myself are two complete opposites in nature, and I like it that way. I think a husband should love his wife as himself and vice versa, insomuch that if you would not like it done to yourself, try not to do it to your spouse, but I believe husbands have qualities that wives don't have and vice versa too. I got married at 18 and have been married to my husband for 46 years, and it is a much better marriage now than it ever was. Like you say, we have to work at it.
Thanks for sharing both stories.
You and her have said it all.
Interesting piece. Truly, there is no challenge in marriage that cannot be worked through-but only if husband and wife are willing to work at it.
You are welcome and thanks for reading.
OK o, you may not have to wait for too long.
Exactly what happened to me when I read the entire long post without knowing it. I had to just blog about it too.
Yeah Debby, you are right.
@Salt, I was more foolish at 27!
Choosing the right partner is very important cos it reduces the level of misunderstanding in marriage.
Thank you.
After working on yourself, you will be shocked at the level of peace you'd experience in your marriage.
Amen!
"Nothing good comes easy" Yes. Thanks for this reminder.
Thanks for sharing. I am happy that yours too is a better marriage now than it used to be. It does not just happen like magic, we have to work at it.
Yeah, Work is easier when both parties are interested. Perhaps one party has lost interest because of the other's attitude, I think if one begins the hard work, it can also rub off on the other and may be, convince him or her to join in the hard work to make the marriage work.
Thanks for spending time reading the long stories.
Really enjoyed reading this post and learnt from it too. I love the fact that she admitted to her own faults and worked on them. Great post.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
you are welcome! It's my pleasure dear.
I'm new in marriage and I'm determined to make it work no matter what. So help us God
Hmmmm! I am 7yrs in marriage now and I am tired and just want out! I have 2kids but the man I am living with is not the man I dated to marry…dsnt give me money even though he has tons of it bcos he dsnt think I need any allowance. Has no regard for me or my feelings.
Got married last year and am tired yes it seems so soon but am tired of being made to feel not good enough.